Chapter Two: Like a bad movie from hell, it'll be gone when the morning comes.
Veronica had been in a relationship (of sorts) with Weevil since he rode in on his motorbike like her own personal Mexican leather-clad knight and scared the wrong side of the tracks back to where they belonged.
He'd given her hell about her adventures, made sure she swore to keep away. When she'd captured him with her big doe eyes and merely promised she'd try, he'd gotten so angry. He'd been her shadow on her PI work, whether besides her in the car or behind her on the bike, he wasn't letting her run off heading straight for danger again. Somewhere between long nights and too much teasing, some feelings had emerged.
When her father cut her PI work so she could focus on school, she half expected Eli to fade away as well. But her shadow stayed, even grew closer to her.
The familiar purr of his bike called out from the complex parking lot, she always had ears for that sound. Half of her was eager to greet Eli, the other half was staring at the DVD and acknowledging that the sooner Eli was here, the sooner they would be watching this piece of 'cinematic history'.
And apparently, whatever the review was, it was going to be in the history books.
Veronica had been on the schools intranet IM chat and texted everybody she knew to see if anyone would take this task from her hands, that way she could just watch a comedy with Eli and end the night as they usually did, with heavy petting and laughter.
But the response had been the same when the deadline had been disclosed for the 7am paper; not a chance in hell. This had led her to the online reviews.
She wasn't too proud to admit she had tried to cheat, and according to the online reviews she had planned to tear apart and stick back together in her own words, it was either A) the best horror movie EVER!, or B) A disgrace to the film industry, the producer should be put in a dark hole and never allowed near films again.
The bike's engine cut out and Veronica ran her fingers through her hair.
She wasn't going to let the newspaper print out with a giant section amiss, and she could hardly supply a different review when it had been hyped up so much in the previous issue.
Veronica made her way to the door, half reluctant in opening it.
The closer Eli came, so did the film.
"Yo V, ready for this masterpiece?" he greeted, making his way down the walkway, crash helmet under one arm, popcorn and strawberry twizzlers (her favourite) under the other. Eli knew how to charm a lady, when he wanted to. Apparently, this movie was enough for him to pull out all the stops. "I got a bet with Felix 'bout this." Veronica could see the size of his grin growing as he came closer.
"Yeah? You wanna invite your buddy too?" Two big bad bikers to protect her was way better than one.
"And have him making eyes at my girl?" he smirked, tossing the twizzlers to her as he approached, stepping into her personal space straight away as she belatedly reacted and caught them low. "You open the door to all your guests looking like this, V?" he teased, nudging her shoulder as he stepped into the apartment.
Neptune was in the middle of a heatwave and it wasn't getting any colder soon according to the weather forecast. Not that Veronica put any stock in the overweight balding man who stuttered over words whilst pointing at nothingness of a green screen.
With the helmet on the breakfast bar and popcorn bag thrown to the sofa, Eli had his hands free to greet Veronica how he liked best; hands on. "Hey," he smiled, hands to her small waist, easily sliding under the tiny lace tank top to pull her to him. The door closed without her weight holding it back and it locked them away from prying neighbourhood eyes. "Hound asleep?" he asked softly, his eyes penetrating hers in a way that only Eli could. Like he could read her entire day with one deep gaze.
"Didn't even have to lace the t-bone with a sedative." She grinned, casting her eyes down from the intensity, they fell naturally to the dog bed by the sofa where Back-up lay, sleepily lifting his head to confirm the new, yet familiar, presence. A pathetic growl slipped from his jaws, one that turned Eli's head faster than cop sirens.
A quick snap of the tongue from Veronica and the pooch huffed before dropping his head back to his paws.
"Damn dog's worse than your father."
"It's not his fault; he can smell the criminal element." she defended the dog that had saved her arse in stake-outs more times that Eli.
"And I'm the criminal element?" he asked with tease, his nose running up her neckline, drinking in her sweet perfume and the way the blush of his attentions crawled up her neck.
"Yeah. But you're my criminal element."
Eli wiggled his eyebrows proudly before sliding his hand further up her back, confirming his earlier observations that young Miss Mars had elected to abhor her bra in the current climate. In a rough act of arousal, he tugged her to his lips.
He was hot, heavy and precisely the distraction she needed.
Maybe she could flirt her way into Weevil doing her homework for her.
Veronica latched onto the idea with both hands, grabbing his shoulders in answers to the scorcher of a kiss. She tugged and spun, pressing his body to the wall and lifting to her tiptoes against his body, deepening the kiss in a way that had her blood burning.
If Eli was surprised by Veronica's move, his body didn't show it, he seamlessly responded, moving to cradle her ass in those 'too-short to be anything but sexy' sleep shorts she wore as she tangled her legs around his hips.
Veronica fit to him like she was made. She traced her tongue to his lips like he could promise her all the stars in the sky with a kiss. She tasted like the mint of her toothpaste, the one that fizzed all through his mouth and made him crave more.
And then, with her nails scraping down his head, like she always did after he told her it turned him on massively, he realised her game plan.
"V, we got a film to watch." he breathed against her, letting her try to seduce him with her lips sucking his earlobe. Another trick spot to get Eli hard as a rock in seconds.
Jesus Christ.
Eli was torn between 'fuck it and fuck her' and 'she's only doing this to avoid doing something else'. So Eli went for the safest route of putting his hands on Veronica's hips and urging for some distance between them.
Anchored with her legs around his hips, Veronica leaned back from the horny biker and realised her plan had turned see-through.
"You really scared about this V, ain't ya?" Those eyes were back, searching her for all the truths she didn't want to speak. Damn, he was on fire with his perception today, he was reading her like a damn book.
Veronica unlocked her legs and slid down him, taking the few steps to the counter to grab the twizzlers for an excuse to avoid his eyes. For the criminal element, he was damn observant, and resistant to primal urges.
"No, I mean, it's just actors in make-up right?" She smiled at him around the twizzler in her mouth, her lips wrapped around the red sugary delight.
Eli moved slow and precise, taking off the leather jacket as he walked closer, all the time reading her body language and deciding how to play her.
"Why volunteer?" he finally asked, jacket joining the crash helmet on the breakfast bar.
"It's not like I planned it this way." she admitted softly. "It needs to be in by 7am for printing and I can't find anyone else to do it."
"Still trying to pawn off your homework V?" he grinned. "You're earning a rep."
"Please, when was the last time you did homework?" she joked.
"Get your sexy butt on the sofa." He rolled his eyes and gave her a soft shove in that direction. He grabbed the popcorn and walked past her slow speed to pick his favourite spot, easily making himself at home across the corner seat, arms spread on the back of the seat. "Before I die of old age, V." he added, seeing her dither in her tiny outfit as she contemplated all the other way out of her immediate future.
"They'll be more stuff online I can copy from."
"Adding plagiarism to your criminal history now? What would Back-up say?" he jested. "Now get your ass here and let's watch the damn movie twinkletoes."
"Twinkletoes?" She cocked out a hip at the nickname.
"Yeah, and if you don't move then, I'm sure there's a nice mass murderer who'll cut them off for you." He grinned, but the sentiment worked and Veronica crossed the room like it was hot coals, curling her body into Eli's shape and her toes firmly under her bare legs.
As temporary man of the house, he claimed the remote and hit play, his arm wrapped protectively around his girl.
Ten minutes into the opening sequence, Veronica had verbally highlighted all of her predictions for death in an attempt to block out fear by foreseeing it.
It wasn't working, she had shrunk herself into the cushions of the sofa and his body.
Nobody has even died yet.
Eli rolled his eyes and smothered a chuckle.
He had a bet going with Felix that the film's hype was just that; hype and it would suck butt.
Felix knew a cousin's stepfather's girlfriend who was an extra in the film and swore it was going to be 'legendary'. Weevil was sure enough to bet money that if any director had hired any relative (however loosely tied) of Felix's, it was going to be a shitty film filled with clichés and bad acting.
So far, Eli was right.
A good horror built tension from the first minute, it built a plot upon relatable characters and stepped away from the temptation to gore-porn it.
So far, Eli was cheering for the mass murderers to-be to kill the yappy blonde cheerleader that annoyed the fuck out of him with her petty trivial issues made to seem real. He was seconds away from snoring at the feeble attempt at plot. Worse, he was not impressed by the predictive quality of the 'bad guy' to create fear through gore-porn.
This was not going to be legendary unless the hall of fame was 'worst horror movie ever made'.
It didn't stop Veronica from freezing as un-necessary tension music began to build.
He could laugh himself to death at the bad acting. But for Veronica, it was a horror movie and that fact alone had her on the edge of fear constantly.
Bored and with the intention to offer some distraction to Veronica, he summoned up his most reliable form of entertainment for the horror genre, a game he called 'who's next?'
"Who'd ya think's gunna die first V?" he nudged her to gain her attention, ignoring how she jumped at his movement.
She had been wrapped up in the group of nine students that the viewer was meant to associate with that were wandering through the foreign city late at night, looking for a cheap hotel to stay at after their asshole jock of a friend had forgotten to book them when asked. Typical.
"I don't know." she appeared puzzled by the question. "I mean, this guy doesn't seem to have a MO." All the audience knew so far was that 29 college students had gone 'missing'.
"Pick one." he encouraged. "And I'll pick one and whoever's guess dies first wins the last twizzler."
Usually, Eli played with money with the boys, but somehow Veronica didn't strike him as the type to take it so blasé.
"Oh, umm, okay. Well, the blonde is in heels." The blonde cheerleader aforementioned as Eli's 'god I hope she dies soon' player was a good choice. "She probably can't fight back, and unless she goes with one of the other football players who clearly want to bone her, she isn't going to stand much of a chance against a murderer or kidnapper." Logic. "And the other girls seems smarter, and the guys seem like to big targets first, so… her."
Eli grinned at Veronica's choice. He liked the way she thought.
He liked the way she would dissect apart any situation whether it was a 'client' she'd follow in her Le-Baron because of a gut-instinct or how Eli always groaned louder when she sucked his ear. Veronica was smart to say the lease. "What about you?" she asked, her eyes turning up at him from where she hid next to him, the fear lessening simply by the distraction of his question.
He decided to keep her talking, distract her from the thin plot as they approached an expensive looking hotel open with dramatically reduced pricing as the interior renovations were carried out.
"There's a theory that blondes die first." he agreed.
"Oh yeah, but don't they save the pretty ones until last." she retorted, her brow furrowing ever so cutely as she pondered her own countering point.
"You think she's pretty, V?" he chuckled, feeling her relax against him as he did.
"Umm, I can see two big reasons not to kill her yet right on her chest." V replied darkly, hand extended to the screen to make her point as the blonde in question tittered along on her fragile heels into the discounted hotel with flickering electric but otherwise 5 star rooms.
"So not the blonde first?" he asked.
Veronica opened her mouth for a reply but turned sharp to the screen for a high pitched scream.
The film earned its name then and there. The electricity had blacked out in the hotel and the hopefully-first-to-die blonde had screamed. Of course, the electricity had come back on a second later and the concierge who was creepier than a smiling, blood-covered clown apologised, explaining it was the reason for the drastic price slashing.
"What about the black guy?" Veronica asked as her pulse slowed once more. "Don't they always die quickly?"
Half an hour into the movie, they were three college students down and Eli was starting to senselessly question the title. Although a lot of the kidnapping happened in the well timed blackouts through secret doors and panels which caused the screams, he had another observation to make. With the overly graphic nature of the torture-porn, the victims screamed themselves hoarse, that, paired with the pain often let them to blackout.
So, was it the blackout that cause the scream, or the scream that caused the blackout?
Eli had grown tired of the film entirely, to put it succinctly; it was shit. It was filled with plot holes that couldn't be explained by any conclusion in the world (save for alien time travel and interference), it was attempted gore-scares that fell short for him. He could name 25 other movies that had half this budget and were 10 times scarier.
But, with the way that Veronica curled up against him, clinging to him like he was her sole protector, he couldn't bring himself to demand she turn it off.
He felt pride fill him as his body became a shield to the psychological torment Veronica felt.
Maybe it was sadistic, maybe it was wrong, but Eli couldn't deny how much he liked being needed by Veronica. If only for the mental security against a fictional enemy.
The tough walls of Veronica Mars had fallen to him, over a stupidly terrible horror movie.
He needed to introduce her to the real hardcore stuff; how would she need him then?
Another secret panel in the wall was shown opening with a gloved hand creeping around (cliché) and Veronica shrunk into him again, her hands squeezing the arm she had stolen to cuddle around.
Veronica peered from behind the biker's bicep as the girls readied themselves for another night out on the town. Despite losing their friends, they had no objection to a night out at all, something Veronica didn't understand but didn't question. They continued with the make-up, completely oblivious to the shadow that crawled out from the hidden door in their bathroom. How did they not notice how he hid peering out at them undressing from the wardrobe?! How could they go so numbly through their lives?! Did they not realise they were being sized up to become the next human suit for a sadistic psychopath?!
"V, you wanna sort out the death grip you got there?" Eli whispered as soft as he could. It took a second to register but she peeled her fingers from his soon to be purple arm.
"They are so incessantly stupid, they don't even know they're about to be killed." she squeaked as she turned back to the screen to see one of the girls reach blindly into the wardrobe, surely sacrificing her arm to the psychopath, but it retracted unharmed and safe.
"Hilarous, right." he scoffed a laugh, but Veronica met his eyes with something that showed no hilarity. "Relax V, they're already dead anyway." He nudged her to turn back to the screen. "That's that stupid jock wanting to apologise and bone her," he predicted and as he spoke, the girls opened the door to said apologetic Jock. "The girls will go back to their room and leave her alone with him. They'll start to have sex and then, they may as well already be dead." he commented.
"What?" she turned to him, the screen showing the other girls leaving the room and leaving the red head hottie cheerleader with the quarterback.
"Horror movies 101; you have sex, you're gunna die."
It was as the words left his mouth Eli regretted them, he has just effectively cock-blocked himself for the entire night. Veronica missed the poorly smothered groan that departed his lips. He'd just terrified her away from him for the entire night.
"What?" she asked again, confusion rife. "Sex gets you killed?"
He could lie, he could backtrack, but his fate was sealed.
He decided to follow through, resigning himself.
"Horror 101." he repeated simply.
"Okay, so what else is 101?"
He turned to her deep eyes, seeing a need for understanding in them. Eli might not have book smarts, he might not even have the intelligence to ensure he got some action from his damsel in horror movie distress, but Eli had his street smarts.
Eli knew his horror movies in and out.
And from Veronica's burning gaze, she wanted him to share.
"Alright, so, the lights are out in the house and the fuse box is in the basement, do you go down there alone?"
"Do I have a brain injury?!" she retorted with sarcasm and a scoff "God no am I going down there." Her answer brought a grin to his lips, a dash of pride hit him again; his babe wasn't stupid.
"You buy a doll that you think is moving by itself and watching you."
"Burn it. On the spot. Until you have a pile of ash." Veronica answered, earning a pleased squeeze from her big bad biker. "So like, never ask 'who's there?' and tell the killer your location?" she tested.
"You find an open window that you didn't open." he suggested.
"Has the tension music started?" she asked smartly.
"Building as you discover it."
"Get the hell out of the house. Most conveniently though said window." Perhaps these Horror movie rules weren't so difficult. And yet so many people in movies ignored them.
"You find out the last occupants of your new house died in a violent murder-suicide."
"Move." she was quick to supply.
"Cheap mansion miles away from any other house or town, real nice, real cheap. Real shady realtor."
"Tell him to fuck right off." She grinned.
"There's a mad axe murderer after you and your friends. They're all asleep after telling you to take watch, but you are so sleepy?"
"Mad axe you say, well, I only have one choice: hire a bunch of bikers to protect me." she spoke, then expanded. "And while they are sleeping leaving a sign that says 'take them and leave me; I'll never tell' before leaving town under a new name with said bikers."
"Gunna be expensive, V."
"Well, obviously all the asshole friends that fell asleep and left me alone have all loaned me their credit cards previous to their demise."
"Creative planning V. Last test for Horror 101 class." he narrated. "Someone hit the bad guy and he's dropped to the floor, you go over to poke him to check he's dead?"
"Uh, obviously I unload a gun clip into his body to check he is really dead or continue to beat him until you see spinal fluid leak from his ears." she darkly replied, impressing even Eli. "People poke murderers?" she asked softly, a quick glance to the tv confirming that the asshole male was apologising with kisses instead of words.
"Egotistical acts, always lead to death." he supplied softly, slouching further into the couch now he wasn't required to play shield to his girl again.
"So much for street smarts." she spoke under her breath, changing position with Eli to rest her legs over his, quickly wrapped by his arms as she snuggled into his side once more.
The movie progressed as expected and the hottie with the damn fine body was sat on the bed, her forgiven man stood between her open legs, lip locked and fumbling with a bra.
100% distracted.
Which is when we flip to see the gloved hand of the serial killer extend from under the bed. The murder weapon in hand and likely to deliver a painful slow death.
He lined it up with the ankle of the dame.
"You know, this chic could save herself." Eli narrated, noting how Veronica was being drawn in again. Veronica's attention flashed to him, an invitation to explain. "She should take advantage of the situation of using her body to distract her man, grab the lamp from the bedside and use it to hobble him. It would sacrifice him to the murderer and let her escape."
To build tension, the serial killer appeared to move the knife undecided on who to slice first; the man or the woman.
"How do you know he wouldn't just go for her first?"
"Say you're a sadistic killer, would you rather deal with the petite weak red head or the muscle first? Your first move is going to be most effective, so, wouldn't you rather deal with the hardest first and take your time with the pretty one?"
"Point taken." she conceded, then there was the familiar Mars head tilt that came with a wicked thought. "So, according to horror movie logic. I'm safer if there's a muscled guy in the room with me?"
"Kinda good advice for all of life V." he grinned, tugging her legs closer to him and earning a smile.
"Guess I hit the jackpot." But Veronica had turned back to the TV in time to see the weapon cut skin, tendons and almost bone in one clean strike. The movie screamed as Veronica turned to hide her face in Eli's chest, her hands over her ears though it did very little.