Greetings everyone! It's time for more fun and profound nonsensicalness! I will be updating this fic, no matter how slowly I do it!

I do not own RWBY or Pirates of the Caribbean... no matter how much I wish I did.

Captain Jack Sparrow was close. Very close, this time.

Close, but not close enough.

Just as he'd stepped aboard his little boat – loaded his rations – raised the anchor – and said in a most enigmatic tone, 'bring me that horizon'… he saw upon the horizon something he very much did not want anybody to bring to him.

That there upon the sparkling morning sea was a ship. It was not a friendly ship.

"Oh, my…" Jack whispered, eyes boggling. "…Davy Jones."

Indeed, he'd know that ship for miles. It was pretty easy to recognise. It's sails were moss-green and raggedy, everything about the large ship stinking of age and decay.

Jack took one more wobbly look at the distant ship, then hurried off his boat and up the jetty in the land of Remnant… Davy Jones, while dead in the other world, had surpassed the sunset and made up down to bring the worst pirate anybody had ever heard of to his ultimate doom.

"…bugger," he said quietly to himself.

Clunk. The robot soldier fell to the ground with a clash, its wires still spitting and hissing with electricity.

"Hey… Ice Queen," a man's voice called up the road. It was thick with drunkenness.

Weiss, who had been standing aside in the crowd, jumped in indignantly – "Do you have any clue who you're talking to?" she screeched.

The man with the red eyes placed a hand gently upon her face… no, not like 'I'ma gonna stroke your face tenderly' way, literally over her eye and nose and mouth, and with the utmost care and tact, shushed her.

"Not you."

Winter Schnee turned coldly to stare as the man steered Weiss out the way.

"I'm sorry… do you not realize that you have destroyed Atlas property?" she hissed.

"Nope… I thought that thing was a sentient piece of junk," he replied thickly.

Winter narrowed her eyes.

Just at that moment, Captain Jack sidled up to Weiss.

"Ello, princess. I may have just uncovered, discovered, or in some way revealed a very personal safety" –

"Shush!" Weiss snapped. "Can't you see this… madman is threatening my sister?!"

"Oh. So now there's two of 'em…" Sparrow glanced up to see a tall woman in a white longcoat and a man with red eyes and ash-black hair glaring at each other furiously. The man wobbled and raised a finger.

"You have turned your backs on us… Atlas can't save us!" He wobbled a little.

"Blimey," Jack whispered, "He's drunker than me, and that's saying something."

Weiss ignored him.

"I've had enough of your antics, Qrow," Winter snapped.

"Wait… you two know each other!?" Weiss exclaimed.

"Pardon me most excessively, m'dear," Sparrow began, "But as I was saying, there's a very important thing I think perhaps you should know abou"-

"Shhh!"

"If you don't silence that sharp tongue of yours," Winter hissed to Qrow, "I shall happily do it for you – by cutting it out!"

She drew a fine silver sword.

"Come and get it," Qrow challenged with a lazy grin.

By now, quite a crowd had gathered.

Winter looked around, thought nothing for it, and then leapt through the air, swinging her sword high.

"Blimey! How is she doing that?" Sparrow whispered to Weiss.

"With her semblance, that's how," Wiess snapped.

"What's happening!?" Ruby cried as she appeared as if by magic at Weiss's side.

"This madman is attacking my sister!" Weiss said, gesturing to the blurry figures that smashed swords together with clashes and bangs before them.

"Oh no! Who would do a thing like… That's my uncle!" Ruby exclaimed.

"Your uncle!?" Wiess repeated incredulously.

"Look, m'dears, I appreciate the family drama and all that, but there's something reaaaalllyy impor"-

"Shhh!" both Ruby and Weiss exclaimed to him, one on either side.

Crash. A crater was made in the pavement as one blurry figure was thrown – or maybe jumped? – from a tower. More sword clashes. Jack thought he heard a high-pitched warcry.

He can fight like that while drunk? Sparrow thought. …He must be a pirate.

"Get her, Qrow!" Ruby was cheering.

"Teach him some respect, Winter!" Weiss was screaming.

"Will somebody please listen to me!?" Jack exclaimed.

Then, both Winter and Qrow came back into focus.

"Winter!"

Everybody in the courtyard froze.

"What do you think you're doing?"

The man who spoke wore a white coat too. One of his hands was as white as his coat – it looked strangely like the hands of the armoured soldiers that marched past.

"This man started the altercation, sir!" Winter exclaimed, pointing accusingly.

"That's not true – she attacked first," Qrow pointed out.

"You! What are you doing here?" the man with the white hand scowled.

"The same could be asked of you," Qrow replied with the utmost calm.

Captain Jack didn't know what he was referring to, but from the looks on people's faces it seemed like a really big deal.

Wow, this guy is scary when he's drunk… I'd hate to see him when he's not, Jack thought.

"Now everybody just calm down," said another man. He held a cane and his hair was emerald green. "There's a fight over at the colesseum that has much more comfortable seats… and popcorn."

"Yeah, break it up!" a woman with bright blonde hair and glasses added.

Captain Jack had been completely unable to understand most of this conversation, but these last few comments really took the cake. He shrugged inwardly. He was in Davy Jones's locker, after all – nothing had to make sense.

The crowd began to disperse and Winter threw Qrow a dirty look before storming away with the others.

"Uncle Qrooooowwwww!" Ruby cried and rushed to hug her Uncle. Qrow held her up on one arm and looked at her nonchalantly.

"Did you miss me?" Ruby exclaimed happily.

"…Nope," Qrow said with a grin.

"Qrow! A word, please!" said the green-haired guy.

"Ohh… looks like I'm in trouble," Qrow remarked to Ruby. She giggled.

Qrow lazily followed the green-haired dude. As he passed, he noticed Sparrow, squinted for a second, then grinned wickedly. Jack smiled back.

Jack turned back to Ruby and Weiss.

"Listen, loves… there is a ship," he began solemnly. Weiss and Ruby looked at each other.

"A very real and very dangerous ship whose inhabitants could consume us all."

"…If you're talking about Winterbird, this is not the time," Weiss snapped, becoming a part of the fandom for a moment.

"Sorry? No, I was talking about Davy Jones."

"Who's Davy Jones?" Ruby asked.

"Who is Davy Jones?" Sparrow repeated. "Love, he ferries souls that die at sea to the afterlife. Savvy?"

Ruby and Weiss stared at him for a second.

"…And he's here. Just saw his ship," Jack added brightly, waving his fingers in the general direction of the ocean. "And I suppose he's here to kill me, seeing as I am completely recovered from being eaten by his last beastie. So he's found me – or if he hasn't, he will soon – and I suppose he's here to get himself one of your so-called Grimm as a new kraken. Savvy?"

"…Oh no," Ruby whispered. "That doesn't sound good at all!"

"Another security threat? Oh, this is so ill-timed!" Weiss cried. "This is the last straw. You must tell Ozpin!"

"Ozpin?" Sparrow repeated blankly.

"Our headmaster," Weiss explained, just at the same time as Ruby said, "The guy with the green hair."

"Oh yes! The green-haired one. Naturally," Sparrow nodded. "Take me to this Ozpin and I shall inform him of said particulars."

Weiss sighed. "Fine. Wow, can't this day get any better?"

"You're just mad 'cos Qrow kicked butt," Ruby whispered.

"… She's right, you know," Sparrow added.

"What were you thinking?" Winter snapped as Qrow, Ozpin and Glynda entered the clockwork tower.

Qrow just raised an eyebrow infuriatingly.

"If you were one of my men," Ironwood said, "I'd have you shot."

"If I was one of your men, I'd shoot myself," Qrow chuckled.

It was a miracle that nobody in the room went 'OOOHHHH BURN!'

(Ozpin nearly did, but managed to stop himself just in time).

At that moment, the lift 'ding!'ed again. Everybody glanced to its doors expectantly.

Who would possibly be calling in on Ozpin's office?

Slowly, the doors opened to reveal a man with dreadlocks, a bandana and a cutlass.

He was facing the wrong way.

"Well, thank you. Thank you all. 'Get in this', she said. 'It will take you to Ozplug's office', she said. Just like Elizabeth. 'It must have been so awful for you in Davy Jones's locker, Jack.' WELL NOW IT BLOODY WELL IS!"

Captain Jack Sparrow turned around to see five faces staring at him in the utmost shock.

Well, three really. Ozpin didn't seem remotely shocked, and Qrow looked far too wasted to really be surprised by anything.

"…Can I help you?" Ozpin asked politely.

"Oh," said Jack.

The doors on the elevator started to close.

"Good bye," he said flatly.

The elevator began to go down again.

Everyone stared in mute silence at the elevator.

"What on earth was that about?" Glynda asked.

Ozpin got up and pressed the 'open' button on the lift.

The doors opened to reveal Sparrow, still there.

"Oh," he remarked again.

"Captain Jack, step out of the elevator," Ozpin instructed.

Jack did.

"Wait, wait – you know who I am?" Sparrow asked with narrowed eyes.

"Yes – you're the worst pirate I've ever heard of," Ozpin said.

"…But you have heard of me," Jack grinned. "Now, I have a bit of a problem."
"Well so do we, so can you come back later?" the blonde one with the glasses asked.

"I lied. It's more than a bit of a problem," Jack amended.

"Well, what is it?" Ozpin asked.

"Davy Jones has come into this world, and maybe wants to take one of your beasties for himself, and maybe …no, definitely kill me."

Nobody seemed appropriately surprised by this news.

"Who is Davy Jones?" the white-handed man asked.

"Who are you?" Sparrow countered.

They stared at each other for a second.

"I'm General Ironwood," Ironwood said, after a minute. "Who are you?"

"I'm Captain Jack Sparrow. Now, if you don't mind me being so bold… why is your hand like... that?"

"…I lost it," Ironwood said heavily.

"Ah," Jack replied. "Like my mate. Worst enemy. Take your pick. Barbossa. He lost a leg."

"Did he get a cybernetic limb in place of it?" Ironwood asked.

"No, much better. He got a wooden leg full of rum," Jack explained with a smug grin.

"Ummm… alright?" Ironwood suggested. This had been a bizzare day. It wasn't getting any less weird as the hours went by. "Anyway, who is Davy Jones?"

"Came over to this… dimension… because of me. He's the man who ferries dead souls across the ocean to the afterlife. Or, he's supposed to. He hasn't done a very good job, so now he's all…" Jack motioned with his fingers under his chin to indicate 'tentacly'. Everybody in the room except Ozpin just thought he was giving himself a sentient beard.

"…Is this guy drunk?" Qrow asked.

Winter shrugged in answer.

"This is very serious," Ozpin said, sitting down at his desk. "The Grimm draw closer to us. Dust is still being stolen. And now, Davy Jones, once a pirate, now an immortal being, seeks revenge on our shores."

"Are you saying that… that… not only do we struggle with the rise of the Grimm, but now there are INTERDIMENSIONAL PIRATES?" Glynda shrieked.

"Yes," Ozpin confirmed.

There was a moment of silence.

"I'm not drunk enough for this," Qrow said, undoing the lid of his hipflask and taking a swig.

"Me neither," Jack said gravely. Qrow considered for a moment, then offered his hipflask. Sparrow took it and drunk some.

"That's a bit stronger than rum, mi'lad," Sparrow commented, handing it back.

Qrow shrugged. "Whatever gets me through the day."

"So now we have more security concerns. We'll monitor the shores and see if he docks. If he comes onto shore, you and I will talk with him," Ozpin said. "In the meantime, if you have no way of returning to your country of origin, Mr Sparrow, you will be under the protection of Vale."

"My one country is the sea, Captain," Jack replied. Why he added the 'captain' he wasn't sure. But this man certainly had the air of a captain. He'd been many places, seen many things… Jack could feel it.

"I see. Well, if Jones does anything hostile, we must retaliate – luckily, you are standing in one of this country's most prestigious schools of warriors. Is there anything else, Sparrow?"

"Yes," Jack said. "There should be a 'Captain' in there somewhere."

Ozpin sighed.

"Alright. Off you go, Captain Jack."

"By the way… nice moves, Uncle Qrow. Princess Senior," Jack said, nodding to both of them.

Qrow chuckled and winked.

Winter just gave a haughty "Hummph!"

Hope you enjoyed! If you did, review, let me know.

And yes... Ozpin knows all ;)