Here we go again…

"Dialogue"

'Thoughts'

"Kyuubi"

As soon as he saw the group of stalkers coming up the street towards him, Naruto took off as fast as his legs could carry him and made a beeline for Ichiraku's, hoping he hadn't been noticed. Not long after that, the group of shinobi reached Naruto's house.

"Damnit, we missed him somehow!" a tall boy with long hair and startlingly white eyes said to his companions. A collective sigh escaped the group as they wondered how Naruto had evaded them. "I guess its every man for himself now then." the boy said with a smirk. "May the best shinobi win." With that he started down Konoha's main street, intending to search the village for Naruto.

"Well said my eternal rival Neji!" a boy with black, bushy eyebrows called after him, striking his 'good-guy pose'; seemingly unaware of how odd he looked stretching in green spandex; in public no less. "But it shall be I, Rock Lee," he continued, "who wins Naruto-kun's heart, for I am driven by the Flames of Youth!" He struck another pose and was greeted by groans of disgust from his remaining two companions, both of whom thought Lee was more than a little insane.

"This whole Naruto business is so troublesome. I think I'll go take a nap and come up with a solution to this little problem." the boy called Nara Shikamaru informed his friends. As he started to wander off toward his favorite nap spot in the woods, he glanced again at Lee who was still holding his pose. 'He seriously needs to get his head checked out.' the genius thought, sighing more heavily than usual.

The last boy, Inuzuka Kiba, watched Shikamaru walk away and was reminded of Lee, who still refused to stop posing despite the worried looks he was drawing from passers-by. Letting out his own exasperated sigh, Kiba turned and picked up his pet dog, who had been sitting beside him wagging it's tail happily throughout the exchange. "C'mon Akamaru," he said cheerily, "let's go hunt that fox." The puppy barked happily in response. Placing Akamaru on his head, Kiba headed for the market, intent on finding Naruto before the others. It would be several minutes before Lee realized he was alone and when he finally did, he too started towards the village square to search for Naruto.

Meanwhile, our kitsune had made it to Ichiraku's and was halfway through his third bowl of ramen, when he received an unpleasant surprise. Out of nowhere a pale arm wrapped itself around Naruto's chest and held him down in his chair. "Hey dobe, what took you so long to get here?" a silky voice drawled from behind him. Naruto gulped in fear as he realized whose arm it was around him.

"Sa-Sasuke!" Naruto yelped as he was spun forcefully around in his chair to face the Uchiha. Sasuke regarded him with an appraising look, licking his lips slowly, lust evident in his eyes. 'Oh god, he's raping me with his eyes! Naruto thought, watching Sasuke's face carefully. 'He really does have such pretty eyes…so deep, like a window into his soul… I could get lost forever in those eyes… What the hell am I saying!?! He's got ugly, perverted eyes!'

After a minute of tense silence and plenty of interested looks from nearby villagers, Sasuke spoke. "I knew if I waited around here long enough you would show up sooner or later Naruto. Now that I've got you all to myself, why don't we go training today, just you and me, it'll be… fun." he smirked at the last part, drawing an agitated look from Naruto.

"Uh, no thanks Sasuke, I uh, promised Sakura-chan I would...um 'Think Naruto, think!' help her train today. Maybe some other time though, hehehe…" Naruto laughed nervously and tried to break away from his would-be rapist. The Uchiha wouldn't let go, however, and leaned in close to Naruto again

"I wasn't asking dobe." he whispered into the struggling blonde's ear while breathing in the scent of Naruto's hair. 'Mmmm… he smells fresh, like the forest after a spring shower' Naruto gasped and tried once more to break away and was again unsuccessful. Sasuke was contemplating hoisting Naruto over his shoulder and rushing him to the Uchiha compound, when he noticed a distinct chakra signature heading toward them. 'Hyuuga. That prick is always trying to interfere with my plans for Naruto. What part of, "Naruto is mine." doesn't the retard understand!?' Sasuke cursed under his breath as he felt the Hyuuga drawing closer. By this time Naruto was also aware of Neji's approach and a plan began to form in his head, his trademark fox-grin spreading across his adorable face. 'If I can get these two perverts to fight each other, maybe I can escape while they aren't looking. It's genius!' Sasuke noticed the smile on Naruto's face and, thinking Naruto had decided to take him up on his offer, released his hold on the blonde. What Naruto did next sent Sasuke into a fit of silent rage.

"HEY NEJIIIIIIII!!!" Naruto screamed as loud as he could, startling all in the vicinity. Neji heard Naruto's shout (along with half of Konoha) and ran to the source. When he saw Naruto a smile lit up his more-often-than-not emotionless face, a smile which quickly vanished when he noticed Sasuke.

"Uchiha." Neji mouthed coldly, glaring daggers at the brunette.

"Hyuuga" Sasuke replied, fixing Neji with his patented "Uchiha Death Glare".

The two continued to glare at each other for several moments before Neji decided that Sasuke had wasted enough of his and Naruto's time and turned to address the blonde.

"You called Naruto-kun?"

Naruto blushed at the sweet smile Neji was giving him 'Wow, Neji's got such an adorable face; I wonder why I never noticed it before…' Naruto was brought out of his reverie suddenly by Sasuke, who had cleared his throat loudly. The blonde noticed that Neji was still staring at him, expectantly awaiting an answer to his question. 'Think you idiot, think! This is your genius plan and you know what will happen if you screw this one up!' Naruto shuddered at this, knowing he could quite literally be screwed if he didn't play his cards right. "I uh… just wanted to see if you wanted to go training with me and Sasuke… if you aren't busy with anything." he batted his eyelashes seductively at Neji, hoping to entice the Hyuuga into agreeing. 'As long as I'm not alone with either one of them, everything should be ok.' This move by Naruto was noticed by an extremely annoyed-looking Sasuke, who cleared his throat again, muttering curses under his breath. Naruto could have sworn he heard Sasuke distinctly say something about the impending deaths of the entirety of the Hyuuga clan, but he couldn't be sure.

Neji stood there a moment, looking back and forth between Naruto and Sasuke, acutely aware that his face was covered in a deep blush. Inner-Neji did a victory dance when he saw Naruto look at him so suggestively. 'My god Naruto is so fucking sexy!' Neji thought with glee, 'He obviously wants me and I want him! Why do we have to be in public and with that bastard Uchiha to boot? He always seems to be around at the worst possible times, ruining things between Naruto and I! I should go with them and maybe if I'm lucky, I can get Naruto alone for some special training later!' Neji's head about exploded with glee as he thought of "special" training with Naruto and he happily agreed to go with the pair. 'I can make sure Uchiha keeps his filthy hands off Naruto too' he realized as an afterthought.

Naruto smiled broadly when Neji agreed to train with them, knowing that he was safe, for the moment at least. "Let's get going guys; we've been standing here long enough." With that Naruto paid for his ramen and led the two other shinobi out of Ichiraku's and towards the training grounds, a broad grin crossing his face.

A few minutes after the trio had left, Kiba and Akamaru reached Ichiraku's. The canine-nin had finally thought to look for Naruto there and was very surprised when said blonde was nowhere in to be seen. 'He was here recently though, I'm sure of it. Smells like he met up with Neji and that bastard Uchiha. I'd better follow them and make sure neither of them tries anything funny on my Naruto.' With that he took off after the three shinobi, intent on claiming the kitsune for his own.

Naruto, Neji, and Sasuke reached the training grounds after what seemed like an eternity of uncomfortable silence. Naruto was actually grateful for the silence; it had given him time to think about his plan. He had decided to use the other boys' obvious affections towards him to his advantage. 'All right here goes nothing… I can't believe I'm actually going to do this…' Naruto turned around to face the other two with a big smile on his face, that is until he noticed them both leering at him. He also noticed the considerable bulge in each of their pants. Not one to be put off from a plan (especially one as genius as this one), Naruto decided to proceed against his better judgment. He trotted over to the pair, trying to walk in as sexy a manner as possible, a smile gracing his features once again. Both Neji and Sasuke blushed when they saw how Naruto was acting, one thought running through both of their minds.

"Hey boys," Naruto began slowly, trying to pronounce each syllable deliberately to enhance the effect, "Why don't you two show me what you're made of and afterwards I'll give the winner a," he paused here for dramatic effect, "… special present." He giggled slightly and batted his eyelashes alluringly at the two, inwardly pleased with his own acting. The two boys struggled to keep from falling over at this unexpected display from Naruto. Both agreed at once, each boy determined to win the blonde's "special present". Naruto took a seat under a nearby tree and signaled to the two combatants that he was ready. The pair took their places across the clearing from each other and the fight began.

Review! I command it and such.