Hello all! Once again, I don't own Pirates of the Caribbean or RWBY however much I may wish to... but at least I didn't say the two most dangerous phrases a character can ever say: 'what can go wrong?' and 'what does this button do?'

Sadly, the characters in this chapter did...

"Allllrighty then," Sparrow said, struggling to maintain some sort of air of authority. He mostly failed; dignity might have been a better target.

"You ladies have decided out of the courage and goodness of your hearts to protect ol' Jack."

Weiss, Blake, Ruby and Yang blinked.

"Nope, not really," Blake said, sitting on the bottom bunk, watching Captain Jack lean awkwardly in the doorway. Possibly to make sure he wouldn't fall over.

"We were told we had to by Ozpin," Weiss huffed. "Protect the likes of you! Honestly!"

She was at the desk, nose half-buried in a textbook.

"Weeeeeeellll… nevertheless. Out of absolute grudging necessity, no matter how much you truly and deeply you appear to resent it, you must now protect me, by pretending that I come from… elsewhere. What is this elsewhere that Ozpin mentioned? Why are they here? How will it help me evade suspicion?"

"Ozpin has told you and us to pretend that you come from Atlas, like the exchange students who are here for the Vytal tournament," Yang explained. "Naturally you're too old to be a student, but we're pretending you came over with them to watch the tournament… so if this Davy Jones asks about newcomers, everyone will tell him the only newcomers are here for Vytal. Savvy?" Yang asked.

"Did… Did you just 'savvy' me?" Jack asked, nearly falling from the doorway in shock.

"I'm pretty sure I did," Yang shrugged with a grin.

"Well! We shall all have a magnificent garden party… and you're definitely invited," he muttered, changing his mind halfway through the sentence.

"Anyway – you're sure to be protected," Blake smiled.

"Nothing can go wrong!" Ruby smiled happily.

Everyone looked at her.

Now it's sure to, Jack thought.

"…Please don't ever say that again, love," he sighed.

Jack was about to leave to find more suitable headquarters when Ruby took out a strange rectangle device and exclaimed in excitement.

"Uncle Qrow is coming to say hi! Then – oh, Mr Sparrow – he says he wants to meet you at the club for a chat," Ruby smiled, reading off her device.

"The club – that's the building with the rum and lightning storm inside it, isn't it? Tell him I'll be there," Jack nodded. He tripped into the doorframe as he turned to leave. Behind him, he heard Weiss say, "Oh goody. Two drunk, careless men being public menaces together. What an excellent idea."

"I can still hear you," Jack replied offendedly as he wobbled down the corridor, "and I can assure you I am NOT drunk."

He stumbled and fell over with a crash.

He added in a muffled, carpet-filled voice, "Not even remotely."

A bright orange head peeked out from the door across the corridor and the girl whispered, "Ren, I think someone's had too many pancakes…"

A second, black and pink head poked out of the door and replied, "He's had too much of something, Nora, but pancakes is not the answer."

"…But pancakes are always the answer, Ren," the girl whispered.

Jack was not entirely sure which reality he was in, but this one's inhabitants were stranger than usual, and that was saying something.

"Neo," Torchwick said, gesturing off the docks, "do you see that?"

The tiny girl squinted, then nodded surely.

"That is no ship of ours."

Neo nodded towards the city.

"You think they come for the tournament? I don't think so – I've never seen a ship like it. Perhaps we should investigate it soon," Roman smirked. "And when we do... let's hope they choose the right side."

"So," Qrow Brawwen said as Sparrow plonked himself on a bar stool beside him. "You're an interesting man, Mr Sparrow."

"Captain Sparrow," Jack corrected. "And yes, I suppose I am."

"Been seafaring all your life?"

"Aye, that be true. I've been aboard ships since I was a young'un."

It was a little difficult to hear above the music. On the dance floor, below rigs of lighting, people swayed and jumped. Again, it looked to Jack as if they were on the high seas.

"What about you then?" Jack asked dryly, peering into Qrow's drink, picking it up, taking a sip and putting it down distastefully again. "What did you do as a little one, eh?"

"You've been on ships all your life… I've been fighting monsters since I was a boy," Qrow replied, looking minorly annoyed at Jack's antics.

"Oh – I'm certainly used to that," Jack jumped in. "I've fought many a monster. Ones with tentacles. Ones with only skeletons. Ones with a wooden leg."

"Have you fought Grimm?" Qrow asked.

"Yes, I think so, once. It killed me. Tragically, I died," Jack explained.

"Good Lord, you really are drunk," Qrow commented.

"… I got better," Sparrow shrugged. Then he turned back to the bar. "More rum please, m'dear."

Junior was no less disgruntled at being called 'm'dear' than when Jack had called him 'love'.

"So. What do you fight the beasties with then?" Jack asked Qrow. "Whatever it is… it's also a gun, isn't it?"

"That's right," Qrow smirked. "It's a sniper scythe… can also be used as a sword."

"That sounds mildly impressive," Jack nodded, a little drunkenly. His rum perhaps was starting to take its toll. "Let's see then."

Qrow looked around, knew absolutely that taking out his weapon in a public space wasn't a great idea, but was too drunk to care.

Qrow stood up and unsheathed his broadsword. Then, the segments began to come apart, curling into a scythe blade that shone in the disco lights, a long handle extending from the hilt. A few people turned to stare.

"…why did that make me feel so emasculated?" Jack whimpered.

"Because your cutlass is small and would be completely ineffective against Grimm," Qrow answered.

"…That was a rhetorical question," Jack sulked.

"You know what? Here. You can have a look at it," Qrow said, all sense washed away by alcohol.

"Cool," replied Jack, taking it. It was actually fairly light for its size. He gave it a swing.

"Careful!" Junior snapped, ducking to avoid having his head taken off.

"Sorry, love."

"Put away that weapon!" he commanded from behind the bar.

"What does this button do?" Jack asked.

"Don't-!" Qrow began, but it was too late.

BANG! Jack fired the sniper scythe straight towards the club doors – just as they were opening.

POOF! A… a what? A… parasol had opened and… blocked the bullet!

Jack was now really sure he was drunk.

Under the parasol, he could see two short legs in black leggings and long white boots. Beside the parasol wielder there stood… Jack squinted.

Oh my, he thought, it's Roman Torchwick!

Everyone had turned to stare at the awkward situation.

"Hi, Roman!" Jack exclaimed cheerfully, pushing the scythe back into Qrow's hands.

"Hi, Jack!" Roman replied.

The parasol snapped shut. Behind it stood a girl, two heads shorter than Roman, with fairy-floss-pink, chocolate and white hair. She wore a white coat and a really, really annoyed expression.

She began to storm towards Jack in her little high-heeled boots in total fury, twirling her lacy parasol behind her.

"Oh, bugger," Jack said.

"I'm sorry, love! Absolute accident. Could happen to anyone," he stuttered to the parasol girl.

"Wouldn't have happened if you hadn't started waving that scythe around," Junior snapped.

The girl nodded angrily.

"Well… it's his scythe," Jack said, pointing at Qrow.

The girl, Junior, everyone stared at Qrow.

"Hey!" Qrow spluttered.

The girl – Jack noticed she had one brown eye, one pink eye – went back to glaring at Jack with a sulky pout.

"Sorry, m'dear. I'm Captain Jack. Nice to meet you?" he asked hopefully.

The girl's pout turned into a wicked smirk. She extended her hand.

Jack suspiciously went to shake it… and BAM. She'd whipped the piece of eight from his hair!

She looked at the string of beads and let out a silent chuckle.

"Hey, give that back!" Sparrow snapped.

The girl turned and grinned at Roman.

"Alright, Neo," Roman said, returning her grin. "Jack – she says that if you want it… you better come and get it."

With that, Neo had tucked the piece of eight in her jacket and took flight through the crowd.

"Wait!" Jack cried and ran after her. Qrow face-palmed, then followed.

Neo ran onto the dance floor, Junior calling frustrated instructions at them which were all ignored, then began to climb the lighting rigging.

I'm a pirate, Jack thought. I climb rigging all the time. She's made a big mistake.

He too began climbing up those metal bars. He hauled himself on top to see… that she was nowhere to be found. Instead, there was that monkey dude, just sitting up there and eating a banana.

"Hi!" he said.

Jack growled and began to move across the rigging.

"Monkey-man, have you seen a short, angry, smirking little lady with a parasol?" Jack asked over the music.

"Yep," Sun replied, "She's right behind you."

Jack twirled around to see Neo just about to push him off the rigging.

"You! Give me that!" Jack eloquently stated, drawing his cutlass.

This? Neo asked with a smile, holding up his piece of eight.

"That," Jack confirmed.

Neo smiled again and put it back into her coat.

"Right," Jack snarled. He jumped to her line of rigging, she jumped to his. He jumped back, she jumped back. Jack slashed towards her and Neo parried with her parasol.

Canes, scythes, gauntlets… and now umbrellas. I bet it's also a gun, Jack thought.

He tripped over a light and it crashed to the dance floor – people screamed and ran out the way. Junior was still yelling.

They exchanged attacks and ripostes for a minute, then Neo grinned, popped her parasol open, and leapt off the rigging, floating down to the dance floor.

Qrow and Torchwick were standing on the dance floor, cheering.

"LANDING STRATEGY!" Qrow screamed at Sparrow.

Jack didn't know what this meant, so he shrugged and jumped off too.

He thought it might hurt when he hit the floor. He never got to find out – because he didn't hit the floor... he landed on Roman.

"ARGH!" Roman cried in anguish, Jack's foot going into his stomach. Jack found himself lying on top of the rich young man, whose long orange fringe had fallen back, and they looked into each other's eyes… awkwardly. His sword was wedged into the floor inches from Roman's hand.

Both of Roman's eyes were wide, shocked and surrounded by much eyeliner.

"So you DO have two eyes!" Jack exclaimed in surprise.

Roman just moaned in reply and closed them.

Then his eyes flew open.

"W-What're you doing with your hands?!" he spluttered. Jack grinned.

"Pick-pocketing you. Sorry!" Jack exclaimed mildly apologetically, putting 20 lien in his pocket and leaping up, only mildly hurt (unlike Roman).

He rushed after Neo, who stood on the dance floor dangling his piece of eight teasingly. When he tried to snatch it, Neo grabbed his hand and pulled him in and somehow she was making him waltz across the dance floor. Sparrow tried to trip up her steps, she tried to trip his. Neither succeeded.

Two can play at this game, Jack thought, and bent her back in that dramatic dance pose (you know the one, right?), trying to wrestle his piece of eight from her.

She backflipped out of it, kicking him in the face as she did so, and he went down, whimpering and holding his face.

"Owwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww."

Neo grinned triumphantly down at him, then dropped his piece of eight on the dance floor, before swaggering off to help Roman up.

"RIGHT," Junior roared, breaking the awed silence in which everybody had watched the spectacle.

"You four. Get OUT of my club!"

Jack got up, muttered, "Ain't so bad for a parasol-wielder," and wrenched his sword out of the ground. Qrow face-palmed again, then took another swig from his flask.

"Sorry, Roman, mi'lad. Either you were really hurt, or you enjoyed it, I can't tell," Jack shrugged. "It was the facial expressions."

Both, Neo's expression said with a grin.

Roman simultaneously flicked his fringe, rolled his eyes, blushed and gave a rude hand gesture in response.

"… that makes sense," Jack said optimistically.

"Give me back my money," he snapped.

"No, I'm poor," Jack replied.

Roman repeated much the same steps as before, but with the added bonus of turning a cold shoulder on him.

Neo was chatting (read: crowing her victory) to Roman with facial expressions, and arm-in-arm, they haughtily left the club.

"We should go," Qrow cringed.

"…Looks like there was some panic at the disco," Sun chuckled loudly from the rigging.

Junior threw something at him.

Ha ha! I'm sorry about that last joke... but not sorry enough to avoid making them in the future.

Hope you liked it!