"Dialogue"

'Thoughts'

"Kyuubi"

Neji and Sasuke glared at each other from opposite ends of the training field, their intentions clear. Both boys were ready and willing to put it all on the line for Naruto as they commenced their duel. They had just begun to fight when they were interrupted by a sudden shout from Naruto. Both boys looked towards the source and discovered a rather dazed looking Shikamaru sprawled on Naruto's lap. The two suspended their fight and went to investigate, barely able to hide the jealously they were feeling.

"Shikamaru where did you come from?" Naruto asked the lazy shinobi, surprised and somewhat aroused at having the other boy land in his lap so suddenly. The blonde had turned a healthy shade of pink and was steadily growing redder as he began to get hard. He noticed that Neji and Sasuke were on their way over and let out an exasperated sigh, knowing that his genius plan would never work now. Truth be told, Naruto wasn't so sure that he wanted to escape anymore, as his erection touched Shikamaru, sending a faint shiver through both boys.

"Oi Nara, what the fuck do you think you're doing?!?" Sasuke demanded of the poor genius, who was still too out of it to reply. In fact, Shikamaru had recovered from his fall almost immediately, but he had felt Naruto's hardness against his chest and was thus inclined to stay where he was for as long as possible. Taking his time to collect himself, he sat up and looked at the two approaching shinobi, a harassed expression covering his face.

"What the fuck am I doing!?!" he began, feigning anger, "What the fuck are you two doing?!? I was just minding my own business taking a nap here and then you two assholes had to start a fight and wake me up! And I was having the nicest dream about…" He stopped suddenly, blushing profusely. He had a feeling that both boys knew exactly what he had been dreaming about anyway, judging from the suspicious looks they were giving him, and he didn't like it at all.

"Uh, Shikamaru, would you mind getting off me?" Naruto chimed in, trying to push Shikamaru off at the same time.

"Oh! Sorry Naruto I, er, didn't see you there." the genius replied as he removed himself reluctantly from the Naruto's lap. 'Dear god that felt good.' he mused, as sat down against the tree, resisting the urge to jump the blonde right there. 'Calm down Shika,' he told himself, taking a deep breath, 'you'll get your chance with Naruto soon enough. For now you've just gotta play it by ear and wait for the right moment.' Thus decided, he turned again to face the others. "So um, what were you guys doing anyway?"

Naruto grinned broadly as he told Shikamaru how he had promised to train with whoever had won the battle. By this time Neji and Sasuke had sat down as well, after a brief struggle over who would sit closer to Naruto. Neji had won and was sitting triumphantly on the blonde's right; while a furious Sasuke was took a seat to Shikamaru's left. The three hunters and their prey then began to force small talk, all four aware of the actual situation, none willing to broach the subject for fear of embarrassment. Things continued like this for several minutes before a loud bark announced the arrival of Kiba and Akamaru. The canine-nin and his dog had been tracking Naruto all the way from Ichiraku's and were happy to have finally found the kitsune. Kiba, however, was not happy to also discover that his three friends had found Naruto first. It hurt his pride as an Inuzaka to know that he had been beaten in a hunt, 'Especially by that bastard Uchiha.' After saying hi to the other shinobi, Kiba took a seat next to Neji and joined in the conversation. They talked about missions, the weather, ramen (only Naruto had much to say on this subject), and various other things, studiously avoiding the problem at hand. Naruto was growing tired of the situation and decided to consult Kyuubi for a solution. While the others were busy talking, he paid a quick visit to the fox.

"Hey Kyuubi you awake?" he yelled loudly, not really caring if he disturbed her or not.

"Yes, I'm here kit. What brings you by so suddenly? From the looks of things you have more important business to attend to than talking to me." she replied from within her cage.

"Well yea that's kinda what I wanted to talk to you about. I… I've decided I want to put an end to all of this and just pick one of them to be my boyfriend, but I don't know which one to choose. I mean I like them all a lot as friends, but I've never thought about them this way before..." 'Not while conscious anyway.'he admitted to himself.

Kyuubi couldn't suppress the squeal of delight that escaped her when she heard this. At heart, the old fox was really quite a perverted yaoi fangirl and she rejoiced at the news that her Naruto would soon be involved in a relationship with so many fine young males. After all, living for almost a millennia as she had, the fox had come to understand a thing or two about horny teenage boys. 'Should make for some very interesting situations.' Again she couldn't help but giggle, drawing an angry yell from Naruto. "Well kit, if you want my honest opinion, I suggest that you try them all out for a bit, sort of like a contest. Not only will you be able to choose your mate, but just think of all the things they will do to win you! They'll take you on picnics and buy you nice things and write you poetry… just imagine all the free ramen you will get!" Kyuubi knew that mentioning free ramen was a really underhanded tactic when dealing with Naruto and she felt slightly guilty about it, but damnit she really wanted to see some hot boy-love! She hadn't gotten to see any yaoi in nearly two centuries and she felt it was long overdue. Very, very long overdue. Besides she wasn't really lying to Naruto, she was just feeding him information that would lead him to accommodate her wishes. Yes that was it. 'It will work out better for him in the end this way too' she realized, as her motherly instincts overpowered her fangirlism for the briefest of moments. 'And if they happen to provide me with some much needed entertainment, it's just another added bonus…' a lecherous grin appearing on her face at this thought. Naruto's excited response forced her to turn her attention to him once again.

"WOW! You really think they will buy me ramen Kyuubi!?! I didn't think about it like that. I can actually get something out of this gigantic love-whateverthefuckangle that's going on now! And I can pick which one of them is best to be my boyfriend! Thanks a lot Kyuubi!" he managed to get out as he rushed from the prison room, eager to inform his friends of his decision.

"No problem kit, just make sure you choose the one that will make you happiest!" she called after him. 'And hopefully he will choose the one that's wildest in bed too heehee. I'd put my money on the dog-boy there…' And so she passed the rest of the day, imagining scenes of boy-love so steamy, that they would have caused any who saw them to die an unfortunate, but blissful, nosebleed-related death.

Naruto returned from his visit to Kyuubi to find his friends arguing heatedly about who was going to spend the rest of the day with him. He listened for a moment, inwardly pleased that they were all so completely obsessed with him. 'Man I'm gonna get so much free ramen! I'd better hurry up and tell them my plan before they start to kill each other. From the look in Sasuke's eyes I'd say that moment isn't very far off…' Naruto jumped up suddenly and stood before the four arguing shinobi. He was a bit pissed when they didn't immediately notice him, so he coughed loudly to get their attention. All four stopped fighting at once and turned to see what the blonde was up to.

"You guys I have a confession to make," he paused here to let the suspense build, "I'm gay and I want one of you guys to be my boyfriend And I've figured out how I'm going to choose!" He had to stop here, however, as his friends all got up and started doing a victory dance, forgetting their previous conflict and oblivious to the one ahead. Each boy was convinced that Naruto was going to choose him, until the second part of what the kitsune had said sunk in. 'What does he mean he's got to choose!?! I'm right here, he should obviously choose me!!!' they all thought in unison, their inner-selves fuming.

The blonde saw what was happening and quickly resumed explaining. "Ok guys this is going to be kinda like a contest. I'll go out with each of you on different days and after awhile, I'll pick who I want to be my boyfriend. There are a couple of rules though. 1.) There will be NO fighting between you guys during this contest. I don't want any of you trying to ruin one another's chances. That means you Sasuke! 2.) If you try to jump me or anything you automatically lose. Just because I'm finally ready to have a boyfriend doesn't mean I want you all shoving yourselves up my ass." He sweat-dropped (--); at this point, noticing the glazed look that had appeared on his each of his friend's faces at the mention of his rear. 'God damnit, do they all have to be so perverted? That look reminds me of Ero-Sennin when he's peeping on women at the hot springs. It's totally creeping me out!' "Anyway," he continued, "I've thought of a fair way to get this thing started as well. Lee will have the first date because he's not here. That way you four won't kill each other trying to decide which of you gets to go first. Any questions?" He put on a serious face and struck a no-nonsense pose, just to make sure they all knew he wasn't playing around. They all nodded in agreement, excited at the chance of finally getting Naruto. They were also still too out of it from the mental image of Naruto's ass to do anything other than dumbly agree. He really did have such a nice little ass after all. "Ok then guys, I'm going to go find Lee and tell him what's going on. Cya!" He took off at a slow trot, making sure to shake his hips appealingly, just to give the four a glimpse of what they were playing for. After he had gone, the poor shinobi fell over, their brains experiencing sensory overload. It would be some time before any of them could move.

'This is even better than my original plan!' Naruto chuckled as he raced to find Lee, wanting to give the taijutsu master a chance to prepare for the next day. Little did the poor boy know what he was getting into…