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Ch.12- The Pre-Game Show

Mal was running down the hall toward the bridge when Jayne came up through his bunk hatch loaded with weaponry. "Right," Mal nodded his approval, "hold that thought." He continued on to the bridge. "Wash, what the hell is goin' on?!"

Simon entered the hall just in time to see River climb up out of Jayne's bunk. He scowled at Jayne, who merely shrugged, nodded to River, and said, "talk to her, Doc. She's the boss." River beamed up at him, slipped her arm through his, and arm in arm and weapons they sauntered on down the hall to the bridge.

"What the hell is going on?!" Mal yelled at Wash again.

"Well, Captain, it looks like we're being shot at," Wash replied calmly.

"Well what the hell for?!"

"Hold on Captain, I'll just pull over to the side of the road and ask them."

"Ask who?! Who's shootin'?!"

Zoe placed her hand gently on Mal's arm. "Please step over to the side and let my man fly the ship, Captain." Mal was whipping his head around, eyes bulging.

"Wash, honey, can we determine who is shooting at us?"

"Well, lamby-toes, they aren't exactly shooting at us so much as over us. It's that whole 'across-the-bow' sort of thing."

The vid screen started beeping, then audio came through. "This is the police cruiser Hermes. You have 5 seconds to release control and prepare for boarding."

"What the hell is going on?!" Mal screamed again.

"I think you've exhausted that phrase, Sir," Zoe replied.

"Well that's funny," Wash said, looking closer at one of his sensors. "Their transponder is relaying a funny frequency."

"Permission to board the bridge, Captain?" No one had noticed Cosmo appear in the doorway. "I think I may be able to be of some help in identifying that signal if I can take a closer look at it."

Mal started to make his 'no' face, but Wash interceded. "Please, Captain, it can't hurt to have a second set of eyes."

Mal nodded his consent. Cosmo stepped through the bridge doorway just as another blast ripped across the starboard side. Everybody was thrown. River found herself up against the wall with a face full of David.

"Sorry," he smiled, "didn't mean to fall into you." He stood back up and offered his hand to help River stand up straight when he heard a growl right behind him. He withdrew his proffered hand and turned around. Jayne was standing over him with a feral gleam in his eye, like David was trying to steal his ball on the playground. David smiled up at Jayne and turned back to Wash and Mal.

"Let's see what we have here." He sauntered over to the console. He would help the crew out for right now and get back to River later. A little civilized conversation covering recent scientific developments, art, and music, maybe a little of the '63 Rothschild he had hidden away… there was no way he didn't have it over Serenity's 'security'. But for now back to business.

He looked down at the screen and frowned. "Well that's funny."

"That's what I said! Isn't that what I said honey?"

"Yes, Dear. What do you think?" This last was directed at Cosmo, who was scrunching his forehead and frowning.

"Well, it looks like it's supposed to be a police cruiser, only, well, the only way to explain this is that it looks a little crooked. Like they want you to think they're a police cruiser, only that maybe they're not, only they are."

"Huh?" Mal resisted the urge to scratch his head. Everyone else looked confused as well.

"I think they're legit, Captain," Cosmo turned to face him. "Only they want people to think that maybe they're not, so maybe you get cocky, and then they get to really enforce the law."

"You mean like rough us up when we question their legitimacy?" Wash questioned.

"Exactly," replied Cosmo. "Captain, I think you should play it safe with these guys."

Mal frowned. The last thing he wanted was to be boarded, even with the Tam warrants no longer in effect. Alliance were the sort, especially way out here, to find some infraction just to assuage boredom. Like a cow town with one speed limit sign. Go se.

By now the rest of the crew had crowded either inside the bridge or around the doorway.

"All right, River, Simon, suit up and stand by to make yourselves scarce. Jayne, weapon down a little- we don't want to look antsy. And help those two with their suits. Kaylee, I want you in the engine room looking busy. Inara, if you would please wait in your shuttle until we sort this out- "

"Mal, I may be able to be of some help here. Respectability, remember?" Inara prodded him gently, aware that he had actually asked her to wait in her shuttle instead of ordering her.

Mal started to tense, then Zoe elbowed him. Hard.

"Okay, ah, you're with us. Zoe, let's go meet them. Wash, signal back that we're pulling over, and try not to make any jokes, dong ma?"

"Got it," Wash answered. "You know, I don't make jokes about everything…" he muttered.

"Save it for later, okay husband?" ordered Zoe, taking the sting out by wrapping her arms around her husband for a quick hug and kiss.

David spoke up. "Ah, Captain, I think I'll just wait in the passenger quarters until you gentlemen have completed your business." He disappeared quickly down the hall. River felt a flicker of something shoot off of him as he turned the corner- was that fear?

Jayne snorted. "That little 'puter he's got ain't gonna help now." He hoisted his semi onto his shoulder.

River smiled up at him. "No killing the nice police officers until after Inara and the Captain talk to them, right dear?"

Everyone stared at Jayne in shock, expecting him to blow up at the way she had just spoken to him. But again that day Jayne surprised them.

"Okay, okay, I'll give Inara a minute or two before I start blowin' holes in people, okay?" He grinned at her mischievously.

They left the bridge, River laying a hand on his arm as he paused to let her exit the doorway before him.

Mal looked around, his face scrunched up in confusion. "I thought they were off? Are they on again?"

Zoe looked concernedly after the pair walking arm in arm down the corridor. "Apparently so, Sir."

Mal shook his head. "I hope they don't suddenly become 'off' again while those feds are in my hold. Could get messy."