Theodosia
The afternoon finally arrived. I sat under a tree in the woods.
Every time I heard the rustling of a leaf, or the wind blowing I thought it was him coming.
I could not stop imagining how it would feel to see him in perfect condition. I indulged myself by thinking how it would feel to run to him, embrace him and exclaim, "You're fine! You're alive!" amid tears. I indulged myself by thinking it might signify a new beginning, one where we didn't take things for granted.
I couldn't stop thinking about how maybe it was time to finally be completely honest with myself. It was time to allow myself to answer the question that had been appearing in my mind since some months ago: What is happening to me?
Well, I might just know.
However, as the minutes passed and the sky began to lose its brightness and colors, the anticipation turned into dread.
He should be here already. He wouldn't be late for this. Is what I told myself.
I tried to think through my racing heart, my shaking limbs and my short breaths.
In the best-case scenario, he was still alive, but injured, which would explain why he could not come. In the worst… well, I didn't even need to give that one thought.
I returned home. I could only think that, if he was still alive, Philip would surely send a messenger so that I would know that, although he could not come to me, he was fine. That was, if he was conscious enough.
The idea of showing up at the Hamilton residence crossed my mind a couple of times. Of course, I discarded it quite quickly. It would not have only been extremely overstepping, but also, it would have raised an incredible amount of suspicion.
I kept whatever hope I had left for some of the night, but I could feel it demise as the hours passed by. Once I was among the early hours of the morning, I just knew it.
I had to brace myself for the bad news.