Regret

None of this should have happened.

Rey was perfectly fine with scavenging around the ruins of her former home if it meant not having to deal with the repercussions of her actions. Only moments ago, she had slowly tore Kylo Ren's limb from his body as she watched him suffer. He had been unconscious, undefended and unsuspecting. But that didn't even cross her mind once until she had finished.

Now sitting in the cramped escape pod clearly designed for only one person, Rey was closing in on the planet of Crait, all while contemplating what had just transpired on Snoke's ship.

Vaguely remembering contacting Chewie to meet on Crait with the Falcon, Rey tried to focus her thoughts on what would greet her when she arrived. She found the task quite difficult to achieve as thoughts of Kylo Ren's terrified eyes clouded her brain and echoes of his screams of agony filled her mind.

For a moment, she had glanced into Kylo Ren's eyes and saw something she thought was lost. The most fearsome man in the galaxy had been reduced to a boy pleading for mercy. A broken soul trying too hard be something he's not. She had saw the eyes of Ben Solo.

And if driving a lightsaber through his arm was what it took to kill the monster and bring Ben back, then Rey would do it again if she had to. Although, seeing Kylo Ren squirm in pain beneath her had given her a sense of fulfillment. It made her feel powerful.

But it wasn't right. Nothing made torturing another human being acceptable. Or any species for that matter. Now that she'd had time to dwell on her actions, Rey found that she was no better than the Kylo Ren himself.

To top it all off, she had force-choked General Hux. When Rey had finally noticed his presence after her work on Kylo, she didn't even think. She just did. It's almost like she reacted on instinct, not even considering the consequences. As if she had done it a thousand times, choking Hux came almost as a natural reaction.

For a brief moment, Rey wondered why she had even let go of her hold around his throat.

Both feelings of remorse and satisfaction swam through her mind.

Contacting Chewie and R2-D2, Rey was given coordinates to the Resistance's location as the pod made its final approach towards Crait.

As if the look on her face would tell them exactly what she had just done, Rey suddenly nervous about meeting with the Resistance. Not only had she just committed at least two acts of pure evil, but she had returned from Ahch-To empty handed. They were expecting Luke Skywalker, not some conflicted scavenger.

The next few minutes seemed to pass by in a blur as the pod neared the chalky white surface of Crait and zoomed towards the makeshift rebel base. In almost the blink of an eye, Rey was landing the pod just inside the massive metal doors that held what was left of the Resistance.

As she came to a stop beside the Millennium Falcon, Rey found herself longing to stay in the pod. At the moment, the last thing she wanted to do was be around other people. The others would probably fear her if they found out just how cruel she could be. But she needed to help the Resistance in any way she could.

They depended on her.

But did she depend on them?

Before Rey could answer her own clashing thoughts, the hatch to the pod was pulled open.

"Rey!"

Instantly recognizing the familiar voice, Rey lunged out of the pod and hugged Finn, her worries temporarily forgotten.

Speaking for the first time in what felt like forever, Rey admitted, "I missed you."

It's true. Rey had found herself longing to see her friend healthy and alive after that horrible incident on Starkiller Base. It was a miracle in itself that Finn had survived the wrath of Kylo Ren.

Finn gave a light chuckle and they separated. Looking into his eyes as she pulled away, Rey wondered how she could have ever been mad at Finn. He was probably one of the bravest people she had ever met. He was the first person not to look at her as if she were merely a piece of garbage.

But all of this was because of him. Rey would have never left Jakku and got involved in any of this if it weren't for Finn. She would never be in the position she was right now if she hadn't met Finn.

Removing her increasingly frustrated stare from him, Rey began her survey of the cavern that the base was stationed in. Just under a dozen transports remained from the thirty or so that had fled from the main cruiser. Off to the side, the command room was built into the red rock surrounding it with a clear signs of erosion and decay, indicating that this place hasn't been occupied in years.

Looking beyond the cruisers and command room, a seemingly endless series of tunnels stretched deep into the planet. A five minute walk could have you struggling to find your way back.

Finishing her observation of the base, Rey settled her gaze on the remaining rebels. Some were staring at her, while most were busy trying to organize and assemble what was left of the Resistance. The irrational anger she had felt before evaporated when she saw the shockingly low numbers.

"Is this really all that's left?" Rey questioned, hoping that this wasn't everyone.

Finn responded. "There's a few more people in the command room, but yes."

Crestfallen, Rey turned back to him and found him wearing a defeated look.

Keeping his eyes on her, Finn glanced downward and asked, "What happened to your arm?"

Taking a look at the gash below her shoulder, Rey answered honestly, "Got in a fight."

"With Luke Skywalker?" Finn asked, eyebrows raised.

Rey almost answered yes, but stopped when she realized what damage that would cause. Anyway, the injury originated from a different fight. It suddenly felt like ages ago that she had fought Snoke's guards.

"Er– no," she answered. About to tell him that she got hurt while fighting alongside Kylo Ren, Rey figured that was also a bad idea. It would probably be best to lie for now. "I got cut during a fight against Kylo Ren."

Looking surprised yet again, Finn asked, "When? Where? Why?"

Heaving a deep breath, Rey responded, "About an hour ago, on Snoke's ship, and because he, er, tried to kill me."

Rey had become used to lying after all those years in the unforgiving deserts of Jakku, but it killed her to do it to her only friend. She didn't want to talk about what she had really done. For the first time, she was scared of herself.

"Oh," was all that managed to trickle out of Finn's mouth.

"Yeah."

The silence was uncomfortable.

Rey asked a question just for the purpose of breaking the silence. "Do you know how the First Order's fleet was destroyed?"

"No, actually," Finn answered. "I was wondering that myself."

"I thought you were aboard the transports. Wouldn't you have seen it?"

Shaking his head, Finn answered, "No, I wasn't on the transports."

It was Rey's turn to look surprised. "Really? Where have you been?"

Grimacing, Finn stole a glance at girl behind him and began, "Well, it's a bit of a long story–"

Before he had a chance to finish, let alone start, the sound of a door opening echoed throughout the cavern.

Rey spun her head in the direction of the sound to find Leia stepping out of the command room.

Like a slap to the face, Rey finally came to terms with her actions. She had tortured General Leia Organa's son. Kylo Ren was the only thing left reminding her of her late husband, and Rey had foolishly damaged an already broken family.

Back on Jakku, she had heard stories, legends, of the Rebellion and their leader. Leia had become a hero to Rey; someone she could look up to. Anything of that nature was something she held onto, as growing up without any real parental figures was demanding. Leia had been a lifelong idol to her.

You aren't supposed to torture and inflict agonizing pain on your idol's only son.

Rey was unable to look the general in the eyes as she stepped closer to greet her.

"Rey."

Giving a polite nod back, Rey became very uneasy.

"Follow me. We'll get you up to speed on everything," Leia continued.

With that, General Organa turned at led Rey towards the command.

Rey had willingly tortured her son, and enjoyed every second of it. Only someone sick in the head would even consider doing such a thing. It's almost as though she had become a completely different person.

Leia's soft, innocent, and soothing voice nearly crushed Rey. The general had no idea what Rey had just done to her son. Leia had looked at her so indifferently, it was easy to tell that she hadn't a clue who she was looking at. Rey's unspoken actions made her seem like a twisted person with no sense of morality. And perhaps she was.

Maybe it was her turn to be the monster.