Despite the unhinged contempt that I felt for what I saw yesterday, I still came to school on Monday. Each hour, every minute, scraped by like nails on a chalkboard. I stayed quiet, not listening to any lectures or instructions for assignments.
After lunch came seventh period, where we had a pop quiz in algebra.
Every question made little sense. I formerly understood every concept that this class taught me, but in the moment, all I saw was numbers and letters with lines between them.
I started to grip at my hair.
"Five more minutes," the Teacher reminded.
Did it go by that quickly?
I was still on question one, asking myself why I can't make it through.
My hand started to shake as it held my pen.
It started tapping on the page, rapidly increasing as I gritted my teeth, my stress building up under my lack of knowledge and the time crunch.
"Anon?"
I looked up. My teacher was bent over in front of my desk, worryingly staring at me along with all the other students, turned in their desks.
One of the desks was empty.
"Is everything okay?"
I lied, "yes..."
"Are you sure? I can send you to the nurse if you want."
"I'm fi-"
I was cut off by the sound of the bell ringing. It was time for me to go to the literature club.
Without a thought, I left my desk and exited the classroom.
I can get by with just one zero on my grade.
I made my way to the literature club classroom and opened the door.
Nobody else was there. I sat down, assuming that showing up early was easier than confronting them later on.
I got out my sketchbook and began to draw a flower.
Without visually noticing, Natsuki came in, followed by Yuri.
I didn't see them, but I could tell by the sound of their footsteps that they felt nervous while coming in. They moved forwards, backwards, whispered to each other, then sat down, Natsuki taking a front row seat while Yuri sat right next to me.
As minor as I felt their presence, it affected my sketching. The perspective was a little wonky.
"What do you want?"
I didn't mean to sound bitter, but I hadn't talked all day.
"I.. uhh..."
God dammit, stop stuttering and form a clear sentence around me for gods sake.
"I wanted to see if we could read together again.."
"Oh, I already finished the book."
I had nothing else to do yesterday.
Without moving my head from the view of my drawing, I fished the book out of my backpack and held to up to my right, where I knew Yuri was sitting.
I knew that she felt defeated as I felt the novel escape my loose grip.
The rest of the class was quiet. It's as if everyone knew what I saw.
I looked up and saw Monika at the teacher's desk, as per usual.
Closing my sketchbook, I walked up to her. She looked up at me with worried eyes.
"I'm going home. I don't feel well."
After heading for the door and touching the knob, I felt a hand grip my wrist.
"Wait..."
"I said."
I pulled my hand away.
As I looked over my shoulder, Monika held a piece of paper towards me, folded up in her hand.
She and the other girls were mellowly looking directly at me, full eye contact.
"I'm going home."
I took the note from her and left, exiting the building and slowly walking down the street to my house. I felt nothing from that meeting. I wasn't even sure if I wanted to stay at the literature club anymore.
Without thought, I was in front of my bed. I laid down for the rest of the evening, still in my school uniform. Even after I drifted off and woke up multiple times, I refused to move.
I didn't open the note.
It's clear what it was about before I even read it, just some elaborate apology or condolences over Sayori. I didn't need those kind of meaningless words.
What was there to apologize for?
I didn't care anymore.
No, I don't care anymore.
I feel like I don't even want to live anymore.