Trust
Finn hated the First Order just as much as everyone else, if not more. Being a Stormtrooper his whole life had taught him just how cruel they could be. They were a reigning superpower that resembled what the Galactic Empire once was. Finn had seen this first hand, having spent his whole life on the inside, obeying orders and enduring harsh treatment. He had been merely another one of the First Order's puppets.
Although the First Order needed them, Stormtroopers were expendable. They could be sent out to do the dirty work and not have any repercussions. The First Order made Finn and millions of others feel like nobodies. Like they didn't exist.
But not Rey.
Running into Rey on Jakku was one of the best things to ever happen to him. For the first time in his life, he wasn't looked at like he was a waste of space. Ever since then, Finn's life has changed for the better.
Rey was the first person Finn had ever been able to depend on.
That's why he was elated to see her zooming towards the base in an escape pod. Having just been informed by Chewie about Rey coming back, Finn had been keeping a lookout for her ever since he arrived on Crait.
While everyone else was busy setting up camp, Finn sprinted over to the pod containing Rey the second that she landed in the hangar. After pulling the hatch open and calling her name, he found himself wrapped up in a hug with her.
The last time he saw Rey, she was lying unconscious in the snow on Starkiller Base as he attempted to fight Kylo Ren. Knowing that she was okay made him not want to let go.
Her first words were, "I missed you."
Smiling to himself, Finn couldn't stop a snicker from coming out.
When they pulled away from each other, something about her seemed a little off.
The first indication was the bloodshot eyes that looked as though she hadn't slept in days. As Finn finally got a good look at her, it was easy to tell that she wasn't the same Rey he was used to seeing. Her exhausted look didn't suit her one bit. She looked nervous and fidgety as she checked out the base they were located in. The short glimpse Finn had managed to get of her eyes had shown him that that hopeful, optimistic look had been replaced by something else. A look of foreboding seemed to have taken refuge in her eyes and she kept a tense stance as she turned back towards him.
In a small voice, Rey asked, "Is this really all that's left?"
Even though it had simply been a question, it still struck a nerve with Finn. He and Rose could have saved everyone.
"There are a few people in the command room, but yes."
Had Finn trusted Admiral Holdo, the Resistance would have successfully managed to escape. But like almost everything else in life, things went sideways. Their code-breaker from Canto Bight saw the opportunity to escape and sold out the Resistance, leaving Finn partially responsible for the deaths of many rebels.
Clearing his mind of those self-loathing thoughts, Finn took a long look at Rey. Her old, dirty scavenger outfit was gone, replaced by a much cleaner set of clothes. The signature three buns she usually sported were gone, letting her dark hair fall past her shoulders; a look Finn wasn't used to seeing on her. It was hard to tell she had lived in a wasteland her whole life.
Upon further inspection, Finn spotted a fresh wound on her arm.
Suddenly concerned, he asked, "What happened to your arm?"
The next thing he knows, Rey is telling him that she got into a fight with Kylo Ren. A million questions ran through his head. Finn managed to ask a few of them before deciding not to bombard her with more. She did just get here, after all.
Rey answered his spew of questions anyway. Learning that she had been on the Supremacy at the same him and Rose was quite a shock to him.
"Oh."
"Yeah," she replied with a timid voice.
Finn took a moment to contemplate what had happened. How did she get on Snoke's ship? What became of Luke Skywalker? Where was he?
So caught up in his many thoughts, he almost didn't catch Rey asking about what destroyed the First Order's fleet.
Finn answered honestly, telling her that he had no idea.
When Rey questioned why, Finn was ready to dive into an explanation of what he and Rose were up to. However, he was abruptly cut off when General Organa stepped out of the command.
He didn't miss the fact that Rey tensed up when she saw the princess.
Beckoning both of them inside, the general walked into the command with Rey and Finn following suit.
Stepping inside, Finn watched as everybody welcomed Rey back.
Shortly after, everyone gathered around what instruments they had left to use and began a debriefing.
Finn was informed of what he missed while on his mission. Apparently, Admiral Holdo had gone lightspeed through the entire First Order's fleet. Before, Finn hadn't been too fond of Holdo, but he was now grateful. Her sacrifice saved the Resistance. She also had saved him from being painfully executed.
General Organa began to list the supplies they had, the headcount, and other information, as Finn directed his attention directed elsewhere.
He noticed that Rey hadn't spoken much. Her gaze lingered on everything but the people around her, almost as though she were afraid of them. Something about the expression on her face said that she really didn't want to be there.
As though Leia was thinking the same thing as Finn, she spoke directly to Rey. "How was your trip? How's Luke?"
Rey didn't meet the general's eyes.
"He's not coming back."
Everyone, Finn included, had not expected that response. A brutal silence fell over the room.
The remaining rebels kept their eyes glued to the former scavenger, hoping she would elaborate, but were disappointed when she turned and left the scene. Just like everyone else, Finn watched in shock as Rey walked out, looking tired and frustrated.
Finn looked back at Leia to find a slight frown on her face along with a defeated stare directed at the ground.
Whatever happened to Rey, she clearly didn't want to talk about it. At least not in front of the general. Finn had seen her during the meeting. Not once did Rey even glance in the direction of the leader of the Resistance. It's like she made a conscious effort not to. Something was definitely bothering her.
Maybe she didn't want to talk, but Finn found himself trying to catch up with Rey as she walked towards the Falcon.
"Rey!" he called out, stopping her at the entrance to the freighter.
She over her shoulder at him. "What is it, Finn?"
Sensing her annoyance, Finn stuttered, "Wh– what are you doing?"
"I need some time alone."
"You just arrived. Now you're taking the Falcon?" Finn feared she was leaving.
Suddenly, Rey gave a small smile and shook her head. "No, I'm not leaving."
Dramatically placing a hand over his heart, Finn said, "Oh, you had me worried there for a second."
Rey shook her again. "No, it's okay. I just," she frowned, "need some time to think."
"About what?"
She didn't answer.
Finn's brain instantly jumped to about a hundred different conclusions. Voicing one of them, he asked, "You seemed pretty uncomfortable back there. Is it about Luke?"
"Not exactly."
"Did something happen to him? Is he in trouble? Should we–"
"Don't worry about Luke, he's fine," Rey interrupted. She sighed. "He's just not what I thought he'd be…"
Finn nodded his head in understanding.
After a short while, Rey broke the silence and asked, "Do you trust me?"
Caught off guard by the heavy question, he gave spluttered, "Y– yeah. Yes, I do."
She looked at him skeptically.
"I trust you, Rey," Finn repeated. "More than anyone."
He didn't have to lie to her. It was true. This girl in front of him had shown Finn what it really meant to have a friend. It was almost ridiculous to even ask him if he trusted her.
Seeming uncomfortable, Rey said softly, "I'm going to tell you something."
Leaning in, Finn gave her his full attention. If he needed to trust her for whatever she was about to say, it must be important.
Rey shifted slightly. "I– I did something. Something horrible."
Finn hadn't a clue where this was going. "What?" he asked. "What did you do?"
She remained silent and looked away.
Before Finn could nag her any further, Rey reached down into her pocket and pulled out an object she clearly wanted to keep hidden. Finn's eyes landed on a lightsaber. He almost asked why she was presenting it to him until he got a good look at it.
It wasn't Luke's.
Recognizing the protruding cylinders from the tip, Finn realized he was looking at Kylo Ren's infamous triple-threat lightsaber.
Looking back at Rey in astonishment, he stammered "Did you– did you kill him?" This would certainly be cause for celebration if she had managed to kill Kylo Ren. She held the very same lightsaber that had created the ugly scar on his back.
"No."
Finn frowned. "No?"
"No. I didn't."
Confusion clouded Finn's mind. If Rey hadn't killed Kylo Ren, how did she end up with his weapon? Rey certainly could have stolen it, but why would that have her so worked up? Nothing made any sense.
"I didn't kill him, I– er," she struggled to speak.
"It's okay, Rey," Finn prodded her on. "You can trust me."
"I know that," she replied as if it were obvious. "But can you trust me?"
Finn didn't understand. "We've been through this. Of course I do."
Just like that, the floodgates opened.
Keeping her eyes downward and avoiding Finn's stare, Rey started. "I didn't kill him, even though I had the chance. I could've. I should've. The opportunity to save millions of lives by taking one was right in front of me." She paused and took a breath. "When I stood over him with the saber in my hand, I found myself angry. Not just at him, but everything. I didn't even try to stop myself from giving into that anger. I– I cut off his hand."
Well, that certainly wasn't what Finn had been expecting. Sure it was a cruel thing to do, but it wasn't horrible. Finn certainly wouldn't mind taking a swing at the evil apprentice's arm should the occasion arise. That man had nearly killed him. He failed to see why she was so ashamed.
Finn tried to offer some consolation. "Well, that doesn't sound that bad. He could just get a prosthetic–"
Rey's head snapped up and she met his eyes. "No, you don't understand."
She was right; Finn really didn't.
"I didn't just cut Kylo Ren's hand off," continued Rey as though it physically hurt to speak, "I tortured him while doing so. It was as though I was trying to make it as painful as possible for him. He started screaming and thrashing around, but I just kept going. Until it was over, not once did it cross my mind to stop."
Finn remained silent.
Rey's voice had gradually reduced to a near whisper. "Not only did I torture him, I almost killed another using the Force. General Hux walked in, and– and I choked him…"
The image of Rey bringing Hux near death startled him. Not so much because she almost killed him, but because of the way she did it. Finn had heard stories about using the Force to choke someone to death. It was a sadistic and twisted thing to do, performed only by users of the Dark Side of the Force. The last person to have done it was Darth Vader himself…
"Do you still trust me?"
Snapping out of his reverie, Finn found Rey's pleading eyes trained on him.
Finally, Finn figured it out. The uncomfortable looks, the silence, not meeting anyone's eyes; this was the source. She didn't even trust herself. Finn knew something was up right from the start.
Torturing someone wasn't something you do every day, especially someone like Rey. Along with her barbaric use of the Force, she had caused a lot of pain. It didn't matter that she had done it to two of the most hated people in the galaxy; they were still people. Plus, if her anger had really driven her actions, what would she do next time?
Staring back into those guilty eyes, Finn found that he couldn't answer the question.
A/N: I'm not quite sure how long I'll make this story, but I do have a sense of where it's going. If you're still here, thanks for making it this far! These first few chapters probably haven't been the easiest thing to read, but it will get better. Thank you for the reviews, but note that I'm open to any suggestions for future chapters.