Disclaimer: I do not own Kingdom Hearts. This is a not-for-profit fanwork.

XII.

Lies

The idea was so ridiculous Demyx actually laughed.

"Your heart is still fractured," Luxord's Somebody continued. "We're approaching a tipping point. It may heal, it may shatter entirely. They might use that to control you."

He put a hand on his hip. "Oh really? How?"

He looked at the top card on his deck. "They might give you dreams. Memories to chase."

"Look, frankly, I don't give a fuck about what happens with… with Xehanort. I just want to figure out what the hell is going to happen to me." His voice came sharp.

Luxord's Somebody's gaze was neutral. "You ever wonder why they stopped calling you Demyx? Even though you asked?"

He said nothing.

"That extra letter we all carried in our names meant something. At the time we thought it was all just a symbol of brotherhood. But it's the Recusant's Sigil. It's what he uses to track what's his."

A sharp burst of adrenaline ran through him. "So he's tracking me? At all times?"

"I'm not sure of the specifics. But it's why they don't take risks saying your name more than they have to." He showed Demyx a hand, the full suite of nines. "It would make sense if they still planned to use you."

His voice trembled when he said, "If you're so sure, then what would they use me for?"

"Well, you're close with the resistance, are you not? Are you not currently in a position that could jeopardize the lives of all of the people in this city? Everyone needs clean drinking water…" Shuffling again.

"This is stupid!" Demyx shouted. "You're wrong. You have to be."

"My boy, I wish I were," he said. He smiled sadly. "But now that you know… we might be able to prevent it yet. Or use it to our advantage. I'm not sure how."

"And of course everyone knew but me," he spat.

"Why did you think this happened to you?" he asked. "Really, why? They told you it was Xehanort. It never occurred to you?"

Demyx felt nauseous. "I thought I wasn't worth anything to him. I thought he was trying to get rid of me permanently because… because…" He pulled his hands through his hair. "Because—" His chest was tight and searing and his vision had gone blurry. He didn't think; he ran.

He made it to the edge of the construction site before he had to stop for breath. He leaned against the cool stone wall.

Questions bounced off the inside of his head. Was anything he'd remembered real and true? How much power did Xehanort have over his memories? Luxord's Somebody had talked about possibilities, but every time someone brought up possibilities around here they were accepted as fact.

Was he being tracked at all moments, or sporadically? Did Xehanort know what he was doing or thinking? Well, maybe not, because sometimes Xemnas had had difficulty tracking members of the Organization. Maybe he was a little bit safe—

He was an animal trapped in a cage. A time bomb. And if he was a sleeper agent? Was that a path to instant Nortification? Or was he nothing more than a pawn? Would he have any control? Would he lose it at any moment?

I'm losing it now. His hands trembled at his sides.

"Hey mister, are you—oh. It's just you." Yuffie's voice, sharp and shrill, cut into him. Demyx heard Yuffie jump down. "What the hell is wrong with you? You look…" she raised an eyebrow.

"Leave me alone," he hissed through his teeth.

"You're a mess. And because I'm good at my job, I'm going to help you." She took a step closer to him.

"I said leave me alone."

Yuffie put a hand on her hip. "Do I even want to ask what happened?"

His legs were still burning from the exertion of his mad dash and he focused on the pain.

"Did they turn you out, or something?"

His eyes burned, and he tried to restrain the tears, but they overflowed anyway. "Go away," he said.

"And let you get snapped up by some Heartless? They breed right around here, you know. I'd never hear the end of it." She crossed her arms. "Wait, are you… crying?"

"Fuck," he spat. He waited for her further insults, but she said nothing of the sort.

"…Look," she said after a long moment. "I heard about what you did with Sora. That was… good." She nodded, as if to convince herself.

Demyx tried to quell the shaking.

"It doesn't make up for what you did before, of course. You're not off the hook. But you're not all bad." Her words fell a little flat. She sighed. "I'm trying to be nice to you."

"You're shitty at it," he said. His voice trembled.

"So sue me." She swung her shuriken idly. "What is it this time? A memory?"

"No," he said. A weighty hopelessness began to crush out the panic. "No, it's…" how did he even explain? More importantly, did he want to? She already hated him, so why give her more fuel? "It doesn't matter."

She raised an eyebrow. "Really?"

"I don't want to talk about it and I know you don't really care. So please drop it." He spoke too quickly. She looked down and tapped the handle of her blade. For a fraction of a second she looked almost… sorry.

"Do you want to see him?" Yuffie asked. "Sora."

"Why would I want to do that?" Demyx asked.

"He's been asking for you. He feels bad."

"…Why?"

"I don't know, it's Sora."

Demyx weighed his options. He could either return to a castle full of liars, or go talk to his murderer. "…All right."

They didn't talk much as they walked over to her house. She swung her shuriken back and forth absently and waved to a couple of people, but otherwise her gaze was unreadable. Demyx's eyes were still hot and he poked at the swollen skin underneath them. He knew how he must look—hair a mess, not even dressed in real clothes, red-eyed and pale—and thought about turning back. But where would he go?

"Well, well, well, look! The Great Ninja Yuffie! And… you." Lea was leaning upon one of the walls by Merlin's house. His sly smile quickly turned into a look of confusion. "What—"

"Hey Lea!" Yuffie said with sudden cheer. Demyx hardly thought it was fair that she forgave him for everything he'd done in his Nobody days. "Whatcha doing?"

"What else? Waiting around for the hero. Somebody's got to teach that kid about punctuality." He wasn't wearing the coat, instead jeans and red.

"You're one to talk." She punched him lightly on the arm.

"Anyway, if you're looking for him, he's off visiting his storybook friends. Kid's got a bit of a queue. He's been out of commission for a few days, and now he's catching up. So take a number." He shrugged.

Yuffie frowned. "Well, he asked for him," she jabbed a thumb in Demyx's direction. "And it's almost time for me to go on rounds."

Demyx was too tired to be angry at his exclusion from the conversation.

"I'll hang with him," Lea said. "You go on ahead."

"Sure." She shrugged. "See you around, I guess." She waved and took off just a little bit too fast.

"You don't need to babysit me," Demyx said.

"Well, we sorta do, bud, after that stunt. You alright? You look terrible."

He hesitated.

Lea stood up and waved a hand. "Come with me. I'm sure you weren't looking forward to seeing Sora anyway, right?"

Lea led him deeper through town to the sixth sector, which was considerably more run-down and depopulated than where Aerith and Yuffie lived. Some of the buildings were in ruin; there seemed to be an exact dividing line right down the center. Demyx shuddered as he thought of all the people that might have once been in those homes…

Lea's house was one of the ones that were in better shape, though some of its windows had been replaced with boards. "Home sweet home," he said. "Come right on in."

The house was the same size as Aerith and Yuffie's, but almost completely devoid of furniture and knick-knacks. There was a battered navy blue couch in the living room, along with a card table and two folding chairs. A light brown carpet covered the floor and the walls were bare, aside from some built-in shelving that had a few scant possessions. Demyx noted some empty potion bottles, two battered books, a handful of seashells, and a single popsicle stick with "WINNER" emblazoned on one end. Demyx went to ask why he still kept it, but Lea had disappeared into the kitchen.

"Make yourself comfortable," he said. He came back with a bottle of amber liquid and two mugs. "You game?" He gestured to the bottle.

He hadn't had a drink in months, and it was probably a terrible idea, so he said, "Sure."

Lea poured them both out a generous amount. He handed one of the mugs to Demyx and drank deeply from his own, then sank against the couch. Demyx sat on the floor and found the carpet surprisingly comfortable. The liquor burned his throat and nose, but he found the feeling pleasant, and warmth gathered in his belly. "So," Lea said. "How have you been?"

"I don't know how to answer that question," Demyx said. He finished the rest of the drink and pulled his knees to his chest. "What about you?"

"I know what you mean." Lea looked at his empty mug. "It's confusing out there. And drop-dead terrifying. It's strange, not to fight in the shadows."

"Do you like working with Sora?"

Lea poured himself another drink and offered some more to Demyx. "It's different than I thought it would be," he admitted. "Something's changed in him. He's taking things a lot more seriously, doing a lot more on his own. I don't know what happened to him after the Mark of Mastery. Oh boy. Now that was interesting." He frowned.

"Wasn't that when you got your Keyblade?" His skin was warm, and he was feeling a little dizzy. Was this what it felt like to be drunk? He realized—with a start—that he didn't actually know. His power had always neutralized everything too quickly. How strong was this stuff, anyway?

"Oh, yeah. That." There was no pride in his expression, but a detachment. "Sometimes…" he began, but he didn't finish the sentence, only drank some more.

Demyx waited for him to finish the thought.

"What happened to you?" Lea asked. "Why were you so upset?"

He didn't want to think about it, but he felt sick to his core; all the pleasant tipsiness was gone. "Why did you all lie to me about my name?" he asked.

Lea exhaled. "What were we supposed to do? Let's be real, buddy. You're a mess. We were worried that finding out would only make things worse. The vessels' hands are everywhere, in everything."

"There's other stuff they know about me. I know there is," he hedged. "Maybe you guys are trying to protect me, whatever. But I have a right to know."

"Is that what you and Ten were talking about?" It was so strange to hear Lea, of all people, referring to Luxord's Somebody that way.

"He thinks Xehanort might use me as a sleeper agent against the resistance." He finished off his second drink. "What's worse, I believe him."

"You do?"

"I think so." He trembled. "It… it makes sense… the argument."

Lea looked away, thinking hard. "I'm sorry about all this."

Demyx shook his head. "Can I have some more?"

"Maybe you shouldn't. This stuff is pretty strong, and you're not used to it." Lea capped the bottle.

"What am I going to do?" he asked. "Oh, shit."

Lea took out a cigarette and began to smoke. "We don't know what's going to happen for sure. Don't worry just yet."

"But what if they're right? What if that does happen? I don't want to hurt anybody. Not anymore."

"It won't happen," Lea said through a mouthful of smoke. "We won't let it happen."

Demyx didn't ask him to clarify what he meant.

Lea offered him a cigarette. For a while, they smoked in silence. "I thought Sora would be more like him," he admitted.

"Like Ro—Thirteen?" Demyx asked.

Lea sighed. "It's not the same. I thought it would almost be."

Demyx squinted through dim memories. Roxas was always kind, quiet, and friendly. He had actually exploited his good work ethic a number of times. There was something about Roxas—some kind of glimmer—that made everyone around him nearly feel something. It was no wonder that Lea had abandoned the rest of them for that kind of friendship. He remembered having felt a shadow of jealousy. "Are we bad people?" he asked suddenly.

"What the hell are you talking about?"

"We did bad things in the Organization. We hurt people."

Lea seemed irritated. "Demyx, you're drunk."

"It's true," he insisted. A seeping hopelessness was filling him from head to toe. "I did bad things for him before. And now I could do them again without a choice. What do I do?"

Lea shook his head and looked out the window. "It's getting dark," he said. "I think you might be stuck here for the night."

Demyx looked out one of the few windows. The sun had set, covering the district in a blue sheet. Without people, it was eerily quiet, and the knot of anxiety in his stomach tightened.

"Look," Lea said after a tense moment. "The shit that happened in the past—it's over now. There's nothing we can do about it but try to be better. You understand?"

Sorry for the late update, I've been ill and forgot until this morning.