Disclaimer: Same as always.
A/N #1: Thanks, as always, to everyone who has been reading this so far! This is the first part of a two-parter, so this may or may not end on a bit of a cliffhanger. Not the happiest oneshot; in fact, this one is pretty angsty. This was one of those ideas that wouldn't leave me alone so I wrote it. Hope you enjoy it. I've added a second A/N at the end.
Rating: K+
The day Clara was born was one of the best days of Emma and Killian's lives. One of the worst days of their lives happened four years later. It was the day that Clara ran away from home.
It'd been a tough week on the nightmare front. Clara had had one every night. It was one of the weeks where Henry was at Regina's which had been both a blessing and a shame. A blessing because at least it meant that Henry had been spared from the horribleness of the week. A shame because his presence can help calm his sisters down and this week they could've used him.
Catalina especially could have used her big brother. Sometimes they get lucky and Catalina miraculously sleeps through Clara's screams, but it's bad when she doesn't. She worries about her sister so much. If it's a week when Henry's there, he'll tend to her while Emma and Killian comfort Clara. This is important, especially during those nights when Clara needs both of her parents.
Emma and Killian, meanwhile, feel like the worst parents in all of the realms. It doesn't seem like they're able to help either one of their girls. Clara had screamed so much that week that her voice was hoarse and there'd been times when Catalina had cried silent tears by herself because she thought Clara needed their parents more. Emma and Killian feel so damn useless and it's unbearable.
It got to be too much one night. They'd put both girls to bed and like all the other nights this week, stayed with Clara until she fell asleep. They kissed her goodnight and crept out of her bedroom, desperately hoping that she might sleep through the night this time.
Emma was despondent at they headed back downstairs and went to sit on their living room couch. They sat in silence for a long time. "It'll be okay." Killian said finally, gently rubbing her back. He'd lost count of how many times he'd said those words that week. He knew they weren't enough, but he said them anyway in the vain hope that they might make Emma feel even slightly better.
He knew they didn't. Not after this week. Not when they were both running on empty and exhausted. Not when they're both so incredibly worried about Clara.
"Will it?" Emma asked him, tears in her eyes. "Will it really be okay? The nightmares are getting worse. Nothing we do helps and now my magic's not working."
It was true. They'd long since learned that Emma's control over her magic slips whenever she's overly emotional or tired and lately she'd been both. "It'll come back. It always comes back," he said, soothingly. "You need to get more sleep."
"We all need more sleep." She leaned against him, her head coming to rest on his shoulder. "But I think we both know we won't get it. I won't be able to sleep well until Clara does."
"She's sleeping now," he reminded her.
"Yeah, but for how long? How long before the next dream starts?" She sniffled as she tried to snuggle closer to him. "What do you think it'll be tonight? What do you think those damn monsters will do to her tonight? Huh?"
Emma knew getting all worked up won't help anything, but she couldn't stop herself. "Do you think they'll try to drown her tonight? Or maybe they'll throw her in a pit and throw dirt on her. Maybe there's some new horror they haven't inflicted on her yet!"
It's not enough that Killian felt like a sorry excuse for a father these days; lately he'd been feeling like a sorry excuse for a husband as well. He couldn't seem to help any of his girls; neither his daughters, nor his wife. "Emma." He tried because he had to try, but she ignored him.
"I don't know how much longer I can do this, Killian!" She pulled away from him suddenly, turning so she could look him in the eye. "I don't know how much longer I can stand there and watch our baby screaming for help and not be able to do anything about it! I don't know how much longer I can listen to her cry and not be able to comfort her! It's killing me!"
"Emma."
"It's killing me." This time she said it in a whisper. The burst of energy faded as quickly as it had come. "I hate this, Killian. I hate that we can't help her."
"I know." He tugged her back into his arms, guiding her head back to his shoulder as she dissolved into tears. "I know, my love. I hate it too."
Unbeknownst to either of them, Clara was on the stairs listening. She'd woken up and had slipped out of her bedroom to ask her parents for some water. Her throat hurt so much. But she heard her parents talking and decided not to say anything. Tears filled her eyes as she listened to Emma cry.
She knows that her parents and big brother and sister are worried about her dreams. She didn't want them to worry so she tried to think about happy things at night before she fell asleep. She tried wishing her bad dreams away, but it didn't work. Nothing's worked. She knows that she's the reason her mommy was crying. She knows that she's the reason her daddy was so upset.
She knows that she's nothing more than a burden.
Except that she's isn't. Neither of her parents would ever call her that. Would ever think that. She is their baby, one of their precious little girls and they wouldn't trade her away for anything. They love her so much, more than either of them could ever properly express.
But Clara didn't know that.
What she did know is that she's not like the rest of her family. She knew that she was different because so many people have taught her that she was and that that wasn't okay. She knows that there's something wrong with her. The dreams only proved it.
Catalina didn't get dreams like hers. Catalina's bad dreams don't cause her to start screaming and not be able to stop. She doesn't go into complete hysterics after she has one. Clara would give anything to be like her big sister. But she's not.
She's broken.
She's nothing more than a broken burden with bad dreams. Her family would be better off without her in it. She knows they would. It broke her heart, but that didn't make it any less true.
Except that it, of course, wasn't true. It couldn't be farther from the truth, in fact. But she didn't know that.
So she forced herself to get up and creep back to her bedroom. She waited until she heard her parents coming up the stairs. She turned so she was facing her window and pretended to be asleep. She knew that they'd check on her before they went to bed and sure enough, she soon heard her bedroom door open.
"There you see?" It was her daddy's voice. He was talking softly so he wouldn't wake her. "She's fast asleep."
"Sleep well, baby." That was Mommy.
"We love you, Clara," Daddy again.
I love you, Daddy, she thought, tears streaking silently down her face. I love you, Mommy. I'll miss you.
Her door closed and several seconds later she heard her parents' bedroom door open and close. She stayed in her bed for a few more minutes, just in case. Then, when she was sure that the coast was clear, slipped back out. She grabbed Jolly and then snuck out of her room.
She paused for a moment to look at her sister's bedroom door. She was going to miss her sister too. She was going to miss them all so much. "I love you, Lina," she whispered. "Goodbye."
Clara looked sadly at her parents' bedroom door before tiptoeing down the stairs and over to the side door which she's figured out how to unlock. She made sure to close the door behind her. And then quietly slipped away into the night.
A/N#2: In regards to whether or not a 4 year old running away is realistic, all I can say is that it definitely does happen. I've come across real life stories of children as young as 3 sneaking out of their homes. Kids can be shockingly resourceful. A kid who has a pirate and a magic wielder for parents would likely be more so. It's safe to say that Clara is not exactly a typical child. As far as how she gets where she ends up, that'll be explained later on. ;)