Ranma no Kagakusha.
I do not own Ranma one half.
Well apparently I didn't explain myself very well. Or you all hate me. On with the story that no one bothered to review!
(S)
'Ranma looks really anxious this morning' Akane noticed. She had completely forgotten about yesterday's incident, but had stored away the emotions it caused in case Ranma did anything else "perverted"
"Ranma, is anything wrong?" Kasumi asked, provoking Soun to glance at the table, both in curiosity and amazement at Kasumi being this perceptive. When he saw Ranma he could recognize Kasumi's worry, Ranma was past sweating bullets and fast approaching muttering to inanimate objects in a dark corner. When Soun looked closer he saw Ranma clutching a small piece of paper in his left hand.
"What do you have there son?" Soun asked, walking over to Ranma and pointing at the offending hand.
Ranma jumped, high, not even noticing Soun until he had pointed at him, Ranma yelled, clearly unable to control the volume of his voice, "No! You can't know about it! Something bad will happen!"
Ranma hit the ceiling and fell. When he righted himself he apologized profusely to it and bolted out the front entranceway.
This had taken all of twenty seconds. The Tendo family stood/sat in shock while Genma, in panda form, ambled downstairs, just waking up after shaking his hangover.
-What's everyone staring at?- The sign read. It's a pity no one was facing Genma, or it might have snapped them out of it. As such, it took him several minutes to rouse them and several more to get what happened out of them, giving Ranma an enormous lead on them. That, combined with the fact that no one except Nabiki, who was still asleep, knew where Ranma might be, forced them to just sit and wait until either Ranma came back, or Nabiki awoke.
(S)
Ranma had calmed down significantly now that he was away from everyone he knew. He glanced down at the source of his woe, a small piece of card with badly scrawled kanji all over it, reminiscent of one of Genma's panda signs. It read -Meet me at the park closest to Furinkan on this date. -Under that was today's date. And on the back there was more -If you tell anyone before we meet, something bad might happen.-
Ranma had gotten this letter three months ago in the mail. At first it was nothing, just another challenge from another rival. He trained a bit more than usual in the following weeks but didn't think much of it; and then jusendo happened. Akane almost dying put a lot of thoughts into his head; this new challenger could be out to kill one of his friends. The very thought gave him nightmares. He guarded the letter so closely even Nabiki didn't have a clue about it, and he tried his best to act normally so that his odd behavior didn't give him away. But the night before, he had had a particularly bad dream, a mix of his neko-ken dreams and the ones of jusendo, except instead of Saffron, a formless shadow held Akane captive, standing tall over a rocky field, splattered with blood and littered with the eviscerated corpses of Ranma's rivals and friends, family and fiancées.
Adding to Ranma's nervousness was the fact that when he awoke from his mallet induced slumber yesterday evening, Nabiki started questioning him, asking if he had seen anyone strange, or if anyone had approached him lately. When he asked her why she wanted to know she told him it was none of his business and pressed him for more answers.
Ranma shook these thoughts out of his head and realized he was approaching the park where he was to meet his new foe. He stopped and steeled himself, preparing for the worst, and then ran in through the main path.
(S)
The man he was to meet was sitting on a bench in the exact center of the same park; eating the remnants of the sushi he had purchased yesterday, an identical meal sitting beside him. The park was rarely ever used because of its proximity to the high school, even in the summer when no one attended the dreaded building. He heard someone heading in his direction at an amazingly fast clip, and when he looked it was the very boy he had come here to see.
"Ranma! How good it is to finally meet you…?" he said, finishing with apparent confusion as Ranma slipped into a very serious looking offensive stance.
He slipped two fingers of his right hand into his sleeve to grasp a carefully concealed pull string. When Ranma leapt into action with blurring speed he tugged on the string and the weights he had attached to him fell to the ground, emitting a blinding flash and a cloud of smoke from hidden vents in the sides when they hit the ground. This gave the man, who was significantly lighter on his feet without the weights attached to him, ample opportunity to escape Ranma's initial attack.
While Ranma recovered from his surprise and waited for the smoke to clear his opponent called out to him.
"Is that the way you greet a stranger? If I didn't know any better I would think you were trying to kill me."
"Maybe I am." Ranma snapped before he realized what he was saying.
"So ready to take another's life are we? Are you prepared for the consequences?" the man asked.
This gave Ranma some pause as he wondered what the man was talking about, "Are you?" he answered.
"When did I say I was planning on killing somebody? Has someone been spreading lies about me? It wouldn't be the first time." The man laughed at his own joke, obviously reminiscing about a long ago time.
"I don't even know you, I got this letter awhile ago telling me to be here today, and then you address me. Explain that!" Ranma said heatedly as he tossed the note to the man, adrenaline rushing through him after the aborted battle.
"Well the letter was mine but, from the sounds of it, it wasn't that side of the letter that upset you. Maybe I should be a bit clearer next time, for the sake of my good health." Again the man laughed a hearty, but strangely childlike, laugh and threw the note back to Ranma.
"What are you talking about?" Ranma asked while catching the note, thoroughly confused by now.
"Well, the other side of the note said 'don't tell anyone or something bad will happen' am I right?" he continued at Ranma's nod, "the bad thing would have been that I mightn't have gotten to meet with you. Now, can you tell me how that translated into me wanting to kill you? Or anyone for that matter."
"Well… earlier this year, after you sent this note, one of my friends was kidnapped and almost killed to get to me…" Ranma was about to say more when the man silenced him with a hand.
"And the 'something bad will happen' took on a deadly new meaning, right?" the man finished for him with a concerned look on his face.
Ranma, by now feeling strangely endeared to the man, nodded slightly, and was amazed when the man reached over and squeezed his shoulder like one would to a distraught family member.
"I'm terribly sorry Ranma, for making you worry so much. I'm so very terribly sorry." The man let him go, feeling him stiffen, a sure sign he wasn't used to such caring treatment, "Now that we have that cleared up, allow me to introduce myself, I am Nathan Lesley, and I am extremely pleased to meet a martial artist of your caliber." Nathan held out his hand.
Ranma snapped out of his shock in time to respond, "Ranma Saotome, heir to the Saotome branch of the Anything Goes style of martial arts." Ranma bowed and then looked at the hand wonderingly.
Nathan realized his mistake and withdrew his hand while bowing formally, "I'm sorry, it's just a custom from where I come from to shake hands."
"How does it work?" Ranma inquired.
"Oh it's rather simple really, stick out your hand." Ranma complied and the man clasped hands with him, "Then, both people steadily move their hands up and down, about three inches each way." He said as he went through the movements.
"Odd." Ranma noted.
"People everywhere have extremely different customs, I know quite a few people who think bowing is odd, too formal, and takes too much time." Nathan explained, "Bowing is good when you are required to be formal, handshakes are for relaxed encounters. I'll tell you something else, when people don't particularily like each other, but want to look like they do, they will give a special kind of handshake, where they grip with all of their strength to test the others mettle. Like this" he took Ranma's hand again and started squeezing, Ranma's eyes opened wide in surprise at the strength he felt, nowhere near his own, but past his fathers.
"Wow, you could probably beat my pops in a sparring match." Ranma exclaimed.
Nathan snorted, "Doubtful, I don't practice the art at all. I might be stronger than him, but he can undoubtedly do things that are impossible for me." Ranma nodded at the wisdom in that statement.
"But how did you get that strong if you didn't practice the art?" Ranma asked.
Nathan waved to the collection of weights, unnoticed since their impromptu fight, "Each of those have been attached to me for a long time, and before that I had weights ten pounds lighter than that, and before them, ones even lighter than that, I have been weight training since I was eighteen, starting with four five pound weights, one on each wrist and ankle. I just went around all day, every day with them on until I didn't notice them anymore, and then I increased the weight. Right now, each of those fifty weights weighs two pounds, adding one hundred pounds to my overall weight. I have another set that I sleep in that weigh one hundred and fifty pounds; since I do less exercise I can take more weight in my sleep."
Ranma marveled at the concept, "What about that flash, and the smoke cloud?"
"A bit of protection, if someone tries to rob me or kill me, I release the weights with a string in either of my sleeves, and the weights release a bright flash and a bit of harmless smoke and I subdue the culprit. That's assuming he doesn't kill me another way, like a gun or poison." Nathan explained.
"Wow, does it work?" Ranma asked quickly.
"Well before you no one has ever seriously tried to kill me, they were too afraid of the consequences I guess. And since it worked on you I would call it a success." Nathan slapped Ranma on the back and chuckled. At first Ranma felt guilty, but the laughter soon turned infectious and Ranma had to sit down and catch his breath.
"Look at the time, I guess I don't have time to explain why I'm here today, but if you wouldn't mind, I will take you up on the offer of sparring with your father. I might not be able to beat him, but it will be fun to try." Nathan chuckled at the worried look on Ranma's face, "Come on my boy, I know where to go."
(S)
Ranma was still worried for his knew friend, they had split up about a block away from the Tendo Dojo, Nathan saying something about making an entrance. He walked slowly, pondering what would happen, and how he could keep this stranger from being severely hurt.
He arrived only three minutes before Nathan, and before anyone knew he was there he heard the challenge bell at the back of the compound being rung. He resisted the urge to go answer it, assuming this was the "entrance".
So he walked around to the back, standing near the koi pond and marveling at the strangest thing he had seen since the phoenix people. There was Nathan, which Ranma had begun to think of as a respectable gentleman, dressed in an absolutely filthy gi, stumbling around with a bottle of sake in one hand, and a long pipe in the other. He was singing off key, in what sounded like an Irish bar tune. Everyone else in the family was standing there gawking.
Nathan's voice rumbled with phlegm and warm sake as he tried to form coherent speech, "Genma Shlaotome! I challenche yoush fur yur titlesh!"
Genma immediately puffed up, ready to teach the drunkard a thing or two, "Very well, but better people than you have tried to take my title as master of anything goes." A lie, but it sounded impressive, and Genma knew from experience that when you're drunk you'll believe damn near anything.
"No, not that title! I challenche you fur tha titles ofsh tha fattesht mans in Nerimia!" Nathan laughed uproariously, which soon descended into a coughing fit, spraying mucus all over the ground, all the way up to Genma's feet.
Genma snarled and leapt to attack the obviously drunken man in what he thought would be an easy victory, but his flying leap took him right into the wall as the man swayed woozily to the right.
Genma reversed his momentum, bouncing off the wall and back into the man, preparing to hit him with a haymaker, the man, however, intercepted him with a sloppy hug. Genma was standing there in shock, supporting Nathan who was trying not to fall over.
Genma regained his senses enough to push his opponent to the ground, where he lay down splayed out and didn't bother to get back up. Genma then jumped high into the air and attempted to crush Nathan's skull with both his feet.
Genma hit the ground, kicking up a great cloud of dust. When the dust cleared, it revealed Genma standing, both feet stuck up to his ankles in dirt, next to a snoring Nathan, curled up into a loose fetal position.
Genma bent down, not bothering to remove his feet from the ground, and cocked his fist back to end this sham of a fight, when Nathan opened his eyes, stretched out and yawned.
"Jeesh, ish it time fur brekist arredy?" Nathan looked up at Genma, staring at his fist, "Shay, thanksh buddy." And then he grabbed Genma's wrist and hoisted himself up, at the same time pulling Genma down into the dirt.
"Mmm, I lovesh sake!" Nathan said, taking a big swig straight from the bottle, "Shay buddy, would ya like shome of me shake? Fur helpin me up I meansh." Nathan tossed him the bottle, from which Genma took an equally large swig, and then spewed it all over the ground.
"Bleargh, that is the worst tasting sake I've ever drank." Genma drew back his arm, and whipped the sake at the ground, the man dove for it but it smashed to pieces before he could reach it.
He simply stood back up and took another bottle from his gi, "Wells I likes it!" and he took another swig. Then holding his pipe up, he saw it had gone out and fumbled for his matchbook, when he finally struck a match and held it to the bowl of his pipe. All this time he was taking small, slow, imperceptible steps towards Genma. When the match reached the bowl he was about five feet from him, and suddenly the pipe dropped from his mouth and he blew the concealed mouthful of sake onto the tip of the match in a thin stream, turning it into a gout of flame that sent a now seared Genma running for cover.
Everyone else watched in amazement as the man's face took on a hardened look. Everyone except Ranma that is, who had figured out his friends game a long time ago and had just burst out in barely concealed laughter, rolling along the ground in imitation of his father, who was still trying to beat the flames off.
Nathan looked at Ranma and let out a booming laugh then turned back to Genma and watched as the charred man stood up glaring at him.
"Good show Genma, good show. Now lets get on to my challenge shall we?" Nathan asked, puzzling Genma out of his rage.
"What do you mean, and weren't you drunk just a second ago?" Genma growled out.
"It was an act; people have a hard time hitting you if they don't take you seriously enough." Nathan guffawed, "Now, my challenge to you was, "Who is the fattest man in Nerima?" how do you propose we settle that with a martial artist duel? I mean, me beating you, or you beating me in a battle would hardly prove which one of us is the fattest. So, how much do you weigh Genma?"
"Three hundred and twenty seven pounds!" Genma yelled out, proud in spite of himself.
"Well I guess you win then, I'm only two hundred ninety six. Goodbye!" Nathan yelled as he showed himself out.
"What was all that about dad?" Akane asked Soun, Genma was in no mood to answer questions as he was just coming to terms with the fact that this man had just proven that he was grossly overweight, especially for a martial artist.
"That man appears to be a master of drunken boxing, one of the only martial arts with more underhanded tricks than the master. I would bet he was here to prove his worth here today." Soun nodded sagely, and then adopted a goofy grin and waved to his moody friend, "Saotome, come inside, let's resume our game of shogi and celebrate! Kasumi, can you bring us the sake? Make it the finest bottle!"
"Yes father." Kasumi rushed inside, both to get the bottle and tend her forgotten dinner.
'Something to prove?' Ranma thought as he looked down at the card in his hand. The writing on it had changed, it now said. - If you would like to know more. Meet me again Tomorrow. -
(S)
There, are you happy now? No, probably not. Oh well, I'll continue to write anyway. Next chapter you will get to see why he is here. It would have been this one but I'm far too lazy.