Disclaimer: I do not own Kingdom Hearts. This is a not-for-profit fanwork.

XX.

Potential

Later that next afternoon, Yuffie showed up at the castle.

It was strange to see her there. She just walked right into the hall where they all lived, like it was her home too. He'd been sitting on the one cool spot of his bedroom floor, staring at the piano book while his eyes slowly slipped out of focus. The thought of the uneaten toast on the plate next to him made him feel sick. A weak, hot draft came through the open door, and he wiped at the sweat on the back of his neck. Her heavy footsteps startled him out of the dumb reverie.

"Oh hey," she said. She was slightly breathless.

"Uh… hi? Can I help you?" He was suddenly conscious of the fact that he was wearing only underwear and a thin T-shirt.

"Nice legs," she said.

Demyx's face burned. "I wasn't exactly expecting company." He grabbed a pair of jeans from the chair near the bed and pulled them on.

"Merlin wants to see you," she said. "I was downstairs anyway and figured I'd pass on the word. Have you seen Lea?"

"…Not in a few days." He strapped on the holster for the dagger. "Ienzo said he had something to do. Some kind of mission. I don't really know."

"He was supposed to have been back by now." She frowned.

His hair looked awful but there wasn't much he could do about it. "What did you need from him?"

"I wanted him to check on Sora."

He wondered how long it would take before Sora's name stopped giving him stabs of anxiety. "…Oh."

"I thought you two were okay, after the whole weird light thing?"

Demyx sighed. "Sure, I can stand being in the same room with the guy, but we're not friends."

She considered this and wrinkled her nose. "Let's get going," she said.

"You're coming with me?"

"I want to see what he'll do," she said. "He wanted to see you separate, and I was like… that's cool."

Despite the heat, the sweat under his arms was cold.

"Relax, if it makes you so uncomfortable, I'll go." She shrugged.

They set off towards Merlin's house. The day was impossibly hot. Demyx had never been one for the summer—maybe due to growing up in a desert and knowing there was something better-but now without full control of his powers, he felt it doubly hard. It was like the sun was hitting him down to his core. Sweat crawled along his skin and he hoped he didn't smell. "…How can you stand being out here all day?"

"Got to," Yuffie said. He noticed patches of bright pink sunburn all over her body. "I kind of like it. I dunno. Except for the blistering. That's… yuck. It sucks that nobody can go outside at night, though. When I was a kid everyone used to just sleep through the day, and party at night. We had a whole solstice festival around this time of year. Aerith talked about having one, but it would be too dangerous, you know?"

"…Festival?" Xigbar flashed through his mind's eye.

"It was pretty great," she said. "The adults would get hammered and we'd basically just eat and eat. But shit's pretty scarce right now. That was back before the drought."

"…Drought?"

"It comes and goes in cycles," she said. "I mean, there's always the off chance that something got fucked when the world came out of darkness. But we'll be okay."

"If you say so." He pushed away a nasty memory of bitter thirst as a child. He was too familiar with droughts, the way they twisted and wrung out everything, how everyone always would go on and on about how today was the day it would break.

Town was quiet. A few kids sat listlessly in the shade, unable to play. Even the few Heartless they encountered skittered away like bugs, only to get caught and vaporized in the claymore system. "Better for us," Yuffie said. "You haven't seen real action, have you?"

"No. I don't think I can."

"Oh, please. Even kids can take on little Shadows. If you want to fight, you have to start somewhere." She dangled her shuriken at her side.

"…I suppose." His heart beat harshly and he tried to swallow down the anxiety. They turned the corner towards Merlin's house.

"…Here we are," she said. "You alright?"

"Uh. Yeah. I guess."

She put her hand on her hip. "He's not going to hurt you. I promise. Talk at you, maybe. Which is kind of painful. I'm guessing that means you don't want me around."

On one hand, it might be comforting to have someone impartial there. On the other, it was her. "I…"

"It's okay. I'm not offended." She shrugged. "What are you doing later? Figure you might want to get out of the house for a little bit."

More than anything else, that caught him off guard. "Oh. Uh. Nothing, I guess."

"Come by my house when you're done," she said. "Looks like I've got to get back to the grindstone." She waved and ran off.

His hand shook when he knocked on the door. A voice bade him come in. He took a deep breath and went inside. The room was blissfully cool and startlingly dark; it took his eyes a moment to adjust. A single lamp burned in the corner of the room.

"Oh, good. You're here," Merlin said. "Please, come and sit." He gestured to a pair of chintz chairs by the lamp.

"Nice AC you got," he said lamely.

"I figure there's no point to suffering indefinitely," Merlin said. "All it really is is a Blizzard spell. Quite simple."

He walked over to the chair and found his knees had gone weak.

"No need to be nervous," the wizard continued. He poured two cups of what looked like iced tea and brought one to Demyx. "I just want to have a look at you." He sat down and drank for a few minutes.

"…Where were you for so long?" Demyx asked him. The tea was strong and bitter, but it was cold, so he drank it anyway.

"I have any number of things that need doing," he said. "Most of my time, however, has gone into training the new Keyblade wielders."

"But you're not one yourself?" Demyx looked at the slim bone-colored wand on the table.

"Heavens, no. I have no desire to be one. But… there's a certain theory that can be taught relatively easily. Most of our efforts go into making the wielder worthy. Quite interesting. Quite ancient, the magic, anyway. Lea, now… it took Lea the equivalent of months before he earned his."

"I'm still surprised," he said.

"As am I. But he seems to have redeemed himself, however unlikely it seems. The same goes for you, and the others."

He looked down into the cup. He couldn't tell if nerves or the caffeine were making him jittery.

Merlin set down his tea and came to stand closer to him. "Can I have a look? Turn a bit closer to the light. My eyes aren't as good as they used to be." Merlin's hands were cool and papery against Demyx's chin. Much like Even, he asked him to look left and right. "Yes. Yes. Quite."

"What do you see?"

"I'm sure you know the damage is quite extensive," Merlin said. He sat down. "Not immediately life-threatening, but still, something that could be perhaps triggered appropriately."

He was shaking too hard and had to set the glass down. "Appropriately?" He repeated.

"Surely it's come to mind that any alterations made to you and the others were probably done to benefit him?"

"Well… sure. That's why I volunteered myself to work."

Merlin laced his fingers. "And the memories?" He asked. "Have any come back?"

"Some," he said. "Nothing… very early. It's mostly been memories surrounding my reformation and my turning. And a very little about how I used to live when I was human."

"How odd," he said. "Yes. Why the cutoff?"

He shrugged.

"And have you tried using the dark corridors since then?"

"No," he said. "I'm scared to."

"Probably for the best. You never know what darkness might do. But your other powers are returning?"

"Slowly. Yes. I still can't summon a weapon, though."

Merlin thought for so long that Demyx was starting to get restless. "They seem to want you for something," he said at last.

"I know, I know." He tried to breathe. "Can you fix it?"

Silence. Demyx could hear the clock ticking in the other corner of the room. "I had… thought so, but I hadn't realized just how deep the damage ran. Doing so would take enormous power," he said. "Not to mention, delicacy and precision. If one were to make a wrong move, your heart would shatter entirely."

"…So I would become a Nobody again," he said desperately. "And grow another heart."

"No. Not quite." Merlin stroked his beard. "It's different when a heart falls to darkness. The heart is still whole, but consumed, which allows it to become a Heartless. The heart has been cleanly removed from the body and will. When a heart shatters, however, fragments still remain behind, and the body and will still cling to them. It's horrible. A comatose state."

Even and Ienzo had told him this, but he had hoped— His vision was getting blurry.

"It already looks like there has been some recent interference," Merlin continued. "I'd say it's best to leave you as is, and hopes the damage heals over time. If your power is returning, I'd say it's possible."

"What about Sora's light?" Demyx asked. "It hit me when we went to the lab."

"It's kept the damage from worsening on its own," Merlin said. "But the child… is still mostly untrained. Even a skilled practitioner of light would be largely unable to heal it all."

"Even and Ienzo said that the trauma from the memories could make it worse," he said.

"They are correct in that regard," Merlin said. "But we're so far into the realm of probability and mysticism that it's hard to say. I say that if you've survived remembering some of the most traumatic instances of your life, you will probably be fine."

That didn't make him feel better.

"Mostly… what should concern us is that they might use this to their advantage. If they break you… they could take your body and make you a vessel. If your heart is shattered there's nothing left to fight back, or rebel. Xehanort learned from last time."

"I thought they had enough vessels for him," Demyx said.

"It might not be Xehanort's heart they seek to put in you. I can't say with certainty what they would use you for instead."

This was all stuff he'd sort of already known. But hearing it from Merlin, definitively, that there was no way to fix him, made him feel sick. He was glad he hadn't really eaten.

"I'm sorry," Merlin said. "Short of putting you in a temporal pocket and waiting to see what happens, there's nothing I can do for you."

"It's fine," he said. His voice trembled.

"You can still live a full life," Merlin continued.

Demyx laughed. "I don't even know my name."

Merlin smiled sadly. "I'll convene with Yen Sid and see what else he may know," he said. "And not to be arrogant… but if I don't know how to help you, I doubt he will."

"I understand. I, um, should go. Thanks for the tea."

"Anytime, my dear boy. Feel free to visit. Heaven knows my door's always open."

He was still shaking when he got to Yuffie and Aerith's. He wondered if he should go back—at least to react in private—but maybe distraction was what he needed. The sun was already setting, and although it provided some relief, he couldn't stay very long.

Inside the house, it was cool and quiet. The energy in the room was dull. Aerith rested her head on the wooden table, a glass of water in one hand. Yuffie sat reading a comic book that looked as old as she was. Its pages were yellowing and disintegrating.

"I'm afraid it's not exactly the party I thought it would be," Yuffie said. "These grumps all decided they needed naps."

"We're conserving our energy," Aerith said to the table. "You should be, too."

"It's too boring. Come on. I've been inside all day. Let's get some air. Wait," she said, before he could get in a word edgewise. "Let me get something." She disappeared into the one of the two tiny bedrooms and came back with a canvas knapsack.

"Where are we going?" He was tired and didn't feel like walking much more.

"You'll see," she said. She crossed behind the house and scrambled up a narrow ledge onto the roof.

"Very adventurous," he said. He followed her up. The roof had stone shingles which hurt his hands. She sat on a precipice next to the chimney, watching the sunset.

They had never spent any time together, alone, and he wasn't sure how he felt about it. While the anger had faded into belligerent friendship, he still didn't know what to say to her, and wasn't sure he had the energy to try.

She slipped a glass bottle out of the knapsack. It was full of a clear liquid he was positive wasn't water. She kicked back and took a sip. "Wanna come sit down?"

"Don't you have patrol later?"

"Squall does. I'm off tonight." She shook the bottle vaguely. "Turn up, am I right?" She offered it out to him.

He laughed weakly and took the bottle from her; it was surprisingly heavy. He tasted it and flinched at the burn that echoed up into his nose. "What is it with you and Lea drinking straight grain alcohol?"

She shrugged. "Please. It was only recently that some idiot built a still. You don't have to drink it."

"No. Now it's a challenge."

For a few moments they passed the bottle back and forth in silence. He already felt his head getting light.

"…So no luck," Yuffie said at last.

"You mean—oh." Demyx tried to keep from treading in that part of his mind, and took a longer swallow from the bottle.

"I'm sorry," she said. Her legs swayed back and forth. "For what it's worth."

"I shouldn't have let myself think he could do anything," he said. The scrawl of emotion hovered closely overhead; he wondered if he should stop drinking.

"I really thought he could," she said. Her face was already flushed.

"Why do you care?" he asked.

She took a drink.

"I mean, you hated me," he said. He was beginning to ramble, and his body felt faintly heavy.

"I don't hate you anymore," she said, and handed the bottle back.

When he drank, the fumes brought tears to his eyes. He shut them for a moment.

"It's lonely here, I guess," she continued.

"I know what you mean." Something akin to that Nobody void was opening up inside of him. There was no fixing this, no perfect cure, just… this horrible numbness, forever. It was almost unbearable.

She kept talking. "I'm alone, most of the time. And I don't always mind, you know, but day after day… doing the same things… I love my town, I'll do what it needs, but still. Still."

"It gets boring." He was starting to get dizzy and couldn't tell whether or not it felt pleasant.

"It gets so boring," she said.

He lie down and shut his eyes. The night air was heavy and cool against his skin, even though the shingles were sharp against his back. He heard the soft tink as she set down the bottle and lay down as well.

"Drunk already?" She asked.

He hummed vaguely.

"Me too. You're right. This shit sucks. Works way too fast."

He opened his eyes. The stars, less numerous than ever, shone weakly through the haze of clouds. He could just barely see her profile in the darkness. She shifted slightly; he figured she was trying to get more comfortable on the shingles.

He felt the warmth of her skin before he realized what was happening. She kissed him fiercely, gripping him around the waist with one strong arm.

"I'm sorry," she said when she pulled away. "That was not cool."

"It's fine," he said. Dazed, he tried to recall the last time someone had kissed him. The awkwardness in her voice was new and unfamiliar. Something jagged and terrifying had opened in him, but the fear was oddly exhilarating, breaking him away from the horrible void. With a hand he wished wasn't shaking, he touched her face. She barked an odd little laugh.

They kissed again in the darkness. She was warm and real against him, though she was less than gentle. She smelled like sweat and the coarse green soap they had no choice but to use. His hip ached from pressing into the roof. She slid her leg around his waist and pulled him against her tight enough to hurt. After carrying around his body like it was dead weight for so long, he was overwhelmed, and an icy intense panic threatened to overtake him.

She must have felt him tense. "We're drunk," she said, taking her leg back. "We can't—we shouldn't-."

"Right." He struggled to catch his breath without being too obvious. He sat up and drew his knees to his chest, suddenly aware of a whole other problem, and was intensely mortified.

"Want to go back down?" She asked.

"No. Um. I think I should stay sitting for a little while."

"Oh." She laughed, jittery and hesitant. "I'm sure I had a joke for that, but I just can't think."

His heart was still racing. He heard her take another drink. When she offered it to him, he drank deeply. His mouth was starting to go numb; he couldn't tell if it was from the alcohol or the kissing. He touched his lips, unsure if they were real. He wanted to touch her, to hold her hand, to ask her to hold him. Anything to ease the vicelike loneliness he'd been feeling. But he didn't speak.

"…Are you okay?" She asked.

"Yeah… it's just been a while."

"Me too," she admitted. "You have to admit… when there are only so many other people our age around… it's hard."

"I hadn't thought about it." It was true, mostly. Any future of his seemed purely hypothetical, and misty.

"Thought about…?"

"Being… being with…" he faltered.

"Sex," she said.

"Well. Yes. I've had a lot on my mind." He pressed his fingers into his knees. The drunk thoughts passed through him unchecked. "I wasn't sure, you know, how it would work, going from Nobody to human, or if that was just how I was. I feel numb, all the time. Like a dead fish. And, like, I can't ask Even or Ienzo. I think I'd rather die."

"Wait… so are Nobodies, like, asexual?"

"I mean, it depends if the Somebody was." He shifted uncomfortably. "But, like, I was young enough that I never found out as a human. There's no feelings at all, just this very cold… attraction. I guess it's instinct? Though we are—they are—sterile, so maybe there's just no purpose to it really? God. I need to shut up."

"No. I want to know."

He hiccupped. "I was really young when I turned. So I guess I'm saying this is kind of new to me. I'm so embarrassed."

"It's fine," she said.

Neither of them spoke; the alcohol was hitting them now in full. He tried to think of boring things but found his thoughts were mostly incoherent. The intense emotions were draining out of him, leaving him bereft and drunker than he'd ever been.

I headcanon Yuffie as bisexual and Demyx as gray ace.