Disclaimer: Same as always.
A/N: And so it continues, albeit not as quickly as I'd intended. Switching the focus over to Emma and we'll find out poor Killian's fate. Thanks to everyone that's been reading!
Emma felt like she was going out of her mind. The events of the last twelve hours had taken quite a toll on her. Not to mention her family as a whole. Everything had gotten so bad so quickly.
Clara had discovered her monsters were real and been kidnapped by one of them. Their home had been under attack by the creatures and they still didn't know what the creatures were, exactly. Or who had sent them.
Emma knew someone had. She knew that they didn't just appear out of nowhere. This was a concentrated attack against her and her family. Oh, other people had gotten hurt over the last few weeks, but Emma couldn't shake the feeling that her family was the prime target. After all, they hadn't heard about anyone else' shone getting attacked. Not to mention that Clara was the only person they knew of who had actually been taken by one of the beasts.
Clara.
Emma's heart hurt at the thought of her younger daughter. Out of everyone, Clara had suffered the most. Her monsters - the monsters that had been haunting her dreams for the past two years - were real. And one of the worst of her nightmares had actually come true. Her getting kidnapped, her getting dragged into the cold water of the lake. Not to mention that her daddy, who she so adored, had been injured by the beasts.
No, not just injured. Almost killed. Killian had very nearly lost his life out on the shoreline.
The thought made Emma's head snap up to focus on her husband, lying asleep in his hospital bed. He was alive, she reminded herself. Killian was alive and Dr. Whale had assured her that he would stay that way. He was expected to make a full recovery.
Emma knew that. She did. But that didn't stop her from getting up from the uncomfortable recliner she'd tried, and failed, to get some sleep in and moving to his bedside. She perched on the side of the bed, facing him.
"Oh Killian," she sighed, reaching out to take his hand in both of hers. It felt warm and solid in her hands and she steadied herself by pressing it to her cheek. "I really wish you'd wake up already," she said quietly.
It was the surgery, Dr. Whale had explained. It had taken a lot out of Killian and the drugs they'd given him were strong. It would take a while for them to work their way out of his system. He'd wake up sooner or later.
And he had woken up briefly in recovery, Emma reminded herself. He'd been very groggy and weak, but he had woken up and spoken to her. His voice had been creaky and he'd been pretty out of it, but he had managed to ask if Clara was safe. Emma had assured him that she was and told him that she loved him. He'd returned the sentiment, but had fallen back asleep soon afterwards and had stayed asleep ever since.
She knew that the sleep was good for him. She knew that he needed to rest so that he could start to heal, but she so wanted to talk to him. So wanted to hear his voice and look into those gorgeous blue eyes of his.
She missed him.
It was a silly way to feel considering that they were in the same room, but that's how she felt. Maybe it was because it'd thankfully been a long time since she'd come close to losing him. And going through the pain of almost losing him again had brought back all the memories of all the times that she had.
Brought back the way it had felt when she'd been standing over his grave after leaving him behind in the Underworld. It wasn't the same. It wasn't anything close to being the same. He was going to be just fine. But no matter how many times Emma reminded herself of that fact, she knew that the ache in her heart wouldn't fade until he woke up.
She needed him. Their children needed him; Clara especially. Another pang pierced her heart at the thought of her little girl. "Oh Clara," Emma sighed. "Mommy's so sorry."
She thought back to the events of the night before. Of successfully battling the creatures attacking her home and using a locator spell on Jolly that had lead her and Mary Margaret to Clara. To the lake.
To a sight that would undoubtedly give Emma nightmares of her own over the next few nights. Maybe over the next few months. It'd been so horrible. Jolly had plopped down in the mud next to Clara, who had been huddled over Killian's unmoving form sobbing and screaming at him to wake up. David was at her side, gently prying her away.
They were surrounded by the dead bodies of Clara's monsters. Emma shuddered at the memory. It'd been like something out of a horror movie.
She'd ran towards them, Mary Margaret right behind her. Her boots had slipped on the mud and she'd nearly skidded into Killian but had somehow managed to stop herself in time. Her hands had gone to Killian's face as soon as she dropped to her knees and tried to wake him. Tried and failed.
Emma had pushed down her panic as David turned Clara so that she was facing him. "Give me some space," Emma had ordered, a twinge of guilt following as she glanced back up at her father. "Please." David had nodded and stood up, walking a still screaming Clara a few feet away towards Mary Margaret.
Emma recalled the way she had summoned her magic, keeping her hands hovered above Killian's body as she started with his head and worked her magic down his body. She'd focused most of her efforts on his leg, which had seemed to be the worst of his injuries. And she'd healed him.
But not completely.
Something had gone wrong. The cuts and scratches that had been on his face and arms had healed just fine. His leg had healed perfectly. It'd been the wound in his side that had been the problem. For some reason, she hadn't been able to heal it all the way.
She supposed that she may have started to give into her panic and that had weakened her magic, but it still didn't make sense. Of course, not being able to heal his side had only made her panic all the more. She'd vaguely been aware of the sound of approaching sirens; David having called the paramedics just before Emma and Mary Margaret had gotten there.
But it hadn't been the sirens that had distracted her from her work. It'd been the sound of Clara's screams. Emma hadn't been able to focus, hadn't been able to think. It'd all been too much for her, her fear for Killian growing with each second that passed. "Clara, baby, please calm down." She'd tried pleading at first.
It hadn't worked.
Clara would not stop screaming. "Please, Clara," Emma had tried again; still her daughter kept screaming. Finally, Emma had reached her breaking point and yelled at her daughter to be quiet. It had come out so much harsher than she'd intended. It'd had the desired effect, however; the shout had stunned Clara into silence.
Emma had never screamed at either of her daughters like that. Not once. Clara had simply gaped at her mother in shock for a few moments, a look of pure hurt on her sweet face. Her chin had started quivering as her eyes filled with fresh tears. She'd then turned her head to weep on David's shoulder. They'd been silent tears; at least, Emma hadn't been able to hear them from where she was.
But she'd seen the force of Clara's tears shaking her small frame as she clung to her Grandpa. Mary Margaret had wordlessly reached down to retrieve Jolly for Clara before putting her arms around her granddaughter and husband.
Emma had tried to push down the enormous guilt she'd then been feeling and tried anew to heal Killian's wound, but her efforts had been futile. By this point the paramedics were rushing towards them and Killian was being loaded onto a stretcher.
Mary Margaret had told her to go in the ambulance with Killian and David said that they'd meet her at the hospital. Emma had nodded and followed the paramedics to the ambulance and climbed in after them. She'd left without saying anything to any of them.
Upon reaching the hospital, Killian had been rushed off to surgery. Emma had just stood there staring in the direction that they'd taken Killian for a few minutes while she tried to calm down. She'd soon realized that that wasn't going to help anything. She needed to move. And so she did.
She'd known that she should probably head to the waiting room to check on her daughter, but she didn't know if she could face her just yet. Clara had undoubtedly been completely traumatized by the events of the night and what had Emma done? Screamed at her to shut up.
She'd kept imagining that look of absolute hurt that had appeared on Clara's face. Clara had already been terrified at the prospect of losing her father and now she probably felt abandoned by her mother as well. Emma hadn't even looked to see if Clara had been injured. It hadn't occurred to her, not with the way she'd been screaming for her daddy. Emma's primary concern had been for Killian.
Emma didn't know exactly how long she'd wandered around the hospital, but it'd seemed like a long time. But she'd finally found her way to the waiting room and had entered it with a sense of trepidation. She'd been thinking about how to apologize to Clara for shouting at her and to her parents for waiting so long to find them.
Only when she'd entered the waiting room, neither of her parents had been in it. Instead she'd found Clara asleep in Regina's arms. Puzzled, Emma had made her way over to them...
"Regina? When did you get here?" Emma asked.
"Mary Margaret called to ask me to drive them to the hospital and bring Clara some clean clothes," Regina answered. "I was going to take her home, but I thought that you'd want to see her first." Emma hadn't even noticed that Clara was now in a different pair of pajamas. Not only that, but she looked as if she'd had a bath.
Seeing the look of confusion on Emma's face, Regina explained that she'd decided that a mere change of clothes wouldn't do; Clara had been covered in mud. She'd decided that the emotional trauma Clara had endured was more than enough for the small child to bear. It didn't seem right for her to have to deal with physical injuries on top of it. Well, nothing about what had happened to her seemed right, but even still.
Regina had wanted to do something to help. She couldn't take away the emotional trauma, as much as she wished she could. But she could heal her physical wounds with her magic. And so she had. She had used her magic, literally, to heal those wounds and clean Clara up.
Mary Margaret had still insisted that Clara be looked over by a doctor when they arrived at the hospital, shooting Regina a quick apology. It wasn't that Mary Margaret didn't trust Regina's magic; she just wanted to be absolutely certain that Clara was alright. Regina had waved off the apology. She was pretty sure that she'd removed all of Clara's injuries, but agreed it was best to have her examined just in case she'd somehow missed something.
She hadn't.
Clara was completely healed, physically speaking. Not to mention nice and clean. Her dark hair had been caked in mud when Emma had last seen her, but now it was soft and shining. It was something.
A big something as far as Emma was concerned. A small smile appeared on her face when she saw that Regina had taken care to clean Jolly as well. "Thank you," she said quietly. "How...how was she when you got there? Clara, I mean," she then asked, hestitantly.
"She was very upset," Regina said, carefully. "She was in shock and not really talking. She did ask for Killian." She gave Emma a sympathetic look. "When Mary Margaret explained that he was with the doctors, she started crying again. She cried herself to sleep."
"Oh Clara," Emma sighed, sadly, reaching over to touch her daughter's soft cheek. She looked up at Regina with tear filled eyes. "What if she loses him? She needs her daddy." A pause. "I need him. I can't lose him again."
"You won't," Regina said firmly. "You and I both know how hard he'll fight to stay with you and your girls. I'm sure he'll be fine."
Emma nodded. "What a night this has been, huh? Clara's probably going to have nightmares forever and now Killian's in surgery." Emma's voice cracked. "What about Catalina and Henry? Are they okay?"
"They're fine," Regina assured her. "Your house is fine. We haven't seen any more of the beasts. Catalina's shaken up, but she's okay. Henry's taking good care of her." A small smile appeared on her face. "She was too scared to go back to sleep. He was reading her a story when I left. As for your brother, he slept through the whole thing."
"Good. That's good. I..." Emma trailed off as something occurred to her, "Regina? Where are my parents?" She felt a pit in her stomach at the look on her friend's face. "Regina?"
"Mary Margaret insisted that David be examined when they got here. He sustained some injuries during the battle without realizing it. They're keeping him overnight for observation," Regina told her, lifting up her hand at the look of rising panic on Emma's face. "He'll be alright."
"If he was alright, they wouldn't want to keep him here all night," Emma argued.
"It's just a precaution," Regina assured her. "Mary Margaret's with him."
"Ugh," Emma sighed. "How did everything get so messed up?"
"The same way it always happens with us," Regina shrugged. "David and Killian will be okay. We'll figure out who was behind this and we'll take care of it."
"And what about Clara?" Emma asked. "How are we supposed to get her through this?" There was a pause as they both studied the subject in question. Clara was still asleep, thankfully.
"By loving her," Regina said simply. "By letting her know that she's not alone. It might take some time, but I think she'll be okay. Eventually."
"Eventually," Emma repeated.
Regina had taken Clara home hours ago and had promised Emma that she'd look after the kids for her. Emma had stopped by to peer in David's room, but the sight of her father asleep in a hospital bed had been too much for her. Mary Margaret sat by his side, holding his hand and saying something to him that Emma hadn't been able to hear. She'd slinked away before her mother could notice her.
She felt bad about it, especially looking back. She still hadn't gone back to check on her father, but her concern had been for Killian. She knew that she probably would have been better off with some company, but she didn't want it.
Well, that wasn't entirely true.
The person whose company she desired was still asleep in his hospital bed. Emma knew she would feel so much better once he woke up. She still had no idea how they would help Clara deal with everything that had happened, but she had faith that Killian would. He was so good in these kinds of situations.
So good at knowing the right words to say. So good at knowing the right ways to support the people he cared about. His love could help his girls through absolutely anything; Emma knew that first hand. He never stopped fighting for those he loved and Emma had no doubts that he would do whatever it took to help their baby girl. To help Emma and Catalina, as well.
"Oh Killian," Emma whispered. She was exhausted and her back was absolutely killing her. All she wanted was to curl up against him and rest her head on his chest. She wanted to feel his strong arms around her, holding her securely against him. Feel his hand stroking her hair and be lulled to sleep by the sound of his heartbeat.
Emma was still holding his hand to her cheek and now she indulged herself by leaning into it and closing her eyes. "Killian."
"Swan." For a moment Emma thought it was her mind playing tricks on her. But then she felt his thumb caress her cheek.
"Killian?" Her eyes flew open as she looked up, letting out a long sigh of relief as she found herself looking into those eyes that she loved so much.
"Hey beautiful." His voice was soft and still a little creaky, but she didn't care.
"Killian," she breathed. "You're awake."
"Aye," he yawned. "It would appear so."
"Are you alright? How do you feel? Do you want me to get a nurse? Or maybe I should page Dr. Whale." Emma's words came out in a rush.
"No need for that. Not just now," he answered, taking note of how worried she looked. "Talk to me, Swan. What's wrong?"
"Nothing! You're awake now and everything will be fine," she said, though she sounded as if she was trying to convince herself of that fact instead of him. "Everything will be fine." Her voice broke on the fine as she found herself crumbling under the weight of everything that had happened. She burst into tears, much to Killian's alarm.
"Emma," he said, quietly. "What is it, love? You can tell me."
"Oh Killian," she sniffled. "Clara got taken and you and my dad went after her. You both got hurt. You and my dad, I mean. Well, actually, he got hurt. You...you almost died." She shook her head at him. "I tried to heal you and I did...to a point, but...you almost died." She pressed a hand to her mouth. "You scared the hell out of me."
"My apologies, my love. I didn't mean to..." He trailed off, not entirely sure what he could say to make her feel better. He wasn't sorry.
Okay, that wasn't completely true. He was sorry that she'd been so worried about him. He was sorry for scaring her so badly. What he wasn't sorry about was doing what he'd had to do to save their daughter.
"There's a part of me that wants to be mad at you," she admitted, though it made her feel guilty. "I've gone through the pain of you losing you so many times. I don't want to go through it again. I can't go through that again. I won't go through that again." She watched him gulp, his eyes full of emotion as he watched her.
Emma had to take a moment to steady herself before continuing. "I want to be mad at you," she repeated. "But how can I? You almost died because you were trying to save our little girl. And you did." Her voice broke again. "You saved our Clara. If you hadn't of gotten there in time..."
"Don't," he said, softly. "Don't say it. The important thing is that I did. Clara's alive."
"Clara's alive," Emma echoed, giving him a quick smile. "She's alive...and she's completely traumatized and she needs you." She sniffled again. "She was so scared for you. When I got to the lake and found you, she..."
"She what?" The question was asked somewhat hesitantly. Clearly Killian knew that whatever Emma had been about to say wasn't good. She knew that what she was about to say would break his heart, but she owed it to him to tell him the truth.
"She was crying over you and screaming at you to wake up," Emma said, as gently as she could. He closed his eyes in response.
"Clara," he whispered, pained.
"I've never seen her that upset." Now Emma was practically whispering. "Not even after her worst nightmares. She loves you so much and she could've lost you. We could've lost you." Emma's chin quivered as she studied him. "Damn it Killian, we could have lost you."
"Aye, but you didn't. I'm right here." Somewhere over the course of their conversation, she'd let go of his hand, but now he brought it back to her cheek. "Look at me, Emma. I'm right here."
"Killian, if you ever scare us like that again, I swear..."
"I have no intentions of going anywhere," he cut in gently. "I assure you. I'm sorry I scared you. Come here." He opened his arms, wincing a little at the ache in his side, and she leaned forward to hug him as best she could. The hospital bed made it pretty awkward, but it was something. It would have to do for now. She kissed his cheek a few times before easing back enough to kiss his lips.
"I love you. You know that right?" she asked, tearfully.
"I do, yes," he smiled at her. "And I love you." Emma pressed her forehead to his, ignoring the twinge of pain in her back. She closed her eyes and let herself take comfort from the contact, though it wasn't nearly enough. She couldn't wait until she could hug him properly, but at the moment this would do. She savored it for another few moments before pulling back.
She worried her lip as she studied him. "What is it, love?" he asked.
"Do you think I'm a bad mother?" She had actually been thinking about how to tell him about the attack on their house, but it was as if her mouth had suddenly developed a mind of its own.
"What?" The question had completely thrown him for a loop. "Why would you even ask me that? You're a wonderful mother."
"Am I? Our house got attacked by a bunch of those monsters," she told him. At the look of horror on his face, she quickly added, "I took care of it. Well, me and my mom and Regina took care of it. The house is fine. Everyone is fine."
"Okay," he said slowly. "How exactly does defending our home make you a bad mother?"
"It doesn't," she acknowledged. "But immediately going after you and Clara without bothering to check on Catalina first might."
"Was Catalina hurt?" He asked, worried.
"No, no. The monsters didn't get in the house. We made sure of that," she assured him. "But they woke Catalina up. I was about to go after you right away when I heard her scream and that's when my dad saw the first monster by her window. She was scared and probably needed her mother. But I had to deal with the monsters."
"Well, of course you did," he said, still confused.
"I should have checked on her before I left," she nodded to herself. "But I was so worried about Clara. Even though you and my dad had gone after her. And I knew you would do whatever it took to save her. But..." Emma's face screwed up as she remembered the way it had felt to watch that monster drag Clara away. "But Clara had been taken."
"So you wanted to save her." It was Killian's turn to nod. "Just like I did. Am I a bad father for chasing after her, then?"
"What?" Emma asked, stupidly. "Of course not! Clara was in danger. She -"
"That's right," Killian interrupted her. "Clara had been taken by a horrible, vile monster. And Catalina was safe in the house. I trust that you didn't leave her there by herself."
"Well, no. Henry was with her and Regina stayed," Emma said.
"So you left our daughter in the care of her older brother who loves her and one of the most powerful magic wielders that we know," Killian recapped. "That doesn't sound so terrible to me. Especially considering that our other daughter's life was in danger."
"Okay," Emma agreed. "Maybe that's not so terrible. But how about this? When I got to that lake and saw our sweet baby girl sobbing over your lifeless body, what did I do? Did I try to comfort her? No! No, I didn't."
Emma's eyes were shining with tears as she went on. "I was so worried about you, so worried that we were about to lose you, so my first thought was how to save you."
She held up her hand when he opened his mouth to say something. "I know. Trying to save your life doesn't make me a bad mother. But screaming at her to shut up does! And yeah, that's exactly what I did. She was in hysterics and terrified and all I could do was scream at her to be quiet so I could concentrate." She let out a burst of laughter, completely devoid of any humor. "So what do you think of me now?"
Killian didn't say anything for a long time. Emma closed her eyes and lowered her head, bracing herself for whatever he would say. He was so protective of Clara that she was half-expecting him to yell at her. She wouldn't have blamed him.
But he didn't. The thought to do so hadn't even entered his mind. Not when he could see how horrible she felt about it. Not when he understood how frightened Emma herself must have been.
"What I think," he began finally, his voice surprisingly tender. "Is that this was a horrible situation to be in. You were upset and angry and scared." Killian gently tilted her face back up towards his. "That doesn't make you a bad mother, love. It makes you a human one."
"Clara didn't deserve to be screamed at like that," Emma argued, weakly.
"No, she didn't," Killian agreed, simply. There was no anger in the words.
"I didn't mean to do it," Emma sniffled. "I just...I'd tried to get her to be quiet a couple of times and she was too upset to and I just...I just snapped. I didn't mean to yell." She shrugged helplessly, her eyes pleading with his. "It just...happened." She let out a huff of air. "How lame does that sound?"
"Not lame, Swan," he shook his head. "It's like I said. It just means that you're human."
"You should've seen her face," Emma whispered. "She was so hurt." Another sniffle. "She just stared at me for a few seconds looking so small and so wounded and so incredibly hurt. Oh Killian. I don't know how to make this better."
"It'll be alright," he said, soothingly. "You and Clara will be alright."
"We might be, but will she? She's suffered so much, Killian. How do we get our baby through this?" Emma asked.
"I don't know yet," he said, truthfully. "But we will. We'll figure it out. We'll get her through this. She'll be alright. I promise you that."