Warning: This chapter contains suicide attempt. If this triggers you, please click out of this chapter.

I can safely say that all of my brothers would agree with me if I said that our high school years were our hardest. This had been no exception to the usually sunny Jyushimatsu. Before high school, however, Jyushimatsu never really stuck out. None of us did, honestly. No one could tell us apart, not even our own parents. Sometimes, we even have issues deciphering who is who in pictures of us as children when all we ever seemed to wear was our school uniforms. Nothing about us stuck out.

Karamatsu's eyebrows had yet to thicken as well as his painful personality.

Choromatsu hadn't developed anxiety and had a two strand cowlick.

Ichimatsu's hair was neat and not a wreck, and he hadn't developed his love for cats yet.

Jyushimatsu also had a two strand cowlick, and he didn't smile all the time like he did now.

And Todomatsu, he wasn't as girly as he is now. I've caught him watching and trying out different makeup routines before.

We all were fairly similar. Our looks were indecipherable, even to us, our personalities were so similar, and we all wore the same clothes.

Can't say the same about us now.

We didn't undergo any changes until high school. Our voices got different pitches, some lower than others. We all partook in having a favorite color, mine red, Karamatsu blue and so forth.

As far as I had known, none of us really had a rough high school life as far as bullying went. As far as maintaining our status as brothers though, we all had our own issues. Choromatsu and I grew apart, Karamatsu became more dramatic and painful that we all kind of left him in the dust, Ichimatsu became more introverted and started cutting others out of his life more often, and Todomatsu, he hung out with a lot of girls. He was deemed popular and his reputation couldn't hardly be tarnished by anything, not even the fact that he had five loser older brothers. It just showed everyone that the youngest was by far the best.

But Jyushimatsu...no one had found any changes in him. Not until around our sophomore year in high school, no matter what our yearbooks say. Yes, his smile began to surface during our freshmen year, but his true weirdness did not reach the surface until our sophomore year.

I just remember waking up every morning and seeing Jyushimatsu smiling more and more. Knowing what I do now, if I could go back, I would have smacked him in the face, yelled at him to get that stupid permanent grin off of his fucking lips and tell us all what had been transpiring at school.

But I can't do that.

So I get to suffer and remember the horrible memory that he nearly left me with as a goodbye.

During our freshmen year, we had four classes that were designated as homerooms. Karamatsu and I were in one, Todomatsu, Choromatsu and Ichimatsu were in another, and Jyushimatsu was in a class without any other Matsunos, and of course the other homeroom was Matsuno free. At first, we all praised Jyushimatsu about getting to be in a homeroom with no other Matsunos. He'd be able to make a fresh start for himself without any of them messing up what seemed to be perfectly clear chance to start a reputation as a cool guy.

Jyushimatsu did not look thrilled, now that I think about it. Back then, I couldn't tell. His smile was too wide and bright to say anything that contradicted our statements and praises, but knowing the Jyushimatsu that I do now, it was so painfully clear that he was nowhere near happy with the schedules.

Back then, though, he just brushed it off.

That day at high school wasn't a normal one by any means. It didn't start off normal, either. This one kid that I could have only deemed to have been in Jyushimatsu's classes (considering that he didn't know any of the other brothers and upon asking Jyushimatsu if he knew him, his response had been a curt nod), came up to me and was being super nice. He gave me 270 yen, which was enough to buy a school lunch. He also complimented my smarts, which seemed alright at first, but the longer he went on, the more uncomfortable I became. I began to believe he was gay and trying to hit on me, not that I had any issues with gays. In fact, I had gotten (and still continue to get) many questions asking me if Todomatsu is gay. Not only did these suspicions come from fellow classmates and strangers who suspected his sexuality at first glance, but we all also started to believe that he was into men, not only us as brothers, but Mom and Dad as well. We decided not to press the matter, and would wait for him to come out if he was, but for his sake if people asked, I said no, for I wasn't completely sure.

"Excuse me for the interruption," I had said, holding up a hand to silence him, "but if this is going the way I believe it is, I...uh...I'm sorry, but I don't...swing that way." I dejected, feeling guilty and uncomfortable. He stopped his compliments and blinked at me, obviously trying to understand what I meant before laughing.

"Oh, pardon me, Osomatsu-kun, I'm not trying to woe you, I'm simply complementing your academic smarts. I saw you in the spelling bee, and it was so cool to see you go so far." Ah, yes, I had entered the high school spelling bee along with Choromatsu. Why? I wasn't sure. I wasn't by any means dumb, but academics weren't exactly my forte. To see how far I had gotten, the second to last round, was very shocking to myself. I, however, wasn't shocked when I witnessed Choromatsu's winnings. Everyone knew he was extremely smart, but to see him win the spelling bee was amazing.

I laughed slightly. "Oh, yeah, that. I was honestly shocked that I got that far as well, but hey, beginners luck, I suppose." I said, scratching the back of my neck. With the ring of the bell, signifying our five minute warning to get to class, we parted ways and went to our respective classrooms, me not being too surprised when he entered Jyushimatsu's classroom.

For the rest of the day, I thought nothing of the rather odd exchange that I had had with him at the beginning of the day. That is, until around lunch time.

Karamatsu and I had walked down to the cafeteria since we had the same class together before lunch. We both got in line, bought our lunches, the weight of that boy's yen in my pocket reminding me that I could possibly spend it on something later, then began to search for a table. It wasn't odd of us to eat together, we just didn't socialize much about our personal lives anymore. We would ask questions about tests or homework, but that was as in dept as our conversations got. But that day as we searched for a table, a crowd of students yelling and cheering caught our eyes. We looked at each other in question.

"What do you suppose that could be?" I asked him. He shrugged at me. We both looked around a bit more, placing our lunches on a random table before running to the crowd. The crowd was in the courtyard, and with how many students there were, whoever was possibly in the middle was completely blockaded from our vision. By the time we both got there to join in on the crowd, several teachers were out there, breaking up what seemed to be a fight. A kid was dragged off towards the principle's office, the other towards the nurse's office. I couldn't see who each person was, neither could Karamatsu. But considering the one teacher had to carry the one student, we could only assume that he had gotten his ass beat pretty well.

As the two were dragged off, another teacher stayed behind, yelling and lecturing all of the students who had watched and egged it on. Karamatsu and I clearly knew that it wasn't us, considering we had gotten out there just as the entire thing had been broken up. Karamatsu and I walked back in to the cafeteria, returning to our abandoned lunches, but any hunger that I had previously felt had dissipated. "I wonder who that was between." I voiced out loud.

"I don't know buraza," Karamatsu said as we both took a seat, "but I definitely would not have wanted to be on the receiving end of that beating."

And so that day went by past that with high strung tension in the air, every corner you turned had someone asking about the whole incident. Some asking who, others asking if they had heard anything back from the principle about the one that had gotten his ass kicked. Some names had floated around, a lot were ones that I had never heard of.

But I couldn't help this feeling in my gut...

The bell rang before I could finish any other thoughts on the matter, and school was out. I waited by my locker with Karamatsu for the others. I had asked Karamatsu if he had heard anything else about the fight, but his answer was the same as almost all of the other freshmen.

No.

Choromatsu, Ichimatsu, and Todomatsu all eventually showed up, but Jyushimatsu didn't. Confusion surged all around us.

"Where's Jyushimatsu-niisan?" Todomatsu asked quietly, hand gripping the strap of his tan backpack.

Ichimatsu shrugged, saying nothing. To be fair, I think we were all becoming unsettled.

"Maybe Jyushimatsu went to try out for the baseball team?" Choromatsu offered, only for it to be shot down when Totoko overheard our conversation.

"Oh, no," She interjected, arms crossed behind her back and tipping back and forth on her toes, "haven't you heard? Jyushimatsu-kun got into a fight earlier today."

There had been the possibility that none of us had wanted to think about. My fingers and hands began to shake. I pointed my finger in the air, elbow bent. "But...he was the winner, right?"

Totoko's head shook, and it shook fast. "Oh, no, no, no, no, no. He got beat to a breathing pulp. But it's honestly not that much different from seventh and eighth grade. No one has ever really liked him in this school. Especially Kage-kun." She stated before walking away.

Kage?

But that was...

...that was the boy who was talking to me earlier.

All of our eyes were wide. Karamatsu opened his mouth and began to move in Totoko's direction, only for Choromatsu to place a hand on Karamatsu's shoulder. "Wh-What the hell did she mean by it's not much different from seventh and eighth grade?" Karamatsu asked.

The more we dug into the matter, asking people around school after the incident-which he was unable to come to school for multiple days upon needing to heal-we got information that he had been getting beaten up since his seventh grade year. With some of the blunt answers we received, I'm surprised any of us kept our cool.

Jyushimatsu began to attend school two weeks after the incident. Although we all became more protective, the bullying wasn't stopping anytime soon, and with a school board that wasn't going to do anything about the situation, there was nothing we could do to help our suffering brother aside from sticking up for him and reassuring him that the things being told to him at school were lies.

But it was quite evident that that wasn't enough.

It was three months after the incident at school. Jyushimatsu had claimed to had gotten a spot on the baseball team, much to all of our happiness. So he began to go out at night with the other players, hanging out and playing baseball, as he put it.

But this night was different.

It was well past the time Jyushimatsu usually came back from home while out, and all of us were beginning to worry, although Mom and Dad were getting angry at him for breaking curfew. But if there was anything that we knew about the fifth brother, its that he was never late for curfew. And I mean never.

Out of fear, I began to search for him. Ichimatsu, Choromatsu, and Karamatsu all looked for him while Todomatsu stayed back in case he came home. I had Totty's phone, while Karamatsu got Dad's phone and Choromatsu and Ichimatsu got Mom's phone. If we found him, we were to call the home phone immediately. Although, when I had asked-or more so demanded-for Totty's phone, he was very reluctant to give it up to me. It kind of aggravated me that he was more concerned about his precious smart phone rather than his own brother.

Nonetheless, I was given his device and was now staring at the time. It was going on eleven thirty at night. In all honesty, I too was beginning to feel slightly angry. If Jyushimatsu really was just out with the team, I was going to kick his ass. It was already so late, and we had school in the morning. Eventually my feet had wandered to the beach. I looked along the sandy shores and in the water, finding no trace of my brother.

With a sigh, I momentarily think of leaving.

That is until I see a silhouette on the ledge of the beach's cliff.

I spin around quickly, eyes going wide. There was no reason for anyone to be on that cliff. The view wasn't all that incredible and there was a fine set of sharp rocks at the bottom of the cliff. It was blocked off anyway. Why, the only reason anyone would go up there is...

...oh, God.

Is that...

...it couldn't be.

I couldn't tell you how fast I ran to the usually blocked off cliff. The wooden blockade and yellow police tape was broken and cut with a single baseball bat set next to it. I picked up the bat and expected it for a moment. It was nothing special. There were no elegant designs. Upon turning it around, my blood ran cold.

On the other side was the number 14 engraved in it.

That was Jyushimatsu's number.

This was...his...bat.

I threw the bat down and ran up the slanted cliff, glad that getting through was no longer an issue. I ran faster than I ever could. The cliff was so steep, it was no doubt to me that Jyushimatsu had made a leisurely walk up this rather than my sprint. Upon the feeling of a raindrop on my nose, I was startled, nearly falling down the entire cliff, losing my progress. I was thankful that I managed to catch myself and continued to sprint, despite the now falling rain.

By the time I reached the edge, which took the better part of five minutes due to the length and the steepness, I was drenched completely with rain. I stood behind Jyushimatsu. I knew it was him. There was no one else at all that it could be. With the baseball bat and looking at a similar head that looked as my own from behind, aside from his single cowlick, I knew it was him.

The rain began to pour harder, faster, and thunder and lightning flashed and roared overhead. He just stood there. Still as a statue. He didn't move, I wasn't completely sure whether he was breathing or not. That scared me, too. Of course, he had to be breathing if he was standing.

I was out of breath, hands placed against my knees, back hunched over slightly as my lungs attempted to take in deep breaths, only for me to choke on them. That had been one hell of a run.

The lightning flashed overhead accompanied by a bang of thunder, and I nearly thought that I was in a horror movie. Everything seemed to be set in place for such, the weather, the setting, all that was needed now was some assortment of a paranormal entity. Ah, but I suppose a paranormal entity isn't quite needed for something to be under the affiliation of horror, now is it?

"Can't t-take it anymore." I heard a voice whisper. Of course, it was Jyushimatsu, who else would it be? His arms were by his sides, hands balled into fists and trembling. Be that from the cold or from the agony that he dubbed his life, I'll never know. His usual chipper voice was gone, now struck with one that had a tone that was cold, and completely broken. God, did that scare me. He was my little brother. The happiest out of all of us. If it hadn't have been for our birth certificates, I would have sworn that Jyushimatsu was the youngest out of all of us. He was always so chipper, and he was always looking at the brighter side of things.

Obviously, that Jyushimatsu was gone.

"It...It hurts too much. I can't t-take the abuse...the way the kids look at me at sc-school. No...No matter what my brothers do...nothing has changed," He said, looking down at the water and sharp rocks below him. The more he speaks, the tighter the fists of his hands get. I've never seen my brother like this before. He...He surely couldn't be doing what I suspected...could he? "Heh heh, nothing is going to change. I just..." He sniffled, "why do I have to be a target?" He shuffled closer to the edge, and I took a step closer to him, not making my presence known just yet. "I love my brothers...so much...I hope they know that." One of his legs step out over the edge of the cliff, and I nearly panic.

I'm quick to grab him back by the shoulders and throw him backwards, away from the edge. The way that he stumbles and falls looks as if it must have hurt. No doubt he had at least sprained his wrist with the way he fell and attempted to catch himself. He groaned as he pushed himself to his knees with his arms on the dirt. "Osomatsu-niisan?" He asked with a groan, tears peeking out of the corners of his eyes.

I hummed a response that sounded a positive response as if to let him know that it was indeed me. I knelt beside him as he struggled to get to a sitting position. I helped him and looked at his dirt smeared face with tears. "Wh-Why? Why would you..." He begins to ask, only for tears to well up in his eyes and betray his voice. He was unable to speak as he began to bawl and cry, his sobs loud and hysterical. I was quick to wrap my arms around him, bringing him close to me. With one hand, he cradled his injured wrist as he leaned his face against my shoulder.

I rocked him back and forth gently, planting a kiss against his forehead. "Why, Jyushimatsu? Why would you try to kill yourself?" I asked him, tears slowly peeking into my eyes. I blinked them back quickly so he wouldn't see. I had to be strong. He didn't answer me, leaving us both in silence. He didn't need to answer, I already knew the answer. All the kids at school who called him names and would physically beat him, he couldn't take it. If I was in his position, I don't know if I could either.

I nuzzled the top of his head, but my acts of affection went unheard. He was quick to take the opportunity of my loosened grip to quickly tear away from me and run back to the edge, ready to leap away. I scrambled to my feet, running to the ledge to try and catch him, my fingers just barely gripping the back of his shirt. When he felt the tug of my fingers on his shirt, he attempted to wiggle out of his shirt so he would be free to jump. "Let me die already!" He screamed. He squirmed and wiggled, he even went through the extreme of trying to unbutton his shirt, but I was quick to wrap my arms around his own, pinning them down to his sides. He struggled, jerking back and forth attempting to get out of my hold, but he knew deep down that it was a fruitless task.

"Niisan's got you." I told him as he continued to grunt and protest, the occasional let me go, and the let me die still coming from his mouth. I kept him close to me, slightly moving down the cliff the less and less he began to struggle.

He eventually turned into a sobbing mess, crying into my shirt. I could feel tear stains forming on my shirt as well as perhaps some snot stains, but in that moment I didn't really care.

I had almost lost my little brother.

"I..." He began to sob once more. "I want Ichimatsu-niisan." The statement came in such a broken voice that it scared me even more. Of course, this entire exchange had been absolutely terrifying, but the brokenness in his voice was enough to make me shake.

"Do...Do you want me to call him so you can talk to him?" I had asked him. It took a moment for Jyushimatsu to respond, but he eventually nodded. "Alright," I began. "I'll let you, but not until we are at the bottom of this cliff. I don't trust letting you go up here." He nodded in understanding, and I slowly unwrapped my arms from around him only for my hand to link with his own. We made the trek back down together, Jyushimatsu still sobbing and often looking back at the cliff we were descending with a longing look. Thankfully, I was able to catch him half the time and try to joke with him, or give him a reason to direct his glances back towards the ground.

Once we made it to the bottom, I took Totty's phone out of my pocket, inputting Mom's phone number. It rang for a moment before some answered.

"Have you found him?" Oh, thank God, Ichimatsu was already on the line.

"Yeah. About that, I found him in a rather tight spot, and he wants you, Ichimatsu. Can...Can you talk to him? You might be able to talk him at least a little bit out of this funk." I said with a sad sigh, glancing towards Jyushimatsu who was still a sobbing mess.

"Put him on." Ichimatsu said. I turned around to face Jyushimatsu before extending the phone out to him.

"Ichimatsu wants to talk to you." I said with a sympathetic smile. He took the phone out of my hand almost immediately, pressing it to his ear. His breathing was shaky.

"N-Niisan?" He asked in a tremulous breath. I was unable to hear Ichimatsu's response, but I watched as Jyushimatsu continuously broke down. "I...I tried something bad, niisan...I tried to...do I h-have to say it, n-niisan?" Hearing his voice so small and broken like that broke my heart even more, tears peeking back into my eyes. I shook my head. I couldn't cry. "Mmhm. It...It just hurts so much, niisan...I'm scared...R-Really? O...Ok...if you're sure...I love you, too, Ichimatsu-niisan," Hearing Ichimatsu say that he loved any of us was seldom, but if there was anyone he said it the most to, it was Jyushimatsu. He turned towards me and outstretched the phone to me. "He wants to talk to you, niisan."

I nodded and gave a quite thank you before pressing the phone to my ear. "Osomatsu." I said, signalling that it was me on the line now.

"Get him home safely. We're gonna have to keep him on surveillance for a bit. But we're gonna take this a step at a time. Just...get him home right now. Keep him close so that he doesn't try to run. He...He looks up to you. Just keep him safe."

Ichimatsu wasn't used to being sincere like that. But he had had plenty of experiences with past friends who went through these assortments of issues, including himself. So if anyone knew anything about this assortment of thing, it was Ichimatsu, which was perfect in its own since Jyushimatsu was so close to him anyway.

Needless to say, Mom and Dad were told and Jyushimatsu was taken to counseling. We pressed the school much harder for a change in what was happening, and changes were thankfully made. Choromatsu was moved into Jyushimatsu's class. I remember one time while we were all at lunch-all of us sat together for a while after Jyushimatsu's attempt. All of us were there aside from Choromatsu. Todomatsu was the first to voice the matter.

"Where's Choromatsu-niisan?" He asked looking around at all of us. I shook my head as did Karamatsu and Ichimatsu at the question, not knowing where the third oldest was.

"He got in trouble." Jyushimatsu finally spoke up, fists clenching the lunch table. I gasped, and I could feel Karamatsu stiffen next to me. Choromatsu never, and I mean never, got in trouble. He was the golden child of the Matsuno family.

"Why did he get into trouble, my little Jyushimatsu?" Karamatsu asked gently.

Jyushimatsu's grip on the table got tighter, teeth clenched together. "Some...Some boys were picking on me and saying things to me. One of them threw the books off of my desk. Choromatsu-niisan...he..." Ichimatsu placed a soothing hand atop of Jyushimatsu's tightly clenched one on the table. Jyushimatsu's head whipped over to his older brother before taking a deep breath. "He punched the kid who threw my books off the desk and the other ones who were picking on me."

An unhealthy amount of pride swirled around in my stomach. Choromatsu was never one to get into fights, let alone initiate them. The fact that he wasn't a wuss and engaged a fight made me happy in itself, but the fact that he stuck up for our brother and showed that that wouldn't be taken anymore without a fight made my heart swell with pride. "Remind me to get Choromatsu some Nyaa-chan merch later. He earned it," I looked over to Jyushimatsu as well, hand going to rub his back. "And I'll let you pick out some baseball gear if you'd like."

Jyushimatsu's mood had brightened slightly at that offer before becoming a bit bashful. "Only if I pay for Choromatsu's gift. He...He really deserves something nice...and I don't know how to thank him completely."

I knew Jyushimatsu felt as if he owed Choromatsu something that was unattainable. For Jyushimatsu could not thank our green clad brother enough. As soon as he saw Choromatsu at home that night, he ran up to him, tears streaming down his face as his arms enveloped him in a hug.

Ichimatsu changed the sleeping order for a few months, placing Jyushimatsu in between him and I. Ichimatsu was a relatively light sleeper, and if anyone ever got up in the middle of the night, he would wake up. This was a safety precaution on Jyushimatsu's end. I was placed on the other end since I was the one to witness what happened. Feeling him close to me eased my tensions slightly. The night Jyushimatsu had attempted suicide, the sleeping order was changed immediately, and Ichimatsu had enveloped Jyushimatsu in his arms.

But throughout this entire endeavor to now, Jyushimatsu still hasn't wiped that smile off of his face. Maybe it's genuine now, but it serves a reminder to me as that one horrifying night.

When I realized that that wide smile was just there to hide his pain.