It had been a week since Casey had been discharged from the hospital. Gabby had returned to work but the doctor said due to his injuries Matt would not be eligible to return to work until he was cleared by the doctor. It was early afternoon and Matt decided to take a nap before Gabby got off shift. He lay back and began lingered between twilight and deep sleep when Matt thought he heard a voice calling to him, a familiar but distant voice.
As Matt fell into deep sleep he was transported back to when he was 15 and still living with his parents. His sister Christie was out for the night and Matt's mom was fixing dinner for Matt and his father. Sweat beaded on Matt's head as his body jerked in reaction to the nightmare. All of a sudden Greg Casey's voice was raised in anger as his fists connected to Nancy's back. Matt stood frozen on the stairs as another night of fighting between his parents erupted. He could hear his mother's sobs and his Dad's angry voice calling her stupid and worthless.
As the dream progressed he was transported back to the warehouse fire. But this time the flames climbed up his legs and back burning flesh as it climbed to his torso. He screamed in agony as the smoke burned the inside of his lungs and fire blistered his neck and face. The dryness of the smoke made his voice crack as his last words were, "Help, Someone anyone…. Help me. Then there was only blackness around him and then the only thing Matt saw was his father's face over his yelling again.
Matt shot up and found himself shaking while his eyes darted back and forth trying to figure out where the hell he was. The shirt on his back was soaked from sweat and Matt's whole body shook from the nightmare. His phone buzzed on the side table when the awareness of where he was dawned on Casey. The caller ID said Gabby so Matt took a deep breath and reached for the phone.
Matt tried to clear the fog from his brain as he answered, "Hey Baby, what's up?"
Gabby heard the difference in Matt's voice immediately. She had noticed a moodiness and distance in Matt since a few days after he came home from the hospital. Gabby tried to talk to her husband but Matt responded by saying it was only because of the pain medicine that he was on. And yet Gabby was convinced that there was something more going on with her husband but was trying not to push him until he was ready to talk.
Gabby cleared her throat and tried to sound casual, "I thought maybe we could go out to dinner tonight and then over to Severides place to see how he is doing as a new dad. What do you think are you feeling up to a night out?"
They hadn't seen Severide since his son arrived from Florida. Kelly had decided to take 3 weeks leave to help him to establish a routine with Jack. Gabby had spoken with Kelly a few times on the phone to help him out with contacts she had with social service. The last time they talked Kelly had asked how Matt was while Jack screamed in the background. Apparently Jack was having trouble adjusting to all of the changes and so was Kelly. Gabby was trying to be there as much as she could for Kelly but was limited since Matt was also struggling. Gabby had made an excuse to Kelly about Matt's absence. It was obvious that Kelly missed their talks and was trying to reach out to Casey.
Matt was silent for a minute and then replied. "Do you mind if we do that some other night? I am still feeling a little tired. You know, maybe some other time."
Gabby paused measuring her words to Matt' "Well then I will just pick you up and we can get take out, OK?"
After letting out a long breath, "Take out sounds great. See you in a few hours." was the only thing that Matt managed to say."
"See you later baby. Love you." Gabby replied as her brows furrowed in worry
Gabby could tell her Matt was avoiding going out in public but she didn't want to push him right now. She was talking to Dr. Charles at Chicago med the last few days to try to help Matt to become less closed off. The doctor's advice had been off of the record since Matt wasn't his patient. Dr. Charles had told Gabby to be supportive and push Matt slowly toward going out again. He had also encouraged her to get Matt to make an appointment with a professional if the moodiness, insomnia and withdrawal continued.
Back at the apartment Matt took a hot shower and changed his clothes. However, the nightmares he had been having shook him more than any dangerous situation that Casey had encountered as a firefighter. Casey had always been able to cope with situations by pushing things to the back of his mind when memories or his past got to be too much. However, since Matt's return from the hospital his past and the recent near death experience had morphed into one dark, un-ending night mare every time he closed his eyes. The face that looked back at him in the bathroom mirror looked haunted, even though he was freshly showered and shaven. Lately, he could not withdraw far enough to keep the dark thoughts at bay. Matt shrugged his shoulders as if to shake off the dark mood in preparation for Gabby getting off of shift. He knew his wife was worried about him but had not been pushing him to open up.
He heard his phone buzz and picked it up without thinking, "Hey Babe, I am ready. Are you off of shift yet?"
A chuckle came from the other end of the phone, "Yeah, thanks but you aren't my type."
It was Kelly Severide on the other end of the phone. Matt had been avoiding him ashamed of the jealousy that he felt at Kelly being a dad. It was just one more thing that felt like too much for him to deal with.
Matt tried to give a light chuckle back and tried to sound as casual as possible, "Well, I'm taken anyway. Man sorry I haven't talked to you. How have you been?"
At first Kelly thought of lying but then said, "Good but tired. I just need a cold beer and a little adult company."
"Yeah, Gabby said Jack is having a hard time adjusting.' Matt added, not knowing what else to say.
Kelly was silent for a moment as he looked down at Jack sleeping next to him on the couch. Three weeks ago he hadn't been accountable to anyone. He could come and go as he pleased except for his job at51 which is what he had poured his passion into. Now, his every waking moment was spent trying to take care of Jack and to establish a bond between them. And yet he felt completely lost and incompetent as he watched his son struggle with the loss of his mother, grandmother and all of the new surroundings. He had thought about calling Benny a dozen times but then thought that he didn't need the complication. What he really needed right now as friends since he felt helpless and a little adrift, an emotion that was not one that Kelly faced much. He wished Shay was around and thought about how much he missed her.
Kelly noticed that Jack was breathing softly so he decided to make a call to Matt Casey. Kelly respected Casey and wanted to reach out to see how his friend was recovering. Severide picked up the phone and dialed Casey's number and listened to it ring while he watched the rise and fall of his son's ches.
Matt hesitated for a split second when he saw Kelly's number appear on the screen of his phone. Then shook his head and answered, "What's up Severide?"
Kelly could hear Matt's voice was had a different tone and replied, "Good. I just called to see how things were going with you. I hadn't heard since the only person I've really talked to was Gabby. Her advice has been great. So how are you doing?"
There was a long silence for a second as Matt considered first the tiredness in Kelly's voice as well as the answer he wanted to give opposed to the things he was experiencing since the fire. "I'm ok the doctors are saying it's going to be another few weeks before I can return to duty. How are you and Jack doing?"
After almost considered lying but then Kelly responded to Matt with complete and brutal honesty, "Hell, I'm lost. I don't know what the hell to do next. Jack is miserable and nothing I do seems to help."
Matt heard the desperation in Kelly's voice answered, "Sorry, man it's gotta be hard. I always had Gabby to help when we had Louie. It was hard those first few weeks when Louie only wanted Gabby.
"Yeah well maybe I made a mistake in taking him in. Maybe…." Kelly let his thoughts drop off not wanting to admit that lately he thought that Jack might be better with someone else.
Matt interrupted, "Look it was hard when I was around Louie, at first. He was bonded to Gabby and wanted nothing to do with me. It's gonna take some time for Jack to trust you, just like it did with me and Louie. Trust me, you'll get there." Matt said trying to reassure Severide with his advice.
"Maybe you're right. It doesn't help that we are cooped up in this house. The weather has been lousy and Jack and I could both use a change of scenery." Kelly said in a frustrated and tired voice.
Matt decided to push aside the jealousy because he knew it took a lot for Kelly to reach out to anyone for help. Matt continued to speak," Gabby and I are getting take out after she gets off of shift. Do you want to bring Jack over? Gabby and I would like to meet Jack. "Matt said intent on helping his friend.
"Hey I wasn't trying to beg for an invite." Kelly answered distractedly as he watched as Jack started to stir from his nap. He had hoped to get a few more minutes of quiet before Jack woke up.
Matt chuckled on the other end of the phone, "I could use some company too. Gabby and I actually talked about wanting to meet Jack. I am pretty sure that she would be happy to have you and Jack over for dinner.
Kelly replied gratefully wanting some adult company and maybe a little help with Jack, "Yeah a night out sounds great. What time should I come over?"
Matt replied to his friend and hung up the phone, "Anytime buddy. See you soon."
Casey for the first time in a week felt like he had a purpose, to help his friend. To focus on something other than himself helped him to get out of his own head. He was grateful for the distraction of someone else's problems besides his own.
Just then Gabby came in the door and dropped her bags down and surveyed Matt who wore a slight smile on his face. Matt engulfed her in a big hug and bent to kiss Gabby.
Gabby smiled liking the fact for the first time in a week Matt's eyes contained a sparkle and a grin. She pushed back a little and asked, "What got into you?"
"Have I told you what a smart and beautiful woman you are?" Matt's blue eyes looked at his wife as she looked back at him questioningly.
"Matt Casey, what are you up to?" Gabby responded with a light chuckle as she rested in her husband's arms.
"You knew that both me and Severide needed company. He called a few minutes ago and I invited him over for dinner. He is bringing Jack too so I hope that is ok." Matt ended his comment with a peck on Gabby's nose.
"Baby, it's ok with me. But are you going to be ok? I mean after the other day in the hospital and then earlier, what changed your mind?" Gabby knitted her eyebrows together in concern for Matt.
"Look, I just reconsidered after talking to Kelly. He sounds tired and like he could use a friend. And I need to get my mind off of things. I have been in my own head too much lately" Matt admitted for the first time that he had been struggling.
Gabby was pleased that Matt opened up a little to her and decided not to push her husband any further. Communication for them had always been tricky but there was a ray of light opening up and she wanted to let Matt set the pace. Their past problems had all stemmed from lack of communication and as a newly wedded couple they were still learning what worked for them as a couple.
Matt noticed his wife thinking and suddenly felt aroused and playful at the same time. He gently pulled Gabby so that she was squeezed tightly against his torso and grabbed both cheeks of her butt lustily. Then Matt whispered into his wife's ear, "I not recovered completely but maybe after Kelly and Jack leave we can make out a a little. I've missed us being 'close'.
Gabby had a visible reaction to Matt's advances, her eyes dilated and the look on her face became very seductive. She leaned up against her husband and nibbled on his ear then traced small wet kisses down his neck. Gabby whispered breathlessly into Matt's ear, "I think pizza sounds great and some wings extra spicy. What do you think Mr. Casey?"
Matt threw back his head and laughed loudly, "I think you are a tease Mrs. Casey. Pizza is fine I am sure Jack and Kelly will love it. And later when they are gone I want a little desert.
Gabby loosened her grip and headed to the kitchen to get the take out menus but wiggled her butt suggestively as she knew Matt was watching her walk away.
In that moment Casey forgot all about his troubles or at least tried to push them to the back of his mind. The thing that freaked him out the most was the appearance of his father Greg in his dreams, rather nightmares. Matt knew that he hadn't dealt with a lot of his past but didn't really want to dredge back old memories. He hoped that maybe this nightmare was just a one-time thing or at least that is what he hoped as he followed Gabby into the kitchen to decide on the take out.