It left me completely defenseless. I wasn't prepared for this. Not at all. Sure, I knew I was in a tv show, but I assumed something like a nice small hidden village that doesn't go to wars, or is fought in, or generally doesn't have any events that I could get hurt or worse, killed in. I was hoping for becoming a pretty, cool civilian girl that will have one night stands and drink sake to the point she doesn't know her name, not to be stuck in the middle of wars and mass destructions. Because everything that happened in Naruto had something to do with this fucking, overly sunny and easily destroyable village. Hell, even the Kyuubi attack was too much for me, but destruction of the whole village? This was nonsense. Pure nonsense.

I was hyperventilating. My breathing was ragged and fast, and I was trying to calm myself down, but all the paranoia I've been growing inside of myself for years has surfaced, and all I could think of was how I just didn't want to die. I didn't want to disappear from yet another world, I didn't want to…

The mirror

That damned mirror I kept seeing in my dreams, the fucking thing I could never get rid of, would be there. The very moment I would die, and I knew it would happen too soon, I would be left in that vacuum with the mirror set in front of me. And it would be there until I reincarnated again, but that I was not sure was possible. It probably wasn't.

I just didn't want to see the mirror again.

I didn't even notice when I was lifted in the air by something, my feet sluggishly hanging in the air and saliva dripping over my orange hair. I was trying not to scream in agony at the whole village. A village full of ninja. Full of killers that were out to get me. To hurt me, to hurt everyone I loved, to hurt Hinata, to hurt Aiko, destroy her weapon shop, to killkillkill.

I wasn't thinking rationally anymore. I wasn't thinking at all, my black eyes wide open. My mouth was closed shut, to not let words slip out of my mouth. That was the most important right now. For them not to notice me. I wasn't even supposed to be here, I shouldn't have existed!

Do not show yourself. Do not be seen. They will kill you, hurt you, take everyone from you. The ninja are as ruthless as one can be, remember that.

And I remembered. I remembered watching the show and thinking of the deeper meaning. That these people were ready to sent civilians to die to pursuit their stupid goal of utopia, creating causalities no one has ever spoken of because it wasn't important. Unless you wore a headband, you were just a mass of blood and meat that could easily burn alongside the others.

I didn't want to die

My eyes fluttered open, but I kept them half lidded just so I could see what was in front of me without the other people seeing their color. I was moving in a steady pace, but it wasn't by my legs. I was silently thanking Hinata for being there for me. For catching me when I was to fall. I would just need him to be here for longer, and more occasions. I couldn't slip up. I couldn't let them to know, or I would be destroyed, wiped off the face of this motherfucking world.

My tiny fists curled up. The people were looking, they were staring at us. A huge black dog with a small kid hanging limply from his mouth didn't look appealing to the citizens of Konoha. They were all happy, careless about the fact that they will all die. I was disgusted. I didn't feel pity for them, neither did I have the hero syndrome. I wasn't planning to save anyone, we established that before. I just wanted to live my own, safe life.

I closed my eyes again and focused on my breathing. I knew that shit was important to calm me down. Slow, deep breaths were what kept me content after an all nigh run from armed people. Armed people were the worst, learn that kids.

I was beginning to feel better, Hinata's presence shooting me. I wasn't emotionally happier or anything, just calmer. And calmer, I could think. Think this through and make a plan. I needed to adapt again. Change and twist myself to the point when no one could recognize me.

So I started scheming, and I didn't even know how or why, we stopped.

I opened my eyes, and saw everything being placed right in front of me like on a silver platter. Hinata looked at me with expectations in his eyes and barked, but I brushed it off. The view was… breathtaking.

Konoha was bright even in the night, the streets and shops filled with tiny little dots that were the people of it, and I could smell the different foods even from such a distance. I was stunned, as I saw the light in our flat, meaning Aiko was home. I was left completely speechless and suddenly, it all made sense. My mouth went dry, and she had to sit down, my dog crawling next to her and placing his head under my shoulder, nuzzling his neck to my side.

"It's not that I don't like you." I stated, my tired voice that didn't belong to a four year old child carrying over the Hokage Mountain I was sitting at. I drew my knees together and pulled them upwards. My vision was filled with the lights of all these buildings and the moon was illuminating my already unnaturally pale face, now even more pale thanks to the constant fear.

"It's just that… I love myself more, you know?" Hinata twisted his head to look at me, and his eyes looked even bigger. I took his ear in between my fingers, and fiddled with is as I continued talking "I know I am a selfish idiot, I am aware of that… but I've always been like that, since I was a little girl back in my previous life… my life." I talked, and the dog listened. I didn't know how much of it he understood, but his eyes were far too intelligent. Sometimes, I wanted him to speak to me and give me some advice. "I am… loosing the grip of my life. Just like before. I want to be able to… just, you know, understand. Everything. But I can't, in this world, I cannot even understand myself. I just know… I want to flee again, just like I did before in every action, during every job, every time I had to fight more than I was sure I could handle." I started trembling as I remembered my past life. I missed it… I missed how I looked before Naruto, before the mirror. I missed how I was, funny and carefree with only one fear, of death. I missed how I knew how to balance myself out, to give everyone what they wanted of me to appear less suspicious.

"My family probably understood only when they found me dead with my guts all over the shallow grave."

The mirror.

"But how can I… how can I adapt now, with the growing paranoia inside my head. How can I adapt when I know it will cost me my life?" I wouldn't mind causing death to others. As long as I would achieve what I wanted, I didn't mind the glassy eyes and smell of copper. "It doesn't matter whether I adapt to the ninja or to civilians. There is danger either way." Hinata continued staring at me, and I was beginning to feel judged. "I just… want to find the right path." Now I was lying. "as a civilian, there is lesser chance of dying because we don't participate in wars. But when somebody ambushes the village, as a civilian I can do nothing… " this was harder than it looked.

"As a civilian, I don't have the strength but I have the status. As a ninja I have the strength, but I am missing the status… "

Hinata looked at me before pulling out his paws to rest them on my things. He pulled out the first, then the second, kept them separated for a minute and then placed one on top of other, his intelligent eyes staring at me.

I got it. Perfectly.

Thus, my new life was formed.