Life Circles

4. Changes

J/C, P/T

Rated MA

April 2009

By: AW

Summary: 6 weeks after 'Partially Fixed' Seska returns, can Chakotay refuse her?

Length: 4227 words

Disclaimer: blah blah blah, I DON'T OWN THEM

[6 weeks after Partially Fixed]

Kathryn flopped on the couch it had been one hell of a day. Kathryn had watched Seska leave the ship: it had been proven she was a Cardassian Spy, she had admitted to it. Tom had almost been killed and stolen from them.

She didn't love Tom and she wasn't sure she ever had. She loved Chakotay that was for sure. She rubbed her tummy where the product of their love laid. "Now Taya, you have to stop this. I need to be alert, especially with the threat of the Kazon here."

Chakotay walked out of the bedroom having just changed out of his uniform. "Is this one of those one-sided conversations you have with my daughter?"

Kathryn grinned. "I suppose so, but she knows who's right."

Kathryn turned to Chakotay, "Did they get that problem with the transporters fixed by the time you left the bridge?"

Chakotay shook his head. "No, they're still working on that. Those Kazon are going to kill us."

Kathryn laughed, "Yeah, you wouldn't think a race so primitive would be able to target our transporters so precisely or easily."

Chakotay looked at her, "True, but they do have a Cardassian on board who did work with us for a year."

"True."

Chakotay ran a hand over Kathryn's auburn locks, "I hope our daughter has blue eyes and auburn hair just like her mother."

Kathryn scoffed, "That's not lucky Chakotay. I spent my days at school getting teased for just that."

"Maybe, but look at how beautiful you are now."

Kathryn snuggled against Chakotay's side. "If you say so."

Kathryn grimaced, "My back is killing me."

Chakotay smiled, "Well you are carrying around an extra 20 kilos Kat." He stopped looking at her; she looked like she was in real pain. "Come here, turn around."

Chakotay began massaging her back. "That feels so much better baby."

Kathryn was closing her eyes and looked almost of if she were in complete bliss. "Oh god, that feels good."

Chakotay raised an eyebrow, the sounds she was making almost sounded like she was having an orgasm right there. "It sounds to me Kat, like you're enjoying this a little too much."

Kathryn smiled and turned to meet her lips with his. "Not quite that much. Besides you can't actually find me attractive? I look like a beached whale!"

"Oh Kathryn, when will you learn. This," he patted his hand on the baby, "makes you more attractive."

Kathryn rolled her eyes, "Yeah, right."

He reached his hand to her and drew her up off the couch. "Come on Kathryn let's get some sleep."

Kathryn got up off the couch and followed him to the bedroom.

"I need a coffee."

Chakotay rolled his eyes. "You're 32 weeks pregnant Kathryn, you need sleep!"

Kathryn sighed, "Fine."

She put her nightgown on and curled up in bed and before Chakotay even had a chance to get dressed for night he turned around and she was fast asleep.

"Told you, you needed sleep."

[0300 Janeway Quarters]

Kathryn groggily opened her eyes. Something had woken her up. She moaned and went to get up realizing that the mattress under her was soaked.

She shook Chakotay, "Chakotay wake up."

Kathryn's shrill, panicked voice woke him up from his slumber. "What time is it?"

"Time to get to sickbay Chakotay: my water broke."

Oh yes, he was out of bed so fast: "What do you mean your water broke. You're only like 32 weeks pregnant."

"That's why we have to get to sickbay: NOW; and lucky us the transporters are down."

Chakotay went to leave and turned around to realize Kathryn was lumbering towards him with her housecoat half on half off.

Chakotay went and helped her and grabbed his own housecoat. "Why did this happen Kathryn?"

"I have no idea Chakotay, we've been so careful."

Chakotay glared at her, "Maybe the kid is so strung up on caffeine that she wants out now."

"You're funny Chakotay I –" Kathryn groaned and bent over in pain, blood gushing out of her. "What's happening?"

Chakotay slapped his commbadge. "Chakotay to sickbay: medical emergency in the Captain's quarters."

Kathryn was slipping in and out of consciousness as Chakotay gently laid her on the floor. "Stay with me Kathryn."

Chakotay watched his life falling apart before him. "Not Kathryn."

It was then Kes ran into their quarters, and saw Kathryn slumped over barely conscious. "What happened?"

The Commander was almost at the point of hysterics. "I don't know. Her water broke, and then we got up and we were going to make our way to sickbay, and then she slumped over and started bleeding everywhere."

Kes looked at Chakotay, "Panicking isn't helping her Chakotay, you have to be here for her now. We need to get her to sickbay."

Chakotay nodded. And picked his wife up and began carrying her to sickbay.

They reached sickbay and Chakotay placed her gently on a biobed. The doctor right away began scanning her and after much humming and hawing: Chakotay got mad. "What the hell is wrong with her?"

The doctor shook his head and placed a hypospray to Kathryn's neck. "Her waters have broken, and she's haemorrhaging, from the placenta detaching too early. I need to do a foetal transport."

Chakotay stared at the doctor, "The transporters are down Doctor; we have to do something."

"I agree with you Commander, but –"

Their conversation was halted by a hail from the bridge. Harry came on the line. "Kim to Chakotay, I think I have the transporters online."

Chakotay yelled, "Think? How sure are you Ensign?"

Harry was shaken by the Commander's gruff orders. "Fine, I'm sure they're up. B'Elanna verified my conclusion."

Chakotay took in a deep breath. "Thank you Ensign."

The doctor looked at the Commander, "I guess it is okay to try a foetal transport then."

Chakotay nodded and then he went to Kathryn and took her hand, giving her the support she would need.

Chakotay was staring at his wife. "Will the baby be okay?"

"Your daughter should be okay: 32 weeks is early but it's definitely viable."

Chakotay watched quietly as the doctor worked. "Commencing umbilical separation and locking onto the baby's coordinates."

Chakotay watched as his daughter: baby Taya, appeared in the incubator. She was so beautiful. Tiny mind you, but she looked like she was okay. A cry rang out and Chakotay felt tears falling down his cheeks.

"What about Kathryn? Is she going to be okay?"

The doctor nodded, "I stopped the bleeding, and replenished her blood supply: There shouldn't be any more problems with her."

He bent over and prayed that the doctor was right. Holding Kathryn's hand he whispered, "We have a daughter: Taya made it safe and sound."

He leaned over and kissed her on the lips, a reassuring gesture that hopefully would let her know that all was okay. "Doctor, when do you think she'll be out of the woods?"

The doctor smiled Chakotay's way. "She's out of the woods now, and I expect her to wake up in the next three maybe four hours. I suggest in the meantime you go to your quarters and get some sleep: you look like you could use it."

Chakotay nodded and exited sickbay.

He walked to his quarters, set the alarm for three hours from the time he laid down and fell into an exhausted sleep.

[3 hours later Chakotay's Quarters]

Chakotay woke up to the alarm and went to the bathroom. He splashed cold water on his face and stared at the reflection in the mirror.

He normally would have slept in Kathryn's quarters – now their quarters – but with Kathryn in sickbay with what were possibly life threatening injuries, he couldn't do it. The Quarters felt too much like Kathryn, they smelled like Kathryn, they looked like Kathryn's quarters; there was no part of him in those quarters.

Soon it would have to be the quarters they would share with their baby: Taya.

Half an hour later he walked into sickbay, looking for the EMH and for Taya. He heard fussing in corner of sickbay and walked over to the incubator. There was a nametag on the tiny incubator stating this child as 'Taya Janeway'. Everyone knew whose child this was.

Everyone knew this was the progeny of the Captain and Commander.

Everyone knew this child would be the Delta Quadrant Darling.

He smiled and picked up his child, trying to quiet the fussing baby. He realized her bottom was wet and also realized he had forgotten to bring diapers with him.

"Computer activate the EMH.

The doctor materialized and approached Chakotay, "Commander, the Captain has not woken up yet, but I expect her to come out of the drug-induced coma in the next hour.

Chakotay nodded and asked the doctor, "Do you have any diapers here? Taya appears to be wet."

The doctor went over to the cupboard and took out some diapers for the Commander. He changed her tiny bottom and brought her over to Kathryn's side. "The baby is fine Kathryn; and I'm sure that when you wake up she's going to be hungry."

Chakotay held his daughter close to him and patted her little back, as she looked like she was falling asleep. "I think everything is going to be fine with us Taya."

Thirty minutes later Chakotay went to the incubator and placed Taya back, she had fallen asleep.

He heard groaning from the other side of the sickbay and rushed over to where Kathryn lay. "Kathryn?"

Her eyes slowly fluttered open and she turned her face towards him. "Chakotay, what happened? Is the ship alright?"

Chakotay laughed, "The ship is okay Kathryn and so is the baby."

Her hands flew to her stomach. "Is Taya okay then?"

"She's fine Kathryn: A little small, but fine."

Kathryn smiled, "Can I see her?"

"Well she just went to sleep, but being a newborn I'm guessing she'll be up in not too long, and hungry to boot."

The prophetic words rang out as they began to hear fussing from the incubator. Chakotay went over and picked up his daughter to bring towards his wife.

Kathryn reached out for the baby, and held her against her body. "Oh Chakotay she looks just like you!"

He laughed, "I don't know if that's a good thing or a bad thing."

Taya opened her eyes looking at Kathryn. "She has blue eyes Chakotay, look at that."

He ran a hand over her dark baby down and looked down at his daughter's deep blue eyes. "She is beautiful Kathryn. Thank you."

The baby was rooting against Kathryn's breast. "I think she's hungry Chakotay."

He stared at her, "Well then give it a go Kathryn."

Kathryn exposed her breast and the baby latched on. "Wow, it hurts Chakotay."

He smiled, "I'm sure it will get easier Kathryn."

She laughed, "I hope so or I'm not sure I can keep on doing this." She paused as the child finished nursing, "When did the doctor say we could take her home?"

Chakotay sighed, "He said he wants to keep her here for at least two weeks since she was early."

Kathryn nodded in acceptance, "And when can I leave sickbay?"

Chakotay smiled at her fidgety movements. "He said you can probably go home tonight, but you'll have to come in here a couple of times a day at least if you're insistent on breast-feeding her. He told me he can supplement some, but he would like you to come in and feed her if you can."

Kathryn nodded, "Okay thanks. Thank you for taking care of her while I was sick and thank you for taking care of me and making sure she came into the world safe and sound."

"Anything for you my dear." He reached his lips down and kissed her. "I love you, and I have to make it to shift today, and then I'll be back later tonight to pick you up."

[0800 hours – bridge]

Chakotay walked onto the bridge, knowing this was where he needed to be (especially with Kathryn out of commission).

He walked over to the ops station and Harry nodded at him. "Welcome to the bridge Commander, is the Captain okay?"

He smiled at the innocent optimism of Harry Kim, "I would like to say I'm sorry for my response on the comm. line yesterday: I was in a heightened state of agitation. Kathryn was in bad shape and the baby was in trouble."

Harry patted Chakotay on the shoulder, "its okay Commander, everyone understands. How is the baby by the way?"

"Our daughter was born early this morning. She seems to be fine."

"That's great Commander, what's her name?"

"Taya: Taya Janeway."

"That's great Chakotay, I'm so happy that everything worked out for you two."

Chakotay nodded and proceeded to the Command Chair and relieved the lieutenant from Beta shift. And began his shift.

At 1200 hours he left the bridge for lunch, but everyone knew where he was going. He headed for sickbay and saw Kathryn sitting there nursing their daughter. He walked up to the bed, and looked at the baby slowly falling asleep in Kathryn's armed clasped to her breast. "Had any other visitors?"

Well Tom and B'Elanna said they'd be by to see me in our quarters tonight, B'Elanna said it would have to be a quick visit though because she's on in engineering tonight."

"Oh, poor B'Elanna."

"They're still making repairs from the last Kazon attack Kathryn."

She nodded, "Oh I know; and I know how B'Elanna is about her engines."

Kathryn laughed, "No doubt."

Chakotay tilted his head in questioning, "Have you tried getting up and walking yet?"

Kathryn shook her head. "I was going to wait for you and try to do it with you accompanying me."

He went up to her and lifted his sleeping daughter out of her arms: He put her back in the incubator and tucked her under her blankets. He slowly brushed a hand over her tan brow, the child would look more like him than like Kathryn, but the baby had her striking blue eyes and for that he was grateful. To him that was Kathryn's most striking feature aside from her auburn hair, which the baby was not going to be lucky enough to inherit. He could already see the black hair – so much like his own – sprouting out.

Chakotay rubbed a hand over the fine dark hair and picked her up to put her in the incubator before he walked back over to Kathryn's bedside. "Honey, you want to try and get up and walk around a bit?"

Kathryn nodded and Chakotay supported her weight as she slowly got up off the bed. She slowly put one leg in front of the other and walked with her husband over to the incubator where their daughter lay. "She is so beautiful Chakotay, thank you for her."

"Hey you did all the work; I just put her in there."

Kathryn punched his arm playfully. "You helped me a lot during the pregnancy."

Chakotay nodded, "Thank you anyway Kathryn."

[3 hours later]

Chakotay would be on the bridge until about 7pm, but she knew that Tom was done shift at 3, he had had an early shift and would be coming to visit her. Kathryn was still in sickbay until Chakotay came to get her, but she had been informed that right after his shift Tom was coming to see her.

The door to sickbay opened and in came Tom.

"You look great Kathryn."

Kathryn felt an incredulous noise escape her mouth. "Yeah, right."

He paused looking for the right words, "So where's the baby?"

"The doctor thought it would be for the best for her to stay here in sickbay for a couple of more weeks at least: She was quite early after all."

Tom smiled and led her to the chairs by Taya's bassinette going to the replicator and ordering two black coffees. "I want to say I'm sorry for everything the last little while has brought on us. I never meant to get in the middle of yours and Chakotay's relationship."

She smiled and nodded, "I know Tom; and I know that this has been hard on you too. I never meant for it to be like this."

"When do I get to see this baby of yours?"

Kathryn grinned, "Well I have to go over there and feed her in an hour. Let's finish our coffees and then about her feeding time you can come over to that dark area of sickbay and see her: right now she's sleeping; B'Elanna saw her earlier today, so I think it's your turn."

Tom nodded his approval and they continued enjoying their coffees, talking about what was to come.

[45 minutes later – neo-natal area: sickbay]

Kathryn walked over to the incubator and pulled little Taya out to show Tom. "This is Taya Janeway."

The child opened her eyes and Tom saw the bright blue orbs, so much like the eyes of Jennica all those years ago. "She's beautiful Kathryn; she almost looks like Jennica did when she was born.

Kathryn sighed, "Tom, we really shouldn't be talking about this."

There was a moment of shocked silence, as they realized Jennica had never really been dealt with.

He grabbed Kathryn by the arm. "I'm sorry Kathryn, I never meant –"

Kathryn waved off his concern. "Tom, we have to deal with this eventually, and since there isn't a counsellor on board, and Chakotay is out of the question: looks like the doctor is the lucky candidate."

Tom smiled, "Guess so. I never meant for it to be like this Captain, and your child is beautiful."

She smiled, "Thank you Tom."

She smiled at him and took Taya behind the curtain to feed her.

[2 weeks later – Janeway Quarters]

"I'm so happy to have her home Chakotay."

He smiled at her, "And I'm so happy that you decided to continue breastfeeding: It is best for the baby you know."

"I know, I love you both you know that right Chakotay?" she smiled down at the child in her arms nursing.

Chakotay stood back and watched the picture in front of him. Not even a month ago this had been a pipe dream of sorts, now it was reality. Kathryn looked at him with maternal contentment in her eyes. The pain of breastfeeding had lessened and she had bowed into the role of motherhood with gusto.

"Kathryn, I do need to ask you something."

Kathryn put her finger to her lips, in a motion to quiet her husband as the child in her arms had fallen asleep. She carried little Taya to the bassinette in the bedroom and exited closing the door behind her. "Okay Chakotay what's the matter."

He sighed, "I just would like to know how your counselling sessions with Tom and the Doctor are going."

She smiled, "They're going well. I think it all came to a head when Tom commented that Taya looked so much like Jennica when she was born and I realized that I never really dealt with it."

Chakotay nodded, "Are you dealing with it now?"

"I think we both are Chakotay. Whether we realized it or not at the time, having Jennica at such a young age was a traumatic event for us both: For Tom especially having to be raised with his own daughter as his sibling."

Chakotay ran a hand over Kathryn's silky auburn locks. "I'm sorry you had to go through that when you weren't even fully grown yourself."

Kathryn nodded her acknowledgement, "I understand what happened to us: both of us. And whether you like to admit it or not, you and B'Elanna were both a huge part of this."

Chakotay drew in a deep breath, "Did you hear? B'Elanna's expecting a little girl in seven months?"

"Yes I heard, and I am so happy for both of them, I'm glad both Tom and B'Elanna could see past this youthful indiscretion and get on with their lives."

Chakotay nodded, "I'm happy for them too. I know that you and Tom still have some stuff to work out, and I'm glad you're doing this, but how much longer do you think this'll take?"

Kathryn stared at Chakotay confused, "Are you jealous Chakotay?"

He shook his head, "You don't understand Kathryn. You have a baby and a husband that need your support right now, and while I'm glad that you and Tom took this opportunity to work things out: Taya and I need you too."

Kathryn was angry, "I expected more from you Chakotay."

"You're my wife, I need you. You're also the Captain of this ship and the crew needs you too. You're also a mother to Taya and she needs you."

Kathryn turned her back to him, "I'm doing my best Chakotay, but I need a little more time."

Chakotay rushed out of their quarters, but before exiting stated: "I'll be in MY quarters. When this is all over: come see me."

[4 months later]

Chakotay hadn't come back to Kathryn, and now they were stuck on a planet alone. They couldn't bring Taya down here to create a life of solitude for her, she wouldn't let him. Her mind was reeling, she knew she was still in stasis, her eyes wouldn't open and her muscles wouldn't respond.

Her mind went back to what had happened. They were on a routine food finding away mission: she and Chakotay never went together on such missions, but this time, against her better judgement they had both gone.

And then they had been bitten by that damn bug, and now here she was in stasis, praying that they had found a cure.

Kathryn woke up and felt like she was in a coffin. She pushed the lid of the bio-stasis chamber opened and made a shrugging motion to her right at Chakotay who was laying the chamber next to her.

Kathryn swung her legs around and popped out of the chamber, she looked at Chakotay. "I guess they didn't find a cure."

She looked at him, "I won't bring Taya down here: she doesn't deserve it."

He nodded and for the first time in four months it seemed he agreed with what she was saying.

She brought her hand up and touched his face, "Chakotay we're possibly going to have to stay on this planet for the rest of our lives: I don't want Taya here with us."

Chakotay nodded, he looked at her. "Let's leave her with Tom and B'Elanna." They'll provide a stable home for her and she'll have a sister to play with now that B'Elanna is expecting."

Chakotay nodded, "I guess we should message the ship and tell them not to contact the Vidiians and see if Tom and B'Elanna will take Taya for their own if we never get back."

"I agree."

"Janeway to Voyager."

"This is Tuvok, what have you decided Captain?"

"I'm turning over Command of the ship to you Tuvok; and I have to make it clear to you that there will be no contact with the Vidiians."

"Yes Captain."

"Now can you put me through on a private channel to Tom and B'Elanna?"

"Yes, Captain."

Tuvok looked at Paris, "You and Lieutenant Torres will meet in the Captain's ready room; she has a personal message for you."

Tom nodded and headed to wait in the ready room for B'Elanna to show up. B'Elanna walked into the ready room. "What's this all about?"

"I don't know. Tuvok just said to message Kathryn privately when you got here."

B'Elanna nodded and placed a hand on her stomach where their baby rested. "Paris to Janeway, B'Elanna and I are here and this is a private channel."

"I assume you've heard that we can't continue the voyage with you."

"Yes Captain, but what does that have to do with us?"

"We'd like you to take care of Taya for us. We know that you'll impress upon her our values and make sure she knows who we were. And you're going to be giving her a little sister in a little while."

Tom nodded and looked at B'Elanna who nodded in agreement. "I love Taya and I have to let her go, there is no way I'm sentencing her to a life of loneliness and exile because I want to be the one to raise her."

Tom looked one more time at B'Elanna for reassurance, at her nod he continued the conversation. "We'll do it Captain, but only until hopefully you're returned to us."

"Very well, Janeway out."

She looked at Chakotay, "Well that's done now. We might be stuck here for a while."

Chakotay nodded. "Yes Captain."

She let out a breath, "Come on Chakotay, you can call me Kathryn, we've had our disagreements but we're married. We have a daughter together; we used to love each other: I know I still love you and I hope you feel the same way."

At Chakotay's nod, the couple went to set up the modular shelter that would become their home.

END 4. Changes

TBC in 5. Resolution: Making it Work