Life Circles
7. Truth and Consequences
J/C, P/T
Rated MA
May 2009
By: AW
Length: 4775 words
Summary: Directly after 'Bleeding Love', The end of 'Sacred Ground', and some completion to the story of the Janeway children.
Disclaimer: blah blah blah, I DON'T OWN THEM
[Directly after 'Bleeding Love']
It's the heart afraid of breaking
that never learns to dance.
It's the dream afraid of waking
that never takes the chance.
Chakotay stared at the E.M.H. incredulous, "It's been three days since she had any sleep. How long are we going to let her go through this?"
"I understand your concern, Commander, but I must point out that her vital signs are stable. She seems to be in no immediate danger."
"She's been poisoned by some unknown toxin. It may be having an effect we can't gauge. It could lie dormant for a few days and then suddenly fluctuate and kill her in minutes." Chakotay was nearing hysterics, this was his wife and the mother of his children and soon to be mother of his twins.
"You seem to be implying that I'm not paying attention. I assure you I am monitoring her constantly. If I thought she were in jeopardy I would act." Chakotay sighed and stared at Tuvok for some reassurance or help on this. He needed her, he needed her back in one piece and with him for eternity.
Tuvok finally decided to speak up and Chakotay looked at him for some form of reassurance. "Doctor, is there anything that might be preventing her from using the homing signal in her implant?"
"That's not enough Tuvok; that's my wife down the risking her life!"
"I am fully aware of the depth of emotion that you carry for her and that she carries for you; but at the moment she does not appear to be in any danger."
The doctor continued to try to reassure the man, "She's not in any danger, not that I'm aware of. She's fully conscious and has complete motor control. If she wanted to transport she could signal us."
Chakotay realized at that point that he was outnumbered, his wife was going to continue to risk her life for the crew no matter what the price was. "Are you getting enough meaningful information to justify her continuing this ordeal?"
"I am getting some remarkable data. Her entire biochemistry is undergoing a series of unique interactions. Look, this amino acid has been formed as a result of the breakdown of the toxin in her blood stream. It's affecting the normal flow of neurotransmitters and very likely having an hallucinogenic effect."
Tuvok piped in, concerned slightly for his friend of more than 20 years. "Is she delusional?"
The doctor looked at both men, "I think she's experiencing the Nechani version of a psychoactive drug."
Alarms went off in Chakotay's mind, they were drugging his wife, his very pregnant wife. "Then is it possible she's in no condition to activate the homing signal?" he paused collecting his thoughts, "And will those drugs be harmful to the babies?"
"I don't believe they'll be harmful to your children Commander: I don't believe that's the case, and I strongly suspect this biochemical change is going to give us the answers we need. The toxin in her bloodstream may very well be the key to getting a treatment for Kes."
Tuvok stared at Chakotay, knowing the truth in the statements he was making: "Commander, the decision is ultimately yours, of course. However, I believe it would be the Captain's desire to complete the ritual."
Chakotay looked at both men; men who had become his friends and trusted allies over the years: "All right, we'll leave her there for now, but I'm not moving from this monitor until she gets back."
He needed all of them back safe and sound and he was not leaving sickbay or the monitors that were recording readings on his family until they were all back safe and sound.
Kathryn remembered the dreams vividly, or hallucinations she wasn`t sure. She placed a hand on her abdomen and felt the children within her squirm assuring her they were okay.
Her guide walked up and opened the case where she lay. "Welcome back."
Kathryn placed a hand to her head, trying to clear the fog from her mind. "How long?"
"Does that matter?"
"I'd like to know."
"Thirty nine hours. You must take care of yourself. Your body's weak: especially for the sake of the children you carry."
"I guess the physical conditioning programs on the holodeck didn't quite prepare me for this."
"Has it been worthwhile?"
Kathryn stared at the guide, "I think so. I was told that I had what I needed to save Kes."
"Then it must be true. The spirits would not deceive you; Whenever you're ready."
The guide handed her, her uniform and Kathryn took it without questioning. "Thank you."
When Kathryn returned to the ship, she immediately reported to sickbay, she sat on the biobed as the doctor scanned her and the children within her womb. "Are the babies okay?"
The doctor looked at her, noting her concern and attempting to calm her nerves about the growing children within her body, "You could use a good night's sleep and a solid meal, but otherwise you're in good shape."
"When can you begin treating Kes?"
"Right away. The ritual may have been arduous for you, Captain, but it was certainly worthwhile. As I suspected, the toxin was the key. That's what produces the natural immunity the Nechani monks acquire before they enter the biogenic field."
Chakotay piped up, having not see his wife in days. "So her duty to the Nachani is done. She won't have to back down to the planet? And: how does that translate into a cure for Kes?'
"I've created a physiometric program to analyse the immune mechanism and develop a treatment regiment."
She looked at her husband and took his hand placing it on her belly, letting him feel that his children were still okay and that life was fine. "Then let's get started."
The next few minutes flew by in a haze as Kathryn watched the readings of Kes: never get any better. The pit of her stomach was sinking as Neelix flew off the handle at the doctor demanding why Kes was not getting any better. The doctor was perplexed at his inability to fix the elfin woman in his sickbay.
Finally the doctor looked up at Kathryn words wondering why the treatment hadn't worked, and wondering what else they could do to help. "Do you have any other options?"
"No. I'm sorry, Captain, but it appears that everything you went through was meaningless." Kathryn's eyes grew wide as she heard the words that had been said by the monks in the waiting room, everything was meaningless: did she have the guts to go back and try to make the ritual work?
There had to be something that could still be done. She stared at the doctor, excused herself and went back to her ready room. Chakotay followed her. "I have to go back Chakotay, not as Kathryn, I have to go back as the Captain trying to save a member of her crew."
Chakotay shook his head, "If you want to be like that, I'm the Commander and I can countermand your orders if I feel they're too dangerous."
Kathryn glared at her husband. "This isn't the Commander speaking, it's my husband. When we got married, we decided that it wouldn't get in the way of ship's business."
Chakotay sighed, "Yes but you're no good to the crew if you get yourself killed."
"Chakotay nothing is going to happen to me or the children. If they were going to hurt any of us they would have done it already."
"I don't like this Kathryn." He placed his hands on her abdomen, "I know you're the Captain but you're also my wife and the mother of my children, and I need you to really think about what you're doing."
She backed away from him, "I need to go Commander and this is non-negotiable."
Chakotay stared at her and exited her ready room. She hoped that she had not done permanent damage to the relationship that they had worked so hard to make right.
Kathryn, against her first officer's orders and her second officer's warnings beamed back down to the sanctuary. 'You meant what you said, didn't you. Everything I went through was meaningless."
The guide approached her, "Yes."
Kathryn was almost on the verge of tears, not sure of anything anymore. "I did everything you asked of me. You led me to believe that would allow me to help Kes."
The guide smiled at her, almost like an adult smiling at a petulant child. "I haven't led you anywhere, Kathryn. You've taken me along wherever you wanted to go. This was your ritual. You set these challenges for yourself."
"It's true that I came here with certain expectations. Are you saying that you simply fulfilled my expectations?"
"You'd have settled for nothing else."
She stared at the guide, getting another wind and more sure than ever that she was going to help Kes and make this work. "I'm not ready to give up. If there's still a way to save Kes I want to try."
"You've come back to seek the spirits."
"I don't know what I'm seeking."
"Then I believe you are ready to begin." Kathryn walked up to the door of the monk's room and waited for the door to open.
When it finally did, she found herself much in the same predicament she had been when she had started her journey to save Kes.
She looked at the men and women around her who could hold the key. She had to make this work for Kes' sake and to keep her marriage together.
Finally one of them men spoke up to her. "Fine, don't embrace a thing! It's all the same to us. Go on back to your ship and play with your molecular microscanner."
Then the woman spoke to her, yet again telling her what she didn't want to hear but what she knew was the truth."You've tried all that already, but it didn't work, did it. Kes didn't get better."
"No, she didn't."
Kathryn stared at the men and women who held Kes' future in their hands. "The doctor couldn't explain why it didn't work. We have to find a way, we will find a way."
"But of course you will. You'll find all the answers eventually, with enough time and study, and the right sort of tools. That's what you believe isn't it as a scientist?"
"Be honest."
"Yes, that's what I've always believed."
"Even when her science fails right before her eyes she still has full confidence in it. Now there's a leap of faith." Maybe being honest was the truth she needed to discover.
"Unconditional trust: Now that's promising."
"Alright. If you're saying that science won't help Kes, what will?"
"There you go again, always looking for a rational explanation. Well there isn't one. Your orbital scans and medical research have given you the facts, and they tell you the biogenic field is lethal."
"If you believe the facts."
The man stared at her and told her what she knew was true, but what she was afraid of: for her, for Kes and for the children she carried. "Let all of that go, Kathryn. Take Kes back into the shrine and trust the spirits to return her soul."
The second man spoke up, "But if you go in with any doubt, with any hesitation, then you're both dead. So, what are you going to do, Captain?"
"You know I won't stand by and watch Kes die if there's anything I can do to save her. I want to believe it's possible. I'm going to try."
Kathryn walked out of the room and went up to her guide and looked her in the eyes, a new sense of determination taking her over.
"Janeway to Chakotay. I want you to beam Kes down here to the sanctuary."
"Acknowledged. I'll bring her down myself, I have to see for myself that everyone's okay." Kathryn felt the line cut.
On Voyager Chakotay looked around and opened a line to sickbay. "Chakotay to sickbay. Doctor, prepare Kes for transport."
The doctor answered, and the journey began. "Understood."
Chakotay beamed down to the sanctuary with Kes and a small away team, including Neelix. He stared at his wife. "The Doctor says her life signs are deteriorating. He almost wouldn't let us take her out of sickbay."
Neelix stared at the Captain, and Kathryn knew that he was just trying to find a way to save his love. "Have you found a way to help her?"
"Yes I have. I'm taking her back into the biogenic field."
Chakotay approached Kathryn, and the Commander's stance opened up. "Captain, you've been through a lot in the past few days."
Kathryn stared at Chakotay. "I know what I'm doing."
"Are you sure of that? There are 800 megajoules of biogenic energy running through that shrine. The thoron radiation levels are off the scale. That's what you'd be taking yourself and her and our children into." He paused going closer to her. "The doctor said that he was afraid of you doing this in your current condition."
"I have to do this Chakotay, for Kes and for myself."
Kathryn walked over to the biobed that Kes was lying on that the doctor had beamed down against his better judgement.
She reached her hands under Kes' body and slowly began to raise her off the biobed. She raised her up above the baby bump and rested her on top of where the twins laid. *Please forgive me Chakotay.*
She walked up to the wall of biotemporal energy which she knew she had to pass through.
As she passed she felt a surge of energy pass through her and she looked down to see Kes' eyes open, as she looked down she felt a jolt of pain sear through her abdomen and fell to her knees trying her best not to drop her friend.
She fell down the stairs behind her and let out a scream as Kes passed through the field and followed her down the stairs.
She clutched her abdomen and Chakotay rushed to her side. "Kathryn!"
Kathryn had tears falling down her cheeks as Kes grabbed the tricorder from Chakotay and scanned her Captain. "She's been thrown into labour. The electrostatic field acted like a contraction would throwing her body into something she wasn't ready for."
Chakotay tapped his commbadge, "Chakotay to sickbay three to beam directly to sickbay."
"Understood."
Kathryn felt the transporter beam engulf her and then the world went black.
[2 hours later – sickbay]
Chakotay sat by the biobed. "Doctor, is she going to be okay? And the babies?"
The doctor looked at Chakotay unsure."For now Commander, but I'm not sure she'll be able to take command of the ship for a while: I want her on complete bed rest for the next two weeks, by then she should be out of the woods, assuming everything goes as planned."
Chakotay nodded, "Thank you doctor; when do you think Kathryn will regain consciousness?"
"I sedated her, she has no idea the outcome of what has happened. She should stay unconscious for another eight hours. I suggest you go get some sleep and be here in eight hours and I'll wake her. She can be given the information with both of us present."
Chakotay nodded, "Thank you doctor, see you then."
Chakotay departed and went to his and Kathryn's quarters. The quarters smelled like her, they were her.
He remembered the days when they had been her quarters and only her quarters, that was a long time ago, well it felt like a long time ago. Really it wasn't.
They had re-established the relationship almost immediately upon him being thrust into her grasp: Him as the Maquis rebel; her as the Starfleet Captain.
His life had started when she had accepted him into her crew.
He lay down in their bed and fell into an exhausted sleep.
[3 hours later – sickbay]
Kathryn knew she was in a deep sleep. She remembered the trouble and turmoil that had happened. She felt the dreams attempting to take her over, but realized she was in a drug induced rest.
There was no peaceful sleep for Kathryn and her mind did it's best to quiet itself.
The doctor stared at the body of his Captain: Kathryn Janeway. She was fast asleep but she was tossing and turning. Whatever was going on in her mind, it was a restless 'sleep'. He had stopped the labour but the male child she carried was not doing as well as his larger sister.
He had given her medication to mature the children's lungs in case of an imminent birth, and he was afraid that was exactly what would happen.
He put his head in his hands, and looked down at the office desk: he placed a command in the computer to awaken him if there was any change in the Captain's status or if Commander Chakotay entered the sickbay and stated: "Computer deactivate the EMH."
[Paris Quarters – 3 hours later]
Tom and B'Elanna stared at their daughter and the daughter of Kathryn and Chakotay. The journey that Kathryn had taken with the Nachani monks to save Kes' life, and then she had been thrown in the pre-term labour with the twins: Sometimes Kathryn Janeway as much as they all loved her tried to do too much, tried to be larger than life, but really she was only a woman like B'Elanna herself was.
B'Elanna turned to her husband and watched him trying to get Taya to eat. She was fussing and didn't sound too happy at not having her parents around, but they needed each other right now to try and figure out their lives and the lives of their unborn twins.
She hoped everything would go okay for their friends, but she had a bad feeling about it.
[Same time – Janeway/Chakotay Quarters]
Chakotay awoke with a start trying to figure out what had awakened him from such a deep sleep when he heard the beep of his commbadge again. "Doctor to Commander Chakotay."
"Chakotay here what is it Doctor?"
"I need you down in sickbay immediately, there seems to be a problem with the Captain."
Chakotay was up and out the door in less than two minutes flat. Exactly 6 minutes after the hail he arrived in sickbay to find the doctor doting over his wife. "What's wrong with her?"
The doctor shook his head, "With her nothing, but the babies are another story, well at least one is anyway."
Chakotay opened his mouth, gawking at the doctor, "What do you mean with one of the babies?"
"The male foetus, he is in trouble. That toxin – whatever it was – was a poison to his immune system. Why it targeted him and not his sister, was just bad luck; but it happened. Your child will not survive to term of that I am almost certain."
"Does Kathryn know about any of this?"
"The Captain has been awakened yet, and I was sure you'd want to be here for her when she heard this news."
Chakotay nodded and looked, "Thank you doctor; I guess we'll see what happens when she wakes up."
He went and sat by the bed and took her hand. "I'm staying here until she wakes up."
The doctor nodded knowing this was going to be what he was going to do.
The doctor went to his office and stared at the tests he had run on their Captain. She would be destroyed by this news, but she would make it.
She was a strong person, and most of the time got through tough situations.
And this one would be no different.
[2 hours later – sickbay]
Chakotay heard groaning and looked up to see Kathryn slowly trying to wake herself from the sleep she had been in for many an hour.
"Kathryn?"
Kathryn moved her head back and forth trying her best to wake from the deep sleep she had been in. She shot up her hands going to her tummy, "The babies!"
"Shhh, it's alright. The babies are fine for now." Chakotay didn't feel the need to reveal anything else until the doctor had had a chance to tell her himself. Scientific answers: that's what Kathryn needed: always.
She looked at him groggily, "What happened?"
"You were exactly where I begged you not to be."
"The Nachani."
Chakotay nodded and Kathryn looked down at her belly that still appeared to hold her children. "Are the babies really okay? I remember Kes surviving, and a searing pain in my belly and then I don't remember anything."
"You blacked out Kathryn."
Kathryn nodded imperceptibly as she saw the doctor out of the corner of her eyes approaching the biobed.
"Doctor, what's the news?"
The doctor sighed, "The drug that you were given by the Nechani monks was a psychoactive drug that was hard on the babies' immune systems." He paused taking in a deep breath. "I fear that one of them may not make it."
Kathryn covered her face with her hands drawing in a deep breath and trying to calm her breathing. "So what happens now?"
"Well I'm confining you to sickbay for a couple of days. You had quite a scare there and you need the sleep: Your children need the rest."
Kathryn nodded and turned to Chakotay to reach out her hand and hopefully take his and make the fact that she was no doubt going to lose one of her children a little less real. Perhaps the baby would make it, maybe she would beat the odds.
Then Kathryn realized that the doctor would not lie to her. There was no saving one of her children and the largest challenge in either her or Chakotay's life was about to become a reality.
"When can I go home doctor? You said you wanted to keep me here for a couple of days."
"That's right Captain, two days. Then you can go home, but I don't want you back on duty for at least two weeks. You got a scare here and I'd appreciate knowing you were safe for at least a couple of weeks."
Kathryn nodded: "Very well doctor. You said there is a chance that one of the children is in danger, is the other one safe?"
The doctor sighed, "As safe as can be I suppose when they're living inside Kathryn Janeway. You work an extremely high stress job, you don't eat enough, you don't sleep enough; honestly I'm surprised you carried the children safely for as long as you did."
Kathryn glared at the doctor. "Thank you doctor, now if you'll excuse us, my husband and I need to talk."
Kathryn stared at her husband. "I know what you're thinking Chakotay: you're thinking I never should have gone down to the Nachani monastery; you're thinking that if I had stayed on the ship and been a good little wife our children would not be in danger; you're thinking that I took it too far –"
Chakotay walked up to Kathryn, "I'm thinking that I knew you were devoted to your crew above all else before I married you; I'm thinking that I love you; and I'm thinking that you wouldn't be you if you weren't the way you are."
Chakotay walked out of sickbay and went back to Tom and B'Elanna's Quarters to get baby Taya and take her home. No matter what happened at least they would have one baby to call their own.
[Sickbay – 5 hours later]
Kathryn awoke with a start and couldn't figure out what noise in sickbay would possibly wake her from a dead sleep.
That's when she felt the contraction move through her body and doubled over in pain. She screamed out and the doctor materialized in front of her."
"Captain!" The doctor looked at the suffering woman in front of him. It was at that moment that her water broke flooding the floor.
The doctor looked at her concerned, "Oh no."
He went up to her with a tricorder and scanned her. "What's happening doctor?"
"One of your babies at least has decided it was time to make an appearance."
Kathryn screamed out as the pain flooded through her. "Oh my god, it wasn't this bad with Taya."
The doctor looked at her and attached a device around her belly monitoring the babies' conditions. "This will help me keep track of your children before you ask."
Kathryn nodded, and looked at the doctor, "Can you contact my husband?"
"I will comm. Commander Chakotay just as soon as I'm sure you're out of the woods."
Kathryn looked at the doctor frightened: "Is there something wrong with me?"
He shook his head, "Not at the moment, but I want to make sure that it stays that way."
She screamed out as her water broke again and the monitors beeped telling him that one of the children's heartbeat's was dangerously low. "Captain, we need to get one of your children out of you right now."
The doctor stared at his readings again; And looked back at the forlorn Captain before him. "I need to perform a foetal transport on your son: now."
Kathryn nodded and remained perfectly still as the baby materialized in the bassinette before her. "Is the other baby okay?"
Kathryn stared at the readings of the babies' heartbeats and noticed something peculiar, there was her son lying beside her yet the computer was reading two heartbeats on the monitor. "Doctor am I reading this correctly?"
The doctor nodded, Kathryn felt another contraction rip through her. "You still have twins inside you and one wants to come out."
Kathryn's eyes bugged out of her head, "There were triplets in there?"
"Yes, and none of them were identical, so we still have a chance to save one. I need to perform another foetal transport and get the dead baby out of your uterus."
Kathryn had tears streaming down her cheeks as she nodded and let the doctor perform the duty and wished at that moment she was asleep or sedated or something so that she wouldn't have to view the dead baby in front of her: her tiny daughter: blue and dead.
Then she heard a cry and knew at least her son was alive.
The doctor stared at the broken woman in front of him, "I need names for the children, even non-live births I have to record as something."
Kathryn nodded and stated, "Christopher Chakotay Janeway, and Cayla Anne Janeway."
The doctor nodded and recorded the proceedings in his files. "I'm so sorry Captain."
Kathryn stared at the doctor, "How come the contractions have stopped?"
"It appears the third one is a fighter and wants to stay in just a little longer."
The doctor hit his commbadge and called, "Doctor to Chakotay."
"Chakotay here."
"Commander there was a little problem, would you like to come to sickbay and meet your son?"
There was silence on the bridge and Tuvok stated that he would take the bridge and that Chakotay should go to sickbay and take care of his family."
Chakotay nodded and headed for the turbolift.
[20 minutes later sickbay]
Chakotay had stood outside of sickbay for ten minutes, not sure if he wanted to see what was going on. The doctor had not said anything to him about the second baby over the comm. line and he hoped he would enter sickbay and find one healthy enough baby – although relatively small he would imagine – and Kathryn sitting on the biobed still pregnant.
When he finally mustered up enough courage to enter sickbay the scene was anything but what he had imagined.
His son was sitting in an isolate with tubes and wires and machines hanging off of him, and Kathryn was crying over the body of his daughter.
He let a tears stream down his face and approached his wife who was holding a baby who had never seen the light of day. "I'm so sorry Kathryn."
Those words made her tears come even faster and he walked over and placed a kiss on the cheek of his daughter and then his wife.
The couple cried over lost chances and missed opportunities and a life that would never be lived.
END 7. Truth & Consequences
TBC in 8. Unknown Territory