Life Circles

8. Unknown Territory

J/C, P/T

Rated MA

May 2009

By: AW

Length: 7752 words

Disclaimer: blah blah blah, I DON'T OWN THEM

When I look into your eyes

I can see a love restrained

But darlin' when I hold you

Don't you know I feel the same

[2 Months after Truth and Consequences]

Chakotay stared at his wife. She was eight months pregnant now with the last of the triplets. She seemed to be okay: the doctor said she was doing surprisingly well. The baby was a bit small, but Taya wasn't exactly a large baby.

But Chakotay still worried.

Kathryn sat on the couch rubbing her hands over the baby, the child that was still there. She hoped at least this one was going to make it.

She needed it to.

She had refused to ask whether the child she carried was a boy or a girl: She didn't want to know.

The less attached she could get to the child the better after what had happened to Chris and Cayla.

She cried.

Chakotay worried.

This should be one of the happiest times in her life.

She was married, she had one happy baby and another on the way, but she still grieved. The children she had lost: she blamed herself.

She had traded the lives of her children for the life of one of her crew.

She let her head fall to her hands and cried.

Chakotay watched feeling helpless.

Kathryn cried feeling helpless.

They were living together but in their own little worlds; and it hurt, and their love would hopefully survive: their child needed them to present a united front.

And then there was Taya, they needed to do it for her too.

So they ignored each other and they lived in the same house, on the same ship but in different worlds.

[3 weeks later – Paris Quarters]

B'Elanna was getting ready for the away mission; Kathryn had snapped at her, telling her that: 'They had discovered a form of ore that was a rare and that they could use to regenerate their replicator casings'. She had told B'Elanna that she and Vorik were to go on the away mission and get the materials they needed.

B'Elanna understood why Kathryn was so irritable, it was nearing the end of the pregnancy and as she looked at Kathryn's changed form, she saw that the baby had dropped.

Granted when she had been pregnant with Miral it had happened nearly a month from the end of the pregnancy but she still understood her frustration.

She turned around and looked at Tom; "Tom, let's convince the Captain and Commander to go on the away mission together. She's as qualified as me to go and collect ore samples, and her and Chakotay could use the time alone."

Tom's jaw dropped open, "B'Elanna you can't be serious, she's 38 weeks pregnant: If you do that Chakotay will take it upon himself to take his frustrations at his wife out on me!"

B'Elanna took Miral from Tom, "We'll take Taya and give them a chance to try and work out whatever's bothering them."

"But B'Elanna, I can't make Chakotay hate me anymore. He already hates me enough after that little thing with Seska!"

B'Elanna looked at him and opened her eyes wide giving him a look that said 'if you do this for me there's going to be something in it for you later'."

Tom drew in a deep breath and let it out slowly, "You do realize we're going to have two babies here with us right?"

"Well we could always ask Kes really nicely to watch them for us...as long as we told her to keep Neelix away from them; or we could wait until another night and have lots of fun and pawn Miral on Kat."

Tom grinned, "Now that idea has promise."

B'Elanna slapped her combadge, "B'Elanna to Kathryn."

She heard a sigh over the line, "Yes B'Elanna." The irritation in Kathryn's voice was dripping over the comm. line. "Can you meet me in the mess hall in five minutes?"

Kathryn sighed, "You have to get ready for an away mission Lieutenant."

"Yes I understand that, but it's really important."

"Alright Lieutenant: five minutes; Janeway out."

B'Elanna got a grin on her face, "The plan is in motion Tom. Let's get Miral ready to meet Taya for the night and have a 'sleepover'."

Tom grinned at his wife, "Well too bad tonight is not our 'Sleepover'."

B'Elanna playfully swatted Tom, "Let's go."

[5 minutes later mess hall]

Kathryn walked into the dark mess hall looking for her chief engineer. She knew it was late, but she had to get this away mission taken care of.

She spied B'Elanna sitting in the back corner of the mess hall and went over to join her. She slowly lowered herself into the seat across from her and looked at her chief engineer.

"Okay so B'Elanna what's so important that you needed to see me right away? I gotta go and get Taya from Kes' quarters, and bring her home to her father."

B'Elanna stared at her, "How about I go and get Taya, and take her for the night and you can Chakotay can go on the away mission and spend some time alone, without baby #1 and before baby #2." She pointed at Kathryn's distended abdomen.

Kathryn glared at her, "B'Elanna, we don't need to spend time alone."

"Everyone sees the stress you two are under, and I don't think you've really dealt with Chris or Cayla's deaths yet. Maybe some time for the two of you to talk alone and deal with things isn't such a bad idea."

Kathryn sighed, "Maybe you're right but you're an engineer and so is Vorik, you two could get this done –"

B'Elanna stopped her right there, "Cut the crap Kat, you know as well as I do that you're as qualified as me to collect ore samples, and this little trick might save your marriage."

Kathryn nodded tears in her eyes at how thoughtful and perceptive the crew could be sometimes. "Okay."

B'Elanna nodded her approval, "Well you'd better get ready for that away mission then Captain."

"Yes ma'am."

B'Elanna smiled and watched Kathryn leave the mess hall with a newfound confidence to her step.

Kathryn went to her quarters and called for Chakotay. "Shhh, I went and got Taya as asked earlier and now she's asleep: You want to wake her up?"

Kathryn glared at her husband. "There's been a change of plans: You and I are going on this way mission."

Chakotay was speechless, "What do you mean you and I? You're almost ready to give birth and you haven't been on an away mission in months: I don't think now would be the time to start."

She glared at him, "I am the Captain, and I can do whatever I want."

"I'm your husband and I can ask you not to."

"You're going to be there with me Chakotay, it's not like I'm going to be alone...and besides I still have two weeks to go."

Chakotay looked at his wife scared; "Kathryn. I love you and you know as well as I do that any time after 36 weeks this baby can make an appearance: I just don't think you going on an away mission is a good idea."

Kathryn stared at him, "I appreciate your candour 'Commander' but I've made my decision."

Kathryn walked out of their quarters and hoped that Chakotay would follow her: She needed him to follow her.

She needed her life back.

[30 minutes later – outside shuttle bay two]

Kathryn arrived right before Chakotay. "So I guess we're going on away mission are we Captain."

She paused, taking in a deep breath: "Looks that way Commander."

Kathryn almost broke down at the look on disobedience in her husband's eyes. She loved him, and she needed him. The baby within kicked her and she placed a hand on her belly trying to calm the child within.

The baby had been unusually active the last few hours, and she hoped that everything was okay with the last child she would probably ever have.

And with that she was okay, two was more than most people on this ship could ask for.

And two was more she should have as Captain of this ship; but it was her life and she had decided to proceed.

[2 hours later - Shuttlecraft Sacajawea]

They had finally fallen into a decent conversation. They had still not dealt with Chris or Cayla, or the baby she now carried or even Kathryn's decisions regarding the baby at this point. They were discussing talent night: something that was beyond either of their personal lives.

Chakotay stared at his wife, "Harry's clarinet solo was okay. I could have done without Tuvok's reading of Vulcan poetry."

Kathryn laughed, it felt good. "No doubt. Neelix was saying the same thing: could I keep Mr. Tuvok distracted or on duty or something that night?"

Chakotay reached up and touched Kathryn's cheek. "I'm sorry Kathryn. I never meant to hurt you or to disobey your orders, but I worry about you." He placed a hand on her belly, "And about the baby."

She glared at him. "But I am still the Captain, and there are still duties that I have to perform."

"I understand but as your husband – not as your commander – I worry about you."

Kathryn felt the tears beginning to fill her eyes and she realized why she had fallen in love with this man years ago, and loved him still. She felt a mild pain in her abdomen and knew what was starting, but she still had hours of charting to do.

"We're going to have to make a landing on the planet we were going to go to, to collect ore samples." Chakotay looked at the panels in the shuttle, "Atmospheric turbulence. We might be in for a rough landing."

"Funny, a minute ago there wasn't any indication of rough weather."

"I'm reading even more severe storms near the surface."

"Ion lightning. Maybe we'd better try the fifth planet and come back here when things have cleared up."

The shuttle rocked and both Chakotay and Kathryn grabbed the panels, "I think we took a lightning hit: Attitude control is out."

Kathryn looked at her readings. They weren't making sense, "Switching to manual."

"The navigational system's out."

"Reverse engines, full thrusters."

Chakotay lost control of the shuttle and no matter how hard he tried to make a soft landing for the sake of his wife, his child: his life, he was unable to do so.

The shuttle crashed on the planet and Chakotay slowly lifted his head, feeling the stress of a bump forming on his forehead. The computer blared a dismal message:

"Warning: Hydrazine gas levels at one hundred twelve parts per million. Begin evacuation procedures."

He looked around the ruins of the shuttle and spied Kathryn lying on the ground, her stomach showing the signs of the baby laying there. There was blood everywhere concentrated on the lower half of her body.

He went over to stare at his life falling apart before his very eyes. He felt for a pulse but there was none. "Hang on, Kathryn." He pulled her out of the shuttle and carried her to the mouth of a cave setting her down gently on the ground. He listened for breath sounds and found none. "Breathe, damn you, breathe! Don't you die on me now. Come on, Kathryn, breathe!" He was yelling and listening and hoping. The child she carried still under his hand. "Listen to me, Kathryn, you've got to breathe. Breathe! Breathe! Come on, come on!" Finally the medication worked, and she drew in a ragged breath. "Yes!"

He placed a hand on her belly feeling around for the movement of the child that he should be feeling. Still there was nothing.

"Chakotay?" He put the utter terror away, hiding it as much as possible; and squelched it not wanting to worry his wife any more than she already was.

"Don't ever do that to me again. You went into shock. Gave me quite a scare there for a minute. This should help reduce your cranial swelling. Should have a head ache for a while." And he wished that was the only problem she had. He scanned her belly but the heartbeat was absent. He felt himself being taken over by the tears that were clouding his vision.

"I'll live with it."

Her hand reached down to feel for movement in her abdomen. "I don't feel anything Chakotay; you scanned me: what's the verdict?"

He drew in a deep breath, "I'm sorry Kathryn, the baby died.'

She nodded almost as if by instinct and motherly love, let a tear escape her and nodded. "I'm sorry Chakotay. I never meant for it to end like this."

"We fixed our relationship, maybe that's what this was all about."

Kathryn nodded and stared at him, "I'm all right. Chakotay, we're going to need the blankets and the rations."

"I can get them. You set up the homing signal. Here," He passed her the commbadge, "At least the storm seems to be dying."

"What were you looking at?"

"There are phaser burns on the hull. I don't think it was lightning strikes that hit us. I think we were shot down."

"By whom?" Kathryn cried out as she felt a contraction rip through her uterus. She looked down and saw the blood seeping out. "Oh god Chakotay, this hurts."

Chakotay approached her with the tricorder and scanned her. She had lost over a litre of blood and it was oozing out of her at an alarming rate. He had to focus on getting them out of there. "The signatures are Vidiian."

Kathryn was wavering in and out of consciousness. He picked her up and brought her into the cave. He titled her head up. "We're going to have to take cover here honey."

Kathryn nodded and took the phaser. The Vidiian army slowly entered the cave, the space where they were going to make their last stand. "Back off now. We'll fire if we have to."

Chakotay stared at her. Even in pain and in the possible last moments they had she was trying to defend her crew: even if it was only him. "Back off!"

She watched as one of the Vidiian attackers pulled out an energy weapon and fired striking Chakotay in the chest. "Chakotay!" she screamed and as she tried to get up she felt the world closing in and fell to her knees as the agonizing pain of the dead child trying to make its way into the world: made her black out.

[Shuttlecraft Sacajawea]

Kathryn sat quietly rubbing her tummy and feeling the baby within her move. She looked at Chakotay and smiled.

"Harry's clarinet solo was okay. I could have done without Tuvok's reading of Vulcan poetry." Kathryn looked at him. "So when are you going to join in?"

"Never." He laughed.

She stared at him, "If I hadn't been almost nine months pregnant I would have done my dying swan dance routine."

He grinned picturing her slim and trim and in a tutu, he almost laughed. "Well if we have another talent night I hope you'll reprise it."

Kathryn got a confused look on her face. "Does this seem familiar to you? Like we've been here before?"

"You're right, we have been here before."

She stared at him and rubbed her belly where the pains were still manageable but were beginning to make themselves known. "Do you remember Vidiians?"

"Yes. They shot us down and attacked us."

"We may have wandered into some kind of repeating time loop. I'm going to scan for temporal anomalies." She got up to check the readings and the waters carrying their child broke, flooding the floor of the shuttle. She looked to Chakotay, with frightened clear blue eyes staring at him.

He was afraid of what was going to be happening in the next hours. "Chakotay to Voyager. Chakotay to Voyager, do you read us?" He wasn't sure if he was hailing mainly because of the 'time-loop' or because of the fact that his very pregnant wife's water had just broken.

Kathryn screamed as the first real signs of labour made themselves known. She drew in a deep breath and tried to control her breathing, "We're out of range. I'd still like to figure out what happened to us. Send a sub-space message that we won't be landing on the planet. Tell them that we'll be looking for evidence of temporal anomalies."

She rubbed her tummy hoping that the baby she was carrying would be okay. "I see a ship approaching at high impulse. It's on an intercept course.

Chakotay let slight vestiges of fear lace his voice, "Is it Vidiian?"

"Yes."

The Vidiian warship was approaching fast and Chakotay attempted to evade them as he watched Kathryn suffering through labour pains. "Setting evasive pattern Delta four."

He stared frightened at his wife. "We've lost shields!"

Kathryn approached the weapons setup and ignored the pains for the moment: hitting the weapons system, punching in the coordinates of the Vidiian ship, "Firing starboard array!"

He felt the weapon hit the ship and the helm began filling with gas, "Kathryn are you alright?"

Kathryn nodded and encouraged him to continue his assessment of the damage. "That one hit the reactor's injectors.

"Shut them down, they'll leak anti-matter."

"The magnetic fields are failing, the gas flow separators are down."

She stared at the readings, there was nothing they could do now. "Dump the core!"

Kathryn felt her body go weightless as she once again entered the abyss.

[Shuttlecraft Sacajawea]

"It's looking more and more like we're in a time loop. The question is, how do we break it?"

"Let's retrace our steps, get back to the part of space we were in before all this started happening."

Janeway paused and rubbed her hands over her belly. The contractions were beginning. The baby was going to be her today probably. "Agreed. If we're experiencing a temporal field, a tachyon burst might disperse it. Chakotay..."

"Let me guess. It's a Vidiian ship."

Kathryn sighed, "Two Vidiian ships, still twenty million kilometres away but headed right for us."

"Sacajawea to Voyager, do you read us?"

Tuvok answered and Kathryn was glad to hear his voice. "You have just come into comm. range, Commander."

"We're being pursued by two Vidiian ships. Set a course for our shuttle and have weapons powered."

Janeway drew in a deep breath and finally answered putting his two cents worth in. "We also believe we are experiencing some kind of temporal phenomenon, a time loop. Make certain you scan for anomalies."

"Aye Captain. We're on our way."

Chakotay looked at his wife who looked like she was in pain; "If you're going to emit that tachyon burst, you'd better do it now. In a couple of minutes those ships'll be right on top of us."

"Chakotay, the contractions are coming about five minutes apart. Let's see if this works and maybe we'll see if we can break that time loop. Here goes." She looked at the readings, she was trying to make sense of what was going on. "I can't tell if it's affecting anything."

"The Vidiians are almost within range. Ready weapons." The two of them watched the Vidiian ships disappear before their very eyes. "What happened?"

Kathryn screamed as a contraction ripped through her, "They just vanished! But I'm picking up a residual temporal signature."

"Kathryn! Are you okay?"

Kathryn stared at him, "What do you think?"

He realized the ships were nowhere to be seen. "Those ships must have been part of the time loop."

She breathed through the ending of the contraction. "And the tachyon burst disrupted it."

"Not a minute too soon. I was getting awfully tired of talking about Talent Night." He paused looking at the woman who had saved them all more times than they could count. "Seriously: how are you?"

Tuvok answered and Chakotay thanked god that they were going to be home on Voyager where they could take care of things, and the baby could be born safe and sound. "Voyager to Sacajawea. We will rendezvous with you in approximately four minutes."

"Believe me, Tuvok, we're looking forward to it."

Tuvok looked at Kathryn, "Good to have you back, Captain."

Kathryn put her hands on her belly and breathed through a contraction, staring at Tuvok. "Good to be here." She screamed out as the pain hit. "I'd still like to get to the bottom of whatever was happening to us in that shuttle. Did Voyager detect any evidence of a temporal field?"

"To my knowledge, we did not: Are you alright Captain?"

"Let's run a second level temporal scan. I'd feel better entering this part of space if I knew what caused the phenomenon." She pulled back as the pain continued, "I think I'd better report to sickbay,"

"That would probably be a good idea Captain." Tuvok stared at the Captain, encouraging her to go to sickbay.

Chakotay stared at Kathryn, "We'd better go to sickbay." Then he looked to Tuvok: "We were on our way to the second planet of a binary system."

Kathryn despite her current condition had to put her two cents worth in, "To collect some nitrogenase compound, but we encountered a storm and we crashed."

"And then we were attacked by the Vidiians but we managed to escape and get back here."

Tuvok piped in, encouraging them both to get checked by the doctor because of Janeway's current memory loss and because it appeared she was in labour and the commander was her husband and father of her child. "You and the Commander were checked by the Doctor, who treated your injuries, and you proceeded here to the bridge."

Chakotay looked at his wife, and then turned to the many crewmembers on the bridge, "You heard the Captain, let's get moving." Then he looked at Kathryn, "And you heard the man - about us - we'd better get moving."

Kathryn and Chakotay slowly made their way to sickbay. Kathryn had two contractions on the way and Chakotay watched her suffer in horror. "Can you be honest with me for a second Kathryn?"

Kathryn breathed through the contraction and nodded. "How long have you been in labour?"

"Most of the day."

Chakotay looked at her horrified, "Were you in labour when we left to go on that supply mission?"

Kathryn nodded.

Chakotay shook his head, "What am I going to do with you woman?"

Kathryn shook her head as they arrived in sickbay. The doctor quickly began scanning the Captain. "Well it appears you are in labour. I have to take some blood samples as well to make sure there is nothing else wrong that is causing these delusions in you."

Kathryn nodded as she felt a hypospray added to her neck and the pain begin to slowly subside. "Thank you doctor."

Three hours later the Captain was writhing on the bed in full-blown labour. "Captain it's time to push."

Kathryn nodded and Chakotay quickly took her hand. 20 minutes later, the doctor stated, "Good Captain, I see the head. A couple of more pushes and you should be just about done."

She glared at the EMH, "You'd better be telling me the truth doctor."

The doctor looked at her smugly, "Well you're the one doing all the work, I guess it's going to depend how hard you work at it."

Kathryn bent over and pushed and Chakotay watched as the baby's head emerged. Three pushes later and their daughter was delivered into the world. "It's a girl."

Kathryn smiled at Chakotay, "Another girl, I am so happy Chakotay."

Chakotay picked up the tiny baby girl from the bassinette. "Me too Kathryn, I love you."

"Now if you don't mind, my patient needs her rest."

[6 hours later – sickbay]

Kathryn finally awoke looking over towards her baby sitting in the bassinette: the baby they had not even yet named: Her daughter.

Their daughter.

Kathryn cried and as she went to pick up the happily cooing baby girl that was their hope and dream for the future she ran into a forcefield.

She looked up into the sorrowful eyes of the EMH, "I ran a microcellular scan after you returned to the ship. I have just analysed the results."

Kathryn tore her eyes away from the baby she wasn't allowed to touch.

Her daughter.

Her lifeline; and looked at the doctor, "What did you find?"

"You have contracted a disease: The Vidiian Phage."

"The Phage?" Her thoughts went to her husband. If this disease finished her at least he would be there to care for their daughters if he wasn't sick. "What about Chakotay, is he infected too?"

"No, Commander Chakotay shows no signs of the disease. He has been here to see your child many times."

"How did I get it?"

"You said one of the Vidiians grabbed you. It may be that the virus was transferred in that way."

Kathryn looked at him incredulous."But we've encountered Vidiians before and had physical contact with them. No one's ever gotten sick that way."

"I can't offer an explanation at this point. It may be that the Phage virus has mutated to become more infectious. I believe however this explains the hallucinations you described. There is often concomitant stress to the thalamus in the early stages of the disease. It is known to cause a kind of dementia that produces hallucinations."

She stared at him incredulous thinking about nothing more than her husband and newborn daughter. "What's the prognosis?"

"I wish I could tell you, Captain. For the moment it would be best if you were to remain in sickbay, under quarantine."

"Of course." Her heart was breaking at the mere thought that she might never get to touch or hold her baby girl again.

"The fact that the virus has acted so quickly raises the possibility that others on the crew may be infected."

"You've studied the Phage in great detail. Have you made any progress in finding a cure?" Despite her eternal optimism, she knew he hadn't; and the prognosis for her wasn't good.

"I hadn't pursued the matter since we seemed to have moved beyond Vidiian space, but I'll now redouble my efforts. In the meantime I'd like to give you a sedative Captain? I'll be running a series of deep level tissue scans. "

"I understand."

"There, that should give you a good night's sleep. I'll erect a bio-forcefield, and I promise you, Captain, I won't deactivate myself until I have some answers for you."

Her heart was breaking as she stated: "Doctor. I know I'm in good hands." She paused, "And please take care of the baby for me."

The doctor nodded and Kathryn fell into unconsciousness.

Kathryn slowly awoke from her sleep, and prayed that it was all a dream. She felt the blemishes on her face, "Doctor?"

"Ah, you're awake."

"How long have I been asleep?"

"Almost forty hours."

"Forty...forty hours?" She distractedly looked to the corner of the sickbay where her daughter lay sleeping; then turned back to the doctor.

He looked at her with a pained expression, "I'm afraid this strain of the Phage is particularly virulent. It's spreading rapidly."

"Have you? Is there any hope of a cure?"

"I regret to inform you that I have been unsuccessful."

"Then what's the next step?"

The doctor sighed, a very human gesture. "I've given that a great deal of thought. The prospects are unpleasant, Captain. You face a lingering, painful death marked by increasing periods of dementia and eventual insanity."

She thought about her daughter growing up never knowing her mother. "I see."

"I've come to the conclusion that there's only one humane course of action."

"What's that?"

"Euthanasia."

"What!" She was incredulous. Had Chakotay agreed to this, and what about Tuvok? There had to be another way. She wasn't going to die like this!

"It would be wrong to subject you to such a prolonged and painful death. The crew would also be adversely affected if that were to happen."

Kathryn knew that she was grasping at straws: It seemed the doctor, and the crew had made up their minds. "Surely there are other options to explore, Doctor. B'Elanna's DNA for instance. It's coded to produce antibodies against the Phage."

"Klingon DNA might provide a vaccine for the disease, but not a cure. I'm sorry, Captain. The space within the forcefield is filling with a neural toxin. It is fast-acting and merciful."

"Turn it off. That's an order, Doctor!" She was the Captain; someone had to listen to her. She was still the Commanding Officer of Voyager.

The doctor was calm as he stated calmly: "Please relax and take deep breaths. It will be over more quickly that way."

"Computer, delete Emergency Medical Hologram."

"A security code is required for that command. " She still had security codes, the panic raced through her mind: she was still the Captain no matter what."

"Security code Janeway Lambda Three." She wasn't mad, her mind wasn't gone yet, those were her security codes they belonged to her. This Captaincy was her life.

That and her little baby girl and the one Chakotay was caring for in their quarters. She stared, it seemed one last time at her baby girl. The child who it seemed would never know her mother, the child she would never get to hold.

"That code is not recognised."

"I'm the Captain! Delete the EMH!" She was the Captain of that she was sure: what was wrong with the computer?

"A security code is required for that command."

"Don't do this." As she felt her breath leaving her body for the last time, she tried to stay standing looking at her daughter for as long as was possible: This was her life. "It isn't right."

And then there was darkness.

[Planet's Surface]

Kathryn opened her eyes and looked around at the planet they had been above last time she remembered: She saw Chakotay and 'herself' still large with child. She looked down at her body and noticed she was slim, almost as if the baby had never happened.

She felt a tear slide down her cheek at the thought that the pregnancy and her happy life: might be nothing more than a dream.

She placed her hand on her abdomen hoping to feel the bump, hoping the feel the baby's feet joining with her hand, hoping to feel anything.

She stared at Chakotay pumping down on 'her chest', but it was 'the Commander' not her husband.

"Don't you die on me Kathryn!" Kathryn saw tears streaming down his face. *I love you Chakotay.* She reached out her hand to touch him and her hand flew through it. *My god maybe I am dead.*

"Can't you hear me?" She asked the question but all that she heard was the emptiness of her own voice. *Come on Chakotay, I'm here."

"Don't you die on me. Come on, breathe. Kathryn, listen to me, you have to breathe. Start breathing! Come on! Come on! Kathryn! You can't die."

"Chakotay, I'm here." She screamed until she was hoarse: trying to get the attention of the man she loved.

She watched the scene unfold as she heard her chief of security call down trying to get a message to the Command team. "Voyager to Sacajawea, do you read us?"

The tears running down Chakotay's face as he faced the inevitable truth that his wife and daughter were dead broke her heart. She watched as his hands felt for movements in the baby bump and it appeared he felt none. The tears came harder, and she just about died. "Yes, Voyager. How far are you? I have an emergency here."

"We're in orbit, Commander. We've located you but transporters won't function in the storm. A shuttle is on it's way to the surface now."

"The Captain's dead, and so is our daughter. We have to get her back to sickbay. The Doctor may still be able to revive her." He paused, "I know he probably won't be able to save my baby girl, but he might be able to save my wife."

"The away team should be with you in minutes." She heard the words of her chief of security, she had known him for years, and there was a slight hilt to his voice that told her she he was not confident.

"Acknowledged." He looked down at her corpse with such tenderness. "Kathryn, we're going to get you back; I love you too much to let you go."

She found herself in sickbay, still with a flat abdomen, still looking at 'herself' with the baby she wanted and the husband she 'had'.

The doctor looked at the Captain's lifeless body and took a hypospray from Kes. "Ten milligrams: cordrazine. We'll use it in conjunction with the cortical stimulator. Now!" The doctor looked desperate and she knew it wasn't good. *What the hell is going on?*

Kes stared at the Captain's lifeless body. They had to save her for the crew and for the Commander. "No pulse, no blood pressure, no electrical activity in the mid brain. No measurable response in the cerebral cortex."

"Again."

The doctor looked at the Commander and then at Kes. Kes piped up, "Doctor, we're getting a thready pulse."

"Quickly, seventy five milligrams inaprovaline. I'll begin direct synaptic stimulation."

"Pulse is weakening. We're losing her again."

Kathryn was watching herself and her baby dying in front of her husband's eyes. They were working on her, they had given up on the baby: Her little girl.

The EMH placed a cortical stimulator on her head. "Cortical stimulator, now!"

"No vital signs, no brain activity."

"Again!"

"No change!"

"Again!"

Even Kes the eternal optimist was giving up on her. Everyone was giving up on her. "Doctor!"

"Don't question me. Again! Make a note in the log. Death occurred at oh three twenty hours. Cause: massive cerebro- vascular collapse."

She was right here. She was ready to tell them. She tried to make herself known. *I'm here she thought, I'm right here, listen to me. "Computer, confirm Janeway voice pattern. Kes, you're a telepath, you've been able to sense things others can't. Kes, can you sense me?"

"Kes, please go to the science lab and prepare the autopsy protocols."

And then she was gone. Kathryn stared at the body, she stared at herself. She was not dead, she could not be dead...there were times in one's life that the emotional strain got to people and as she touched her flat belly she knew that time was now.

Kathryn saw Kes running away and followed her. Kes walked right through her. She was there, Kathryn was alive and Kes felt something.

The days of Kathryn believing there was nothing after death and that everything had a scientific explanation were in some ways over.

Kathryn the scientist was experiencing something that she had never experienced before: self doubt in her science.

Then she was looking at Kes and Tuvok, trying to figure out if Kathryn was indeed still alive. In her mind, as she felt her body and her mind reeling, she was still alive; but they didn't know it.

Tuvok had Kes' head encompassed by his hands. She was watching the two people she cared for trying to make a connection: trying to find her. *Where am I?*

"Let us try one more time. Open yourself to the impressions around you. The thoughts, the minds that are on this ship. All the minds that are on this ship.

"I hear them. So many voices."

Kes smiled as she heard the voices of the many crewmembers on the ship. She was trying and the new look of concentration told Kathryn just that. "They are a turbulent storm, and you are the one who must rise above the tempest to a place that is quiet."

"It's difficult."

"You must lift yourself from the confusion of the storm, soar into the quiet space among the stars where everything is still."

"Yes, I'm in that place now."

"Is there a voice that you can hear? A single voice isolated in the stillness."

Kathryn looked at Kes and tried to make her feel that she was there. Kes had to know she was there. Kathryn tried to reach out and touch Kes, touch Kes' mind. There had to be something she could do. "Kes, I'm here. Focus on me, on my voice."

Tuvok was trying to be logical, he was trying to get Kes to focus on him. "There are only two beings in the void, you and Captain Janeway. Nothing else exists that can interfere. Can you hear her voice, however faintly?"

"I'm trying." Kes was trying, she could feel it. She wanted it, she wanted to believe that Kes would feel her and that she wasn't dead: even though the feelings were more and more apparent that she was.

"Is there anything? Any presence in the void with you?"

"I don't think so. I can't hear anything."

"Kes, keep trying! You have to find me!"

Even Tuvok was trying to 'sense' her. Tuvok had known Kathryn for more than 20 years, he was a telepath he had to know she was there. "Now I am with you, moving through the quiet space. My thoughts join with yours, extending the range of the search."

"I'm just not getting anything."

"Nor am I."

"I felt empty, alone. Maybe you're right. What I sensed wasn't the Captain, it was me wanting to believe she wasn't dead." Kathryn felt tears beginning to run down her cheeks. *Tuvok, Kes – Someone had to know she was still here.*

"We've been trying for three days without success. Nor have Lieutenant Torres and Ensign Kim found any indication that the Captain is alive. There is a point at which we must accept the inevitability of her death."

"Thank you for helping. I don't think I would have accepted it if you hadn't at least tried. Goodnight." They were giving up, Kathryn was dead, she was not herself anymore there was nothing to go back to.

"Tactical Officer's log, supplemental. My attempt to help Kes detect the Captain's presence has ended in failure. I am forced to conclude that we have in fact lost Kathryn Janeway. I would like the record to show that I have lost a good friend as well as one whom I can never replace."

She felt the tears begin anew. "Oh, Tuvok."

She felt so alone, there was no one here with her, no one to help her: no one to help her. All of a sudden she felt herself 'dissolve' and then all of a sudden she was in the mess hall.

She stared at the many crewmembers around her paying their final tributes to her. She watched B'Elanna walk up and begin her eulogy: B'Elanna the woman who had become more a friend than an enemy over the past three years. "When I came to this ship I resented the fact that Captain Janeway was responsible for our being stranded here in the Delta Quadrant. I didn't think that she made the right decision and I certainly didn't want to serve under her command. In the beginning I fought her. Even when she made me Chief Engineer I didn't trust her reasons. I kept looking for a hidden agenda. I actually believed that she'd set me up to fail. Well, I couldn't have been more wrong. She saw, she saw something in me that I didn't see. She saw a worthwhile person where I saw a lost and hostile misfit, and because she had faith in me I began to have faith in myself. And when she died, the first thing I thought was that I couldn't do this without her. That I needed her too badly - her strength and her compassion. But then I realised that the gift that she gave me, and gave a lot of us here, was the knowledge that we are better and stronger than we think. I wish I had said these things to her, I wish I'd taken the time."

Kathryn cried, her crew loved her and she would get to the other side knowing she had made a difference. Then Harry spoke of how much he loved and missed her.

Finally, Chakotay took the stand. "She was my wife, she was my saviour. As with many of the crew she saved us all, and we will continue in her memory. I lost a wife and a daughter today, but I know that her stamp on the Delta Quadrant and on this crew will stay forever. As we give her body to the space that she had served so loyally over the years." A yellow lieutenant blew the whistle and her body was forever given up to space and to the world in which she had lived. She cried and felt an odd sensation.

There was a flash of light and then she saw the EMH working on her body. *What was going on?*

"The cortical stimulator is working. I'm getting a weak pulse."

Chakotay stared at the body of his wife and then looked at her coming back. *She would make it she would come back. As she looked at her body she realized in that reality she was still pregnant.* "She's coming back."

The EMH placed a hypospray on her neck: "I'll use cordrazine along with the stimulator."

She felt a weird sensation, she was coming back but at the moment she was still existing in the 'afterlife waiting room' too.

She tried to open her eyes, tried to move her hand, it was tough, eventually Chakotay spoke up: "Her eyes are open."

The doctor spoke up giving her hope "Vital signs are responding. Blood pressure is sixty over thirty."

She was trying to wake up, trying to get back to the world she loved, and Chakotay's words helped her. "Kathryn, hang on. We're bringing you back. Just fight a little longer."

[Planet's Surface]

"Kathryn! Welcome back."

"Doctor, what happened?"

The doctor looked to the Captain's husband, "Perhaps you can explain, Commander."

"You and I were caught in a magnetic storm and crashed here. You were badly injured. The Doctor just arrived on the shuttle with Tuvok and began treating you; and he brought you back."

Kathryn placed her hand on her belly, "And I'm still pregnant, and the baby is okay?"

Chakotay stared at her, "The baby is fine, you went into premature labour when you got hit by debris in the shuttle, but the doctor stopped it and you and our daughter are fine."

"I saw her in 'the afterlife' or wherever I was. I knew it was a girl. I love her already."

"Another place? Some kind of afterlife?"

She smiled, "Maybe. But I can tell you this. From what I saw, it's certainly not where I'd like to spend eternity."

Captain's log, stardate 50518.6. The Doctor has examined me thoroughly and pronounced me physically fit, but I'll admit that it'll take a little longer to work through the emotional impact of my experience.

[Ready room]

Kathryn sat in her ready room and rubbed her tummy. The baby she assumed would make her appearance by week's end. At least she hoped so, she was sick of being pregnant, and as the doctor had told her: 'the baby was more than ready to face the outside world'."

The chime rang and she called for entrance: "Come in."

"I could have sworn I heard the Doctor tell you to take it easy for a few days. Especially this close to your due date: He said it could be any day now."

She smiled at his over protectiveness: she had almost died, she supposed she could understand his take in the matter. "Talking about it easy usually makes me feel worse, and the baby will come when she comes."

"You shouldn't push yourself. You've been through a lot."

"Oh. To tell you the truth, I'd rather stay busy than dwell on what happened."

She patted him on the back encouraging him to follow her out of the ready room. "Come on, Chakotay. We've cheated death, that's worth a celebration, don't you think? A bottle of champagne, moonlight sail on Lake George, how does that sound?"

"Like something worth living for." He grinned at her, "And it may be the last chance we have to enjoy ourselves before the baby comes and Taya has a new sister." She smiled and took his hand as they walked out of the ready room and towards the holodeck.

She stretched her back uncomfortable and knowing what was coming, but she wasn't ready just yet to tell Chakotay he would probably be a dad again by the end of the next day.

She rubbed her belly as she felt the child go restless beneath the fabric of the sundress she wore. She stared over the bow of the boat and wondered at the beauty of the moon shining on Lake George.

Chakotay walked up behind her and placed his hands over her belly. "She's restless tonight."

Kathryn smiled and nodded as she turned around to kiss him.

His hand slowly approached her breast and she felt her breath come in short gasps as she enjoyed the feelings of him touching her and in the knowledge that she was alive, and so was the child she carried.

He looked at her, waiting for her to approve what he was doing. At her smile and nod he slowly reached down and rubbed the baby belly. It was not sexual but she enjoyed it none-the-less.

He reached under the bump and went towards her pubic area and down towards her clit, he slowly rubbed her to completion as she was spasming and she felt the release that came with sexual completion she felt the wetness between her legs and realized the bag of water that had held her child for the past almost nine months broke releasing the pressure in her belly.

Chakotay looked down shocked at Kathryn, "Kathryn?"

"I think our baby has decided it is time to make her appearance."

END 8. Unknown Territory

TBC in 9. Terminal Velocity