Life Circles

by Angry Warrior

This goes through the series and changes it a little. Makes more sense to me how the relationships went and builds a back story for some of the characters.

10. Chapter 10

Life Circles

10. Flaws and Demons

J/C, P/T

Rated MA

May 2009

By: AW

Summary: Directly after 'Terminal Velocity', Janeway and Jennica try to come to terms, and infedelity is unmasked.

Length: 7,468 words

Disclaimer: blah blah blah, I DON'T OWN THEM

[Directly after 'Terminal Velocity']

Kathryn walked into Cargo bay two and stared at the girl leaning against the wall in a Borg alcove. *That's your daughter Kathryn.* She looked to the doctor, "How's she doing?"

"At the moment she's stable, but the prognosis isn't clear. Her human physiology has begun to reassert itself. Respiratory system, neurological functions, immune response; but those systems are swarming with Borg implants: There's a battle being waged inside her body, between the biological and the technological, and I'm not sure which is going to win."

Kathryn stared at the scarred woman and let the tears well in her eyes, "You know who this is don't you doctor?"

The doctor nodded, "I'm well aware of who this is Captain, and hopefully she'll pull through this, but I can only say I'll do my best."

Kathryn nodded, "Well, it's time we brought her up to date. Wake her."

Jennica stared at her, and Kathryn couldn't help looking into the eyes that were her own staring back at her and wondering what had brought her to this point. "Captain Janeway, What have you...The others, I can't hear the others. The voices are gone."

Kathryn looked at the frightened woman in front of her and knew that in the days, weeks and even months and years that proceeded that she would have a lot of healing to do. "We had to neutralise the neuro-transceiver in your upper spinal column. Your link to the collective has been severed."

"You will return this drone to the Borg: We need nothing from you. We are Borg. We are - ah!"

Kathryn felt her heart plummeting at the thought of the pain the girl - for all intents and purposes her biological daughter - was going through the pain of being turned into a human yet again.

Her humanity was re-asserting itself, she had to make the child understand: this was the way it had to be.

The doctor stared at Jennica, "This implant is being rejected by the tissue underneath. It's going to have to be removed. "

"You will suppress the human immune system! "

"I'm sorry, but the process has gone too far. We've got to get you to sickbay."

Jennica looked at the doctor and at Kathryn through eyes that were close to the Captain's but were different, filled with years of abuse and trauma before yelling, "No! We are Borg! We are Borg!"

[Ready Room – 3 hours later]

Kathryn stared up from reports that she was reading, and the many things that had to be fixed after the removal of the Borg 'modifications' to her ship. "Come in."

Chakotay walked up to his wife and looked at her overworked as she was struggling to get this 'Borg' re-integrated into her ship and her life. He carefully handed her a pad, "Ship's status report. We've got two teams on the hull, stripping off the Borg armour. They're working around the clock but it's still slow going."

Unsure of the real reason for Chakotay's joining her in the ready room she stared at him, *Keep it professional Kathryn.* "What about the warp drive?"

Chakotay looked tensely at his wife, "Torres is having problems cleaning out the plasma relays. It's disrupting the antimatter reaction. Until she's got it fixed we're stuck at impulse. She's requesting all personnel with a level three engineering rating or higher to lend a hand."

"Granted. Tactical update?"

"Long range sensors are picking up residual transwarp signatures, Borg vessels. They passed by probably three days ago."

"So we're not out of the woods yet."

"Having half our propulsion system overrun by Borg implants doesn't make repairs any easier."

"Jennica could help with that."

Chakotay shook his head, "You need to step outside yourself for a minute Kathryn; I know she's your daughter but she's also a Borg. And it might be true if she were willing, but she's not in the most co-operative mood."

"I have to reach her. I left her many years ago and I have years of catching up to do Chakotay. I have to help her."

Chakotay shook his head, "Kathryn, this crew needs you to deal with this as the Captain right now not as this woman's 'pseudo-mother'."

Kathryn glared at her husband, "I am her mother Chakotay: She is my child."

Chakotay was getting angry now, "So are those two babies in Sam's quarters that you have been ignoring due to your 'Captain's duties' and Jennica."

Kathryn let a tear slip down her cheek, "I'm sorry Chakotay, but so was the child I carried that I made the Doctor abort because of these duties, I've said it before and I'll say it again: the crew has to come first."

Chakotay looked shocked at the woman he loved, "I can't look at your right now, or deal with this."

He picked up and walked out of the ready room, and Kathryn was afraid that she had lost her husband and her family for the last time.

Kathryn pulled the picture of her holding Jennica for the first time out of her drawer. It was the only picture she had allowed anyone to take of the child as 'her baby' and it had been so long ago.

Her thoughts of days past and the fights with her inner demons were interrupted by the doctor's hail from sickbay. "Sickbay to Captain Janeway."

She wiped the tears from her eyes, and got her Captain's stance back in order, "What is it, Doctor?"

"Could you come down here, Captain. We're having some problems."

Kathryn had made her choice as Captain, as she always did; and she now realized why it was so important for Captains to keep their personal and professional lives separate. "I'll be right there."

[Sickbay – ten minutes later]

The doctor heard the doors opening and watched as his Captain walked into sickbay to see him standing over her daughter. "I'm afraid we have a decision to make. A difficult one. Her human immune system has reasserted itself with a vengeance. Body armour, Borg organelles, biosynthetic glands, they're all being rejected. Her life is in danger. I have little recourse but to remove the Borg technology."

Kathryn felt the tears springing to her eyes as she watched her first born covered in borg hardware. "This is no ordinary patient doctor, she is my child, and that gives me durable power: Proceed with the surgery."

The doctor looked at the hurt and fragile woman who was watching her life dissolve before her. "Aye, Captain."

The doctor watched the Captain walk out of sickbay and out of her daughter's life yet again.

[Janeway Quarters]

Kathryn walked into her quarters and saw her husband attempting to hush little baby Haley as she cried. She walked up to him and took the baby from his arms. Haley almost immediately quieted.

Chakotay stared at 'the Captain' and realized why he had fallen in love with her, but there was something that needed to be dealt with before they could go forward, "Was it a boy or a girl?"

Kathryn looked at her husband confused. "I really don't think that matters anymore Chakotay."

"It always mattered Kathryn."

"I don't want to talk about it Chakotay. I did what needed to be done for the crew and for you."

Chakotay looked at her incredulous, "For me? We were trying to get pregnant. You said one last try for a baby boy. The doctor said if we were going to have any more children it had to be soon, we were getting too old to be trying for children and your body was beginning 'the change'."

She stared at him, "I'm not even sure that was your baby Chakotay."

"What do you mean you weren't even sure it was my child?"

"I have to go back to the bridge Chakotay. I hope I'll see you later, and you'll forgive my indiscretions."

[Brige 0300 hours]

Kathryn had been sitting on the bridge for most of beta shift. She had relieved Kim of having to take the overnight.

She heard the doctor's voice across the comm. "Captain, can you please come to sickbay?"

"I'll be right there Doctor."

Kathryn turned to Lieutenant Ayala, "You have to bridge Lieutenant."

As she walked into to sickbay Kathryn saw that the former Borg drone was starting to look more human. Her skin was beginning to take on the human pigmentation and the doctor was speaking to her in low measured tones. "Your body was rejecting the Borg technology. You were dying. I'm sorry, but we had no choice. Those are dermoplastic grafts. They'll help the regeneration process."

Jennica just about spit at him: "Unacceptable. You should have let us die."

Kathryn made her presence known, "I couldn't do that. You're my daughter."

Jennica got a look of confusion on her face, and fell back to the programming of the collective. "This drone cannot survive outside the Collective."

"I beg to differ. Now that the Borg implants are being excised your human systems are free to thrive, and thriving they are. As a matter of fact, I –"

Kathryn glared at the doctor and walked over to sit by 'her daughter': the woman who had grown up without her and she wasn't even sure 'knew' who she was. "I want to help you but I need to understand what you're going through."

"Do not engage us in superficial attempts at sympathy."

"I know I've hurt you in the past Jennica, and it's obvious that you're in pain, that you're frightened, that you feel isolated, alone. But you have to let this go."

"You are an individual. You are small. You cannot understand what it is to be Borg."

Kathryn sighed, Jennica was not going to make this easy on her. "No, but I can imagine. You were part of a vast consciousness, billions of minds working together, a harmony of purpose and thought. No indecision, no doubts. The security and strength of a unified will. And you've lost that, but you've gained the parent you thought you had lost all those years ago."

[Engineering]

B'Elanna looked at the warp core and then down at her belly just starting to show the signs of a baby on the way.

Tom had been okay with it, much as Kathryn had said.

She turned to her engineering team, "Alright, I think I've got all the Borg garbage out of the plasma intake manifold. Let's try reinitialising the antimatter reaction."

Harry stared at the warp core as if willing it to work, "Matter antimatter reaction at twenty two Cochrane's and rising."

B'Elanna smiled as she watched the core begin to take life. Then it stopped, "Damn! What happened?"

"Intake manifolds eleven and thirteen are still blocked!"

B'Elanna sighed frustrated. "This is like pulling weeds. You think you've got them all out and then –"

"You have neglected to remove the autonomous regeneration sequencers."

Kathryn thought very carefully about how to introduce Jennica to her best friend, "Lieutenant Torres, Ensign Kim, you remember Seven of Nine."

"How could we forget?"

"We can't afford to delay repairs any longer so I've asked her to help us remove the Borg modifications. She only has a few hours before she returns to sickbay. I suggest you put her to good use."

Jennica stared at 'her mother' and turned to rely on the Borg programming that had build up her life for years. "Jefferies tube thirteen alpha section twelve. We fully recall the engineering specifications of your vessel."

Torres' hostility got the better of her and Janeway could just imagine what it would be like when she realized who this person truly was. "Good. Can you also recall the way it looked before you turned it into a Borg circus?"

"Yes."

"Well, now that the pleasantries are over, why don't you get to work. I want updates every hour."

B'Elanna turned to Kathryn knowing she'd lost, "Yes, Captain."

[Engineering - three hours later]

B'Elanna looked at the Borg Drone that Kathryn had taken a liking to. Why she wasn't sure but she knew she'd hear about it soon enough. "What about these linkages. Every time I pull one out another one comes back in its place."

Seven looked smugly at Torres, "Autonomous regeneration sequencers. They function to counteract resistance."

Kim stared at the woman and all he could think was that under that Borg armour there had to be an amazing woman. "Amazing. How did you come up with the pattern duplication design?"

"We came up with nothing. The Borg assimilated this technology in Galactic Cluster three from species two five nine."

Torres scoffee, "I'm not interested in a history lesson. How do we disable it?"

Seven turned to B'Elanna and looked down at her, "You must disconnect each sequencer conduit at the insertion juncture."

B'Elanna decided she was the chief engineer after all, time to pull her weight. "Why don't you two work on the Jefferies tube. Start with the plasma relays."

In the Jeffries tube Harry and their new crewmember were working intently on fixing the plasma relasy when she beckoned him over, "Ensign Kim. Your assistance."

[Bridge]

Tom spun around from the helm staring at his Captain in confusion, "Captain, somebody's trying to access the subspace transmitter."

Kathryn's jaw dropped open, she thought maybe she could trust Jennica but it seemed that the Borg mentality was too deeply engrained. Torres came over the com system, "Captain, I don't know how, but she's erected some kind of forcefield around the door. We can't break through it."

Chakotay had finally joined her on the bridge an hour ago and was staring at the sensor readings, "She's bypassed our security protocols."

Kathryn felt her world dissolve, "Disable the transmitter."

Chakotay turned to her, "It's too late."

Maybe Jennica had spent too many years as a Borg to ever become fully human again and maybe she would never get her child back.

[An hour later – Corridor]

Janeway walked the corridors, Tuvok in tow. There had been an explosion in the Jeffries tube ending Kathryn's worry about Jennica contacting the Borg. Chakotay had been sure to tell her though that a partial signal had gotten through, and he wasn't sure if the Borg were going to be able to trace it back to them and rescue their precious Borg Drone and her past. She needed to make good by the child she had given up all those years ago, and who she had forced by proxy to live a lifetime of hate and torture.

She looked at Tuvok, "I can tell by the expression on your face that you've got some bad news."

Tuvok calmly answered, "I have no expression on my face. However, you are correct. The news on two separate fronts is not good. I checked the subspace bandwidths. At least a partial signal was transmitted from Voyager."

"Enough for a Borg ship to track?"

"Possibly." Tuvok responded and just reiterated what Chakotay had told her earlier. "I believe there is also cause for concern regarding Kes."

"Explain." Kathryn looked at Tuvok asking for an answer.

"Internal sensor logs show that she destabilised the Jefferies tube at the molecular level. The effect weakened the infrastructure throughout the deck. If she wishes to develop her abilities further I am not certain it would be safe, for Kes or Voyager."

"I've got an Ocampan who wants to be something more and a Borg who's afraid of becoming something less. Here's to Vulcan stability." She raised her hand in a stop motion, "Wait for me."

[Brig]

Jennica stared at her mother, "So this is human freedom."

Kathryn stared at her daughter, the woman who she didn't know, and who she was not sure she would ever know. "I've decided to keep you in the brig until I'm certain you won't try to harm us again. If necessary the Doctor can treat you here. I honestly believed you were going to help us. I wanted to believe Jennica; I wanted to believe that all those years you were away from me had not changed you or scarred you so much." She paused lifting up her hand to brush the scarred cheek of the woman she would have to learn to call 'Seven', "But apparently I was mistaken." Kathryn let a tear slide down her face at all the years she had missed and all the milestones the woman had skipped.

"You were not deceived, Captain Janeway. It was my intention to help you."

Kathryn pulled her hand away from the woman-child's face and stared at her wondering, "What happened?"

"There was a chance to contact the Collective. I took advantage of it. Your attempt to assimilate this drone will fail. You can alter our physiology but cannot change our nature. We will betray you. We are Borg."

Kathryn sighed; this was not going to be easy. She looked at the woman who's facial features had begun to look more and more like Kathryn herself looking in the mirror. "I've met Borg who were freed from the collective. It wasn't easy for them to accept their individuality, but in time they did. You're no different.

"If it does happen, we will become fully human?"

Kathryn knew there was no way she could make that promise to Jennica, but she hoped that that would happen and she would finally gain her eldest daughter back. "Yes, I hope so."

"We will be autonomous, independent."

"That's what individuality is all about."

Kathryn's heart broke as she listened to the next words out of her daughter's mouth. "If at that time we choose to return to the Collective, will you permit it?"

She shook her head trying to make the Borg understand that life could be so much more, so much better. "I don't think you'll want to do that."

Jennica glared at her mother through unseeing eyes filled with fear and loathing, "You would deny us the choice as you deny us now. You have imprisoned us in the name of humanity yet you will not grant us your most cherished human right: To choose our own fate. You are hypocritical, manipulative. We do not want to be what you are! Return us to the Collective!"

"You lost the capacity to make a rational choice the moment you were assimilated. They took that from you".

"Then you are no different than the Borg. You gave us up as a child and now you want to atone for mistakes made in your youth. If you hadn't made those mistakes, our 'father' would never have tried to make me into a clone of him and the Borg would never have assimilated us."

Kathryn felt deep regret at the decisions she had made as a child herself and at the youthful indiscretion that she had fallen for and the fate that had been bestowed upon both herself and her daughter.

She wiped the tears from her eyes and left the Brig.

[Bridge]

Kathryn walked onto the bridge after fixing her makeup and forcing herself to look as normal as possible. She looked to Chakotay and motioned for him to follow her.

"Tuvok we'll be in my ready room, you have the bridge." Tuvok nodded and off they went to take care of their new passenger and all the baggage that she carried.

[Ready Room]

Chakotay followed Kathryn into the ready room as Kathryn spun on him. "Chakotay I just visited Jennica, or Seven as she likes to be called now."

Chakotay nodded, "And?"

Kathryn broke down and fell to her knees as he husband watched her let her pain fall out through broken tears. "And how could I have let this happen to anyone let alone my own daughter?"

Chakotay bent down to take her into his arms. "It was a decision you made in your youth; one that had to be made and one that was. What happened after she left your care was not your fault; and what you have to do right now is take care of our family."

Kathryn looked up at her husband, "She's part of our family Chakotay."

He shook his head, "Our family is me, you, Taya and Haley. She's a grown woman Kathryn: She can take care of herself."

Kathryn stood up and faced the viewport, "I let her go years ago; maybe this is a second chance."

Chakotay followed her and spun her around to face him, "Kathryn, you can't blame yourself for everyone and everything. Maybe some 'lost sheep' aren't meant to be saved."

Kathryn was livid, "Get out Chakotay, that's not fair. She's my daughter!"

He stared at her, "And so are Haley and Taya, and I'm your husband."

"And my first officer: You're dismissed commander."

Chakotay turned and left the ready room feeling he'd lost yet another piece of his life and marriage.

Kathryn sat behind her desk and stared at the readings that were being taken on the bridge. There was something going on. She tapped her combadge, "Harry what's going on out there?"

He answered her, "I'm picking up some strange energy readings from deck two, the mess hall."

She shook her head, "Bridge to Neelix. What's going on down there? Neelix, report."

Harry interrupted her questioning, "The bulkhead in that section is coming apart."

Chakotay stared at Tuvok and at his nod he hit his combadge, "Chakotay to Janeway; please report to the bridge."

Kathryn got up an acknowledged his request as she was leaving her ready room. Upon entering the bridge she heard Chakotay's command, "Increase the structural integrity field to deck two."

She turned to her security officer, "Tuvok."

[Sickbay - Doctor's office]

Kathryn walked into the sickbay Chakotay refusing to tag along, stating nothing more than the bridge needed him.

She turned to the doctor, as he went on about Kes' scans. "I've run every conceivable neural analysis. Everything short of dissecting the brain itself. Her telesynaptic activity is increasing but I don't know why, or how to stop it. Have the ship's internal sensors revealed anything?"

Tuvok piped in, "For seventeen point four seconds Kes's body went into a state of cellular flux. She began to destabilise at the subatomic level."

Janeway turned to Tuvok, "Tuvok, enhance the structural integrity fields throughout the ship. If she has another incident I'd like to avoid a hull breach. Doctor, maybe it's time we broaden our horizons. This appears to have gone beyond medical science. We're into particle physics now."

The doctor stared at Kathryn, "I'll try looking through the quantum substructure database. Maybe it'll give me some inspiration."

"Keep me informed."

Kathryn heard a hail from the brig, "Ensign Ayala to the bridge."

"Go ahead, Ensign."

"You'd better come down to the brig, ma'am."

[Brig]

Kathryn walked into the brig and saw her daughter fighting against the threat of humanity and loneliness.

"One. My designation is Seven of Nine, but the others are gone. Designations are no longer relevant. I am - one." Jennica's hand reached up to touch her head as if in pain.

"Yes, you are; but you're also my daughter, and the role of any mother is to take care of and help her children."

"But I cannot function this way. Alone."

"You're not alone. I'm willing to help you."

"If that's true, you won't do this to me. Take me back to my own kind."

Kathryn stared at the woman she would learn to call 'Seven' and took her hands in hers as she sat down on the bench on the edge of the brig cell. "You are with your own kind. Humans." She paused, "And you've found your family. Your father is aboard too."

"Daddy is here too?"

Kathryn saw the innocent child peaking through the machinery of a Borg Drone trying to regain her humanity, and her childhood. "I'm coming in."

"Irrelevant! Take me back to the Borg."

"I can't do that."

Kathryn pulled a picture out from behind her back. She showed her a picture of a small red-headed child. "Do you remember her? Her name is Jennica Paris, and we'd like to get to know her again."

"So quiet: One voice."

"One voice can be stronger than a thousand voices. Your mind is independent now, with its own unique identity."

"You are forcing that identity upon me. You're trying to re-create a child that you never had, that identity is not mine."

"Oh yes it is. I'm just giving you back what was stolen from you."

"I don't want that life. I don't want to be your daughter, I need to go back to the Borg."

"That person is who you are: Don't resist it."

Captain's log, supplemental. Warp drive is still offline and we don't know whether the Borg have detected us. Kes's psychokinetic abilities continue to damage the ship's structural integrity, and as a result our defences have been compromised.

[Janeway Quarters]

Kathryn stared at baby Haley as she slept in her crib. She stared at Taya and realized all the innocence she had missed out on with Jennica.

Haley began to fuss and Kathryn picked up her newest baby girl. "Haley, I'm sorry I haven't been here for you: I've been trying to deal with ship's business and with your step-sister"

Kathryn felt that talking to the child who did not understand was like trying to rid of mind of the demons she had carried all these years.

"I love both you and your sisters, and you have to know that no matter what I won't let anything ever happen to you."

Kathryn got a hail from sickbay where Tuvok was trying to settle Kes and realized that there was no stopping whatever transformation was happening. She stared at her husband who had fallen asleep on the couch of their quarters. "Janeway to Wildman, can you bring Naomi down here and watch the girls for a couple of hours?"

Wildman's sleepy voice answered and Kathryn knew the children would be safe under the care of Samantha. "Yes ma'am."

She shook her husband and woke him. "Sam is coming down here to watch the girls, we have to go to the bridge and take care of the Kes situation."

Chakotay nodded as he was getting his uniform back on. Once he was dressed he followed his wife out of their quarters.

As she was walking towards the sickbay she looked at her husband, "You take the bridge duty and I'll go tend to Kes."

Chakotay nodded and knew once again that the ship would always come first. It saddened him but at the same time he knew that that was part of the woman he had fallen in love with.

He walked towards the turbolift and stared at his love's receding form as she slapped her combadge. "Janeway to bridge."

[Bridge]

Tom answered, "Paris here."

When Chakotay gets to the bridge, ask him to prepare a shuttle for launch and have Tuvok meet me on deck six."

Paris' quizzical voice answered, "Captain?"

"Kes is leaving us."

Kathryn began pulling Kes towards the shuttle bay: She was pulling her ship apart. Tuvok had paused it for a moment, but it was only a matter of time.

[Bridge]

Kim looked to Chakotay for inspiration and assurance, "Hull breach on decks three, four and five."

Chakotay took control and ordered: "Emergency containment fields."

Chakotay heard Kathryn's voice over the comm. line, "Janeway to the bridge. Kes is aboard the shuttle: Initiate launch sequence."

"Acknowledged."

Tom turned to the woman who had begun and continued to save his life, "Shuttle distance, one hundred thousand kilometres. Speed, one quarter impulse."

Kathryn looked at Tom and then moved her gaze to Chakotay, "Can you hail her?"

Kim piped up from behind, "I've been trying."

Kes' melodic voice encompassed the bridge, "It's happening: It's happening to me."

Harry sounded panicked, "Her atomic structure is completely destabilising."

They all heard Kes' voice over the comm. line, "My gift to you."

[Engineering]

B'Elanna looked at her sensor readings, and at the warp core. "Torres to bridge. The warp core just came online. Matter antimatter reaction at one hundred and two percent. A hundred and ten percent. A hundred and twenty!"

[Bridge]

On the bridge Tom stared confused at his sensor readings, "This can't be right. Our speed is - it's impossible!"

Harry's scared voice entered the conversation. "We're coming apart!"

The command team stared at each other. Chakotay whispered in Kathryn's ear, "If I never get to say this again...I love you and I forgive you for whatever you've done in the past."

Kathryn grabbed Chakotay's hand and held it to her chest, "My heart has always belonged to you, no matter what my faults are."

Paris interrupted the moment, "We've just dropped out of whatever it was we were in."

Chakotay pulled his eyes away from his wife's baby blues, "Systems coming back online."

"On screen. Where are we?"

Paris answered, "Nine point five thousand light years from where we just were."

Kathryn smiled, "She's thrown us ten years closer to home."

[Cargo Bay two]

Kathryn walked slowly into the darkened Cargo Bay. The EMH approached her and brought her over to where Jennica stood. "I've extracted eighty two percent of the Borg hardware. The remaining bio-implants are stable and better than anything I could synthesise on such short notice: You have your daughter back Captain."

Jennica turned and looked at her mother and the doctor, "It is acceptable."

The EMH stared at the woman, long red hair flowing much like the Captain's had years ago and the black biosuit that he had been forced to fashion for her, clinging to her body. "Fashion, of course, is hardly my forte. Nevertheless I've managed to balance functionality and aesthetics in a pleasing enough manner. I also took the liberty of stimulating your hair follicles. A vicarious experience for me, as you might imagine."

Kathryn stared at her daughter: finally come home. "You'll have to spend a few hours each day regenerating in a Borg alcove until your human metabolism can function on its own. We'll leave one operational."

Jennica tilted her head, "I understand mom."

Kathryn felt tears brimming her eyes as she felt the love flow from her body for the child she had abandoned and the second chance she was getting. "Let's see how things go over the next few weeks. Hopefully soon you'll get to meet your step sisters."

Jennica nodded and walked into the alcove, "I'd like that. Thank you."

[Four weeks later]

Everything was a mess.

Kathryn had turned everything into a mess. Her life was a mess, her command was a mess; Her marriage was a mess, Jennica was a mess.

Jennica wanted nothing to do with her, and Tom had discovered things that should have been left buried.

Kathryn stared around the lonely quarters that had once been the first officer's quarters: Chakotay's quarters. She knew she had every right as Captain of the ship to tell him to get out but she couldn't.

Those quarters were where her family lived, Haley...Taya...Chakotay: she let a tear fall down her face.

She sighed, she'd just come out of the shower and she looked at the long auburn strands that Chakotay loved so much and which Jennica had inherited. There was no question that this was her daughter.

B'Elanna had just about blown a gasket when she had discovered who the Borg Drone was, and in all honesty...she totally understood what she was going through.

That girl, that former drone was putting a wedge in so many relationships on the ship.

She remembered the day that Tom had entered her ready room livid:

"What the hell were you thinking?"

She stared at him, "I beg your pardon Lieutenant what are you talking about?"

"My son."

Kathryn looked down at her hands, "I could never have had that baby Tom: It would have ruined everything. You have a life and I have a life that do not include each other and you know it.

"It included me once Kathryn, we had a baby."

Kathryn glared at him, "Yes and we both decided we couldn't keep that one either."

He shook his head, "No you decided; both times you decided. You've been ruling my life for longer than I care to admit Kathryn. When Chakotay and B'Elanna find out about this..."

"You can't tell them."

He looked at her with pity, "That's where you're wrong: I have to."

She stared at him, "You can't."

"Was that an order?"

"Yes."

"Well that's one order I can't follow ma'am." He walked out of the ready room and that was the moment that Kathryn knew that her world was beginning to fall apart.

Kathryn put her hair up and fixed her makeup wiping away any remnants of the tears that had occupied her face minutes earlier and went to the bridge.

No matter what; this was where she belonged.

She entered the bridge and looked to Chakotay, "You have the bridge Commander, I'll be in my ready room."

Chakotay nodded and she walked into her safe haven without another word.

She stared at the image of the child she had been carrying but whose life she had ended before it had begun.

She remembered the day it had come up with Chakotay:

They had been lying in bed. The lovemaking of the day had been beautiful and it would be the last for a long time she suspected.

"Chakotay, I know that Tom spoke to you about the baby."

Chakotay looked down at his wife and saw the same beautiful woman he had grown to love all those years ago. He nodded.

"It was a mistake, I don't love Tom."

"But you did it none-the-less. We were trying to have a child and you cheated and went with him anyway. What were you thinking?!"

Kathryn stared at him, "I don't know, it was just a moment of weakness on both of our parts I suppose."

"Well I hope it was worth it Kathryn. I'm leaving and I'm taking the girls with me. I just wanted to make sure one last time you remember what we had."

Kathryn's jaw dropped open and she realized she had lost. All over a moment of weakness and stupidity. "Chakotay, you can't –"

"Oh yes I can Kathryn, this is the last time."

He walked out of their quarters for the last time. Kathryn sat up and put on her uniform, she had to go back to the bridge it was the one place that she still felt at home.

She walked to her ready room and reassigned Chakotay`s old quarters to her. She didn`t want to uproot the children, and the `Captain`s Quarters' were larger.

She sighed and went back to her quarters to get what she needed when the computer told her they were empty.

Kathryn tapped her combadge. "Janeway to 'Seven'." She still wasn't comfortable with calling Jennica by the moniker but the child wouldn't respond to her given name. "Seven here."

"Can you please report to the ready room?"

"Aye, Captain."

Her 'daughter' rang for entrance. Kathryn responded, "Come."

She looked at the woman who entered, her once red-brown locks were now platinum blonde. "Jennica, what did you do?"

"My name is Seven, or Seven of Nine if you prefer."

"Why did you change your hair colour?"

Seven glared at her, "I want to be nothing like you and that includes my hair colour."

Kathryn was unsure what to say. "Okay." She paused her jaw dropping, "but I didn't call you here to talk about your looks. You told me you wouldn't make any more attempts to contact the Borg. I want to believe that is true."

"I assure you it is; as much as I say I don't want to be like you, being a Borg is even less appealing."

Kathryn sighed and stared at the former drone, "I've decided not to post a security detail while you're in Engineering, but you have to realise there are rules. You'll be expected to follow our protocols. You'll report directly to Lieutenant Torres and obey any order she gives you."

"I understand."

"I need you to go down to engineering and work with Lieutenant Torres. You told me before that you thought it might be possible to modify Voyager's engines to create a transwarp bubble, I need you to go and see if that is possible."

Seven glared at her mother, "Yes Captain."

[Engineering]

Seven walked into engineering and stared at Lieutenant Torres. "The Captain ordered me to come and help you out trying to make a transwarp bubble."

B'Elanna sighed, "I guess you're part of my engineering staff then for the moment."

Seven looked quizzically at the half-klingon, "For the moment?"

"Listen, I didn't want you here to begin with, but I'll deal with you now because the Captain said I had to."

She turned to Vorik, effectively breaking off the conversation with Seven. "How are those thorium isotopes coming, Vorik?"

"I'll admit I'm having trouble controlling the neutron absorption."

B'Elanna sighed thinking that she was going to do this without the bastard child of her husband if it killed her. "Try increasing the temperature of the plasma. Get the thorium to the Captain as soon as it's ready."

"Of course."

Seven decided to get in the middle of it anyway and Torres had no choice but to listen, "I've set the parameters for the tachyon bursts we'll need, to create a transwarp conduit. It will be several hours before the main deflector can be modified. I think it would be best if I waited in my alcove."

B'Elanna stared at Seven and cast her off back to the isolation of Cargo Bay Two. "I think you're right."

Kathryn stared around the bridge. The 'Caatati' representative had just left, Chakotay was around but ignoring her.

Kathryn shook her head, there was going to be no fixing the trouble that they'd made. She hardly got to see her children, she never saw her husband beyond bridge duty...and these Caatati were driving her nuts. She felt like she was crawling out of her skin.

They wanted more, they wanted everything.

Like her family she couldn't give it to them.

She couldn't give them everything either.

[Briefing Room]

Kathryn walked into the ready room Tuvok and Chakotay in tow. Behind them was Rahmin a Caatati representative.

They begged and pleaded for supplies and finally, Kathryn agreed to give them some supplies. Her sense of moral duty forced it.

Kathryn turned to Neelix, "Neelix, how much food can we spare?"

"We could provide each ship with several hundred kilograms."

She sighed and knew that she was going to give them the supplies and help no matter what. "Do it, and check with the Doctor to see if he can spare any medical supplies."

"Thank you. May the gods smile on you and your crew."

The Caatati walked out of the briefing room and Kathryn went out. Chakotay had been quiet the whole time, not saying a word to Kathryn or anyone else.

She turned around and stared at Chakotay. "Commander, my ready room."

Chakotay huffed and followed her into the ready room.

When Kathryn got there and the door closed she spun on him and angrily stated, "What the hell is your problem?"

Chakotay stared at her, "You're asking me what the hell my problem is? You're the one who slept around, got knocked up and aborted the baby: without telling me any of it might I add."

Kathryn glared at him, "I had every right. It was my body and that was my baby."

"Like Taya and Haley?"

Kathryn shook her head, "How dare you?"

Chakotay sighed, "How dare I what? You're my wife and those are my children."

Kathryn had tears in her eyes. She wasn't sure what the hell was wrong with her: her emotions were all over the place. "And I let you have them. There is no room in a Captain's life for such frivolous things as 'children' and a 'husband'."

Chakotay just stared at her, "What happened to you Kathryn? You had given in to that life, and now you're backing away."

"Jennica made me realize that I can't do it." Her voice got quieter and Chakotay stared at her glazed over eyes. She looked like hell.

And then she fainted.

[Bridge]

Tuvok escorted the Caatati minister out of the briefing room and the alien saw Seven speaking with Tom.

"I've never navigated a transwarp conduit. Any problems I should be aware of?"

Jennica turned to her father, "You have no idea what you are doing. If we attempt to enter one I'll have to take helm control."

Tom refused to let his daughter take his spot at the helm, "I am a quick study."

Rahmin, stared at Seven in loathing and discust, "What species is that?"

"She is a human who lived as a Borg."

"Borg! Where's my wife? Where are my children? What did you do with them after you took them? What did you do with my family?" Tom watched the man get hysterical.

"Mister Paris, please proceed." Tuvok attempted to keep everything kosher.

"I lost everything. My family, my home."

Tom looked at his daughter, feeling sorrow and pity. "Sorry about that."

Jennica looked at her father, "There is nothing to be sorry for, I know that many do not hold the Borg in high regard, and many on the crew feel that way too."

"Yeah, but I never meant for you to be –"

Tom heard the comm. line open and Chakotay's voice come across the communiqué. "Paris, report to the ready room immediately: medical emergency."

Tom took off for the ready room the minute that someone replaced him at the helm. He picked up the medical case from behind his chair and briskly walked to the ready room.

[Ready Room]

Tom walked in and saw Kathryn slumped on the floor. "What happened?"

Chakotay looked at Tom angrily, "I don't know probably the normal. No sleep, not enough food and too much coffee. You take care of her, I have to watch the bridge."

Tom walked around and stared at his Captain's still form. He took out the tricorder and began to scan her.

He was more than aware of the fact that the command team had not been getting along and Kathryn had all but moved out of the 'Captain's quarters'.

He felt for her, and he loved her as Jennica's mother, but she was not his.

She would never be.

And for that he was grateful because he had found B'Elanna. He stared at the readings. *Oh boy.*

She was pregnant again, and this time it was Chakotay's.

And she was no longer living with her husband or her other children. He sighed and got a hypospray out of the medkit. He placed it on her neck and she slowly came out of her dazed stupor. "Chakotay?"

He smiled, "No, just me. The Big Indian had to take care of your bridge."

She shook her head not remembering all of what had happened. "What happened?"

"You fainted."

She sighed, "Okay now here comes the bad news. Why?"

Tom drew in a deep breath, "I think you should go and visit the doctor."

Kathryn looked at him puzzled, "Can't you just tell me?"

He sighed, "I think you should go visit the doctor Kat."

Kathryn was frustrated, "Oh come on Tom, since when has talking to me made you squeamish?"

He shook his head, "Go talk to the doctor."

Then he walked out of the ready room.

Kathryn sat down on the couch to her ready room. *What the hell was that?* She was tempted to go and get the tricorder that was sitting just behind her ready room couch, but squelched that urge.

She raised her hand to her communicator. "Janeway to sickbay. Tom said I should come visit you, is there anyone else in sickbay at the moment?"

"No Captain, sickbay is empty."

"Very well I'll be there in ten minutes."

"Yes Captain."

Kathryn paused as she walked up to the door she stared at it and knew what she had to do. She walked out of the ready room and walked up to Chakotay. "I need to go to sickbay, I'll be back later."

Chakotay nodded and watched her leave the bridge; what was going on he didn't know, and at this point he wasn't sure he cared.

He had tried over and over again to make her see that she couldn't put her present life on hold for a future that may never come.

But he feared he'd lost.

END 10. Flaws and Demons

TBC in 11. Redemption