Its three pm and the rush still hasn't died down. Squidwards scribbling, Spongebob's flipping, and Mr. Krabs is scheming all at an ungodly speed.
"Spongebob give me those damn orders is there lead in your ass?"
"Shut the fuck up I'm one man doing this shit"
"People have been waiting for over thirty minutes"
"Then slip on an apron and get your ass back here bitch!"
Squidward slammed his fist on the windowsill
"That ain't my job, hurry the fuck up!"
Spongebob grudgingly finishes up the last orders while biting his tongue with mighty force. Squidwards going to regret saying that.
The wave died down a bit where everyone can keep up a steady pace.
"Three orders of kelp fries" Squidward bellows
Spongebob heads over to the fryers and pours three serving into the basket then sets the timer.
Knock knock
A tapping came from the back door to much of Spongebob's surprise and he walked over to take a peek.
A familiar glass bowl poked out and he swimmingly opened the door.
"Hey babe"
"Hey Sponge, I thought I dropped by in between meetings at the community college…is now a bad time?"
Spongebob opens the door wider and waves "No come on in!"
Sandy takes a seat on a rolling chair and watches her man take fried food out of the fryer and send it out on a tray.
"Big rush?"
"Shieeet I've barely been able to sit down once today. How's work?"
Sandy shifts in her seat and squeezes her palms
"Same as always. Meeting this meeting that. Dumbass student e-mails. Picky admin…hmph"
She slinks in and crosses her arms
Spongebob turns back from the grill and slants is mouth
"Like okay this student of mine, bless is heart, was like asking me if a dipole-dipole interactions can be cut if he chops salad hard enough..." She leaned forward and threw her hand out
"Are these people retarted? What the hell do y'all teach in schools down here?" she laughs while sitting back down
Spongebob laughed along even though he had no idea what the fuck she said but he thought she was cute when got mad.
"Sandy, I'm sure you'll find another research position soon"
"Pfft, I don't know it's been six months and half the think tanks I applied to don't even reply to me!"
"Well then those fuckers are too blind to see what they're missing out on"
Sandy blushed and ran up behind him to give a squeeze.
"You're so damn cute Squarepants"
They turned and smooched for a few seconds then broke off.
"Say Sandy?"
"Ya?"
"Follow me"
Spongebob grabbed Sandy hand and brought her to the fridge door.
"Spongebob wha-"
"Sh just wait"
Spongebob swung open the door leading her in and shut the door back off.
"Sponge what are we doing here?"
Spongebob take out what little crumbs if coke he had left and scoops it with his key. He snorts, pinches his nose, and then pulls his girl close.
Sandy giggles and starts kissing him
They quickly get undressed and fuck over the boxes of frozen bread.
They go at it for twenty minutes when a rapping at the door startles them.
"What are ye doin there boy?"
"Shit it's the boss man"
"What do I do Sponge?"
"Here hide under this shelf while I talk to him, I'll come when it's safe"
Sandy nods and Spongebob heads out
"What's the matter with ya head boy-o? There's orders waitin!"
"Sorry I was busy looking for something"
"Argh you junkie fuck gonna cost me money!"
"Go to hell"
Mr. Krabs tramps to his office and slams the door shut behind him. Spongebob goes back to the fridge and look for Sandy.
"What are you doing babe?"
Sandy looks up startled and wipes her nose
"Nothing"
"Babe"
"Ok you caught me sorry I should have asked, I always wanted to try coke and I couldn't help myself so…"
"Well At least you're honest. But anyways there's nothing there I'd be surprised if you got any buzz"
"I do feel kinda sexy though but that could just be the frozen buns" She winked
They both chuckled and SpongeBob pulled out another dart.
"Mine if I bum?"
"Not at all babe, you buy half these packs anyways"
He lights her cig then his own and then walk out the fridge puffing away.
"Well, I best head out Sponge ok? I love you"
"Love you too"
They kiss and he holds the door open for her
"Don't chop any salad"
—-
It's almost quitting time and Spongebob is cleaning the grill. Every scrub is a force of will and he can't wait to get the hell out of there.
"Spongebob do you have those to go orders?"
"Here you go!"
Squidward takes the brown bags out of Spongebob's hands and places it in the customers grasp.
"Thank you!"
"Whatever"
He follows the customer until they leave and locks the door.
"Thank god"
He takes his hat off and wipes his forehead with his shirt.
He then heads over to the cash register and counts the coins and bills.
"One fifty-one. One fifty-two. one fifty-three. Ok" He scribbles down in a notepad. Somethings not right.
"Mr. Krabs we're a ten short"
Mr. Krabs bursts out of the office and to the register
"What?!"
"We're short ten"
"Count again"
"I did already. Twice"
"Ay"
Mr. Krabs nudges open the kitchen door
"Spongebob me boy!"
"What?"
"Where did you get that tenner from earlier?"
"I found it laying around"
"Here?!"
"No outside"
Squidward scoffed "Eugene is not that gullible Spongebob"
"But it's the truth!"
"Why should I believe ye?" Mr. Krabs stepped closer
"Because I'm your most loyal employee! I helped build this place!"
"BAHAHA" Mr. Krabs and Squidward bellowed in unison
Mr. Krabs grabbed his head "Maybe thee most loyal a few years ago but that time and day has sailed on"
"I am here every day from open to close! I bust my ass for you ungrateful cunts and all I get in return is shit attitude, shit pay, and shit smell...Not to mention the scars on my hand from your ghetto ass fryer which I've told your cheap ass to replace!"
Spongebob fleeted past his boss and coworker and headed towards the front door.
"God you are so pathetic!"
Squidward goes out of the boat and inched close.
"Now I know how annoying I must've been years ago because holy crap Spongebob all you do it bitch and moan and groan and cry. And then after your hissy fit you blame everybody else but your fucking self. If you hate your life here so much, why don't you just quit? Or fucking kill yourself for crying out loud?"
Spongebob opens his mouth, but Squidward continued.
"But you can't quit nor kill yourself you know why? Because you're a pussy SpongeBob. You just don't got the balls to do something different with your life. Jesus, how is Sandy still with your loser ass? Between the drugs, self-pity, and possible herpes I would have dumped your ass years ago!"
Spongebob stood in silence as did Mr. Krabs and Squidward. The quiet hung in the air for seconds before the sound of the door unlocked.
"Faggot"
Spongebob paced home with another cigarette hanging on his lips. Replays of the day churning in his head.
"I wanna see that squid rot I wanna see him burn"
Spongebob flicked his butt to the road and extinguished it with his foot. He suddenly had an idea.
"I'll see what Patrick's up to"
He approached the humble rock abode of his neighbor and landed a few taps.
"Hol'on"
The rock flipped open followed by a cloud a dank smoke. Patrick came creeping out with hazy red eyes.
"Spongebob! What's up my man? Come on in!"
Spongebob slid in followed by the shutter of the rock. He took a seat on the sand couch next to his pink bubble friend dressed in what appears to be a dashiki and beanie hat.
"What the hell is that?"
"Huh? Oh, this shirt? I got it from the shelter visiting a guy. They got a whole closet of clothes down there for anyone to grab. I love charity!"
Patrick takes a rip from a bong and hands over to Spongebob
Spongebob places his lips to the tops and takes a fat hit.
"Whew SpongeBob look at that cloud!"
They each take a few more rips each and then flip on the tv.
"Put on King of the Hill Pat"
"Alright bet"
The two watch the redneck Texan family on the tv in comfortable silence.
"Popcorn?"
"Nah I'm good thanks"
Patrick pours a cup of oil in the bowl and stirs with his hand. Later using the stickiness of his palms to maneuver the snack to his face.
Spongebob shifted in his seat and nudged his friend
"Man Patrick I sometimes wish I had the guts to do what you do."
"And what's that?"
"No job, no fucks. Just smokin shit and enjoying the ride"
"Ha ya well, if you ever decide to, I'll let you in on some wisdom"
"I've came prepared with questions believe or not"
"Hit me with it"
"I mean well like you don't get bothered at all?"
Patrick glanced at Spongebob
"What would I be bothered by?"
"Just the minor things, food, water, shelter, clothes…maybe purpose in life?"
Patrick turned more towards SpongeBob and looked in his eyes.
"Spongebob you really want to know?"
"Ya man"
Patricks sits up more straight
"It's called not giving a single fuck"
"Ok but I still need to eat Patrick"
"Spongebob no I'm saying stop giving a fuck about 'what ifs' what if i can't eat, what if I can't have clothes, what if I can't be happy."
Spongebob shook his head
"It's just not that easy for me"
"It takes time, Spongebob but you can get there. Living life in slow motion is pretty fuckin easy once you doin it believe me. I haven't worked in over ten years!"
Patrick turned back to face the tv as a new episode switched on
"You gotta learn to trust yourself"
Spongebob sat in silence letting the information wash over him and marinate.
Life feels like a great monotony yet chaotic at the same time. What the fuck is he doing? What are his aspirations? What truly makes him happy? Why can't he just say fuck it and leave town?
He tried he really had tried making a life for himself. Shit even though he hated school he still did two years at the culinary arts at the community college just to be a better fry cook. Working at the Krusty Krab was his dream and bam now fifteen years out, wanting to bail, what the hell do you do now?
Spongebob zoned back in to the tv to Bobby Hill astral projecting. Probably was out for ten minutes but a quick side eye to his friend tells it went unnoticed.
Spongebob stoop up and wiped himself off and felt the rush of blood leave his head to his knees. He regained himself by hanging on the couch.
"You leavin?"
"Ya imma head out"
Spongebob walked home under the dusky palette sky. He saw a light at home on the second floor of Squidwards. Looks like he was getting ready for bed. He stared for a moment when a devious thought came about him.
Bitches get stitches.