A/N:
Hello all, thank you for reading my first ever fanfic. My story is comes from the heart and mind, there is no inbetween at this point. I'm hoping that all of you who choose to read my story is excited as much as I am. First off, the characters are more on the OC side. I am NOT going to keep the characters I use in the personality they are assigned. Kind of out of the box if you will. Secondly, my stories I type will vary . Some chapters will be bursting with details and others not so much. Thirdly, please BE WARNED I will be touching up to the chapters as I go along. Please bare with me. I like to add on or change as the story goes on.
Please review as much as possible. And more than one review is welcomed. I am doing this to work on my writing and testing my skills as I go on the wonderful journey.
Thank you for reading and enjoy!
Sometime I don't know what's wrong with me. I have my bad days and most of the time I have good days but what are days any more. I feel like a empty shell, when everyone around me is having the time of their lives and I am just here. In this deep abyss that I can't get myself out of, the more I try the more harder it is. I am just a worthless piece of shit and not entitled to anything with happiness attached. Not even Her, I am glad that I can't have her. Because a fuck up like me doesn't deserve a beautiful person like Her. I don't deserve anyone not even my own family... My family was taken from me for a good reason, there is nothing I deserve in this fucked up world. Maybe I should end it all, it's not like there is anyone here that will miss me or even love me for that matter. I know for a fact the She don't love me, even if she knew what I really was. I understand why she wouldn't love me, a filthy half breed, a fucking leech, a beast in human form, a blood sucking vampire. Because all we do is take what isn't our. And She will not be apart of that, I promise.
I opened my eyes and quickly survey my surroundings, my room filled with just enough light for me to see everything. Nothing out of the ordinary just a pile of Yuuki's stuff scattered all over my room as usual. I swear that girls is messier than anyone I know. I try to get up but my body is too stiff to even move a muscle. I try a few times to move around but I really didn't want to get out of bed so I give up my efforts and just lie there staring into the ceiling. Wondering if I was dreaming a beautiful dream or a wonderful nightmare. Pfft, this self petty mood was starting to get on my nerves. Have I become so weak that I need to have a self loathing phase everytime I get a little thirsty. I wonder how long I've been out this time. Well by the looks of my room Yuuki has been here for a while. There is a chair sitting next to my bed with a pillow and blanket on the floor. And there is a full cup of water on my night stand, I was guessing for me because she don't like drinking water.
There are snacks scattered all over my room along with the empty wrappers, so I'm pretty sure it's been a good three or four days. After about 10 minutes of not moving I try to pull myself together and prepare for some unwanted and annoying pain. I take a few deep breaths and force myself to sit up on the bed, but when i do my body is screaming at me to stop. I bite my lip and force myself up, as I come to a steady stop the room starts spinning and I'm losing my balance. I fall back into the bed and at the same time my door slowly opens. As she walks in she seeing me fall, she throws the tray of food on the nightstand as quickly as she can and darts towards me. She tries to catch my head before it hits the pillow which is silly because it a damn pillow, it's not like i'm gonna bust my head open.
Once I'm still again and the room stops spinning, I focus my eyes on everything around me and I see her sitting next to me on my bed. She leaning over my head with a worried look on her pretty face. "Yuuki, what are you doing?" I asked softly. "Zero you were falling and I didn't want you to hit your head." She said in the softest tone I have ever heard. "Yuuki, I am on my bed and my head landed on my pillow I'm pretty sure I would have been alright." I laughed at her. "I know Zero but you have been out for about five days now, I was getting kinda worried that you would never wake up." she said with a small frown on her face. "Damn it's been five days since I've blacked out? Who found me and where was I at?" I started to panic.
"Don't worry you were under a tree in the courtyard and I'm the one that found you." She said softly. "I was waiting for father to meet us for dinner, when I walked around the corner to look for you. When I first seen you I thought you were just sleeping, I tried talking to you but you didn't answer me. I figured you were trying to play a joke on me so I shook your shoulder as hard as I could but it didn't phase you. After a few minutes of trying to get you to wake up, father popped up around the corner looking for the both of us. I told him that you wouldn't wake up and that it might be a joke, so he tired as well and still nothing. Just by the look on his face I knew it was serious, but he reassured me that you would be alright. It took a little bit, but me and father managed to pick you up and walk you back to your room. But you know I'm weak, so we only made it to your old childhood room, and you have been here since. I didn't want to leave your side, so father let me stay here with you so I can keep an eye on you."
After she gave me the rundown of what happened she seemed a little nervous. "Oh one more thing Zero, I kinda had to force you to feed from me, I only did it when father wasn't around and he wasn't gone much so if you are still hungry then you can take however much you need." Yuuki said shyly as she turned red. "Force fed me huh. I'm sure you might have loved that. Plus I feel fine for now, I'll let you know if that changes in the future." I chuckled a little. "What! Don't be silly Zero. I was just trying to help out." She said quickly. "Anyway, now that you are awake and alert I'm gonna go get father so he can take a look at you." Yuuki got up off my bed and was headed to my door, I quickly reached for her hand and held it tight. She stopped and looked back at me with a slightly confused face. We both stared at each other for a few minutes, I just wanted to tell her. But I couldn't, I wouldn't, she don't need to know the truth yet. I want her to make the first move.
I had to say something, anything but what I really felt. "Well I guess so but if he starts trying to give me hugs or kisses I'm going to get angry." I spat to save my ass. She began to smile and light up that I was returning to my hateful ways again, she let go of my hand and walked out of my room to get the Headmaster.
As I was left alone with my thoughts I really wanted to tell her the truth. About the way she smiles at me, it's like the butterflies, which I thought were gone forever, jumped to life and took over my entire body. In reality she was the reason why I chose to live, with one look from her she could bring me to my knees. And that I am completely infatuated with this human girl, and I have no self control when I am around her and I know that sounds strange but she has a hold on my like no one else does.
As I am completely wrapped in myself, I hear the door open and when I look over I see the Headmaster peeking in from behind the door. I let out a small sigh and hope for the best. He walks up to my bed and reaches for my forehead to check for a fever. "I'm fine Headmaster, I just have to get my body moving again and I'll be okay." I tried to sound hateful but that really doesn't phase him anymore. Without a word he reaches for my hands and helps me up to a sitting position. This time the room didn't spin and I could control my body more. And with an unexpected heave I was standing up beside my bed. "There you go Zero, my goodness that was the only time that I can remember that you kinda sorta asked for my help. Now lets see you walk around the room just in case you need a little more help." The Headmaster smiled and let go of me. But I could already tell my body was back to normal so I walked straight to my door and opened it up. I looked over my shoulder and gave a smirk and said "I'm fine now so leave me alone." I then slammed the door and walked down the hall to the bathroom. I hated any contact with the headmaster that involved emotions, I knew I was weak but I was NOT going to show her that side of me.
As I walk down the hallway to head to the bathroom I see Yuuki come down the opposite end of the hallway with some clean clothes and a towel in her hand. She is smiling and humming a sweet little tune I haven't heard her sing since we were little kids. I slowed down my pace to get an eye full of her with that beautiful smile. In her own little world, she nearly ran right into me, not that I minded but I was still in a bad mood from father trying to help me. "Can you watch where you're going. You almost knocked yourself down again." Yuuki looked up at me with huge surprised eyes and mumbled softly. "Oh my god Zero I'm sorry. I didn't see you walking in front of me." she shifted a little and cleared her throat. "Oh here Zero I brought you some clean clothes and a fresh towel. It's been a few days since you've cleaned up and I just wanted to help out." She then handed me the clothes that were in her hand and smiled. With me still hot headed from father earlier I grabbed them from her hand, walked right into the bathroom and slammed the door behind me. After I did that I felt a bit guilty for pushing her away. If she knew how I truly felt about her then her little gesture would not have gone unnoticed. One day she will know how much she means to me, I'll get the courage to tell her.
Months later...
Today... Today is the day I have a big meeting with the Headmaster. I don't know what's so big about it but then again we don't want to tell the whole world that I am a creature of the night. All I know is that the night class is doing a special study on other vampires like me, the one who can't take the original blood tablets. I'm a special kind of fuck up, I mean there nothing else to it. As of right now I am in no mood to be around anybody before I have to meet with those bloodsuckers and let them judge me. Just thinking about makes my skin crawl, and the only person in the world who can fix that is nowhere to be seen. Just talking to Yuuki will instantly calm me down, I try to halfway search for her but she is really hard to find when she wonders about. I need to at least see her or hold her or just insult her to make everything better. There I go again, sounds like a love struck teen who can't control his hormones.
For the next hour and a half I am aimlessly wander every way she might have gone. I mean being a vampire can only help me so much, I smell her everywhere, like she has been all around the campus all at once and I really didn't have much time to find her. I gave up looking for her and before I had to have that stupid meeting with the people I absolutely hate, I forced myself to head back to my dorm room to take a shower. A worthless attempt to calm myself down enough to be on a sane level.
With my decision in mind I turn towards the boys dorm and start walking at a fast pace. Just as I came a bit closer to one of the school buildings I seen a group of girls that were taking double looks at me. I hate it when I catch anyone's attention, especially females, the only person I want to notice me is Yuuki. That is one of the main reasons I act so hostile, to avoid as much human contact as possible. And to not have a human girl try to attach herself to me. Before I could turn a corner to avoid them I heard them whispering shit that I did not want to hear. "Oh my god Zero is so fucking hot." "I bet he would be so good in bed." "I wonder if he is a virgin." "I can make him smile once I'm done with him." Hearing such things roll off their tongues like that were so foreign to me, I never cared for a 'sexy' appearance and I sure as hell didn't plan on looking like that. I will admit that I have thought about it once or twice with Yuuki but if you asked me in person I would deny the whole thing.
Coming back to reality, seeing those girl drool over me made me feel kinda uncomfortable so I cut them a sideways glance. Half hoping they would get spooked and leave me alone, that was the plan at least. After my little gesture I realized that that was a huge nope, that look was only fuel to the fire."Holy shit I would let him plow me so hard." "I'm sure he would last so much longer than these other boys here." "Do you think he is into bondage." As some of the more older and experienced girls start to voice their thoughts aloud, I wanted to get out of their view as soon as possible.
I took a quick turn behind one of the buildings and forced myself to walk a little bit faster. And from a distance I hear all the girls in a panic, "Where did he go?," those stupid girls need to get a different obsession besides me.
As I reached the boys dorm I began to let myself relax a little, then it hit me almost like a wall, her smell was so strong even a human could tell she came through this way. She was running with urgency, probably looking for me. The Headmaster most likely sent her to look for me, pfft, figures he tires to keep a short leash on me. By the direction she was running, she was headed to the courtyard. I knew she always made a mental list of where to find me, first the stables, the courtyard, then her next stop would be my room in the boys dorm. I thought to myself, by how slow she runs, I'll have plenty of time to have a shower and be ready by the time she shows up to my room. So instead of chasing after her I went ahead and headed to my room to take a much needed shower...
...Click...
The soft click of the door shutting between us. That click was the only thing I could grab onto to, to remind myself that this was reality and she was here. Yuuki was here, she was here in my room, with me naked. Do you know how many times I've fantasized about that moment. How many similar scenarios that played over and over in my head until I brought myself to ecstasy. I wanted my inner beast to take over and keep her here locked away forever, to be my personal slave. I knew in my heart that she wanted me to take over but my mind knew that she had to make the first move. When I came into my room I swear I shut and locked my door, but then again I have been lost in my own world trying to have a sane mind for this fucking meeting. Either way my door was literally open for anyone to barge right in. So that was kinda my fault. I'm pretty sure I have made my feelings clear whether I wanted to or not and I hope she would respond to my actions in a good way.
I have been sitting on my bed for the past 15 minutes trying to get her out of my head. I don't think I'll be able to go anywhere after that happened. Not the fact that I had her in my room but that I basically showed her how I really felt about her. I mean she has seen me half way naked and never said one word about it. Her actions earlier, there was something very different about her. Like she really wanted me to. After a few moments to myself I remembered what she had told me before she left.
"I'll be waiting for you out here. Please hurry up, I have to return you to father before I can go back to my room and get some decent sleep." she has the softest voice in that moment that I almost didn't hear her.
I jumped up and started rushing around the room finding every bit of clothing to put on. Since
I didn't have to wear my school uniform it was a little easier to throw random items on. With in 30 seconds I was running out of the door. As I came to the lobby of the boys dorm I seen her standing by one of the windows. Just by the quick glance I took she was smiling about something, it made me wonder what she was thinking about. "Hey Yuuki are you ready?'" I said a little sturn. Which made her jump at the sudden sound. "Uh yeah I'm ready. Now let's hurry before father makes me do another useless task." she said in her usual cheery voice. I nodded then followed behind her and we both headed towards the Headmaster's building. The 20 minute walk to Father's building was rather quiet. Yuuki usually starts any conversations with me but this time no a word from her. It started making me feel a bit nervous. I tried to shake it off but I knew if I didn't say anything now I would have it on my mind during that entire fucking meeting.
I tried the apology first. "I didn't mean to push myself like that on you. But if you don't want to be around me any more then I understand." I gave her a few moments to say something or to make me leave her alone. I kept glancing back towards her. Not one movement from her. Nothing. "Yuuki, I'm going to be honest with you. I don't want you to stay away from me, to keep to yourself. I want you to come to me anytime you want to talk about anything. I wanna have that kind of relationship with you, something that will turn into something better. But if you don't want anything to do with me then tell me. Do you feel anything towards me. Love, hate, or disgust. Please tell me, I need to know how you feel about me, whether I should stay around you or leave everything behind." That sentence was the hardest thing I have ever had to say in my entire life. I gave her a fucking choice for me to either stay alive or drop dead.
As we continued to walk she didn't say anything, she didn't move away from me, she didn't speed up, she did nothing but walk beside me. Yuuki didn't speak one single word to me, nothing. Not a yes or a fucking no. Or a hey don't fucking talk to me. My Yuuki was giving me the silent treatment, the last time tried that it almost killed me. I can't stand not talking to her or pestering her, I can show it on the outside but on the inside I'm a fucking wreck. To be honest her treatment was breaking my already damaged heart. I just need her to give me a fucking answer, or a damn nod, or a fucking ok, I am going to lose my shit before we get to this stupid fucking meeting.
By the time I seen the Headmaster's main building I have given up all hope, for myself, for love and for living. Because without her there was no future for me. Then I realized that I AM what those blood suckers say about me, I am a fucking weak bastard that needs to be taken 'care of'. What is the point in this stupid fucking meeting. If there is no future for me then why do I have to be a guinea pig for them to 'save' the other vampires that can't take the blood tablets. I need to rid the world of those disgusting things so why not start with me. But I can't leave Yuuki, I am the one who tries to keep her out of trouble. I may not be her knight in shining armor, but I can damn sure try. So I said one last thing that may have jolted her. "Yuuki, this meeting is very important to me and my well being. If I am not 100% mentally ready for the dissection I am about to receive by these fucking blood suckers I'm not sure how much longer I have. So can I please get some kind of answer from you. A yes, no or fuck off." I raised my voice a bit at the very end to get my point across and turned myself away from her. This weakness bullshit was getting on my damn nerves and I never want to look weak in front of her. Then it happened, I felt her grab my arm. It wasn't a firm grip but more of a gentle squeeze to get my attention. She then pulled me around to face her, to look her in the eye and when I did the only thing I seen on her face was that beautiful smile she always had.
"I can't give you a straight answer right now because my emotions are a complete mess and if I were to tell you how I feel I want it to come from my heart." Yuuki looked at me and moved her hand down from my arm to grab my hand. "Yuuki all I want to know right now is if you want me to stay around you or to leave you alone." I said as I raised my voice. "Zero I never want you to leave me. Just know that I feel more safe and comfortable around you more than anyone else. Even more than Kaname." After she said his name her smile turned into a deep frown. She lowered her head down and let her hair cover most of her face. I hate when she speaks his name that is changes her aura. I took my finger under her chin and brought her face up to look at me, I then gave her one of my real smiles. "Yuuki you don't know how much that means to me, for you to say that you want me around you all the time." I then let go of her hand and started walking up the steps and to the door. Before I opened it I turned towards her and softly said something I wanted to tell her for the longest time "I'm so glad that Kaname is slowly starting to fade from your heart. Now it's my turn to be your savior, the one you look up to and the only one you love so dearly." I opened the door and walked in and quickly shut the door behind me. I didn't want to give her a chance to react to what I just said. For now I was satisfied with her semi answer and that was all I needed for my decision to stick around and tell her how I really feel. It's going to be soon, I just need to put my words together so it will made sense to her when the time comes.
I pulled myself from the door and made my way up to the Headmaster's office to 'check' in. As I walked closer I could smell someone in there with father. Then it hit me, it was Kaname, I put my guard up and I knocked on the door as hard as I could. Without his answer I let myself in. Kaname quickly turned around with a sour look on his face, I'm pretty sure he knew I was close by, he always has that disgusted look on his face. I chuckled and let a small smirk slip on my lips. "Oh Zero, you finally decided to show up. I hope Yuuki didn't keep you too long." he spat at me. "Well Kaname if you must know. I always enjoy her company as much as I could, she is that important to me. She should never go unnoticed or unappreciated by anyone. Not even you." I raised my eyebrow at him and chuckled. Kaname's face seem to stiffen up just a bit. Jealousy maybe or hate I couldn't tell. Either way it such a sight to see that I got under his skin. "Are we going to get on with this meeting or what. I really don't feel like waiting around forever." I turned around and headed out the door. Within seconds both Kaname and the Headmaster followed behind me.
As we walked towards the moon dorm, father had caught up to me and pulled me aside. He explained this meeting to me in a little more detail to clear the air or to sorta keep me in check. He stared off with a smile and a soft but stern voice. "Zero this meeting is going to be basically research for them. I'm going to be honest Kaname has told me that some of the aristocrats can be ruthless. They will bring up things that will force you to become uncomfortable and it will test your mental strength. I hope you have a clear mind because any worry will cause this research to become invalid. Since these vampires are aristocrats they don't understand the struggles you have to go through. It is highly likely they will act and treat you like your nothing. They don't know what it's like to have to starve because they can't take the blood substitute. They don't know what it's like to be borderline level E. But even though they don't know your side of the story, what you go through on a daily basis. Zero I still need to be on your best behavior. I still want to keep you around as long as I can, and now is not the time to bring up the past. I really hope you understand what I am trying to do. To be able to live with me and Yuuki and not have to worry about falling to a level E would be a fantastic way to live. And whatever research they come up with, it's going to help some other innocent victim come to terms with being a vampire. To still be able to be around their loved ones without wanting to kill them. Just a better situation all around."
"Father, I have a lot at stake here and I've already cleared my thoughts. I'm going to do the best that I can to try and not fuck this up for me or anyone else." I gave him a real smile and instantly regretted it. I could see father getting ready to explode with joy just by that stupid smile he always had when we made him proud. But then his demeanor changed, Kaname was nearing us and I think father felt him too. As I looked from the corner of my eyes a seen a dark figure standing behind a tree. I'm not entirely sure who this person was or if it was Kaname, I couldn't tell. A few moments later the figure disappeared, and just at that exact moment Kaname appeared and cleared his throat. "Well it's time for this meeting to begin. Zero are you ready for this life changing research." I nodded with agreement and followed both Kaname and the Headmaster towards the building that held the aristocrats. The building was nearing and I need to prepare myself.
Okay Zero, you can do this. Breathe in and breathe out. Find your peace. Concentrate on nothing but yourself. You can do this. Just answer the questions they have, let them poke you with needles. Let them call you names. Words are just words right? As long as you don't let it get to you. They don't know who you really are. They don't have to know the real you right. Yuuki is the only one who can truly know you. Breathe in and breathe out Zero. breathe in.. breathe out.. Breathe in.. breathe out.. In… out… in… out…
We neared the heavy doors of the moon dorm. I felt nothing. No hopefulness, no happiness, no nervousness. I think I found my inner peace, I was ready to get this over with. I honestly wanted to move on with the weakness bullshit I went through every single day of my life since my parents were killed. I was ready for something new, and whatever these aristocrats were going to throw at me I'm going to take it just for her. For Yuuki. Kaname opened the door and a bright light instantly blinded me. I stood in the doorway waiting for my eyes to adjust to the sudden light. Then I felt someone push on my back. Forcing me to move forward and step into the room. My eyes were still trying to adjust and I heard whispering. Lots of words but I couldn't make out what they were saying. "Sit." was the only word I heard. After that, silence. Like everyone held their breath. I was helped into a chair, my shirt was removed and my hands were strapped down. My eyes were finally adjusting and as I looked around the room, none of the faces I seen were anyone I knew. As I looked straight ahead I seen Kaname staring at me. With a blank stare. Something about that look was a bit off but I pushed it out of my mind. Then all of a sudden. He smiled. At me. Then he whispered something. When I read his lips I'm pretty sure he said "Good Luck." Then he turned around and walked away. I closed my eyes and waited.
For instructions. For questions, for something. But I got nothing. Nothing but silence. One sentence broke the silence. "Shall We Begin." I kept my eyes closed. Controlling my breathing was my only thought at the moment. What happened next should have scared anyone who was sitting in that chair but I was prepare for anything that they do to me. In one swift motion, a bag was thrown over my head and was pinned to the chair. Breathe in… Breathe out... My legs were tied to the chair. Breathe in… Breathe out… Needles began to pierce my skin in what felt like every inch of my body. Breathe in... Breathe out… I can do this. For her. For Yuuki. I can do this. I will do this.