Thanks to Lynkia, NeckBreak, Amefloza13, kimchi-tan, IT'S NO USE I'M OUTTA USE, 01SonAmy01 (x2!), Blancis16, AceisBae, Groovy Jay, Samantha27, MewMew:

I also want to mention that I myself wrote a review to chapter 4, and I recommend you read to get some more of my own insight on this story, and would like to read a response to Samantha's great review. :) This chapter pretty much destroyed me to write. So much personal stuff I'm still processing, and writing has always been my therapy... So many of the emotions are unfamiliar, but so many more are so familiar I might as well take my heart and smear it all over this chapter ~ Anyway, I know you all don't care about me, so onward ~

The later part of this chapter is REALLY intense at times. Please use caution when reading.

Chapter 5: Therapy

AMY

I groaned. Bed. Morning. New sheets, smelling fresh. Unfamiliar comforter, unfamiliar room - where was I? Bright light was streaming through open curtains, the TV was on, I turned to my right and my heart stopped.

A handsome blue hedgehog, the fastest thing alive, was casually sitting next to me watching TV, one leg dropped over the other, his hands behind his head and holding his quills up.

Oh, yeah. I was with him now. Yes. I scooted closer to him.

"Sonic…" I said with a yawn, still sleepy. I reached out an arm to touch him but couldn't quite reach so I just patted the bed cutely. "You stayed. You're still here."

He laid down next to me, taking a moment to just stare into my eyes tenderly.

" 'course I am. How could I leave you now? I love you, Amy."

Sonic leaned in and kissed my nose before gently caressing my face.

"I love you, too, Sonic."

He was so wonderful. I yawned as memories of last night were slowly coming back to me, making my body feel warm. We'd both been exhausted when we arrived at the hotel, but I'd gone in to reserve the room so Sonic could sneak in under the radar. I smiled at the memory of him tiptoeing down the hall to not make too much noise, he'd looked adorable. The fact that we had to hide out from watchful eyes just made the whole thing more exciting.

I remember that we didn't have sex - just a lot of heavy kissing, cuddling, and fondling. He let me touch him literally all over that incredible body (other than his most sensitive spot), and I'd enjoyed every single inch of him. I was incredibly gentle, of course, making sure he enjoyed it as much as I did. In turn, he'd undressed me and felt me up, but we stopped there once it got to be too much for him. Unfortunately, I was so aroused I had to go take a cold shower just to calm my body. After that, I'd hopped into bed with him to cuddle while we were both naked. I could still feel his bare body against mine. While he'd been amazing and I'd enjoyed every second, it'd been a bit disappointing that we didn't cross that final hurdle, but I could be patient. Hell I'd waited this long. Baby steps were better than nothing.

"Are you hungry?"

Yes. Actually, I was. I hadn't eaten very much yesterday, only a bit in the short breaks Sonic had given me. "I'm starving! Aren't you?"

"I already ate. A ton." He suddenly frowned. "Sorry, but I had to leave earlier for a little bit to get food. But I came right back. I'm not leaving you again."

Aww. I just laid there, staring at him dumbly, starstruck as usual.

"Seriously, you want me to get you food? Just say the word and I'll go get whatever you want. Pancakes? And maybe, heh," he looked to the floor, where my old dress and ladythings lay strewn about. "A fresh set of clothes?"

I giggled. Sonic was the best. What other girl could say their guy could do the things Sonic could? I was the luckiest girl alive. Surely.

I sat up in bed, the sheets falling away from my chest. I quickly grabbed them to cover up, only for an electric shock to go through my body when Sonic took my hand, right on top of my breasts.

"Hey, it's okay. Don't worry about it."

I sat frozen, begging for more of him, captivated by his touch and tenderness. Seeing my expression he grinned and leaned in closer, tucking his hands underneath the sheets to feel me up again. I let out a squeak from his fondling, still paralyzed at what he could do to me.

"Do you like this…?" he asked, his whispering voice husky.

"Mm-hmm," I managed to get out, very conscious of where exactly his hands were. My body was melting from the intense pleasure.

"I like making you feel good…" He was grinning, enjoying this way too much, and even gave me a wink.

That was it.

I dove on top of him, pushing his hands away and pinning them to the bed on either side of him. I was going to have him now, I didn't care. I pushed my body into his, our lips meeting with ferocity and need. I was overcome by lust as I started pushing myself against his crotch.

He began struggling underneath me, and I immediately pulled away from his mouth, horrified as I realized what I'd done.

"Stop, Amy, please…"

I hopped off of him, covering myself again in shame and trying to calm my body. "Sorry. I got a bit carried away."

"It's fine."

I felt horrible. What was I thinking? He was still uneasy about this whole thing. I shouldn't push him, that wouldn't be right. I already promised him we wouldn't go too far if he was uncomfortable. I leaned back into the pillow, trying not to cry. I couldn't live with myself if I hurt Sonic.

His arms were suddenly wrapped around me, holding me close to him, the sheet between us. I nuzzled into his chest, holding back tears.

"Amy, it's alright. You stopped when I asked you to, so don't feel bad. You didn't do anything wrong. I'm the weird one, not you."

"You're not weird. You're just... Hurting. And I feel bad. It won't happen again, okay?"

He kissed my forehead. "Don't worry about it. Now. What can I get the lady to eat?"

I swallowed, feeling the ache in my stomach again. Or was that in my heart?

"Pancakes sound amazing. With strawberries. And whipped cream. And butter. And lots of syrup. And some lasagna too. And chocolate milk." I didn't care about my figure, I thought bitterly. Why would it matter if my boyfriend didn't find me attractive…?

I was going to cry, but I had to hold it in. For Sonic. He was trying so, so hard. He deserved so much credit, he deserved the best from me.

"You got it, Ames. I'll be back in a bit."

He rushed out the door, and I let the tears spill out of my eyes just as quickly.

This was it. I knew this was going to happen. This is what it meant to be Sonic's girl. One moment he was thrilling me and loving me and everything was perfect, and the next I was broken hearted and abandoned because he didn't want me. Oh, what was wrong with me? Was I really being selfish? Or was I just being normal?

Maybe I was the lucky girl for being with him, but seriously… how many girls could say their boyfriends didn't want to have sex with them? It was just, unthinkable. Out of all the things I thought would ever get between us, I never dreamed this would be one of them. Unpredictable Sonic strikes again.

This flip-flopping, this indecision, this uncertainty was killing me, breaking my heart all over again. That's what Sonic was - a master of both mending and breaking hearts. I knew what I was getting into, all along. Ever since I saw that blue blur in the city yesterday. I knew it - he'd break my heart. He'd leave me broken. He'd throw my heart in a blender. One moment pleasure, the next pain and confusion. He'd leave me feeling awful. He'd build me up and then leave me hanging. In literally everything.

He was suddenly back, a smile on his cute face, holding a fresh stack of pancakes in one hand and a bag in the other. I quickly wiped at my eyes, cursing his speed. I should have known.

"Sonic delivery service. Clothes and food for Ms. Amy Rose."

I forced myself to laugh as Sonic placed the bag next to me. He bit his lip.

"I hope you liked what I chose for you to wear. You know I'm a fashion expert."

I looked inside, trying to avoid looking at him so he didn't notice my red eyes. A moderately cute top and a pair of jeans. And a whole mess of underclothes - he didn't know my size and probably just grabbed stuff. I had to admit, the thought of Sonic in a store trying to buy bras and panties was hilarious, and cheered me up a bit.

I found the resolve to meet his eyes. "Thanks, Sonic."

"No problem Ames. Anyway, I'll let you get dressed." He headed into the bathroom and shut the door, and I did everything in my power to not collapse on the bed and resume my tears. He was so perfect, except in the ways he wasn't. He was doing everything right, and yet I felt a part was missing. This was a dream come true, but as if someone had forgotten one small important detail.

Was this how it was going to be between us? Things had always been rocky, but I'd always had my daydreams to get me through it. I wasn't so sure I liked reality. But couldn't I get over this? Couldn't I just be patient? Of course. The alternative was no Sonic at all. So I'd power through this. He was probably just as frustrated as I was.

That was the other thing - I hated how selfish this was making me. I was trying to consider his needs, and I'd be gentle and patient as I could be. But would this all be worth it in the end?

I got dressed, managing to find some underclothes that fit. I thought for a moment about Sonic in the store - he'd probably been sighted again. My attention turned back to the TV as I sat in front of the pancakes, starting to dig in.

"Sonic I'm ready."

He joined me on the bed as I turned to the news.

"And now, we have yet another report on the return of Sonic the Hedgehog."

"Oh jeez, this again," Sonic rolled his eyes.

"There have been numerous reports in the last 24 hours of Sonic sightings. The blue hedgehog and former hero has been missing for nearly a decade. There have been many reports of him that were later proven to be false, but these recent accounts have seemed more credible than ever. As our standard procedure, we have reached out to all of Sonic's former friends and contacts to see if they know anything. Here's Miles Prower."

I gasped, and Sonic sat straight up, his jaw dropped as Tails popped up on TV.

"Holy shit, he looks so old!"

"You know he's younger than you right?" I said and plopped more pancake in my mouth.

"Shut up."

"Sonic is not back," Tails said from the TV. "All of these Sonic sightings are hoaxes. I've already proven that. If Sonic was truly back, he'd let us all know. Trust me. He's never been one for hiding out. But I think we all know that Sonic is truly gone. Like Knuckles, Amy, and I tell you guys everytime, if Sonic comes back, or when he does, we'll all know."

"Aww, he's all grown up," Sonic said, his bottom lip curling down. "I'm proud of you buddy."

"Go. See. Him." I poked him three times with my fork.

"I will. I will, okay? I'm just not done with you yet."

The anchor spoke again. "Sonic's former girlfriend Amy Rose could not be reached for comment. In fact, we just learned from her workplace that she didn't show up for work today."

I swore, loudly, but then Sonic settled me down. "Hey, it's alright. I already called them for you this morning."

"You did what?"

"Yeah. I said, ahem, 'This is Sonic the Hedgehog, and my girlfriend, Amy Rose, will not be in for work today."

"You did not!"

"Haha, nope. I pretended I was your brother and said you weren't feeling well."

"Goddammit Sonic, you know I don't have a brother! I hope the media doesn't get a hold of that call - "

"Her workplace received a call that experts believe sounds like Sonic himself. The caller identified himself as her brother, but Amy Rose has no known siblings. From what we've heard, G.U.N. is in the process of tracking the call now."

The pancake got stale in my mouth, but I managed to swallow it down. I looked at Sonic, who was chuckling and bouncing up and down in excitement.

"We're so busted, haha! This is awesome!"

I raised a confused eyebrow. "You're enjoying this?"

"Yeah! I haven't lived this on edge in forever, Ames. It's thrilling, I missed it. It's kinda fun running away from everyone. Let's stay here until they find us, and then we'll get away. Since I can't run away from you anymore, I gotta run away from someone."

"Wow, I'm so flattered. You already found a replacement for the old me. Hey, speaking of that - Did you hear them say I was your former girlfriend?" I suddenly remembered, grinning from ear to ear.

"Yeah, that's what you always called yourself. No matter how many times I denied it."

I reached over to pinch his cheeks. "You liked me, didn't you?"

He blushed fiercely. "Hey-! I did, okay. I had a huge crush on you. I just didn't know what to do with myself."

I nuzzled into his nose, loving how adorable he was. "You're cute."

"Yeah, well, you're cuter!" Sonic shot back.

"Nuh-uh!" I shook my head.

"Yeah-huh!"

"You're impossible."

"Well, you're - impossibler!"

"You've really matured over the years," I rolled my eyes, but smiled, and Sonic grabbed the remote.

"What else is on anyway?"

I finally finished my breakfast, and leaned back in bed. "Nothing but soaps. Daytime TV is horrible."

He looked at my empty dishes and nodded as if impressed. "Wow, you actually ate that lasagna. Did not see that coming."

"Why would I ask you for it and not eat it?"

"I dunno, as some kinda test I guess."

"Well, I am surprised you actually brought it to me. I didn't think you'd be able to find any at this hour. So yes, you passed the lasagna test."

"I'm just magic, ya know. Also had to give the paparazzi a few more sightings, yeah?"

I hit him with a pillow. "You really like being chased, don't you?"

He grinned. "Yep! Maybe that's why I fell in love with you."

Okay, I was definitely starting to feel better now. Being around Sonic always had that effect on me. He could cheer me up just by being himself - and speaking of which, he was definitely seeming more like himself, too. This excitement, this passion, this need for speed was just oozing out of his aura and I loved it. This was the Sonic I loved.

I cleared my throat. "Sonic, uh, can I tell you something?"

"Anything Ames."

"So, uh, I'm glad you're feeling better."

"I am. Truly. Being with you this past day has been the best I've felt in literally years, Amy. I mean it. You're an incredible girl."

I beamed at him. "That's so great to hear, Sonic. I'm so happy we're together, I really am…" I leaned in for a quick cuddle, Sonic wrapping his arm around my shoulders and I put a hand on his chest.

"So what did you wanna tell me? Hm?" He prompted me with a tap on the shoulder.

Suddenly that didn't seem like such a good idea, but he wasn't going to let it go.

"I just… can't stop thinking about our future together, and what's gonna happen to us now. Up until yesterday I thought I had my life under control, and then you show up and it all goes to hell. In a good way, the best way, of course, but still. I just wonder about so many things -"

He cut me off, shrugging with ease. "Why think about the future, Ames? Let's just enjoy the here and now. Isn't this fun, us running around, avoiding the cops and journalists and stuff? Let's just take life as it comes, and not think too much about it."

Well, hello there, old Sonic. And hello to his old companion, my doubtful heart.

I frowned a bit. "That's okay for now. It could be fun for a while. I just, can't help but worry and think about stuff long-term. Ya know? And yes, I know because of what happened to you, it's all gonna take some time. I can be patient, I can wait for you."

He took my chin in his hands. "Amy you don't have to wait anymore. I'm right here. Maybe I'm not the guy you fell in love with long ago, but I'm here now. I'm doing my best, and hell, you've already helped me get over the restless thing, and got me to enjoy running again. Maybe I'm broken and not what you want, but I've left my past behind me. And, maybe, maybe, it's good for both of us to do so. Let's start over, whaddya say?"

His gesture melted my heart, of course, but his words made me uneasy. Did he really think everything was fine? I was over here hurting and feeling empty, like a part of me was missing. I felt so shallow for feeling this way, too - but what could I do?

Sonic kept talking. "I know you wanna think about stuff that'll happen later, so, you do that, and I'll focus on the present. Deal?"

He was charming, and his smile so sparkly. He was trying so hard to make this work, and it was really starting to win me over. I put my hand on top of his, which was still resting on my cheek.

"Deal." I booped his nose with mine. "But can I ask you one more thing?"

"You can ask me as many things as you like."

"So, last night - how was that for you? Did you enjoy it?"

He smiled and kissed me again. "I did. A lot."

I beamed, feeling so much better. "I'm so glad… so I guess I'm not too bad for Ms. 201?"

He rolled his eyes a bit. "Ames, you're so much more than that, c'mon, you know those girls meant nothing to me."

I was feeling bubbly. "And the guys?" I couldn't help but giggle a bit.

He gave me a playful glare and a raised eyebrow. "You're enjoying the thought of me and another guy waaay too much."

I erupted in another giggle fit, my brain going crazy with fantasies. "Can you blame me? It's like every girl's dream. Oh my gosh, what if we had a threesome?"

"Amy-"

I grabbed his hands. "No, no, listen, it'd be perfect for us. I mean, you're still uncomfortable with the whole thing, so, this way, the other guy could do me and you could watch, or something."

As soon as the words left my mouth, I knew I'd made a huge mistake. Sonic didn't even have to get up and leave my side for the guilt to wash over me like a tidal wave, leaving me feeling numb. Sweat was forming in places I didn't even know I had as I processed how big of a mistake I'd just made.

Sonic had disappeared into the bathroom, leaving the door open. I tilted my head to try and catch a glimpse of him, but it was like he'd disappeared.

"Sonic, I'm sorry. That was a really shitty thing to say."

No response. Oh man. I'd fucked up. I crawled to the edge of the bed, still trying to find him, but I had to get up and walk to the doorway to offer him a regretful smile.

"I'm sorry. It was just a joke. I don't really want that. I was trying to make you feel better."

He left the bathroom in a huff, ducking under my arms. "Really missed the mark there."

I followed him, apologizing again, but he just held up a hand. "Let's just drop it."

"No, I wanna talk about - "

"Drop it." He looked dead serious, but also broken.

I just wanted to make things right. "Can we not even talk about it now?"

He gave the most exasperated sigh and fell on the bed, staring at the ceiling.. "Amy, why are you still hung up on this sex thing? Is it really that important to you?"

"Yes, it is. I don't want to be in a sexless relationship. I can't be." I crawled back in bed with him, hugging his motionless body. "I just wanna know that it'll happen someday, and I can wait as long as you need me to. I need to know you're committed, that you're in this for the long game. Because otherwise what's the point if you're just gonna leave me next week? Sonic, I've played this game with you long enough. I've given up so much for you, and I want to make sure my needs are being met, too."

His whole demeanor drooped. My words affected him way more than I expected. He shuffled off the bed. "I understand. I'll take you home. Or to work. Whatever you want. I get it."

"No, Sonic! It's not like that." I crawled across the bed towards him, touching his shoulders. "Stop making me feel bad! I said I'd wait as long as you needed. You know I would. I just feel like… maybe, the reason you don't like sex, is because you haven't done it with the right person yet. And I want to be that right person for you. We can fix you. This doesn't have to be the end of us, Sonic. I don't want it to be. "

He shook his head and turned back to me. "But Ames, you're not understanding. What if I never come around? What if I can't be fixed? Maybe being with you will change me, but it probably won't."

I rubbed his shoulders some more, trying to comfort him. But as I pulled some of his fur back with the massage, it was suddenly very hard to breathe. His striking cobalt fur hid what seemed like millions of scars across his bare skin, all over his shoulders and back. Some of them looked to be caused by burns, others by cuts, and I didn't want to imagine what the others were from. My hands started trembling as I touched him more gently, reminded of how he'd been through hell. How had I not noticed them last night? - that's when I remembered Sonic insisting we do everything with the lights off. He didn't want me to see; he was ashamed. I wasn't going to let these scars be his only experience of intimacy. I couldn't.

"How do you know that unless you try?"

"But I have tried - "

"But not with me."

He wouldn't look at me, and I was forced to keep searching through his fur for more blemishes. Some of them looked so deep, so painful, and each one tore my heart a little bit more. I traced them out with my soft fingertips, wanting to heal every single one.

"Sonic, can I ask about these…?"

His whole body violently shuddered under my touch and he pulled away, his eyes on the ground as he realized I'd found them. He was so ashamed but had absolutely no reason to be.

"You don't wanna know."

The scars obviously haunted him, and I could tell there was some deep history hidden in those red welts. I noticed there were none on his arms or torso, just his back, shoulders, and sides. Perhaps because there was less fur there?

"You always heal fast, though, and you never scar."

"If you reopen a wound enough times, before it has the chance to heal, it just stays that way."

My heart was breaking for him. "You don't have to tell me, I'm sorry I asked."

"No, no, I will. I said I'd tell you everything. It'd be good for me, anyway. I've held this in for a long time."

"You don't have to, really. I know this is hard for you."

Sonic's eyes had a faraway look, as if he were actually a million miles away, trapped and reliving his former life. He began speaking, his voice so quiet and uneven.

"We played this game. If I couldn't perform, or pleasure her well enough, or give her enough orgasms, or if she was just bored…" he paused, wincing at each word. "She would reopen them all. Every single one. And I just laid there and let her do it. Let her tell me I liked it. And I must have, because I just laid there and let her do whatever she wanted to me. Said no, but didn't even try to fight her off. I was so pathetic."

I regretted ever bringing this up - this was horrific to listen to, but it must be even worse for him. His arms were trembling at his sides, but I couldn't help but notice how smooth they were.

"Your arms…?"

"She liked them. Only wanted to hurt me where the fur could cover it. So she didn't have to see them if she didn't want to. Called it our little secret. Then one day, I'd been really bad and she - "

He couldn't finish, and I'm not sure I wanted him to. He just kept shaking his head and silently let tears fall from his eyes. All I could do was listen, afraid to even touch him lest it hurt.

"She shaved me."

I closed my eyes, but they flew open when I noticed Sonic was suddenly pacing across the floor, going so fast from one side to the other, it looked like he was teleporting. I was afraid he'd lost control of his legs again, but he was just bouncing from door to window. He started his sentences on one side, and then finished them on the other.

"She made me stand in front of a mirror - " SWOOSH "Told me how hideous I was - " SWOOSH "And she refused to touch me - " SWOOSH "And I was happy - " SWOOSH "Because she stopped hurting me - " SWOOSH "But then it grew back- " SWOOSH "And she reopened every single one again - " SWOOSH SWOOSH SWOOSH "And then I begged her - " SWOOSH "Begged - " SWOOSH "Just shave me again - " SWOOSH "And we just went round and round over and over - "

He stopped near the door, sweating and panting, in obvious distress. He fell to his knees, his face buried in his hands, as he shook from suppressed sobs. Only a moment later he was on his feet again, standing still as a statue.

"Sonic, this is… this is so… I don't even have a word for how terrible this is. I'm so, so sorry…"

He didn't respond, just stood there as he regained his normal breathing pace, staring off into nothing. I didn't know what to do. Just stay here on the bed, staring at him? Should I go hug him? I had nothing to say - what could I say? What could possibly make him feel better right now? What could heal a hurt this deep, a hurt that had been made to fester and linger and eat at him, with no hope of disappearing? His body had truly been broken. His mind, too. And his will, his legendary free spirit. And worst of all, his heart. He had such a good heart, and I loved it with every inch of my being. What could I do?

We stayed like this for a moment, Sonic just staring into the wall and me being quiet as to not disturb him. I wanted to bring him out of this mental place so bad, but I had to be patient. Finally, finally, he walked over to me and sat down, still avoiding eye contact. He hugged his arms to his chest, and I didn't dare touch him, as much as I wanted to wrap him in a hug.

"It's alright, Ames. Don't worry, I'm fine." He spoke with no emotion, as if it had already all been sucked out of him.

"But you're not fine. What can I do to help you?"

"Nothing. This is somethin' that's never going to go away. Ever. I'd understand if you just wanted to leave me. I'll take you home and you can forget all about me."

"No - "

"You said you can't be in a sexless relationship, well, I don't think I can be in a sexual one. At least not for a while."

"Sonic, please… maybe we just need to give you happier memories, not of painful or meaningless sex, but true love and intimacy. Maybe the whole reason you're asexual is because of what she did to you."

Finally he met my eyes.

"Amy, no. No, not at all. I realized something. You got it backwards. It's the other way around."

"What do you mean?"

"I'm not asexual because of what happened to me - what happened to me, happened, because I am asexual."

I just shook my head.

He walked to the window, moving slower than he had in awhile. He looked outside, one hand on the glass. "If I had understood this whole business better, if I understood myself, I would have never slept with Candy at all. Let alone let her ruin me. That's why I still think all of this is my fault. If only I had known there was another option, an option to just not care about this stuff… none of this would have happened to me. It's all my fault, and I guess I don't deserve to have you after all."

"Sonic, for the millionth time, it's not your fault. And none of that is true. I don't believe it."

He turned back from his outside view, suddenly with more confidence. "Why can it not be true? Why is it so hard to fathom that I've never been interested? This is not because of Candy, or any other girl. This isn't because of some trauma. This isn't because I don't have enough hormones. This isn't because I haven't found the right person, because I know I have. The right person is you. I believe that 100%. I love you, Amy, but this is me. Who I am, who I've always been. And if you can't accept that… well, maybe we shouldn't be together."

This was wasn't happening. He wasn't throwing out ultimatums at me.

"I can't believe this is a dealbreaker for you," he continued as he started pacing, obviously upset. "I do everything for you, get you breakfast - "

Oh no he didn't. "Oh, you do everything for me?" I shouted, standing up on the bed and glaring down at him, not about to let him win. My eyes were on fire. "You seem to forget how you treated me like shit for years and years and then left and wouldn't come back to see us! What about all I did for you yesterday? You'd still be running forever if it weren't for me! What about all I've given up for you? And what do I get for it?"

Sonic was up in a flash, right in my face. "You think you deserve sex because you were a good person and helped me out? You think you're entitled to it? Is that all you want now? Does everything else I've done mean nothing to you, Ames? I'm sorry, but I can't… I can't be with you if that's what you think."

I balled up my fists. He didn't get it. At all. I was done talking to him. "Fine. Take me home, Sonic."

"Fine."

The ride back home was excruciatingly bittersweet. I was fuming with anger, my fists balled up the whole way, and resisting getting my hammer out. He held onto me gently, chastely, trying not to hurt me at all. Sonic wouldn't even look at me, but I could tell he was mad. Or sad. Or everything in between. He tried so hard to hide it, but part of me felt like he would go home and cry after he dropped me off. Where was his home, anyway? Where would he stay today and tonight? I could offer him to stay with me… but I knew that wouldn't go over too well.

We were at my apartment. He set me down on my feet, and refused to meet my eye. I was about to reach for his arm but stopped myself.

"Bye Amy. Thanks for your help. I'll see ya round."

"Wait! - you don't have to… leave…" I trailed off as he was already gone.

As he disappeared into the horizon, I felt numb. I honestly felt nothing. My heart was shutting down from the pain. I'd made a terrible mistake. Lots of terrible mistakes. I'd been selfish. He'd been through hell, literal torture, and I was complaining about something petty. I'd just ruined my lifelong dream because I was horny and impatient.

I was such an idiot.

I'd ruined everything. I'd had it all and lost it. He wouldn't be back for me, definitely not for a while. I just realized with heartbreaking pain that I'd broken up with him.

I'd broken up with Sonic, the only guy I'd ever loved. And who loved me.

I slowly sunk to the ground, my eyes staring at the dirty floor, noticing one red speck. I kept staring at it, not wanting or able to move, feeling like the world was spinning around me again. Let it spin, let it go, let it drown me and pull me under so I didn't have to feel this agony.

He was gone. I'd let him get away. Sonic would probably disappear for good now, as he was already avoiding the press, and didn't seem to keen on meeting with anyone else. I was his ticket to reacclimating back to his old life, and I'd fucked that one up so badly.

But had I though? Was I in the wrong? I'd been through so much with Sonic, and I obviously still loved him - the aching hole in my heart reminded me oh-so-painfully - how could I not accept this? How had I made this a dealbreaker? I said I would be patient - couldn't he be patient with me, or was it too much to ask of him?

The same thoughts kept ruminating in my mind, over and over again, as I lay down on the floor, waiting for the tears to consume me. I wanted to feel sad, I wanted to punish myself, I wanted to rip out my quills and cut my wrists. I was an awful, selfish person, and I didn't deserve Sonic the Hedgehog after all.

SONIC

So.

Good news, bad news.

Good news. I could run again, at my own will.

Bad news. Okay. Literally everything else in my life was bad news. I lost the girl I love. I have no more friends. I have nowhere to sleep tonight. I'm confused (and yet so sure) about my sexuality. I'm wanted by both the government and every single media outlet known to man. I have an abusive ex-girlfriend that is probably watching the news and knows I'm still around. Oh, and by the way, I hadn't been completely honest with Amy - I knew exactly where Candy was, and I'd been unable to stop seeing her over the years, much to my humiliation. I'd been hoping Amy would go with me to confront her, but that was out the window now. So there was nothing holding me back from re-visiting my rapist. And having her add a few more scars to her collection.

Good news. Okay. Um. I don't want to kill myself anymore? Right? As long as I don't think about Amy -

Fuck it. I didn't understand. At all. I was pissed. Why the hell was sex so important? What the fuck was the big deal about sex? I'd done it before. Lots of times. My feelings about it hadn't changed. It was overrated, so overrated. How could Amy focus on all that and throw away everything else we had? We obviously loved each other. We'd done so much for each other. I'd made a ton of mistakes, sure. But I told her I'd make up for all that, and I would. I would, damn it! Why didn't she trust me. Why couldn't she take me as I was, just like she promised I would?

It just didn't make sense. This was killing me, this stupid fucking Amy logic, man: Sonic is an asshole, okay. Sonic is a free spirit and doesn't seem into settling down and getting married, that's fine. Sonic ignores me and runs from me, no problem. Sonic leaves me and my friends because of some psycho girl, no biggie. Sonic abandons us, I forgive him. Sonic sleeps around with hundreds of girls and a few guys, I don't mind.

But oh no, hold up. Sonic is asexual. Nope, no way, never mind.

How was that FUCKING FAIR?

How. Was. That. Fucking.

Fair.

She could somehow accept my mistakes, the things I've chosen to do wrong, but she couldn't accept who I was, which I've never had a choice in the matter and couldn't change even if I wanted to?

No. You know what? It wasn't fair. Fine then. Fuck Amy. She said she'd accept me but couldn't so screw her, forget her, I hoped she'd find a guy that would fuck her brains out and she'd be happy because apparently that's all that matters to her.

And where did that leave me? I'd get over her. I didn't need her anymore - maybe she'd helped me get back on track, but I was me again. I was Sonic. I never needed a girl before, and I didn't need one now. Hell yeah, I was asexual. I could just be me and screw what the world thinks. I was gonna outrun the government, the paparazzi, and anyone else who wanted me to conform to what I should be. I was done with letting others control what and who I could be.

~Just a quick note to say that as much as this Chapter means to me personally, it means even more because…

Today is my birthday, and it reflects so much of the 26 years I've been alive. Hope you all enjoyed my gift to you. I don't often ask for reviews, but I'd really appreciate them today. Thanks ~