Enjoy two updates in one day whoever's reading this. Don't forget to use the link on the previous chapter if you want, writerboy2003/
December 4th, 2023 - Monday
'I'm sorry Harper, but this is the end. I love you, but you don't love me. I'll see you again, goodbye Harper.' It goes through my head about a million times, so much so that I can't sleep. I try to distract myself by drawing and it works for one picture of Mrs. Whitlock and then I'm distracted again. Worried about what happened to Annika, or what's going to happen.
My phone starts to beep obnoxiously, effectively snapping me out of my trance. I push myself off the floor and step into the bathroom, brushing my teeth and hair halfheartedly before tying some clothes around my torso. I stumble down the stairs and out the back door with my messenger bag over my shoulder, shifting with ease before heading off into the trees.
The run is quiet and somewhat relaxing, just what I need at this point. I get to the Cullen house quicker than I had expected but I shift back nonetheless. I pull on the shorts and tank-top with a soft sigh, walking to the door and knocking gently. Carlisle opens the door this time, a smile on his face as he lets me in though it falls when I can't return it.
"Are you okay Harper?" He questions softly, his stupidly beautiful eyes so full of concern it makes me want to scream. 'I do not deserve his fucking concern.' He doesn't seem to believe me when I give him a sharp nod instead of a real answer, but he does lead me up the stairs anyways. "The others are out teaching and Renesmee is picking flowers so it's just us." 'Who the fuck is Renesmee?'
We're back in the office but this time I take a seat in the lone armchair, the happy pair on the couch across from me. I can feel them just watching me as I set my bag down beside the chair, pulling my legs into the chair so I can sort of curl in on myself. I close my eyes and take a few deep breaths to keep my gifts in check because I really don't want to set this chair on fire.
"We figured we could just talk, is that okay Harper?" I open my eyes and peer at the both of them closely, nodding slowly after a second. "Why did you run instead of coming to us for help?" 'Goddamnit blond Adonis.'
"I don't talk about my problems unless it's in a self-loathing manner, and I don't need help dealing with them." I reply quietly, clenching and unclenching my fist every so often. "I refuse to stick someone else with my problems, especially when they're supposed to depend on me."
"It goes both ways Harper," Esme states softly, the same caring tone as her husband. "We are your mates, that means you're stuck with us in turn. We have our own problems, but you would even us out." 'God, fuck this. It's time they understand why I'm not good enough.'
"I was born on December 24th, 2000 in some shitty hospital in an equally shitty part of Mississippi." I start darkly, glaring out the window instead of at them. "As soon as my mother was cleared we were out, travelling the 50 states like she always wanted. I spent the first seven years of my life moving around, never having friends or even a real family. The first memory I have of my parents is my father throwing a beer bottle at her."
"When I was eight we settled in New York and about six months later my parents got divorced, thank fuck for that. My mother turned to pills and alcohol, and then cocaine when that stopped working. I played instruments in any competition I could, I played on the street corners, I even turned to pickpocketing a few times. Anything to make money. When I turned ten I met this group of outcasts, kids like me."
"I stopped going to the apartment and for days at a time I'd stay in their warehouse, my first real home until most of those kids got caught by the cops. I got kicked out of my first school that year, beat the shit out of some kid who hurt my friend. I figured out pretty quick that I was different than most girls," I pause to see their reaction though they're just listening intently, not giving much away. "I wasn't a girl, I was a freak."
"When I was twelve Liz explained to me that I was transgender, female to male, and that it was okay. She went through about a million different names with me before I settled on Harper, the only one that felt right. A few months later I realized that on top of being a trans boy I was also attracted to both genders, another notch in the Freak column. I got my first tattoo after I accepted who I was." I turn to the left to show them the small flag on my ear, smiling a bit at the memory despite my intense self-hatred.
"I was never shy about telling people who I was, and that led to pretty intense bullying throughout middle school and high school. It got pretty bad when I was fourteen and in 8th grade, the bullies got more imaginative. One group of jocks caught me afterschool and tried to 'beat the gay' out of me, though it didn't work. I had to walk home with the word 'faggot' written on my forehead, and my mother didn't even bat an eye when she saw it." I bite down on my lip as I reign in my emotions, though I do reach out to feel theirs, thanks to Mr. Whitlock of course. 'Anger, sadness, intense affection, yadda yadda.'
"After that I fell down a rabbit hole called intense depression. I realized that my parents were literal garbage and that my childhood wasn't normal. I turned to smoking and drinking, but when that stopped working I turned to a razor blade, just to feel something other than the infinite emptiness. I attempted suicide for the first time that Christmas I think, but it obviously didn't work." I laugh drily, running a hand through my hair as I think about the look on Liz's face when I woke up at her place.
"My friend found me and stitched me up, made sure I knew there were better options and all that. I didn't listen of course, I just devolved into a very angry and sad boy that wanted to jump off a cliff. I started smoking the harder stuff on my 15th birthday, my group easily getting me the stuff I needed. Around that time I started to sell my body too, because my mother had lost her job and rent needed to be paid, and I was cute enough to bed." I ignore Esme's horrified gasp, resisting the urge to stop talking because they need to understand I'm not good enough.
"Men didn't care about the scars or the open wounds, I was just a hole to fuck and I was damn good at my job. Around October of that year I had taken a few shots and then slipped outside to down an entire bottle of pills I found in my mother's purse, not caring what happened. I woke up in a hospital and a few days later I was released out into the world once again, no one caring that I could just try again as soon as I was home." I swallow the bile rising in my throat and force myself to continue.
"That's when I got my second tattoo, the wings on my back." I stand up and tug my shirt off to reveal the rainbow wings on my back. "The bird was from the first time, Liz said I was like a caged canary so I said let's get a fucking bird on my wrist. The quote was from when I turned seventeen and I had successfully fucked up my life, and my body. I was smoking on the roof of some abandoned building when I just stepped towards the edge. I had shifted the year before and my wolf was howling at me to quit but I almost stepped off when she mentioned my Imprint." I chuckle darkly as all those useless emotions I locked away start to pound on the door.
"To think, two people I had never met saved my life that night. I stopped smoking weed, taking pills, selling my body, and cutting. I drew, picked fights, danced, and seduced random people at parties. Anything to keep my mind off what I really wanted, I traded one evil for another and it worked. My life was looking up for once, until my mother was arrested and I was sent to live with my father who then moved us to goddamn Alaska."
"Now I didn't start school for three hellish weeks. No, I cooked, cleaned, and get the fuck beat out of me on an hourly basis. I am fuckin' lucky I didn't end up in the hospital beforehand, hell I probably would have died that night if you guys hadn't looked out for me. What I'm trying to get at is that I am wreck. Mentally, emotionally, and physically a wreck. I am a hybrid freak who isn't even a real male, I literally am not deserving of you two. God knows I didn't deserve the Golden Trio or Annika either." I feel the carefully constructed dam I placed in the back of my mind finally break under the torrent of emotions.
"Harper…" The way he says my name has me using a burst of superspeed to get out of the room, their warm scents and caring eyes smothering me. I try to get home but I barely get out the door before I collapse in the snow, the weight of the world crashing on to my bare shoulders. I sob relentlessly as everything I've bottled up inside is let out, not even the scent of my Imprints around me helping. I can feel my wings flutter as they get close but as I tears run down my cheeks all I can think is that I just ruined my own happy ending.
~_~.~_~
"His wings were beautiful." I slowly open my eyes but then bolt upright, eyes settling on my Imprints lounging across from me. "Are you okay, Harper?" I glance down at my twitching hands and nod, trying to convince myself more than her.
"I'm fine, I'm going home." I mutter quietly, already halfway to the door when Carlisle grabs my wrist in a gentle grasp.
"Stay?" I fucking melt at his plea, turning to look up at him and nodding slowly. He draws me into a light hug, arms wrapped around my waist as I lay my head against his chest. "We've got you now, you're going to be okay Harper." He lets go and pulls me back to the bed, though stops when I freeze up, unwilling to move further.
"Harper, we're just going to lay down okay?" Esme says softly from behind me, her hand coming to hold my hip as I let Carlisle pull me down. I tuck myself into his side and wrap my arms around his waist, gripping the older vampire almost possessively as Esme slips in behind me. Someone pulls the duvet over us but I'm half asleep when I realize that I've already made my decision.
~_~.~_~
When I wake up again I'm alone. An overwhelming sense of panic fills me when I realize that I scared them off. 'But that's what I wanted right?' I begin to hyperventilate and then arms are wrapping around me, Esme's soft voice in my ear as she whispers reassurances. 'You're okay Harper, we're still here, we're not leaving you.'
I eventually calm down enough to breathe normally, though I'm still holding on to my Imprint tightly. I let go soon after, scooting away from her awkwardly and wrapping my arms around my stomach instead. 'I don't do weakness.'
"Sorry," I mutter, peering around the room to keep from looking at Esme.
"It's fine Harper, we're not leaving." 'Yeah but I might.' I slide off the bed and to the window, peering outside to see it's still day at least. "No one's home yet so feel free to explore, or wander around outside." She leaves me alone with a soft smile so I head down the hall, peeking my head into each open doorway until I find a piano. I sit down gingerly on the bench and let my fingers ghost over the keys before I begin to play.
"Na na na na na na na na na…" I play the familiar notes with ease, even though I haven't played in almost five years. "It's hard enough to to find the time to sleep, it's easier to find the time to dream. Another night spent too far from the stars, things aren't always what they seem. It's hard enough to find my place at home, it's easier out here on my own. A father's love is no such thing I know, things aren't always what they seem."
"Oh things aren't always what they seem, things aren't always what they seem to be and I just hope your memory's proud of me. I might cry myself to sleep and imagine that you're here with me." I can feel someone watching me but after my breakdown I'm too tired to care. "It's hard enough to find someone to trust, it's easier to live life scared to love. A mother's touch stolen way too soon. Things aren't always what they seem. No things aren't always what they seem to be and I just hope your memory's proud of me. I might cry myself to sleep and imagine that you're here with me."
"You're not really that much different from me, oh I've got everything it seems but what I need. Oh won't you tell me what you see when you look at me, when you look at me. No things aren't always what they seem, things aren't always what they seem to be and I just hope your memory's proud of me. I might cry myself to sleep and imagine that you're here with me." I play the closing notes and slowly pull my hands away from the keys, taking a deep breath before turning to face my Imprints.
"So you can sing as well?" I nod curtly as I slide off the bench and approach them, though keeping a good amount of distance between us.
"A friend's mom gave me free lessons when I was younger after she heard me performing on the streets. I like music so singing just came natural to me, if I didn't want to talk I sang about it. Kinda like a Glee reject, ya know?" I state absently, using the same analogy that Liz had when I was younger.
"Any other talents we should know of?" Esme teases softly, mirth easily seen in her eyes as I cross my arms over my chest.
"I'm good with knives, and fighting." I supply absently, not sure if I want to tell them about my other gifts just yet. "You've seen my wings, which is my ability I guess."
"They're beautiful," Esme states simply, still smiling at me as I begin to fidget under their gazes.
"Danny used to joke that they were the wrong color seeing as the ones on my back are a whole rainbow." I run a hand through my hair nervously as I try to fill the silence, not really sure what to talk about. "I don't really use them that much though."
"Well they're stunning Harper," Carlisle comments gently, a small smile on his lips. "The others should be back soon so be ready for that." I nod and watch as they leave, breathing out a sigh of relief. I head back to Carlisle's office to see my bag is still by the chair, not having moved an inch.
I sling it over my shoulder and head downstairs, slipping outside without a sound. I find a large boulder sitting beside a tall ass tree, thankfully bare of snow so I hop on top and pull out my phone. I plug my earbuds in and scroll through my music absentmindedly, finally choosing my Anti-Anxiety playlist. When Bob Seger's "Old Time Rock and Roll" begins to play I just smile and pull out my sketchbook, intent on rebuilding the emotional dam my Imprints tore down.
I end up finishing two drawings by the time someone comes to fetch me, one of Mr. Black and Emmett, though Emmett's is of when I saw him Friday without his shirt. I can feel someone watching me as I finish but I'm so wrapped up in my work that I don't care too much. When I've finally signed that page I slide off the rock and nod to Mrs. McCarty.
"Hey Harper, how are you?" The blonde asks gently, sounding somewhat sincere as she speaks.
"I'm fine, and you, ma'am?" 'I may not be great but I'm good enough.' I put my sketchbook and pens back into my bag slowly, keeping my eyes down just in case she has a gift similar to Mr. Masen's. 'Though if she does I just need to play shitty pop music, that usually works.'
"It's Rosalie or Rose, ma'am makes me feel old." She states with a wave of her hand, smirking down at me as we head inside.
"No offense, but I'm going to say you're around 50. Am I even remotely close?" I assume quietly, trying to figure out her exact age. "Because Carlisle's like 300 or something, Mr. Masen is 100 give or take, and Mrs. Masen is hella young. I'd say she's been a vampire for maybe a few years, under 20 at least."
"A lady never tells her age but no, you're 58 years off, Mr. Reynolds." I roll my eyes but nod along, sticking my hands into my pockets as we step inside. "Though you are right about the others. Carlisle is around 380, Edward is 122 I think, and Bella is our second youngest at 35." I hum thoughtfully as I take a seat on the couch beside her, glancing around for the others.
"Who's the youngest?" I inquire curiously, running a hand through my hair as go through a list of all the Cullens I know.
"Renesmee, though she's only half vampire so I'm unsure if it counts." 'Oh yeah, Carlisle mentioned another hybrid at one point.' "You're half shifter, right?"
"Yeah, half shifter, half vampire." I reply smoothly, trying to remember if I told the group about my condition or if my Imprints did. "The only way you'd be able to tell is by my body temperature or if you look really close at my eyes."
"I get your body being cold but why your eyes?" Rosalie asks, eyebrows scrunched up in confusion as she peers closely at me.
"There's a thin ring of gold around my iris, and it's even more pronounced when I'm in wolf form." I explain simply, opening my eyes a bit wider so she can see them. "I'm glad that I got to keep my green eyes and that some of my scars are faded, though I wish other things had changed too." Rosalie nods her understanding and looks out the window, a sorrowful look in her eyes.
"Did you choose to be changed?" 'Do any of us really choose this?'
"I didn't have a choice, it was either this or die from blood loss." I answer quietly, eyeing the blonde warily. 'I don't do sad people.'
"I didn't choose this but I'm glad that Carlisle changed me, had he not I would have never met Emmett." She states with a sad smile, hands clasped tightly in her lap and her eyes down. "Carlisle found me in an alleyway, broken and bloody. As a young woman I was expected to marry rich and the most eligible bachelor was Royce King, a banker's son. He was handsome and charming, and every girl wanted him yet he chose me." I keep quiet as I would probably say something rude to cover up how uncomfortable I am.
"One night I was going home and I stumbled upon Royce and his friends so I went to say hello, only they had been drinking heavily." 'Oh dear god this cannot end well.' "They assaulted me, they beat and raped me. I screamed and begged as they took their turns, but they just left me to die in the streets." 'Goddamn I don't do sad woman, or sadness in general.'
"I guess what I'm trying to say Harper, is that you're not alone. Our situations may have not been exactly the same but I understand wanting to end the pain, the anger, but I know that it does get better." Rosalie murmurs, venom welling up in the corner of her eyes though it will never fall. "Your mates care about you and can help you, just like Emmett helped me."
"I don't really do relationships, or commitment, or having people care about me." I mutter, scratching the back of my neck awkwardly. "I'm not really good for anyone the way I am, I need some more time to deal with everything."
"Another five years?" The blonde retorts drily, peering at me closely as I rest my head in my hands.
"No, not quite that long. I have three more days to make a decision but I don't know what I want to do." I admit softly, rubbing my eyes tiredly despite having passed out twice today. "I want to go off on my own and figure things out, try and fix my head."
"Healing sometimes goes better with people to help you, Harper." I legitimately listen to what she's saying instead of writing it off, kind of wanting to find another option than leaving my Imprints behind. "On a lighter note you'll get to meet Renesmee tonight, she's excited to meet another wolf."
"Who exactly is Renesmee?" I question, trying not to fuck up the girl's name.
"Edward and Bella's daughter, and Imprint to Jacob." Rosalie explains, watching me try and figure that out with a small smile. "She was pregnant when she was human and when Nessie was born Edward turned her."
"Interesting, I didn't think vampires could impregnate humans." Rosalie shrugs as I try and figure out how it's even possible. "Nevermind, I'mma chalk it up to vampire magic." I mutter, head starting to hurt from thinking too damn hard. Thankfully we sit in silence for only a few minutes, the door opening and closing quickly before a girl is bounding over to us.
"Hi, I'm Renesmee, but you can call me Nessie!" I lean back a bit at her enthusiasm, definitely not ready for this.
"Hello, I'm Harper Reynolds." I greet quietly, holding out my hand to the teen awkwardly.
"Oh I know, mom and dad were talking about you with grandma and grandpa Friday, you being their mate and all. Do you like flowers?" 'Does everyone know what happened Friday?'
"I like flowers, yeah, my favorite are white roses or black ones." I reply softly, running a hand through my hair.
"That's cool, I like Daisies and Irises. And roses and Carnations, and Sunflowers. Do I have to call you grandpa?"
"Harper works, I'm pretty sure we're close in age anyway." I reply unsurely, looking over to Rosalie for help though the blonde just smirks at me.
"Alright, how long are you staying? You can stay forever, I'm sure no one else would mind if you stayed. I need a friend closer to my age and you seem pretty chill, but if you don't like sweets and shopping I don't know how close we can be." My eyes are wide as Renesmee talks, a million different thoughts running through my head.
"I uh, don't think I'm staying forever but I do like candy and shopping?" I state quietly, hoping I'm saying the right thing.
"Great, hopefully Jakey doesn't get all possessive. He gets pretty dumb when guys look at me and it's kind of cute sometimes, but it gets annoying quick. I'll see you later " 'Good fucking god I'm going to die.' I watch the bronze haired teenager run up the steps, at human speed, and then turn to Rosalie.
"She seems nice," I comment absently, still trying to grasp her seemingly infinite sunshine. "Though neither Masen seems as cheerful as she does."
"I don't know where she got the rays of sunshine, we assume it's just natural." Rosalie informs absently, still watching me closely. "She seems to like you, just don't let Alice hear that you like to shop."
"Duly noted," I brush my hair from my eyes, jumping when the door opens once again and Emmett's booming voice fills the silence. All of the others are back and slightly dirty, presumably from hunting if the scent of animal blood is anything to go by. I get up and move to the armchair so Emmett can sit by his mate, the rest of them scattering around on the other two couches.
"Hey Harper, we don't really know anything about you, do we?" Mrs. Whitlock states, the small vampire perched in her mate's lap.
"It goes both ways, ma'am." I retort smoothly, not keen on breaking down once again because I told them my life story.
"Then we'll start with names, I'm Alice, the lap I'm sitting on belongs to Jasper, your fellow wolf is Jacob, you know Em and Rose, and lastly is Bella and Edward. What's your full name?" Alice explains, pointing out each person to me quickly. 'Thank god I'm good with names, well nicknames anyway.'
"Harper James Reynolds," I drawl, raising a brow when she begins to giggle on her mate's lap.
"You have the same southern twang as Jasper!" She exclaims happily, said vampire just smirking down at the pixie. "Where are you from?"
"Mississippi, but I spent some time down south while I was travellin'. When I left I mostly stayed in Texas, Tennessee, and Louisiana." I answer quietly, rubbing the words on my wrist nervously.
"Jas is from Texas, Houston to be exact." 'I wonder…' "What's your favorite color?" I raise a brow at the random question, realizing that this is an interrogation.
"Black, makes me look slim." I deadpan, twirling a pencil between my fingers rapidly as Jacob stifles a laugh. "Though I white, purple, and grey are next in that order."
"What's your favorite book?" Bella inquires with a smile, making this interrogation seem less terrifying. 'Maybe that's why she's such a good counselor.'
"Harry Potter or Percy Jackson,"
"Why those?" 'They remind me of myself.'
"Underdog stories where the outcast turns out to be better than anyone believed. Plus, they both deal with heavy topics while also managing to have humorous moments." I admit, having to tell many people that in my life, especially when I was younger.
"Favorite song?" Jacob asks simply, smirking from me in his own armchair.
"It changes every week, I don't like to limit myself, though a classic is Can't Take My Eyes of You by Frankie Valli." Rosalie nods appreciatively at my answer while Jacob flat out doesn't know the song. "This week it's Mansion by NF, I can sort of relate to the lyrics."
"I like NF, his music's real." Jacob comments happily, accepting my answer as is. "Logic has some pretty good stuff too, same for Eminem." 'Least he has decent rap taste.'
"What about movies?" Jasper questions, smiling over at me from the couch he's sharing with the Masens.
"I like action and musicals, but if you're looking for a specific one then The Breakfast Club." I reply easily, not having changed my favorite movie since I was ten.
"That's a pretty good movie, what character are you?" 'Uh, fuck if I know?'
"Bender, we're pretty similar I guess, or the outcast girl." I shrug, not really knowing if there's another answer to give. Before anyone else can ask another question my Imprints swoop in like white knights, effectively saving me from their children.
"Stop interrogating him," Esme scolds gently, the pair smile over at me. "C'mon Harper, we have some food if you're hungry." I take the escape she gives me and follow her into the kitchen where there's a small bowl of food in my spot from yesterday.
"They weren't bothering you, were they?" Carlisle questions, probably ready to lay down the law about pestering me.
"No, I get that they're curious." I soothe softly as I eat the mac'n'cheese, "Also, feel free to tell them my story. I really don't want to have another breakdown because I tried to discuss my issues."
"Are you sure you want to tell them now?" Esme asks gently, smooth lips creased in a slight frown.
"If I choose to stay I think they should know exactly what I am, I'd want to know." I say absently, more focused on running through the outcomes. I eat quietly while they seem to have a silent conversation, not too caring about what they're saying.
I wash my dishes like last time before rejoining the others and leaving my Imprints to talk, plopping back down into my seat with a soft sigh. I pull out my sketchbook and work on another drawing, this one of Bella. I can hear Carlisle talking on the phone but I do my best not to listen in, glancing up when he's suddenly beside my chair, phone in hand.
"Who was it?" Edward asks simply, eyeing Carlisle's neutral expression along with me.
"The Denali's," He replies quietly, not meeting my eyes. "They're coming back tomorrow."