One Long Week
Chapter 4- Day 2
Seto sat at the kitchen table, fully clothed in jeans and a crisp white dress shirt - as opposed to the skimpy boxers he had been caught in the night before - angrily flicking through the morning paper. Flicking, however, might be an understatement, as the movement caused the page he was trying to read to rip in half.
So maybe he was taking his anger out on an inanimate object. He felt it was well justified. Besides, he figured Mokuba wouldn't approve very much of the blonde's slow and painful murder. So too bad for the newspaper.
He hadn't gotten much sleep after "The Incident," as he decided to call it – he refused to call it "The Night Where Joey Caught Me About To Masturbate To A Dream About Him" because, seriously. Totally not true - from the night before. So he sat there, glaring at the innocent newspaper with angry eyes, willing it to combust from the sheer intensity of his displeasure with the world in general at the moment.
It did no such thing, of course.
He had tried to hide under the bed covers when he first awoke that morning – and even contemplated buying a flight to Canada for the rest of his week's vacation. Hell, maybe even the rest of his life. - refusing to think of the inevitable encounter with Joey that would soon be coming. It had worked for a short while, until he got bored from sitting there doing nothing. One can only be entertained by staring at the ceiling for so long.
When realizing that he had wasted an entire hour of just lying there - it was then five in the morning, which proved that Kaiba was, in fact, a robot because who wakes up at such an ungody hour such as that? - he decided that he couldn't take the suspense any longer and crept downstairs James Bond style to get breakfast, making sure that if he did run into the mutt on the way, he would take him out secret agent style.
Of course, no one else was awake. Ungodly hour, remember? Although, he was caught on security cameras – Kaiba had them installed a while back to help with his paranoia - as Mokuba was pleased to find later. Supremely pleased, in fact, as the little boy would use the ruthless business finesse he inherited from his elder brother to ensure that his allowance was increased by 300%, lest the footage happen to make its way onto the internet.
Which, as the raven-haired kid would happily point out, would shatter the brunette's reputation beyond any hope of any recovery.
Kaiba would then increase his allowance by a thousand times over.
And so the surly CEO sat at the table, sullenly sipping his coffee, mentally blaming Joey for his precious hour of wasted time that could have been spent doing his evil bidding. As one of the most powerful people in the world, he had a lot of evilness that needed bidding. Or whatever.
Suddenly, Kaiba's back stiffened and every muscle in his body tightened and he grasped the newspaper so hard his knuckles turned white. The newspaper itself also finally burst into flames. Kaiba then released said burning ball of fire.
He could hear the troublesome puppy slinking down the stairs, no doubt trying to sneak up on the brunette. Why the blonde apparently had a death wish, he was not sure.
Kaiba had to admit though, it was a pretty good attempt to sneak up on him. For the blonde, at any rate. One must consider the source. Though, Kaiba would probably need to review the definition of 'sneaking quietly' with the blonde, as he obviously had it mixed up with 'trapiezing down the stairs so loudly it would wake up people fifty miles away.'
Kaiba heard the blonde continue down the staircase – and was that the Mission Impossible theme song he was humming? - until the clumsy mutt missed a step and toppled down and crashed into the coffee table, knocking down an expensive glass vase full of flowers and dirty plant water, all over his head.
Honestly, how had the klutz managed to not kill himself for the past eighteen years? He was a hazard to anyone within a ten mile radius of his person.
Seto's usual arrogant smirk found its way back onto his face as he heard the blonde approaching, darkly muttering something along the lines of 'evil flowers of doom.' Kaiba found himself suddenly glad he had decided to buy those man-eating Venus Flytraps. Best things ever.
Joey could be heard approaching closer, starting to add expletives to his constant muttering. Apparently, the blonde was not a morning person. And that little fact made Kaiba slightly happier with the world.
Looking up, he was graced with an image of what appeared to be a soggy mutt. He hardly appeared human, what with his shaggy hair clinging to his skin and covering those eyes he knew were burning in irritation. Kaiba scowled deeply as he found himself watching a drop of water make its way down the curve of Joey's cheek.
The pajamas, though, were probably not helping Joey convince Kaiba of his non-canine heritage. The fabric had been printed with little puppies that could only be described as cute, a fatal blow to any boy's masculinity.
The pajamas were, of course, courtesy of one Seto Kaiba, who was all too happy to let the blonde borrow them. In fact, he had actually sent the butler to go out and buy those specific pajamas for him. Out of the kindness of his own heart.
Kindness. Right.
Joey walked right next to Kaiba who, finally managing to tear his eyes away from that drop of water that was now hanging precariously from the blonde's chin, only shook his head and muttered, "Typical mutt."
The blonde turned around with every intention to yell about him being a stuck up asshole, only to find cerulean eyes sparkling in mischief. Any insult the blonde might have had died on his tongue immediately. He froze, and tilted his head slightly as he studied the brunette confusedly.
Kaiba actually looked like he was enjoying himself.
Holy shit. A sure sign that the end was nigh, if there ever was one.
Joey stopped in his tracks and just stared flatly at him. He was finding it very hard not to get lost in those eyes. Funny how he had never noticed that before. He was surprised they were an attractive shade of blue when they weren't narrowed in anger, or thinking of evil plots, or sneering at the blonde, or doing anything that was remotely related to Kaiba.
He violently shook his head to get rid of any kind of thoughts that would raise some questions he wouldn't want to know the answer to. The movement resulted in a certain brunette being splattered with said dirty plant water. Surprisingly, Kaiba was not very happy about that.
Glaring ocular fire at the blonde - who did apologize, though the shit-eating grin on his face gave away the lie – Kaiba stomped over to a cupboard in the kitchen to grab a towel to mop his face with. Joey's grin grew wider as Kaiba turned back around to scream about his nice, expensive clothes being ruined. In fact, as Kaiba was kind enough to list the exact dollar amount that he had spent on said ruined clothes, Joey's face lit up like a kid who has been told that Christmas was coming early this year.
Kaiba's eyebrow twitched violently.
Murder is bad, murder is bad. People won't want to buy video game products from a company that kills people. Kaiba had to remind himself, to ensure the blonde's safety. Otherwise, Joey would not be in a state where he was not so much breathing.
Finally, Seto finished griping about his loss of clothing – Joey had almost sentenced himself to death when he asked if the CEO would like some cheese with his whine - and Joey pointed out that he probably had his own mini-mall located somewhere in the mansion where he could get more clothes from. Which, not surprisingly, Kaiba agreed too.
Joey made a mental note to swipe Kaiba's credit card and go on a shopping spree later.
With a huff that said he felt very much put upon by the other's presence, Kaiba flopped back into his seat at the kitchen table. After a moment's hesitation if it would be safe to join him, Joey sat down as well. He turned his eyes onto the slender teen before him, and studied him carefully.
Kaiba dutifully ignored him.
After a few moments of silence, Joey said, "You know, now I owe Tea twenty bucks." Kaiba finally turned to grace Joey with a deadpan glare, and waited for clarification. It didn't come.
Kaiba raised his left eyebrow at the seemingly random piece of information. "Oookay, and that matters to me because…?" his voice trailed off into a question, as if Joey's ramblings were too insignificant to deem an entire sentence.
"It's all your fault, too." Joey glanced at him from the corner of his eye surreptitiously, the corner of his mouth quirking upwards slightly. "Because you proved me wrong."
Seto just blankly stared at Joey, waiting for the blonde to elaborate. One minute grew into two, with turned into ten. By this point, Joey had effectively killed any sort of suspenseful tension he might have been aiming for.
When Joey didn't continue, Kaiba raised his left eyebrow elegantly. "And what, exactly, were you wrong about?"
Joey took a deep breath, and Kaiba cringed as he realized a long-winded rant was coming.
"Well, you see, I bet Tea that you weren't really human, and were actually a robot in disguise with artificial intelligence - which is why you're so freakishly smart – that came from another planet, and were really planning to take over the world, and that's why you don't actually talk to any of us, because whoever designed you didn't think that you needed social skills, because you obviously have none whatsoever."
Joey took another deep breath.
Seto just stared. And stared. And stared some more, just for good measure.
After an eternity, Kaiba finally blinked. "Well, that was stupid."
And Joey laughed. Hard. He wasn't sure why it was so funny. Perhaps it was the absurdity of having the conversation with Seto Kaiba. Maybe the rarity of having a civil conversation with him was too much for his poor mind. All he knew was that something about the situation was just too comical. He missed the slight blush on the brunette's face as Kaiba realized he slightly enjoyed listening to the breathless laughs.
After Joey's laugh quieted into soft chuckles, he was able to catch his breath. "Yeah, I know, but at the time it seemed pretty logical to me."
Kaiba was about to point out that absolutely no part of that could ever be deemed logical, but then he paused. This was Joey, after all.
Once again, Kaiba raised the eyebrow. "Let me guess. At the time you had probably consumed about five boxes of pocky, and the following sugar rush impeded the flow of what few remaining cells you have to your brain."
Joey's eyes grew huge. "How'd you know?" he whispered conspiratorially. "That's exactly how many boxes of pocky I had!" He lowered his voice even more, and leaned in conspiratorially. "Are you spying on me, Kaiba?"
Kaiba turned a pretty shade of pink, and spluttered an indignant denial. Joey wasn't buying it. He was on to that sneaky bastard and his little spying cameras.
"Anyways," he said, changing the subject with a slightly flustered cough, "just what made you realize I am indeed human?"
"Well," Joey drawled, looking thoughtful. He glanced at the brunette from the corner of his eye, and smirked. "First of all, there's the fact that you were teasing me about ten minutes ago. Not being mean, or calling me names, but actually having some fun." He paused, and frowned slightly. "You do know the meaning of fun, right?"
Joey quickly dodged the dictionary thrown his way. Where Kaiba pulled it from, he would never be able to guess.
Kaiba's left eyebrow spasmed viciously. He tried hard to keep the growl out of his voice. "Of course I know what it means, you twit. I'm not as heartless as you seem to think," he said curtly. He dutifully ignored the respondent snort from the blonde.
Joey just smiled and leaned back in his chair. He gave a large, dreamy sigh. "Miracles never cease to exist, do they?" He grinned cheekily at the brunette.
Joey never did make a full recovery after not being able to dodge the full set of A through Z encyclopedias that came flying through the air. Seriously, where was Kaiba getting these?
Feeling slightly satisfied with his aim, Kaiba decided to continue their conversation. He waved his hand in dismissal, as if Joey's brain injuries were inconsequential. "Fine, fine. What was your second reason?"
Joey blinked, having completely lost track of what was happening, and replied intelligently, "Whuzzah?"
Kaiba resisted the urge to throw more things. The blonde's ignorance was really trying. He wrenched his mind away from trying to figure out if he could somehow use the entire bookshelf as a projectile.
"Earlier, you said 'First of all…' About why you came to the sudden conclusion that I am not something from a second-rate sci-fi movie. What's your 'Second of all...?'" Kaiba massaged his temples gently, and chanted a silent mantra in his head.
I will not kill Joey. I will not kill Joey. It is against my morals to kill anyone with the IQ of a rock. I will not kill Joey.
Kaiba could almost picture the light bulb over Joey's head as he gasped. "Oh! Right!" He nodded excitedly, "Yeah! I remember now!"
A rock indeed. More like the IQ of a moldy piece of swiss cheese. Kaiba rolled his eyes, waiting for the answer.
Joey's eyes shifted from left to right, as if to spot an eavesdropper lurking out of sight. He then leaned in to make the gap between the two virtually nonexistent. He brought his mouth down to whisper into the shell of the brunette's ear. Kaiba barely caught himself before he moaned as Joey's breath ghosting over his ear sent a shiver down his spine, and he could almost feel those lips brushing over his skin in a feather-like caress. He growled internally at the direction his thoughts were turning.
The blonde's voice lowered into what Joey thought was a conspiratorial tone, though Kaiba found it to be more along the lines of sultry. "Well, I figured that a robot wouldn't have such," the blonde paused, trying to find the right word, "explicit dreams like the ones you were obviously having last night."
Kaiba's face turned a deep magenta, knowing full well what the blonde was referring to, as Joey ran back up the stairs cackling like a deranged witch.
Kaiba's hand spasmed – it was not trembling, okay? – as he reached for his cup of coffee. He forced himself to breath deeply, as he suddenly realized that he hadn't been breathing at all previously.
He slowly took another sip of coffee. He willed himself not to think about the blonde's words, or the way his breath made his skin tingle and his body shiver.
Nope. Not going to think about it. Not one bit. Even if the tingling feeling had yet to go away. Definitely not thinking about it.
The brunette's leg convulsed. His poor nerves.
Sighing resignedly, he turned around to go back to bed.
It was too damn early to be up.