Chapter 2

Emily

My flight landed abruptly, waking me up from a slightly drug induced sleep. I reached my arms high above my head, rolling my head in a circle to loosen up my neck. Before I could mentally prepare myself, I was stepping out in the all too familiar Philadelphia airport, the musty scent of rain settling around me. As I turned my phone off airplane mode, two texts popped up.

Hey Em, I'm sorry about earlier. I know this must be so hard for you and I want you to know that you always have me. I love you and hope all goes well with your mother.

The timestamp on the message let me know that Paige texted me right after my plane took off, clearly regretting the way we left things. I didn't have the words to say to her yet, so I simply closed her message and opened up another.

Emily! Hi! I heard you were heading back to Rosewood to see your mom, so I thought I'd join you! I know you're landing tonight, and since I won't be there until tomorrow, I'm hoping, more like praying, that you'll stay away from her. Love ya, see you soon! xoxo

I smiled to myself after reading my best friend's text, excited to see her again. It had been too long since I had seen Hanna last. After all, a trip to New York from California wasn't that easy. I felt my stomach tighten as I read the text once more. Stay away from her… I knew exactly what Hanna meant. And she was right, I couldn't possibly go to see Ali. I knew that if I did, my emotions would spill, and I couldn't bear to hurt her, not again. I regretted everything. That day was so clear in my head, and I knew that I could never forgive myself.

"Why are you doing this?" Ali asked, her eyes so sad and longing. She reached for me but I pushed her away, not wanting to hurt her more than I was about to have to. I couldn't face it, I couldn't face us. Without the twins, it felt as if I was losing her again. It felt as if everything that brought us together had disappeared, everything that was going to keep us together had left us to fall apart. I knew I was being dramatic, but all my fears and despairs had welled up inside me and I couldn't bear it anymore. I didn't want to drag her with me down the dark, dangerous hole I was falling into.

"Listen, Ali. I got an offer to go to Stanford and coach. I'm going to take the job. And I don't want you to come with me." The minute I said the words I knew that I'd regret them, but I forced myself to stand, walking up the stairs and leaving my beautiful fiance sitting on the couch alone. My heart had broken into a million more tiny fragments that day, all because of my stupid self-destruction. But I knew this was for the best. I couldn't let her self-destruct because of me.

I could hear her sobs that night from the first floor as I tried to get some sleep on the couch. I felt her soul being crushed every second I didn't run upstairs and pull her into my arms, every moment I spent away from her when she needed me most. And I so wished I could jump into our bed and kiss her, run my hands through her beautiful blonde hair, and hold her tight. But I couldn't bring myself to do it. I couldn't stand the sight of her breaking in my arms when she knew I had to leave. And it was true. I had to leave. I couldn't bear to stay in this town any longer, not when so many of the people I had loved died in it. Maya, my father, the twins… it was too much for me. Everything felt different, and nothing felt like home. It left me distracted and depressed, and in my darkest moments, I didn't want to let Ali in. I wanted to push her out.

I knew that my love for her hadn't changed when I decided to walk out the door the next morning. With my bags all packed, I set my grandmother's ring on the kitchen counter and headed for the entrance, looking back to see Alison watching me with red, puffy eyes. But she didn't say a word. She was too broken to bring her eyes to mine and it killed me. All I wanted in that moment was to take it all back, but I knew I couldn't stay here. I knew that she was the only thing holding me here. I knew that I loved her with all my heart, even if it was against my will. I knew that staying would only make me hurt more. And most of all, I knew that if I kept on loving her, it would kill me.

I shook away the memory, my eyes burning as I held back tears. I was so wrong, about all of it, and I knew loving her wasn't what was killing me now. It was not being able to admit that I loved her. What a turn of events.

x-x-x-x

When I finally arrived in Rosewood about an hour later, I couldn't catch my breath. I stepped out of the car and nearly fainted at the familiarity of it all. The shops, the streets, the small trees that bloomed too slow and died too quickly. I leaned up against the side of the Brew's newly-painted siding to compose myself.

"Emily Fields?" I heard a sharp voice shout from across the street. I knew who it was before looking up, a small, nervous smile spreading across my lips.

"Hi, Spencer." I answered timidly. "Long time no see. How have you been?" I asked, trying to sound confident and not at all scared.

"Great, thanks for asking. I heard about your mom… I'm so sorry." She said, a little flatly. She seemed to be holding back anger, and I knew why.

"Yeah, thanks. I came back to get her things in order… the house, the will… doctors say she won't live to see the end of the month." I started to play with the ends of my hair, tears fighting to fall down my cheeks as I held them back, staring at the concrete. "But please, don't throw any pity my way. Just say what you really came to say to me." My voice grew a bit irritated as I looked back up at her. She seemed a bit shocked.

"Emily, I really am sorry about Pam. I just… you broke Alison's heart, something I never thought you would do. She's been a mess, and you've been absent from all of our lives. I know you have to be here right now, but I hope you finish up as quickly as you can. I don't think you belong here anymore." She said the last sentence with such a soft tone I almost couldn't hear it, and while I knew she was right, it broke me a bit more inside. I simply nodded and pushed myself off the side of the Brew, starting to walk towards my house.

"Emily…" I turned to look at Spencer one last time, the hurt evident in my eyes. "Take care of yourself." She pivoted on her right foot and continued walking, not turning to look back at me. My heart sank further into my stomach as quickened my pace, eyes glued to the ground all the way home.

The house was much cozier than I remembered it. It felt so warm and inviting, and I never remembered feeling that way when I actually lived here. Everything looked so neat, and I could tell no one had been here in days. I walked quietly to my old room, everything still exactly as I left it. I smiled at the sight, a memory of Alison and I quickly floating to the surface.

"You're really gonna leave all of this behind?" the blonde said to me, her eyes laced with concern. She traced her finger over my metal bed frame, white wooden dresser, and the small knick-knacks I left sitting on it.

"This is all my past, and I don't think I want to be reminded of it anymore," I replied, smiling at her. "It reminds me of a time when we were so unsure of each other, of a time when I couldn't do this…" I trailed off and brought my hands to the sides of her face, pulling her close for a soft, passionate kiss. She kissed back almost instantly, wrapping her arms around my neck. I was about to pull away when I could tell Ali had other plans, her hands starting to slide up my shirt, causing me to shiver. I moved my hands to her waist and backed up until my legs hit the side of the bed, pulling her down on top of me. I giggled as we kissed, causing her to pull away and look at me.

"What's so funny?"

"Nothing," I smiled. "I just love you." She simply smiled back at me and held my gaze as she lifted her shirt above her head, tossing it to the side and crashing back down on me to reconnect our lips. I let a soft moan leave my mouth as I moved my hands gently up and down her back. She was everything, and I loved her more that day than ever.

The memory soon became too intense as I pushed it away, snapping back to the present. The only things I took from the room that day was the snowglobe Ali gave me before her disappearance and a few old Rosewood t-shirts I thought would make good pajamas. I could tell my mother hadn't touched this room at all, not wanting to truly let go of her little girl.

I walked over to the window seat and sat down, my head spinning. Even in my own bedroom, in my own house, I could smell her warm vanilla scent. I could see her piercing blue eyes and heart shaped lips, pulled up in a smirk as they always were. I placed my head in my hands and closed my eyes. Being back in this town was messing with my head, I thought, you shouldn't even be thinking about her. But Alison was all that I could think about. Even with my mother in the hospital and my relationship on the rocks, it was just her. Only her. And I knew I had to see her before anyone else.

Alison

I lightly knocked on the door to the large hospital room, a small beeping sound echoing through the door. Aria had her hand on my arm as I stepped inside, a pale and weak Pam Fields laying before me. I quickly pulled up a chair next to her and took her hand.

"Hi Pam…" I said wearily. The doctors had warned us that she may not be able to speak or understand language yet, and because of the tumor in her brain, didn't have too long to live. It broke my heart because I knew Emily was hurting, more than ever, and I wasn't the one she would turn to anymore.

"It's Alison… I wanted to come and give you some company, see how you were doing…" I felt as if I was talking to a brick wall. But slowly, she reached for my hand and brought it to her lips, giving it a small kiss and locking her gaze with mine. Her brown eyes were just like Emily's, making me want to run out of the room and stay there forever at the same time. I smiled at her.

"T-t-t-than-k y-y-y-o-u." She stuttered shakily. I could tell it was hard for her by the concentration on her face and how her brows knit together as she thought. Again, all I thought of was Emily, and how her face furrowed in the same way when she was deep in thought. I always loved that face. It was adorable.

"A-Ali…" she continued, looking at me slowly. "B-b-br-bring h-h-her h-h-ho-home." It took every cell in my body not to drop her hand and burst into tears. Here I was, sitting at the deathbed of my ex-fiance's mother, and with her limited vocabulary, she found a way to tell me what she really wanted; a reconciliation. Above all else, Pam wanted me to bring Emily home. All I could do was smile at her and kiss her hand as she had mine.

"I'll try my best, Pam," I squeaked. "I'm sure she will be here to see you soon. I love you," I stated, knowing that this may be the last time I get to see her. She gives me a soft smile as I relinquish her hand, slipping out of the room and closing the door. Aria quickly stood from the waiting room chair she had dozed off in and rushed to my side.

"Ali, how is she? More importantly, how are you?" She looked almost as nervous as I was, which I found endearing.

"She's not great. She can barely speak and takes a long time to fully comprehend everything. I just can't help but think about how this must be for Em- Emily." I quickly corrected myself, not allowing myself to use her nickname. We weren't friends and we certainly were nowhere close to nickname territory. Aria didn't seem to notice my slip up.

"I'm more worried about you right now…"

"Aria, I'm fine, I promise. I'm glad I came to see her though… and thank you, for coming with me. I wouldn't have been able to get past those front doors without you." I gave her a tight hug and started to walk out of the hospital, hoping Jacob wouldn't be home when I got there.

x-x-x-x

I breathed a quick sigh of relief when I opened the door to an empty house. The second I had changed into my pajamas I broke down, falling to the floor of my bedroom sobbing. I was crying for so many reasons… for Pam and the end of her life, for Jacob and our too easy relationship, but most of all, for Emily. Seeing Pam again made me realize just how much I missed her. I missed her smile and the way her eyes would light up every time she saw me. I missed the way she would cradle my head when we kissed, as if it was made of glass and she didn't want anything to break it. I missed how comfortable I was at her side and how she made me feel safe. I missed everything about her.

I told myself a year ago that I was fine, I was done crying over the beautiful brunette that left me. To prove to myself that I was over her, I brought Jacob into my mess of a life. He was perfect. He had a stable job as a personal trainer, was always kind to me, loved me entirely, and only wanted to make me happy. But I know he isn't the one. There's no spark, no passion, just friendship. His kiss doesn't send electricity through my body and his eyes don't make me melt. When he holds me I don't feel at home and when he touches me I don't fall in love with him all over again. The only person that ever made me feel that way was Emily.

After what seemed like an eternity on the floor, I pushed myself to my feet, my vision blurry from all the tears. I got myself to the kitchen and poured a large glass of red wine for myself, settling on the couch as soon as I had filled my glass to the brim. But as I reached for the remote, I saw her. I couldn't miss the wavy mermaid hair and long, tan legs that walked confidently down the street. I jumped off the couch faster than I ever had to keep watching her. She was more beautiful than ever, and had that cute pep in her step back. Her hair seemed longer than I remembered, but even without seeing her face I knew she was more beautiful than I remembered too. And then I saw where she was going. Pam's words rang in my ears as I carefully set my glass of wine on the counter and bolted for my room, pulling on that same blue dress and flats. I applied just enough makeup to cover up the breakdown I just had, and before I could stop myself, I ran out the door and down the street, not stopping until I reached her front door.

My breath caught in my throat as I tried to calm down. My heart was racing and I knew I looked like a trainwreck. But once again, impulse took over as I reached up and knocked on the pale door that I remembered so well. After a few moments of silence, I turned to go, realizing how big of a mistake this really was. But I didn't get far before I heard the familiar squeak of the door, causing me to whip my whole body around. Her eyes were wide and I was right, she was more beautiful than ever.

"A-Alison…?"