I want to start off by saying thank you. Thank you for sticking with me, for continuing to read this fanfic, and for being so positive and supportive in the comments. I think this is my most dramatic chapter yet, and it's only the beginning of a very long and windy road. Enjoy!

Chapter 9

Emily

I was gripping her hand so hard that my knuckles had turned white, the fear in the pit of my stomach causing me to shake uncontrollably. There were a lot of things about this moment that I had yet to wrap my head around. First of all, this was the last time I would see my mother. Pam had been my rock for so long… she constantly loved me, took steps to understand and accept me, and never gave up on me. I couldn't say I did the same for her… I would never be able to repay her, never give her the grandchildren she deserved, and never get those three years back. But the second thing, it was oddly good. Alison. She was here, with me, and clearly still had feelings for me. I knew it wouldn't be like this forever, but her presence was calming.

Standing outside my mother's room once more, Iris, the nurse from earlier, approached us. I still held Alison's hand in a death grip, but she didn't complain.

"Emily, can I speak to you alone?" The nurse asked, her hands stuffed in the pockets of her scrubs. I squeezed Ali's hand, shaking my head before responding.

"No, it's alright, she can stay… w-what is it?" I couldn't keep my voice from slightly trembling, but Ali squeezed my hand back, trying to calm me down. Iris nodded before continuing.

"Because this coma is… terminal… we will give you as much time as we can, but cannot guarantee anything. We also wanted your permission to take her off the oxygen and IV's when you are finished… this will let her pass in the most calm and painless way possible." She paused, looking between the two of us. Alison had dropped my hand and instead wrapped her arm around my waist, trying to hold me up. While I felt like I was going to faint, I still nodded for her to continue.

"I want you to know, at this stage, your mother can still hear you… whatever you choose to say, she can hear and process, but she cannot move, respond, or even open her eyes. We predict you will have, at most, 2 hours." Iris looked at us once again, and then sighed. "I'm so very sorry for this. We did everything we could, and this tragedy should not have happened to such a young, bright woman. Let me know if you need anything," she said, placing her hand on my shoulder briefly before heading back to her desk.

Alison was holding up the majority of my weight when we finally stepped back into my mother's hospital room. There was only one chair in the room, so Ali dragged it next to the bed and motioned for me to sit. I fell into the cushy seat, and Alison stood behind me, her hands resting on my shoulders.

"H-hey, Mom… it's Emily. Alison is here too, which I'm sure you're happy about." I tried to laugh lightly, hoping to make these last words count. "You know, I'm sure you're wishing you could give me a big 'I told you so' about this whole Alison thing…" I looked up at Ali, smiling at her, and she just rolled her eyes, laughing a little bit. "I know you were so disappointed when I left, and I wish I could take all of it back. I wish I stayed and gave you all the things you deserved… grandchildren, a wedding, Sunday night dinners as a family…" I started to get emotional, tears starting to fall down my face. "Mom I owe you the whole world, and I wasted three years running away from my fears instead of embracing them like you would have. I mean, you were terrified when I came out, but you didn't run… you stayed, you loved me, and you learned to accept me." Alison ran her hands through my hair as she heard my voice start wavering, encouraging me to keep going. "I know you won't be able to be here for it, but I'm going to live out the life you always wanted for me. You'll be watching it, all of it, and I'll talk to you every day." I sniffled back tears, trying to keep my voice steady. "I feel like it's so late to be saying this, but I love you, I'll always love you, and I will never stop trying to make you proud." I held my mom's hand in mine, the lifeless feeling shaking me to the core, but I held on, not ready to let her go.

"Hi Pam… it's me, Alison. I need you to know, you were the mother I always needed, and when I was falling apart, you were there for me. I love you so much, and I will always consider you my mom." Alison's words were short and sweet, but she placed her hand on top of mine. I could see the tears in her eyes, and it wasn't until this moment that I realized just how much Alison loved my family.

"Mom, you remember the first time we had Ali over for dinner when she got back? It was your not so secretive way of seeing if I still had feelings for her."

"Yeah Pam, it was pretty obvious what you were doing, so I made sure to be on my best behavior... especially considering Hanna was acting like a total idiot," she mumbled the last part, Alison's genuine laugh echoing through the room.

"I liked to think I was good at hiding my feelings for the first few years, before I came out." I was more so talking to Alison now, but it felt nice, the three of us together. Even if only two of us could speak, I know this is what my mother would want: old memories and stories rather than a pity party.

"Oh shut up Em, you were not, at least not from me anyway. You literally kissed me in the library!"

"You were reading a passage about love and-" Alison cut me off, reciting the passage as if not a single day had passed.

"'I loved her against reason, against promise, against peace, against hope, against happiness, against all discouragement that could be.'" She smiled at me as she finished the line, a slight blush appearing on her face. My mouth dropped to the floor at her memory, my whole body feeling as if it had been lit on fire.

"Y-yeah… that was it," I stuttered, not sure what to say. She kept her eyes trained on me, my heart beating so fast I felt that it would explode out of my chest at any moment. I cleared my throat before turning my attention back to my mom.

"I remember when you shielded me from that car, back in the 'A' days… Mom, you are so fearless… that's something I want to be, too. I want to be fearless, passionate, caring, and understanding, just like you." I was trembling, but I had a confidence in my voice that I didn't think I would. Alison put her hand on my shoulder, squeezing lightly.

"Pam, I think everyone needs to be more like you. I never told you this, but when Emily and I started getting serious about our future, I was excited about us, but I also couldn't wait to have a true mother in my life. We all know Jessica DiLaurentis wasn't the greatest role model, and having you in my life really makes me want to be a better person." I turned my head to look at Ali, and I could see the tears in her eyes. I could feel myself falling in love with her all over again.

"Mom, we're gonna be right here, okay? We love you so much, we'll always love you," I said. And that's exactly what we did. We stayed there with her, telling old stories until the doctors started to walk back in. They motioned for me to step outside briefly.

"Ma'am, her vitals are going down significantly. It would be in her best interest to take her off oxygen now," the doctor stated matter-of-factly, as if my precious mother was nothing more than a piece of meat to him. Nonetheless, I nodded, feeling defeated. I didn't want to cause her any more pain, and knew the doctors were right.

We headed back into her room and Ali took my hand, squeezing it lightly. I used my free hand to stroke my mother's hair lightly, mumbling to her.

"We love you so much, I love you more than you'll ever know, I will make you proud Mom, I promise." And just like that, the beeping turned into one continuous tone and the line went flat.

Alison

Emily was a mess. We stayed in that room in silence for a few moments before she broke out into a hysteria, the nurses and doctors having to drag her out. I was crying, too, my eyes puffy and red, my vision blurry. The doctors set her in the private room and I stumbled in after her, wrapping my arms around her. In that moment, everything else was gone. The hurt, the regret, the doubt… I didn't care. I wanted her to feel loved, to not feel alone in the world.

With my arms around her shoulders, I shuffled us towards the elevator, her sobbing turning into hyperventilating. I was afraid she was going to pass out, so I rushed towards my car, pulling her with me. I pushed her into the passenger seat and latched her seatbelt before getting in and starting the car. She had stopped crying and was now trying to catch her breath, gasping for air. I whipped my car around corners, flying down the straight roads, my head spinning.

What could I do? Nothing could take away this pain… I knew it and so did Emily. She was silent now, not looking anywhere but out the window. I reached over and held out my hand, expecting her to ignore it, but she placed her trembling hand in mine. She looked at me with so much sadness in her eyes it made me shiver. I tried to smile but I knew it wasn't out of happiness.

We made it back to my house around 9 P.M and neither of us had spoken a word. I was worried. I didn't know if she would push me away like last time or cling to me like I was the only remedy to her pain. In either case, I had no idea what to do.

I have never been the person to come to for advice or comfort. I've been told I'm cold, calculating, manipulative, and heartless. But with Emily, it's always been different. She made me want to be different, be better than I ever could be. Even if we never spoke after this moment, I owed it to her to take care of her. She made me a better person, and while she destroyed me when she left, I still wanted to help her in any way I could.

I opened the car door for her and helped her into the house. She had yet to say a word. I had my arm wrapped firmly around her waist and pulled her to my old childhood bedroom. Because I missed two of my teenage years, I left the room untouched. I let her go once we entered the room, and she stumbled a bit before sitting down on the bed, running her hand along the Eiffel Tower sheets. I stood in front of her, turning towards the door.

"I'll leave you here to think, but I'll be right downstairs if you need anything, okay?" A look of concern clouded my features as I spoke, watching her closely. She nodded, her voice scratchy as she tried to speak.

"O-okay… Ali? I love you," she said, her eyes wide. I blushed, shaking my head to hide my smile.

"I've always loved you, Em. Now get some rest, you need it." I hurried out of the room before I did anything I'd regret, closing the door softly. I waited outside for a few moments, but only heard the quiet squeak of the bed and then silence. Once I was sure she wasn't having a mental breakdown, I went downstairs.

x-x-x-x

I jolted awake, the TV still on in front of me. I sat up on the couch, the sound of a phone ringing somewhere in the house making my head pound. I stood up, rushing around to find the source of my headache. I found a brand new phone sitting on the counter, and immediately realized who's it was. Paige's contact lit up the screen, and impulsively, I answered it.

"Paige, hey, it's not a great time…"

"Alison? Why do you have Em's phone?" I sighed, sitting down at the bar and wishing I had never picked up the call.

"She's asleep, we had an emotional day. I'll have her call you when she wakes up, okay?" Paige was silent for a moment before answering, anger clear in her voice.

"She doesn't need to call me, I was actually going to let her know I'm in Rosewood, staying until she's ready to come back to California. I know this time is going to be hard-" I cut her off, feeling like my head was going to explode.

"Paige, it's not my place to tell you anything, but you need to talk to her, a lot has happened in the past 24 hours."

"I know I need to talk to her, Alison, that's why I'm calling. Besides, why are you even with her? She told me she was staying at her mom's house." Now it was my turn to be silent as I tried to pick my words carefully.

"Hanna still isn't in town so she's staying with me. She didn't want to be alone and I wasn't going to just throw her out on the streets… Paige, nothing is happening. She's just had the worst three days of her life, okay?" I knew my sentences were choppy, and all I could do was hope she didn't hear my nerves through the phone.

"How the hell is Hanna not in town yet? It's been three days!" Paige was screaming now, so much so that I had to pull the phone away from my ear.

"I don't know Paige. Just-" I was quickly interrupted, Paige's voice clipped and tense.

"Forget it, Alison. I know what you're doing, and trust me, I'm not going to let you take my girlfriend away from me… again. I'll be there in 20 minutes to pick Emily up." With that, Paige hung up the phone. As I set down the phone, I saw Emily standing on the stairs, looking at me with a look of disappointment in her eyes.

"E-Emily… hey, how are you feeling?" She rolled her eyes a bit as she came to sit at the bar, her eyes still trained on me.

"Why were you using my phone to talk to Paige?" Emily spat, her words sharp.

"She called and I didn't want to wake you… I just thought-" Once again, I was interrupted midsentence.

"You thought what, huh? That you could try and fix things between me and Paige? That you could just step right into my business and make an even bigger mess without me noticing? I keep forgetting just how good you are at manipulating." Emily's eyes hadn't left mine since she sat down, and I couldn't help but hold back tears.

"No, that's not what I was doing! I told her nothing was going on, that you just needed a friend, and she took it the wrong way!" I was pleading with her now, which made no sense. I didn't do anything wrong, and after all, why should I care? Emily is the one that should be walking on thin ice. Suddenly, something in my snapped, and I realized that I didn't want to do this all over again.

"You know what, forget it. You come into my house after leaving me for Paige, and when I try to take care of you, I'm accused of being manipulative. I'm not playing games with you, I'm not chasing after you, and I'm certainly not waiting around for you. I'm done, Emily. And don't worry, Paige was just calling to let you know that she's in town. Oh, and she's picking you up in 20 minutes." I stood up, pushed in my bar stool, and stormed upstairs. While I expected Emily to stay downstairs and wait for Paige, it wasn't long after I reached the top of the stairs that I heard her bounding after me. I made my way into my old room and tried to shut the door but Emily was too fast, squeezing herself in as I slammed the door shut.

"Just go downstairs and wait for your girlfriend," I said, sitting on my bed and looking out the window, my back to her. A few moments of silence passed before I turned to look at her.

She was leaning against the closed door, her arms crossed on her chest and her eyes locked on me. I opened my mouth to speak once more but before I could get another word out she shot forward and crashed her lips against mine. It took me a second to get my bearings and push her off of me.

"What the hell?" I said, jumping off the bed and backing away from her.

"Well, that's how you always used to fix things between us," she murmured, sarcasm laced in her words like venom.

"We're not fifteen anymore, Emily! You left for three years and then jumped right back into my life expecting everything to go back to the way it was! It doesn't work like that." I was crying now, silent tears trailing down my cheeks. I stood my ground, my whole body tense as I watched her drop on the bed in defeat. With her shoulders slumped and her eyes trained on the floor, she mumbled a response.

"I came back because I need you. I've always needed you, Alison. I'm sorry for assuming that you wanted to mess things up for me and Paige, really… I think part of me wanted to push you out again and thought that was the easiest thing to believe. But I can't do it, I can't just pretend that I'm happy without you, because I'm not. I'm still in love with you and I will be for the rest of my life." I sat down beside her because I couldn't stop myself, sighing.

We sat there for a few minutes, not touching or speaking, and just as I was starting to get up, Emily grabbed my hips and pulled me down on top of her. I locked eyes with her, trying so hard to stop, to get up and walk out the door, but when she kissed me everything melted away. I kissed her back instantly, rolling onto my side and tangling my hands in her hair. She was still holding my hips, our lips moving in sync as if no time had passed. Our bodies were tangled together, and just as Emily was going to take off my shirt, the doorbell rang.