The Cost of Pride
Megatoxic
*Disclaimer: I do not own any Bioware/DA characters. I am simply an avid fan with a day dream about her favorite RPG game.*
Chapter 6: The Tide Rushing Into the Shore
The timeline here was much different than the perception that the game gives. Roughly six weeks had passed since I had come through the portal, and Ellana still hadn't left to even get Mother Giselle. In those six weeks, stuff had been accomplished though. My own personal growth had come pretty far. I could keep a strong barrier and extend it to roughly four individuals depending on their size and distance from me. I was most definitely a fire mage and could light someone up in an instant. I was still working on targeting multiple targets with my fire magic though, and Solas seemed rather impressed that I had picked up fade stepping so easily. Haritt, the blacksmith, turned out to be much more likeable that I remembered and had whipped me up a basic, but reliable fire staff.
As for Solas and I… well, we had settled into a very safe and platonic companionship. He was an excellent teacher and I loved when he explained new concepts to me. The enthusiasm he had when discussing his travels in the fade was also infectious, and he promised that soon he would start teaching me how to do our warding at night and how to travel the fade. After the incident our first night, he had been putting me into a dreamless sleep every night. Which I really wasn't complaining as I got some great quality sleep that way, but he was worried I would become dependent on it. I could understand and respect that.
Ellana and I had become extremely close. I had never in my life taken to someone so quickly, but she had such a beautiful spirit that it was hard to deny her. She was like the little sister I had never had. We both agreed that as soon as I was released from being under guard that I would move in with her. There was a part of me that would miss Solas' constant presence, but I knew it would be for the best. I loved learning from him, but I was well aware it was a one-sided attraction. He was simply doing as he had to in order to fit in and be needed.
He was always patient, kind, and polite, but he still made it obvious that he didn't trust me in the slightest. To him, I was some half-shemlen who was in his way. Someone else to be wary of because when he destroys the veil I'd be gone anway. I didn't know if that should make me mad or it I should feel sorry for him for being so alone.
"Hey, you in there Fallen?" Ellana cut off my thoughts from across the table. We were in The Singing Maiden eating lunch in between our respective trainings which had become our norm. "Sorry Ell, I didn't catch any of that. I was thinking about everything," I let out a deep breath, "please continue." She gave me an understanding look and patted my hand on the tabletop, "I was telling you that I asked Leliana about you being allowed more freedom." I took a gulp of my mead and laughed a little, "Do tell how that went." She scoffed, "She told me that her agents are still looking for anything on your past, but that they keep coming up empty-handed like you never existed before now."
In moments like these, I wanted to tell her everything, but I just couldn't do that. I couldn't afford to trust anyone completely in my situation if I wanted to guarantee that I continued to breath. "There isn't much to tell Ell or for her to find for that matter. My mother and I kept to ourselves. Nobody really wanted much to do with the runaway servant and her half-breed brat," I was concerned at how easily the lies flowed off my tongue these days, but nobody said survival was easy. "I tried to tell her something along those lines," Ellana turned over a piece of nug on her plate absent-mindedly, "but that woman has major trust issues. Watch yourself around her and her people okay?" I nodded quickly and tugged one of my braids, "You don't have to tell me twice."
I felt a draft as someone entered the tavern and when I turned to investigate I saw Kalen. He hesitated for a second at the door as all the tables were full and then he met my gaze. A small smile graced his lips and I quickly turned back around in my seat. Ellana, swift rogue that she was, noticed the exchange and smiled at me, "That won't help lethallan he's headed this way. Have you spoken to him since the first night when he showed interest?" I shook my head no quickly. I wished I could tell her what I suspected him to be, but instead came out with, "I'm not interested in anything like that right now." Ell smirked and waved her marked hand like she was shooing away a fly, "Not from him you mean?"
"Aneth ara Herald and Fallen," Kalen said from close to my right side. I turned to face him and saw that he was looking at me with a sly smile, "Hello Kalen, nice to see you again." Apparently, that was the wrong thing to say because he took it as an invitation to sit at our table. As he was getting comfortable, I was able to come to the conclusion that Solas was very tall for any elf. Perhaps, it came with being an ancient one. Kalen couldn't have been that much taller than myself. I also had to admit that he was a very handsome elf. He was barefaced like Solas and had common enough features, but there was a roguish appeal about him and I was sure he knew it too.
"Well, I've got to head out," Ellana said too innocently as she got up from the table, "you know I've got lots of Herald-y stuff to attend to." Kalen laughed loudly at that, "You have fun with that Blessed Herald of Andraste." I couldn't help being a bit surprised at the comfort he seemed to show around Ellana when he had a very respectful manner around Solas from what I had observed. This was further proof in my mind that he knew exactly who Solas was. "I have fun in everything that I do agent," she joked back, and with Kalen's back to me I mouthed the word traitor at her retreating form. Kalen turned and waved a serve over to take his order. "I should probably be going myself," I said as nonchalantly as I knew how. "You have come far in your training," he prompted ignoring my blatant discomfort and desire to leave. "I have a very wise and experienced teacher," I replied. Kalen smirked as if I had no idea how right I was about my comment, "Yes, Solas does appear so." "Yes… well… as I was just saying I must be going. I'm sure he'll be expecting me soon for out evening lesson," I got up from my chair and I felt his warm hand grab my forearm. "Should you find yourself in need of company seek me out. You are a beautiful woman, and I would love to get to know you better," he said smoothly with a slightly husky tone to his voice. Years ago, before I knew anything about men, that might have worked on me. As it was, I was not amused. "Please tell Leliana that I have no interest in being seduced at the moment," I said firmly before I removed his hand from my arm and turned to leave. I was extremely pleased with the shocked look I saw on his face before I turned away. The poor man was probably used to that working for him. As I headed down the training grounds, I spared a moment to wonder if it was actually Leliana or Solas that sent him at me in that manner.
Three days later, I found myself on the training grounds as usual with Solas and he had me practicing hitting moving targets with fire. He had enchanted some training dummies to move around. Three of them were going and I was concentrating on decimating them with my fire skills. Solas was watching me calmly from the sidelines for a good while before he seemed to decide that I was taking too long. He smoothly stepped forward and with a tap into his beautifully enticing mana pool he lit all the dummies up spontaneously. I felt my jaw drop in amazement. I could barely do one moving target at a time. "Can you teach me to do that?" I meant to ask politely, but it came out more as an enthusiastic squeal. He chuckled in that way that made my heart beat faster, "You will be there before you know it. You power has developed quickly and shows promises for much more development and complexity to come." He tucked his hands behind his back, "Tonight you shall set the wards in our home so that we can assess how they hold up." I paused at what he said. That was the first time either of us had referred to our arrangement in that little cabin as "home."
Before I could come up with an appropriate response, Solas directed his attention to two people approaching us. I felt something in him shift and he moved to stand beside me in what I could only describe as a supportive or protective manner. "Be calm and follow my lead," he said in a low but clear voice. I tucked a curl behind my ear nervously and returned my attention to the two figures that were now much closer. I smiled when I recognized one to be Ellana and quickly lost it when I realized that Cullen Rutherford was with the other figure. Solas much have picked up my heightened anxiety just as I had read him. He placed a gentle hand on my back and stepped around me to put himself in front of me and between myself and the approaching commander.
"Herald," Solas inclined his head towards Ellana and then Cullen, "Commander, how may we assit you?" Ellana pushed past Solas and grabbed my hands, "Lethallan, we are finally getting to go out and do some stuff! We have to travel to the Crossroads in the Hinterlands to find a woman going by Mother Giselle," her bright eyes were wild with excitement, "apparently she will offer support to our cause!" I squeezed her hands reassuringly, "You will have to tell me all about it when you return." Ellana's brow furrowed in agitation, "Don't be ridiculous! I need Solas' talents on the road, and where he goes, you go. Please say you'll travel with me Solas! You're the best healer around." She was giving Solas her puppy dog eyes and I felt a twinge of jealousy as I saw his eyes soften in response, "I have promised to help Herald and so I shall."
The Commander pointedly coughed into his hand, "Which brings me to why I'm here. Can you guarantee that the girl will not be a liability on the field around the Herald?" I bristled up like a porcupine at his comment… girl? Really? "She will pull her own weight and I will continue to watch after her," Solas responded evenly, but I detected a hint of something in his tone that made me wonder what he was thinking. "I certainly hope so. If not she will stay here under the constant watch of myself or an available Templar of my choosing," I took that moment to really look at Cullen. He was huge. Even underneath all that armor and that ridiculous pauldron, he would still be impressive. He was effortlessly handsome, and I had an inkling that most Thor fans back home would be crazy about him. I might have found him more attractive personally if he wasn't looking at me like I had a dick in the middle of my forehead. I glanced at Ellana out of the corner of my eye to see her looking at Cullen much softer than I had ever seen her look at anyone. She placed her small hand on his elbow, "Solas says she's good Cullen, and I have spent much time with her. In fact, I've come to consider Fallen my friend. I know that you and the other advisors worry with the best of intentions as your motivations, but in this you must trust me. I could have easily been Fallen and she me." Cullen's cheeks turned slightly pink and I was glad someone other than myself was blushing for once. He reached up to rub the back of his neck, "You are right Herald. Solas, Miss, forgive me and enjoy your evening." With that the Commander was off. Ellana watched his back for a minute with a small smile before turning back to Solas and me, "Alright then! You two go get some sleep. We leave tomorrow bright and early."
That night, after dinner, Solas was patiently leading me around the room to place our nightly wards. I was finding it to be more difficult that I had originally bargained for. Solas made it look so easy every night. Ancient or no… it just shouldn't be legal. As I tried to lay the fourth one in a row that crumbled I sighed in frustration, "I'm sorry Solas. I think my mana is just about depleted for the day." Solas stood up from where he was tying and checking our travel bags by the door, "I pushed you hard today. Do not feel ashamed." I stared down at my feet, "Are you going to put me to sleep tonight too?" I heard and felt him move towards me, "I will, but as soon as you can place the wards by yourself I will stop doing so. The willpower you have been honing will be more powerful then and beneficial to you in the fade." "Of course, I will do as you say," even to myself my voice sounded childish.
"Fallen, I would like to try something if you will allow me," Solas said cautiously. I met his blue eyes with my brown, "What is it Solas?" "I would like to connect my mana to yours so that you can finish the wards," he looked almost bashful as he spoke which I'm sure was an act, "We both know you almost did it before. I have faith that we could connect." I nodded, "I think I could do it again, but I got the feeling last time that I made you uncomfortable." He acknowledged this with a nod, "It can be very overwhelming if one is not ready for the connection and this time I will be prepared." I had the strangest feeling that he was telling me a half-truth, but I was too curious to fight it.
I closed my eyes and focused on feeling for Solas. At first, I felt a wall and then very slowly I felt it fall and I was in. As I reached in to grab some of his mana I felt him push it towards me like the tide rushing into the shore. I gasped at the intimate feeling of it and tried to concentrate on my wards. By the time I had placed them all, I was a panting, quivering mess. Solas didn't look much better off either to my surprise. His face was flushed and his pupils were blown. When I was done, he very gently withdrew his power and I physically sagged with the loss of it. I felt so empty. The kind of empty you can only accomplish after being completely full. "Intriguing," Solas muttered to himself as he turned away from me.
Translations:
Shemlen: quick children or humans
Lethallan: someone with whom one is familiar
Aneth ara: friendly greeting
Resource:
http/dragonage./wiki/Elven_language