Amber walked into the dropship, ignoring the stares she was used to receiving. It was quiet, eerily quiet. She didn't like it one bit. The girl looked around her for a corner to curl up for the night, but she didn't find one that wasn't taken up already. Itching her head, she walked towards the ladder. When her calloused hands touched the cold metal of the ladder she felt like she was being watched, different to the stares that teenagers gave her when she walked past, this stare was confusingly distinctive, the hairs on the back of her neck stood sharply, and without a second thought her body turned swiftly. Her eyes darted across the room, nobody was watching her. The teenagers who weren't asleep were in deep conversation with one another. But then she met the gaze of him. It was then she realized how loud her heart beat was. Bellamy Blake was one of the teenagers in conversation, except for a split second he looked up at her, and she noticed. Their eyes matched for longer than a brief moment. She could not for the life of her read his expression, and he couldn't read hers either. The look they shared wasn't threatening, but it wasn't friendly either. With a bite of her tongue, she turned back to the ladder, climbing up without a second thought.
And that was a very, very big mistake.
"I guess we have to get used to people dying down here, don't we?" Octavia said to Clarke, "But not you. You hear me? You're not allowed to die." She hovered over the unconscious body of Jasper Jordan, speaking to him as if he was awake. Finn and Monty were there too. Amber stood awkwardly, not making a noise. They didn't know she was there, and Amber was going to try to keep it that way. But suddenly, Clarke stood, turning around to leave. Her mouth dropped slightly when she saw Amber standing across the room.
Amber began to twitch, not knowing what to do. "I – uh – I – was just trying to find somewhere to sleep." She muddled her words, looking childish.
"This level's taken." Clarke said simply, and Amber was taken aback. Did they not just stand in solidarity after Amber volunteered to kill Atom? Did Amber not take part in rescuing Jasper? Why, all of a sudden, did Clarke express her hate for Amber? Clarke brushed past her, leaving her standing self-consciously as the three others (not including Jasper) in the room stared at her.
"Sorry." Amber's eyes darted to the floor, "I'll find somewhere else." She begun to turn towards the ladder, still not making eye contact, but Octavia's voice stopped her.
"You can stay, Amber." Amber slowly swung around, not sure if she heard correctly. But when she met the teenager's sincere smile, she furrowed her brows. Monty looked at Octavia in shock.
"I…can…stay?" She slowly repeated, standing still. Octavia stood, walking over to a pillar and sitting against it. Finn did the same.
"Yeah, come." Octavia patted the spot beside her. Amber hesitated, but when she saw Monty grab a bottle of something and sit across from Octavia, she sighed and began to walk over. John's words echoed in her head, When things turn to shit we only have each other...don't make friends... Don't make friends…Don't...She cleared her throat and sat herself against the wall, bringing her legs close to her body. She felt odd. She had a direct view of Jasper's body, and something in her felt sad, but Amber forced it away just as fast as it came. Monty took a swig from the bottle and coughed as he swallowed the liquid that shared the same color as her eyes.
"Smooth." He choked, and went to pass it to Amber, who shook her head violently. He furrowed his brows, but didn't question it, instead he reached his arm further to hand it to Octavia, who took it willingly.
She emulated Monty's same movements he made earlier and swallowed the liquid with a wince. "Disgusting. I love it." Amber found herself chuckling and stopped herself with a furrow of her brow.
Octavia took another swig of the drink, and Amber began to wonder out loud. "I know this is a kind of stupid question – with an obvious answer – but why does Clarke hate me a little more than before all of a sudden?" Octavia passed the alcohol on to Finn as she took in Amber's question. The three grew quiet all of a sudden. They knew the answer, but they wouldn't say it. "What?" No answer. "Octavia?" Amber turned to the girl, she opened her mouth hesitantly, ready to speak, but Finn spoke for her.
"Her mum was part of the medical team on the Ark." He put it simply.
Realization came over Amber, she killed Clarke's mother. Something got caught in her throat as her body became cold and numb, "Was?" She managed to cough out, needing confirmation.
"Sorry, bad wording. She is a doctor who worked with—" It was a relief, but Amber had enough.
"The people I killed, yeah I get it." Amber replied. She understood, Clarke didn't like her because it could have been her mother murdered. Amber wasn't trying be blunt, in fact she was trying to be sincere. But, somehow everything she ever said came out that way and she didn't even realize it. The group fell into an awkward silence then, and Amber wasn't liking it one bit. Suddenly, she stretched her arm out, reaching towards Finn and the bottle he held. Her fingers gestured that she wanted it immediately, and so he hesitantly handed it to her, confused by her urgentness. But, just as she was about to take a sip, a voice called out from across the room.
"Can I get a hit of that?" The group's heads turned towards the voice. Jasper elevated his head off the pillow, and he looked at the group weakly. Amber felt herself rush towards the now conscious boy, with the others following closely behind. She kneeled beside him and lifted his head for him, so he wouldn't strain his neck.
"Let's start with the soft stuff." Finn said, a canteen of water in hand. He put it to Jasper's mouth and encouraged him to drink. Finn looked up at the girl lifting Jasper's head for him and noticed the look on her face. It was a look of relief. Her golden eyes were bright as she subtly smiled down at the boy, he could have sworn he saw her show teeth for a moment, but she was caught. Her eyes looked up to meet his, and suddenly, the smile was gone. Amber's jawline grew strong and her eyes darkened, don't make friends. Finn ignored his urge to comment to himself about Amber's clear inner conflict she seemed be having, and instead focused on Jasper. "Welcome back buddy."
"Was that a dream or did I get speared?" He croaked, and the group shared a chuckle.
"You'll have a very impressive scar to prove it." A voice entered the circle, it was Clarke again. Amber became stiff, unsure whether to drop Jasper's head and leave or not. But, Clarke paid no attention to the murderer. She crouched down to speak to Jasper, "Thank you, for not dying. I don't think I could have taken that today."
"I'll try not to die tomorrow too if that's cool." Amber smiled, just as the other teenagers did. Octavia was grinning, she put a hand on his knee and Amber could have sworn she felt Jasper's body jolt in excitement. "Oh, hello." He said, causing the group to laugh once again. Amber noticed Jasper's eyes fluttering shut as his body weakened, probably exhausted, she laid his head down gently and sighed to herself. Almost suddenly, everyone except her and Octavia upped and left.
Amber stared at Jasper, fully aware that Octavia was staring at her.
"You're not so bad, you know?" Octavia whispered, as if there were others in the room.
"You think?" Amber finally looked at the younger girl. She was really beautiful, Amber thought. Amber never really considered herself attractive, nor had she ever considered herself unattractive, she didn't really have a reason to think either way. She never had a reason to impress anyone, not even herself. She had seen herself in a mirror once or twice, she understood what she looked like. Thick brows, warm hazel eyes that glowed amber in the light, long light brown hair, a petite figure, not particularly thin nor curvy. Suddenly it dawned on her how long it'd been since she had looked in a mirror. How much has she changed since the last time? Was she attractive? Did she want to be attractive? She was older, she had a womanly chin, and breasts, and other feminine features. She begun to bleed once a month when she was 14 but that was stopped when she was jailed, and they put an implant in her ovaries. No one had the chance to ever tell her that she was pretty, in the grand scheme of things she figured no one ever would. What was the purpose of being attractive? Were there perks? If it didn't help her survive, then it wasn't a concern to her. So, she just, in that moment, decided she didn't really care if she was attractive. But, for the record, she believed Octavia was.
"Yeah, I think you like to pretend you just have this massive obscure and gloomy void in your chest, and it definitely seems that way sometimes, but in reality, you have a big, big heart." She smiled smugly, taunting the murderer.
"Holy shit! —" Amber almost yelled, and Octavia was taken aback by the way Amber inched closer to her face to whisper, "Are you saying you got x-ray vision?" She asked quietly, and Octavia rolled her eyes when she realized Amber wasn't being serious at all.
"Shut up." Octavia laughed, and so did Amber. "See there—" Octavia pointed, "You're laughing, you do have a personality."
It was Amber's turn to roll her eyes. "God forbid I have human emotions."
"You're funny." The teenage girl chuckled, "Not everyone hates you, you know. We're all criminals down here whether you like it or not, you're no different, you're no special snowflake, no offence."
"I'm no different except my face was plastered on the walls of the ark for months on end with a dozen of deaths attached to my name, not only that but my brother and I have a clear habit of garnering attention." Amber crossed her arms, and Octavia only shrugged.
"You know Geoffrey? Kinda long, blonde hair." Octavia described, but the girl in front of her only shook her head. "Whatever, he killed 15 when he poisoned rations with arsenic four years ago." Amber's face shifted as she took in this information, "Kate, short red hair, scar on her cheek, killed her family and two guards using a boxcutter. Elijah, tall, buzzcut, blue eyes, injured twelve and killed two in an attempted bombing of the food hall two years ago—" Amber stopped her.
"Alright, I get it. How do you know all this?"
"One hundred senseless teenagers in one place, word spreads fast." Octavia shrugged once more, and Amber's lips curled up into a smile.
"Do you want something from me? Is that what this is?" Amber interrogated, furrowing her brows. O was taken aback by her sudden hostility, she was just being friendly.
"I know this concept must seem… kind of wild to you—" Amber pursed her lips as the girl in front of her spoke, "But I'm just being polite."
"Sounds like you want to be my friend."
"I do want to be your friend."
"My friend?" Amber pointed to her chest, furrowing her brows.
"No, I want to be friends with the other girl who too lived under the floor." Octavia rolled her eyes dramatically and brought her hands up to her face so she could claw at her cheeks in annoyance.
"Wait you mean there's three of us?" Amber feigned being shocked.
"Amber, shut up." Octavia ordered. Amber burst into laughter, stunning the girl. O found herself smiling, the girl in front of her was just a girl who had it bad.
John's voice began echoing back to Amber once more, don't make friends. "I don't really need friends."
"I think you do."
"Well I think I don't."
"So you're just going to hang around your brother for the rest of your life? That's kind of strange if you ask me."
"Says you, Blake."
"Look, I think we can relate to only each other. We were never meant to make it out from under the floor let alone out of space and onto the ground. We see things differently to other people, I know you know what I mean."
"Despite us both growing up inside a storage closet I'm pretty certain it's noticeable we've had different upbringings." Amber gestured from her, disheveled and unkept self to Octavia's more appealing and somewhat poised appearance.
"We were meant to die never seeing the outside world, I know you want to see what the ground has to offer." Octavia looked at Amber, waiting for a nod, or something of approval, but she only shrugged. This girl is really impossible, Octavia thought.
"Maybe." Amber looked away, thinking. Octavia was right, it was scary how much she was right. Amber didn't want to have friends. No attachments equal less people to mourn about. But, Octavia was charming, and persistent. Maybe she'd let this one slide, maybe she'd have a friend, Amber told herself it could help her chances of survival. Her brother was Bellamy Blake, and he put Octavia first before anyone else. Amber did the math, if she were 'friends' with Octavia, O would help prevent any witch-hunts against Amber led by Blake who aimed to please the delinquents, most of which have negative feelings towards her. It would be beneficial. Like John told her, keep the leaders close.
"I'll take that as a yes. I'm gonna pass out, goodnight, friend." Octavia grinned and shuffled over to the wall they sat at earlier. Her form curled into a ball and her eyes shut, leaving Amber sitting and staring at Jasper in front of her lap. She sighed, tucking her knotted hair behind her ears, she stood. Looking around the room, she found a dark corner that she'd call her place for the night. Amber quietly walked up to the nook, and turned her body so her back was pressed against the cool metal of the dropship wall. The girl slid her body down until her bottom was placed on the ground, there were no spare bits of fabric around her, not even something to use as a pillow. It was now she wished she had a jacket. She laid herself down on the floor, and suddenly she was reminded of the night before. It felt strange going to bed so uncomfortably when she woke the same day so comfortably. She furrowed her brows at how she longed the same feeling, she wanted to wake that comfortably tomorrow. But, the only reason she was so comfortable, so warm, was because she was in the arms of another person. And that person was Bellamy Blake, who she so stupidly and impulsively spilled her secrets to and had ill feelings for from the day she stepped on the ground for the first time. But he was so warm.
She woke with a pain in her neck, and a ringing in her ears. Except, the ringing wasn't a ringing. It was a buzzing, a hum of teenage life outside. Yawning, she forced herself up. She was being forced to build a wall today. Dusting off her grey distressed shirt and tucking them into her jeans, she walked towards the hatch in the floor which blew cool air into the room. She climbed down it slowly, procrastinating as much as possible. As she reached the ground floor, she found that almost everybody was outside except for some scrawnier looking teenager boys, who probably weren't much help building the wall anyway. She met their eyes, and they were taken aback by her noticing them. One smiled and waved, and the other dropped his mouth open in shock, suddenly slapping the other boy who blushed. She furrowed her brows at their reaction and shook her head as if to get rid of her confusion.
The first thing she saw when she stepped outside was Wells struggling with carrying a log, he dropped it and kneeled to take a breath.
"Hey!" A voice yelled, belonging to her beloved brother John. He ran up to the chancellor's son, "You think the grounders are just gonna sit around and wait for us to finish to wall?" John looked up away from Wells and met the eyes of Charlotte, who was tying sticks together. "Why don't we let the little girl do the lifting for you, huh?"
"I just need some water, okay? Then I'll be fine." The boy kneeling said, out of breath.
"Murphy, get Wells some water." Blake appeared next to Amber's brother, and something in her felt funny, but she let it disappear. "Hey—" Bellamy called to Charlotte, catching her attention, "You got this?"
She didn't hesitate at all, Charlotte dropped the rope and started for the log that Wells dropped. Amber launched from the doors of the dropship, ready to yell at Blake for making the small girl carry something double, maybe triple her weight. But, before she opened her mouth to protest, Bellamy put his hands out to stop Charlotte from picking up the wood.
"I'm just kidding." He smiled, and Charlotte did too. Amber stopped in her tracks as she watched them from a few feet away. He was being sweet with her. And at that moment, Amber felt an odd sensation in the pit of her stomach, why was her body reacting in this way? She dug her bitten fingernails into the palms of her hand, maybe she was getting sick, she thought.
Bellamy lifted the log with ease, a smile still lingering on his face. As he carried it towards a pile of wood and scrap metal, his eyes met Amber Murphy. And Amber watched as his smile quickly dropped. He was back to that distant leader who knew too much. After dropping the log, he walked over towards her. She stood, awkwardly, waiting for him to speak first.
"Glad you could finally make it." Bellamy said with the straightest of faces, and the girl in front of him merely just flashed the fakest of smiles, her neck was strained, and her eyes were squinted from trying so hard, it lasted a fraction of a second before she deadpanned him, and he took that as a cue to speak again. "Judging by how you almost killed Wells with that punch the other day, I'm assuming you're stronger than you look." Blake eyed Amber up and down, almost as if he were examining her body. She shifted on her feet, not liking it one bit.
"Do you mind, like, not looking at me like that?" She crossed her arms, she will fight him if she needs to. Once he smiled, and nodded, she continued, "Just tell me where you need me your Highness."
"There's a makeshift axe with the logs over there," Bellamy cocked his chin towards the pile of logs to his left, "I want you to quarter them and use them as foundations for the wall on the south side."
"Trusting me with the axe? Maybe you're not the best decision maker to lead this group after all." She brushed past him before he could answer, a smirk on her face.
She had been chopping wood for an hour at most, sweat had built up so much that her grey shirt was clinging to her back. In annoyance, she dropped the axe at her sneaker clad feet and pulled the grey shirt upwards without faltering. Her back arched as the fabric slipped over her head, and suddenly she heard a distance whistle, but she was unsure of what it meant. Once the shirt was off she tossed it aside, she'd wash it in the pond later. Only her dirty white wife beater tank remained over her black bralette, and the light breeze on the newly exposed skin cooled her body down significantly. She bent to pick the axe up, and apparently she was garnering attention by doing so. Her ears pricked up when she heard a voice say, "You gotta admit she's super fucking hot."
"Yeah, hot for a homicidal maniac." Another distant male voice replied, and her body shot up, dropping the axe once again. Her eyes scanned the teens around and they landed on two boys sitting and taking a water break near the unlit campfire. She huffed when she saw them laughing together, and suddenly she felt nauseated. Her face shifted as she half walked, half ran towards the duo. Targeting the second one who spoke, she quickly grabbed the fabric of his shirt before he realized what was happening. Amber pulled the boy up roughly, so his face was close to hers. Her brows were pulled together, and her jaw was clenched, she meant business.
"I'll show you homicidal manic." She drew her fist back, ready to swing, but somebody pushed her off him. She thrust her elbow behind her at whoever it suddenly began holding her tightly, a pain pulsed through her when it was met with a hard surface of a chest, and a manly grunt was heard. She dropped the boy she was holding, and the person holding her stepped back, dropping his arms by his side.
"Amber." The voice spoke, and it dawned on her who's chest she elbowed belonged to. Blake happened to show up every time Amber drew attention towards herself, but the fault in that is entirely her own. She spun around, rolling her eyes dramatically, pursing her lips childishly as if to say she was upset she wouldn't get into another brawl.
"What?" She looked annoyed, "They were saying—"
"I know what they said, and I'll deal with them myself. Get back to chopping—"
Abruptly, a scream echoed throughout the camp, except it came from behind the walls. And, it was followed by Jasper yelling loudly, "Octavia?!"