The Cost of Pride

Megatoxic

*Disclaimer: Bioware/DA characters and themes are not mine!*

[This chapter has a touch of in game dialogue, but I tried to spice it up a bit to fit Fallen's situation. Also, the POV switches as well.]

Chapter 10: One of the People

I was aware that I was slipping back to my body, and I felt the usual disoriented feeling that accompanies that transition. I also felt the warmth of another body pressed against my chest and held securely in place by my own arms. I also heard a laughing dwarf, "Oh, this is good stuff! Why didn't you wake me up so I could join you two?" he teased at Fallen who was clearly awake by her rapidly beating heart and the embarrassment I could feel coming off of her. She sat up swiftly and began to gather a fur around her bare freckled shoulders. "Don't ask to sleep in our tent anymore Varric! You snore yourself anyways like a damn elephant in a mine," she said earnestly and her cheeks were a deep blood red.

Before I could ask what an elephant was another voice yelled in from outside our tent, "Hey! There's a stream nearby lethallan. You coming to get cleaned up or do you prefer to smell like rancid nug?" "Of course," Fallen yelled back quickly, "I'll be right there Ell." She swiftly gathered her needed belongings and headed toward the exit. She turned around at the last second as if she wanted to say something to me, and then she seemed to decide against the action and simply left. Varric cleared his throat to get my attention and when I turned to look at him with my still sleepy eyes I saw that he was sitting up in the dim light with a quill in one hand and a roll of parchment on his lap. "Okay, I need details Chuckles," he prompted without even looking up in my direction. I rolled my eyes at him and sat up in my roll, "There is nothing to tell Varric. She was scared of the storm last night and I offered her comfort. I also joined her in the fade and it is easier to find someone thus so if you are touching them." Varric looked at me pointedly, "And what happened to you telling her your intentions?"

I rubbed the sleep out of my eyes before answering him, "I have decided against it for the moment." Varric shook his head at me and 'tutted,' "This is going to be a slow burn isn't it?" I ignored his question as I got up and began to dress and gather mine and Fallen's belongings together. The truth was that I had been very intent on seducing her before the attack that we had experienced. Since then, things had changed between us. The bond we had been forming was getting stronger. We shared power effortlessly now, or more like I let her use mine when she was in need, and even with her gone down to the stream I could sense her. At the moment, she was feeling relaxed and calm no doubt due to getting clean and her elven friend's company. As the more powerful party in our bond, I had no doubt I would be able to sense her in such a way for the rest of her short life.

I knew that logically I would still use the bond to get what I needed from her, but I was terrified of what that would do to me. I had never experience this before personally, but I knew from having known other couples that this was a serious attachment and I would not be left unmarked by it. Perhaps this, to find it now and with someone I was bound to destroy, was part of my punishment for what I had done. No doubt, Mythal was laughing at me from afar. I needed to speak with Wisdom soon. At any rate, simply seducing her and walking away without any consequences was no longer an option.

Maybe an hour later, I had all of our travel things packed and I was waiting patiently for the others to be ready to go. I ran my hand over my scalp and checked my stubble. Varric kept throwing glances my way like he had more to say to me, but he never got the courage to do so. Cassandra soon joined us as the sun was finally up over the edge of the horizon. She looked tired, but ready to get back to Haven. I could not help but to agree with that sentiment. The sound of feminine laughter reached us, but I felt her before I saw her. Fallen and the Herald looked freshly washed and they were giggling about something. I could feel contentment and friendship rolling off of her through our connection, and I was thankful that she could not sense me without my allowance. She had a dark green tunic on with black pants and a matching black jacket. Her freshly washed hair was up in a way I had not seen her wear before. A tie held it up high on her head and her wet curls bounced down to meet her shoulders.

The Herald smiled at us, "Well good morning! Are you guys ready to start the trek back?" Her bright green eyes looked around at us expectantly, and I felt the mark on her hand surge lightly. She gave no outward sign that she felt it, but I knew it had to hurt. "I believe we are ready. It will take us some time to get back so we mine as well get started," the seeker supplied. She handed the Herald's travel pack to her, and I did the same with Fallen's. She took her bag, but would not meet my gaze, "Thank you Solas." "Of course da'len," I replied and I was pleased when I felt shyness from her. The Herald had paused at the use of my endearment, but quickly pretended not to have noticed anything.

It would take us a little over a week to get back to Haven. It would have been shortened if it were not for all the people that the Dalish woman deemed worthy of help. We brought an elven widow her husband's ring back, closed two more rifts, discovered magical skulls that led us to matching shards of the likes I had never seen, and we handled several groups of bandits. While on the road, we slept on the ground with someone always keeping watch. Fallen would set the wards and I would meet her in the fade. We remained physically close at night, but we had not shared blankets again. The Herald suspected something had changed though, and I got to listen in on them the fifth day of our journey back.

I had stepped away with the excuse of getting food, which I did, but I was also testing the air. One of my devices was close. I could sense it was maybe a mile away and I had wanted to narrow down its location. When I made my way back to camp, I had two hares for supper and some freshly picked berries. My feet were silent on the forest floor and I always moved like a shadow in the wild. When I was closer to camp, I noticed that Fallen and the Herald were just at the edge of the woods. I could just make them out through the leaves and my elven hearing allowed me to pick up their conversations easily from quite a distance away.

"It's like watching a wolf and a halla in the midst of a stare down," the Herald was saying to Fallen, "he's the wolf and you're the halla lethallan. That man is interested, but afraid you will run." Fallen gave a hollow laugh, "You have no idea how accurate that might be Ell, but not in the way you think." "How so?" the redhead asked voicing my own internal question. "He doesn't have romantic feelings for me. He simply seeks to use me," she replied sadly. I felt her sadness at her words and a flicker of shame quickly followed it. "What do you mean?" the Dalish woman asked angrily. "Has he done something to you because…" she was cut off mid-tangent by Fallen. "No, no. He has done nothing improper. It is just the way of the world," she had a look on her face as if she was struggling to convey her thoughts to her friend.

"Solas has a passion for all things elven, and I am a taint on that. On what your people once were and what they stood for. I have no doubt that he would use me if I allowed him, but that is all it would ever be. I could be nothing more to him, and I have accepted that," she said in an honest and plain tone. The Herald seemed to consider that for a moment, "Well if that is really how he feels and thinks then I am disappointed in him. He also doesn't deserve you." Fallen shook her head and offered a small smile, "Don't worry about me. Bless your heart, but you already have so much to worry about. You have to save the world you know!" Both women laughed at that, but it sounded hollow. "Besides we need to get back to Haven so that you can train more with a certain commander," Fallen teased. The Herald rolled her eyes at that and starting heading back towards camp.

Fallen lingered for a few minutes. She wrapped her arms about herself, and I felt loneliness roll off of her in waves. I understood that emotion so perfectly. Everything she had said had been true, and I hated the situation and myself for it. I decided to speak with her, and I moved towards her deliberately making noise for her round ears to pick up on. "Oh Solas," she said as I stepped into her sight, "you have dinner. Here, I'll take them to camp and cook them." She moved forward to take the hares from my hand and I could see all the golden freckles that dotted the bridge of her nose. "Are you okay da'len?" I asked already knowing she was not. She smiled at my lightly, "Of course hahren. I am just fine."

~*~*~

On the sixth day of our journey back, Solas spoke with Ellana before we set out. I did not catch the whole conversation, but I did catch that it was concerning the elven artifacts. After they were done talking, Ellana addressed the rest of us. "Solas believes that there is an elven artifact nearby that could help strengthen the veil. We will check that out before we continue on. It is not far," she directed smoothly. Solas kept an impassive look on his face while she spoke. "And just how do you know about these artifacts and what they do?" Cassandra asked him. "My journeys and the memories I have seen in the fade," he responded smoothly. "Well… lead the way!" Ellana encouraged readily.

Cassandra looked as if she wanted to argue, but Varric grabbed her elbow, "Oh come on seeker, Chuckles is a good guy. Will it kill you to have a little faith in him?" The seeker shrugged off his hand and crossed her arms at him, "You would be surprised what can look innocent enough, but actually be deadly." Ellana popped to my side dramatically and grabbed my arms, "Do hurry up you guys! The old man already started without us." I looked over the redhead's shoulder to see that he was indeed leaving us behind. I sighed heavily and linked my arm with hers, "Alright then. Let's go."

I did love traveling with Ellana. Not only had be become my best friend in Thedas, but being a Dalish elf had given her an interesting set of knowledge and skills. She educated me on everything from the names of plants and trees to the stories of their gods. She really was a great storyteller and would capture even Cassandra and Varric's attention with her stories and knowledge. I was also keenly aware that during these times Solas would very pointedly ignore her and remain silent. I figured that was probably the best course of action for the hand that he was playing.

We had not been walking for very long when the sound of a small skirmish met my ears. I saw Ellana's twitch and I knew it probably sounded much louder to her and Solas. She gave me a small smile and slipped into stealth as she approached a small hill. It looked very familiar and on top of it a lone figure was fighting off a couple of demons. The others moved to follow our leader. I threw up a barrier around our part members, and right as I was pulling my staff off of my back I felt it. It felt like a pull or a tug coming from the hill. As if something had been waiting for me a long time and now that I was in reach refused to let go. I was vaguely aware after a minute or so that the fight was over as I crested the small hill. I was so intensely focused on the blocked entrance in front of us that everything else had disappeared from my awareness.

Solas joined my side with a curious glance in my direction and that forced me to focus. An elven mage woman was standing in front of us. She was wearing a distinctly elven armor set and the markings of June rested across her face. She looked in mine and Solas' direction and I saw a look of utter disgust and contempt pass over her face as her gaze met mine. I instantly retracted in on myself and took a step away from her only to feel Solas' hand on my lower back. "Anneth ara," Solas directed at her and her scowl only seemed to deepen at his greeting. Solas and I were clearly unwelcome as far as she was concerned. Ellana made a point to place herself in front of us, "What are you doing out her lethallan?" She spoke lightly to the strange woman and I noticed she had made her accent thicker. The new mage's focus turned to Ellana and her face softened considerably, "I am Mihris, first of clan Virnehn." She directed her next comment at Solas and I, "I would not have imagined one of the people traveling with such as these."

I felt sick to my stomach at her words and ignorance, but mostly I just wanted to launch a fireball straight into her ugly face. Ellana brushed the comment off lightly, but there was a bit of a biting tone to her words when she responded. "We are with the Inquisition and anyone who stands for good and justice may join. As one of the people, I would accept no less," she had a smile on her face as she delivered it and it sounded like she was killing her with kindness and words. Mihris didn't look in the least bit sorry, but seemed to catch her drift. "There is something of importance in the cave ahead, and I will have it. Perhaps, there could be something for your party as well," Mihris said intensely. I wanted to laugh at this ignorant woman. We weren't good enough to be around except when it might save her Dalish ass. Solas' eyes met my own and his lips twitched in response. He was clearly thinking the same things as I. when playing the game, I had a hard time understanding why he couldn't stand the Dalish, but this encounter was making that reasoning very clear.

"I believe you are right," Ellana responded evenly, "we shall join together for now." The two Dalish elves began walking towards the blocked entrance, but not before Ellana gave me an apologetic glance. As they continued on, Casandra and Varric, who had been silent up until that moment, looked warily in their direction. "Is that how most Dalish are?" Varric asked confused. "It is shocking. You would think as easily as they are discriminated against that they would be more accepting," Cassandra added. As if on cue, Mihris' voice floated back to us, "The way ahead is blocked. You, flat-ear, can you manage it?" I saw Solas' face darken, and I seriously wanted to tell that clueless woman who she was fucking with.

Translations:

Lethallan: someone with whom one is familiar

Da'len: little child; little one

Hahren: elder; leader

Aneth ara: friendly greeting

Resource

http/dragonage./wiki/Elven_language