The Cost of Pride

by megatoxic

Fallen finds herself in Thedas and is completely unprepared. Sure, she knows the story and she's played the game, but this is no game. This is life and death. Can The Dread Wolf help her or will he be her biggest enemy?

13. Where I Come From

The Cost of Pride

Megatoxic

*Disclaimer: Bioware owns all Dragon Age and all it's related themes and characters. Fallen was born from my imagination filled with Dragon Age inspiration.*

Chapter 13: Where I Come From

Two days later and we were on the road again headed back to Master Dennett's farm. The Herald was insistent about us getting mounts, and I have to admit that I was thankful to get for it. I could walk just as much as the next person, but horses would get us to our destinations faster and help our troops in warfare if it came to that.

Before we had left Haven, the soldier Jon had been disgraced publicly and banished from the Inquisition. I had instructed to Kalen to make sure all the agents knew to kill him on sight. When he had told me how the man had harassed Fallen and what it was leading to I almost sought the man out myself.

I had felt her humiliation, fear, and anger through our bond and it would have given me great satisfaction to make him feel the same. Fallen had not wanted to talk about it with me that night or since and she had not been present for the Commander's public address. She insisted that she was fine and that she did not want to make the situation worse by making a public appearance. I had repeated over and over that this was not her fault, but I believed she honestly felt that it was. I was suspicious that the soldier was not the first man to treat her as such.

My thoughts had been confirmed the night before we left Haven, when I was pulled from searching the fade for Wisdom by whimpering and mumbling from her bed. When I got up to check on her, I discovered that she was tangled up in her blanket from being so restless and layer of sweat coated her body. Her hair was a curly, sweaty, tangled mess and her thin black nightdress was sticking to her body rather alluringly from what I could get a glimpse of.

I lightly shook her shoulder in an attempt to rouse her and she instinctively screamed and lashed out at me with her magic. A powerful mind blast had taken me by surprise and I ended up dazed and confused on my backside. She had set up on her bed and backed herself into a corner against the wall. I could sense that she was confused and afraid. I sat up cautiously and approached her with my hands up and palms out so that she could see them. "Fallen, it is Solas. You were just dreaming. Everything is fine and you are safe da'len," I encouraged her. I was very much reminded of the night she created the fire, but that night I was unable to actually feel her as I was now.

Her eyes seemed to focus on me and realization washed over her, "Solas?" I sat down on her bed and brushed sweaty hair from her eyes, "It is I." She closed her eyes and breathed deeply, "I am so sorry. I didn't mean to blast you like that. I thought you were him." I understood about traumatic experiences and asked, "The soldier Jon?" Her big brown eyes regarded me sadly, "No, not him."

My temper flared suddenly, "Has someone else threatened or hurt you da'len? If they have you must tell me." She grabbed my wrist from wherewhere my hand was still running through her damp curls, "No, not here in Haven. Back at home. Before I cam here. I guess what happened with him just brought it back to me." My heart hurt for her, and I could imagine in my mind's eye a young half-blooded woman being easily mistreated and taken advantage of. "Would you like to talk about it?" I asked her. "Not now Solas," she said releasing my wrist and looking down.

"Come here," I motioned her to come closer to me and when she did I turned her gently so that her back was facing me. I had to force my body to control itself as quite a bit of her freckled back and shoulders were exposed to me. I combed my fingers through her curls and began braiding her hair down her back. Her familiar giggle met my ears and she teased me, "Where did you learn to braid hair Solas?" I tied the end of her braid firmly with a scrap of loose leather, "I have not always been bald da'len, and elves tend to have less stricter rules on some of what humans expect as normal gender-wise."

She turned to face me with a serious look, "Do you really think I am a child?" Internally, I responded yes. Compared to me, she was a child, but I knew this was not the way she was referring to. I knew that she meant as a woman. "Da'len does mean child, but it also refers to a literal size difference. You are quite short compared to me," I told her gently. "You're very tall for an elf. I wondered at first because I'd never met any elven men, but when I saw you next to Kalen I could really tell," she said. I was indeed tall compared to the quickling elves of this age, but of course I could not tell her that. "Does it bother you?" I asked instead. "No, I like it," she said with a blush.

I smiled and motioned for her to lay back down. She climbed back under the covers closest to the wall and I moved in beside her. I opened my arms for her to enter and she hesitated. I could sense that she was nervous, "Is this not okay?" She reached out and placed her warm, soft palm against my chest, "You're shirtless." I chuckled, "We have slept as thus before." She rolled her eyes in the dark at me, "Yeah, but I didn't know that last time until we woke up."

She sighed and rolled over so that her back was to me. We both moved closer together and I enveloped her in my arms. The feeling was better than I would have ever dared to admit at the time. I felt foolish for everyone I had ever mocked for their vhenan enansal. That is what our bond would have been referred to in Arlathan. The rythmic sound of her breathing leveling out started to lull me to sleep when she surprised me by speaking, "Solas can you put me to sleep please? Like you used to, but just for tonight?" I trailed my hand up to her forehead, "Ma nuvenin, ma da'len." My magic left my fingers and seeped into her mind putting her into a dreamless and fadeless sleep. I soon resumed my search for Wisdom.

*

The next morning we were to head out and when I awoke she was no longer beside me. Sitting up, I found her still in her nightdress before the fire. She was holding her foreign possessions in her hands and simply staring at them. "Fallen," I called to her, "are you okay?" She glanced over her shoulder at me and offered me a smile, "I am fine." I gathered the blanket around my bare shoulders and went to sit beside her on the floor. I drapped the blanket over her as well and she moved closer to my warmth.

A slightly floral and sunny smell reached my nose that was distinctly her. I was pleased to see that she still wore the braid I had given her over the shoulder farthest from me. She had opened the patterned object and I could see the rectangular shape that held the small life-like portrait of her. "What does it say?" I asked curious as to how much she trusted to share with me now. Surely, I was making progress. As the dominate party in our bond I could probably force her, but I was loath to do so. She pointed her small fingers at the letters and symbols I had never seen before, "It says my name and where my home was. It also has a code on it for identification purposes." I was intrigued and my eyes followed all the spots she pointed out as she spoke.

Imagine my surprise when he hands suddenly reared back and flung it all into the fire. I watched mesmerized as she intensified the flames with her magic and quickly incinerated her belongings. "Why?" I asked simply. "Because I need to move on. I can never be her again Solas even if I find my way home. Besides, we both know it's safer for me if no one else sees them," her tone was detached and hollow sounding. "Where is your home Fallen?" I asked with hope. Her big brown eyes met my blue ones seriously, "You wouldn't believe me even if I told you."

*

Being back on the road was nice in a way. Ellana always made it an adventure and I was glad to get away from Haven after what had happened. The solder hadn't physically done anything to me, but the mark was still there and it was opening old wounds I had long thougbt closed. I had also become tired of the way everyone in Haven had been looking at me that last day. It was either pity or hate, and honestly hate seemed to have the upper hand.

"Quit thinking about it," Ellana directed at me fiercely. She was wearing a maroon rogue's armor with dark brown leather pants and a smart matching vest with so many pockets and hidey-holes that I was sure she could get out of just about anything. I had opted for a new set of battlemage robes that Adan had made for me at Cassandra's request. I had been surprised that she had taken the time to speak with him about it. The jacket was a lovely dark plum color that I thought probably complimented my coloring, but it had been too long since I'd last seen my reflection to be sure. At any rate, Solas had been speechless at the sight of me in them, or at least had pretended to be, at first which had sent Varric into a fit of snickers.

I was tired of fighting with my hair and had wrapped the braid that Solas had made into the tightest bun possible on top of my head. As we had progressed, a few stray curls had begun to fall down around my face. "I'm trying not to," I finally responded. "Well, hopefully Dennett's will be in sight in two more days time and then the journey to Val Royeaux will be much easier," she said cheerfully. I was still uneasy about the horses. Despite being from Tennessee, horseback riding had never been a hobby of mine.

My stomach was slightly unsettled and I brushed my hand across it. Ellana cocked an eyebrow at me and I rolled my eyes at her, "My breakfast must not have agreed with me." She looked at my abdomen and then back up at me, "You sure there's no little apostate wanderer babies in there?" She bent her face close to my stomach and I swatted her away angrily, "Enough! I promise you that is not the case."

"What are you two on about?" Cassandra asked loudly from behind us. "It's nothing Cassandra. My stomach is a little upset is all and our glorious Herald can make a joke out of anything." Said Herald stuck her tongue out at me before replying, "I'll take that as a compliment."

*

"Can you believe that old hag!?" Ellana was practically yelling the question at us. We were stationed at the camp near Dennett's farm. We had reported on the watch towers and now had weapons headed back to Haven. On the other hand, when she had approached the horsemaster again his wife had interjected that we should help with the wolf situation first. Dennett had looked very sheepish in the wake of his wife's determination.

He had made sure that the members of our direct party each had a horse... or in Varric's case a pony. The promise was that as soon as the wolves were handled he would send more tk Haven. So as mentioned above, Ellana was a little ticked. "I mean where does she get off on this?" she asked annoyed. "A favor for a favor. Such is the way of the world," Cassandra replied smoothly.

We were all sitting around the campfire filling up on roasted ram meat. The great things about the Inquisition designated camps included better meals and no night watch as there were always scouts present. That meant we all received a good night's sleep. "Are you not hungry?" Solas asked me pointing at the meat I had barely touched on my plate. "My stomach is still upset Solas," I answered quitely. He was watching my face intently, "I can make you a herbal tea to help if you like?" I handed my uneaten food off to Varric who happily took it, "Maybe tomorrow. I think I'm gonna turn in for the night."

I stood up brushing dirt from my new robes and started heading towards the tent, "I will go ahead and set the wards. Good night all." As I passed Ellana, she hugged my side, "Get some beauty sleep for tomorrow we go wolf hunting." I shook my head and hugged her back softly. As I entered the tent, I heard her howl like a wolf behind me and I giggled while wondering what Solas thought of her display.

I took in the familar sight of the Inquisition tent and then went to work setting the wards. Varric was still sharing a space with Solas and I while Ellana and Cassandra snored in harmony together. I tied the laces of the tent before I began changing into my night dress. I had begun wearing it at camp too as I had become more comfortable with everyone and besides it really was more cool especially when sharing the smaller space with two other warm bodies. I had removed my plum cloak and was in a plain black tank toptop and leggings when I discovered why my stomach had been so upset. My period had started!

Before being portaled to Thedas, I had been on the shot and my periods had been nonexistent for about a year. Of course traveling to Thedas had ensured that I missed my last dose. I was suddenly beyond embarrassed of my situation and at a loss as to what I should do. My distress was intensified when a male voice cleared his throat outside the tent and asked cautiously, "Da'len, may I enter?" I was mortified, but of course that illogical part of my brain that always felt safe around Solas took over, "One moment."

I untied the ties and parted them cautiously, "Are you alone?" Solas' pale face was lit dimly by the candles from within, "I am. Are you unwell?" I stepped back allowing him to enter with my eyes downcast. He came in slowly and looked me over. When his eyes passed over my crotch area he understood, "Ah, your moon blood. That would explain a lot." He seemed so nonchalant about it and I just wanted to die.

"What do I do about it?" I asked fearfully. He looked taken aback by my question, "Do you not have any supplies?" I shook my head 'no' and continued to look everywhere but his line of sight. "Well, how have you been managing all this time? You had to know we would be gone from Haven for some time..." he trailed off completely lost.

"I... didn't have to worry about it until now," I stated. At the confusion in his eyes I answered as honestly as I knew how, "Where I come from, there are... medicines... that you can take that prevent pregnancy and in time take away the bleeding. I obviously haven't had the medicine in a while... so yeah." He nodded his head, "There is a similar concoction that I can make for you," he encouraged me. "I will prepare it for you when we return to Have so you may learn," he offered. "In the meantime you will have to adjust I'm afraid. I will be back," and with that he turned and exited the tent.

When he popped back in maybe five minutes later he had a small satchel in hand. He handed it to me, "This should have what you need. I will wait outside let me know when you are ready." He disappeared outside and I got to messy work. By the time all was settled, I felt like a baby in a diaper, but I felt more secure. I gave him the all clear and began to settle into my roll while he got ready for sleep. I knew he'd leave the candles going for a while so he could read and after living with him for so long I was used to it.

I was settling down and avoiding looking his was when as usual he read my mind, "You have nothing to be ashamed of. The blood means you are healthy and fertile." I hummed into my pillow, but didn't answer him. "Where I come from, it is a symbol of a woman's strength and power," he said. I didn't know what to say to him in return and was spared the struggle when a drunken dwarf entered our tent and faceplanted onto his roll. Solas extinguished the candles with a flick of his wrist, "Good night Fallen."

Translations

Da'len: little child; little one

Vhenan Enansal: heart blessing

Arlathan: the major city of Elvhenan

Ma Nuvenin, Ma Da'len: As You Say, My Little One

Resource

http/dragonage./wiki/Elven_language