FOUR

Mark stopped by the door of the ER, hand reaching to the handle. But he couldn't do it. He scared, that's for sure. He doesn't even know if Meredith wants him to be in there with her especially when he knows that she is waiting for Derek.

He knows that she won't be happy to see him, but he needs to. Even if it will be heartbreaking to see how her face falls the moment her eyes lands on him. But he needs to. So he willed himself to open the door.

He breathed deeply then turned the doorknob.

He was greeted by the sight of Meredith Grey, sitting up the bed and looking straight to the wall. But when she heard the door open, she was snapped out of her trance and looked at the door to see of Derek had come to see him. Her face falls.

Mark noticed the change in Meredith face. He chuckled darkly as he closed the door behind him. He knew this would happen, he was actually expecting this. But it doesn't stop the pain that rushes through his chest when he actually witnessed. In fact, the blow seems to be much harder than he thought.

"What the hell are you laughing about?"

Her voice broke his thought. He looked at her. The feeling of relief seems rush through him at that moment because here she was, being snarky as always. Then he smiled, for real this time.

Meredith saw the change of emotions in Mark's face. What was most evident was relief and something that she can't quite name.

"How's my favorite dirty mistress?" he said as he walked towards the chair next to her bed.

"I'm fine." She said. Well she really was. She hadn't felt this free in a long time. "I am fine." She repeated, but this time, with a smile made her look younger, carefree, the complete opposite of "dark and twisty."

Mark have been watching her while she tries to answer his question. How she repeated the same lines, but differently. And how she smiled. This will be his favorite smile of her. She looks so carefree and innocent at the moment, like a huge weight was lifted from her shoulders. Like she is finally free. He couldn't help but smile, too.

"That's good to hear." He said while reaching for her hand. Meredith was a little bit shocked to the softness in Mark's voice, and the smile on his face. It's not the McSteamy smile that he uses on daily basis. It's a real smile. She can't help but feel something inside her stir. She couldn't look away from him. There's a lightness in his face that gives her the comfort that she needed at that moment. The comfort that she was expecting that Derek could give her.

They stayed like that for a moment, staring at each other, while holding each other's hands.

Unaware of their surroundings, the two didn't notice one person outside the ER, looking through the window.

Derek watched as the Meredith and Mark talked. He never saw Meredith smile like that. It's different from all the smiles that she gave him. All her smiles before hides something, even if it was her "most genuine" smile, she doesn't look truly happy. But now, it seems like all the walls that she built all those years were broken down.

He knows he should be happy but the fact that Mark is the one that is receiving that smile, it bugs him. Because why? He should be the one making her smile like that, making her feel at ease, finally, after all those years.

It hurts, but he can't look away. As much as the scene before him hurts him, he just can't help but be mesmerized by her, and how carefree and young she looks right now.

He almost forgot the incident. But nothing can ever make him forget about that. It is still painted in his mind, how blue she was, how cold her skin was, and the fact that she was not even breathing. That thought made him break his gaze on Meredith. He shuts his eyes because the image formed in his head hurts even more. She almost lost her. Did she thought about him before deciding about ending her life? He was trying his best for her to open up to him, to make her feel that he was there to listen. But nothing. She always chose to run away, to hide, to deal with it alone. Because that's what she does best.

He let out a heavy sigh. He desperately wants to run away right now, but he can't. Today, he just realized how important she was to him. He realized how deep his affections towards her run, and he can't just let that go.

Derek turned his gaze back to the two people inside the room. He won't let her go, and he won't let anyone get in his way. Especially Mark.

Addie's gaze followed Mark until he was out of her sight. She went to the window of the door to see the interaction between the two people inside the room.

She didn't notice Derek coming towards her, planning to do the same. He stopped right beside her and watched. Then there it was. The smile. She never saw Meredith smile like that, even with Derek. Well she hasn't been here when they first met so she doesn't really know anything, and she was also a factor that made Derek and Meredith's relationship rocky in the first place. But this smile's different.

She then looked at Mark. He said something then made a move to hold her hand and copied Meredith. Addie cannot unsee the connection between the two. There's a spark between them. She doesn't know if they can see it but looking at them right now staring into each other's eyes, there is definitely something between them.

Then she remembered that Derek was there, also watching the two people inside the ER. She looked at him and saw hurt, but also, she saw determination.

She knew that he saw it too, and with the way he is looking at the both of the people inside the room, she knows he will not give up without a fight.

And she knew she was right when Derek reached for the doorknob.