It was nighttime in a local tavern not too far from the palace. Hundreds of men were cheering and raucously partying in a drunken stupor.
One man in particular, his looks obscured by a black cloak, walked to the very end of the bar, ducking his head briefly as a beer bottle was thrown in his direction and shattered against the wall.
(*CRASH!*)
Eventually at the very edge of the bar, a tiny figure leaned back in its regular-sized chair, its rabbit-like feet on the table. The man placed a wanted poster on the table and asked;
"Are you The Hare?"
"Tha' depends, who's askin', mate?" The hare inquired, leaning back in her chair a bit more.
"I hear you're the best bounty hunter there is to offer..." the man spoke. "So I'm assigning you a target. A difficult target. Bring his pelt back to me and I'll give you a great reward..."
"Heh, a rabbit, Ow' feckin' original…Wha's the cost?" The female white hare asked, viewing the wanted poster and reaching over to take a sip of a beer mug almost as big as she was.
"500 shillings." The man replied.
"HAH!" The hare cackled. "Ow' kin ANYBODY git this much money wit' THIS ECONOMY! Why, why, you'd ave' tew be th' kin—"
The man removed his cloak to show that he was in fact, THE KING, and he did have the ability to pay for this bounty hunter.
"Y-your majesty…" The hare practically gasped.
"As I said before, bring me the head of Crusader Rabbit, and I shall bring you a great reward." The King spoke once more. "Fail to do so, and YOUR head will make an excellent substitute..."
Crusader and Rags' pursuit of the vicious dragon that kidnapped the princess had taken them to a massive bridge wherein a troll was attempting to eat some helpless goats.
"—BACK YE FOUL BEAST!" Crusader exclaimed, baring his sword at a massive, hideous, fat, gray-skinned troll clad in only a very small loincloth.
"YEAH! WHAT HE SAID!" Rags retorted, bringing out a mace and holding it high above his head, screaming at the top of his lungs and rushing at the troll.
In no time at all, Rags SHOVED the massive troll from the bridge, and the creature was killed amongst the sharp rocks below in a rushing river.
"Well, that takes care of that!" Crusader smiled, turning to three goats. "You're free to cross!"
And so, Crusader and Rags continued on their journey to free the princess from the clutches of the dragon, walking deeper into the forest.
"—But why are they all named "Gruff"?" Rags asked, scratching the top of his head in confusion. "Doesn't that just confuse things?"
"OI!" A voice exclaimed from the distance.
Crusader turned to face a tall hare that was slightly taller than he was, dressed in a puffy, white shirt with black, patched-up pants. She leaned on a tree stump and removed the forest-green cloak that covered her head to reveal an attractive, female face with blue eyes and frizzy whiskers.
"-Yew Crusader Rabbit?" The hare held out a wanted poster with his image and name on it.
"Hah, I sure am sweetcakes!" Crusader laughed, placing an arm around the female rabbit. "No autographs, please..."
"I gotta say, I'm real chuffed ta be meetin' ya!" The hare chuckled, yanking out a bow and arrow and pointing it directly at the face of Crusader Rabbit. "An' another thing, I'm not here fer au'ographs, love. I'm here fer yer EAD'!"
The hare aimed her bowstring at Crusader's head, his ears slowly drooping down.
"Wait, you're gonna KILL ME?!" Crusader exclaimed in disbelief.
"Yea, th' king says ye're a bit dodgy ta squash, bu' he's th' one what hired me!" The hare replied, once again aiming her bow directly at Crusader's face. "Name's Sybil! Sybil th' Hare! Remember that, cause is th' bloody last name yew'll ever know!"
"Rags, RUN!" Crusader exclaimed to his tiger pal.
Rags ran immediately from the bounty hunter hare, picking up Crusader with him and tucking him underneath his arm like an American football.
"Where are you….my bounty?" Sybil loaded another arrow into her bow and scanned the area.
Crusader and Rags hid behind the trunk of a massive tree, both silently breathing excessively as the rabbit archer scanned the area. As Sybil hopped and flipped around, her large ears moved about, picking up any sound within a thirty-mile radius.
"Phew!" Rags silently exclaimed, wiping a bead of sweat off his forehead. "Think we lost he—"
At the exact nanosecond Rags turned around, Sybil was right there, pointing her arrow at Rags and Crusader.
"AAAGH!" Crusader screamed and ran from the archer rabbit along with Rags.
"COME FORTH AND FIGHT ME LIKE A MAN!" Sybil exclaimed, nearly shooting Crusader right on his furry tail.
"AGH!" Crusader exclaimed, quickly ducking out of the way.
Crusader and Rags clambered up a massive tree, attempting to briefly hide from Sybil.
"Why's she hunting you down, anyway?" Rags panted.
"I'm not sure..." Crusader panted as well, sweat dripping from his face and body. "Wait...it's probably the king...he's never thought fond of me...and probably still hates me for using the illegal potion..."
"How do we get…" Rags paused to catch his breath momentarily. "—Out of this one, Crusader?"
The little rabbit thought long and hard, and eventually he perked back up.
"I've got an idea!" He smiled widely. "But we'll have to work together..."
"You got it!" Rags cheerfully shook Crusader's hand.
And so, Crusader and Rags put their plan of attack into action…
"Ready, Rags?" Crusader called from one end of the forest.
"YEP!" Rags exclaimed back to his pal, giving a thumbs-up.
Crusader and Rags had scattered multiple dummy versions of themselves all around the forest, in the hopes that Sybil would confuse the fakes for the real deal. And fortunately, they'd have the upper hand…er, paw…
"YOOOHOOOOOO!" Crusader hollered then hid within a berry bush, excitedly eating some as though it were popcorn.
Sybil's massive ears picked up this shout (it was a bit loud) but she became greatly excited.
"TALLY-HO!" Sybil exclaimed, dashing to where she'd heard Crusader's voice originate.
Sybil leapt through the forest and emerged, bringing down her arrows on what appeared to be Crusader's silhouette, but was instead a sack of sugar painted white.
"Hah!" The hare exclaimed upon noticing that it was a dummy. "I knew that...is so feckin' obvious."
"OVER HERE SYBILLLLLL!" Rags called out.
"HAH!" Sybil exclaimed, dashing to where Rags (apparently) was.
Not only was Sybil an expert marks-hare, but she'd also bought a dagger with which to decapitate anyone.
"I FOINALLY GOTCHA!" Sybil exclaimed, and with one swift move, found herself holding Rags' head. "Two fer th' price o' one!"
"NICE TRYYYY!" Rags exclaimed, swinging from a vine nearest Sybil and flipping into the canopy once more.
Sybil finally noticed that she was holding the head of a stuffed tiger instead of the real deal.
"OI! Wha's all this then?!" Sybil exclaimed, embarrassed that she was holding a plush toy's head (and yet thankful that no other bounty hunter happened to notice).
Nonethless, the bounty-hunter hare continued to leap and hop throughout the forest, still in search of her prize.
"I'M OVER HEEREE!" Crusader's voice called out.
Sybil just so happened to notice the silhouette of Crusader Rabbit standing precariously at the very edge of a cliff. She grinned, thinking that she knew better in this situation.
"At last I ave' yew my bunny..." Sybil spoke, drawing her bow and preparing to fire an arrow directly at Crusader Rabbit's face.
Sybil fired, but strangely enough, Crusader did not appear to be hurt or visibly injured in any way.
She sniffed, then walked over to investigate why this was so.
"BLOODY ELL'!" Sybil exclaimed upon noticing that that Crusader Rabbit was made completely from tar.
Feeling extremely angry, Sybil decided to punch the tar-dummy in frustration, causing her fist to stick to it almost immediately. Now incredibly enraged, Sybil decided to let loose a barrage of swear words, right as the real Crusader and Ragland emerged.
"Remember my name, Crusader Rabbit…" Crusader spoke, a huge grin upon his face. He moved in closer and whispered;
"It's the bloody last name you'll ever here."
Crusader leapt onto the air, and with his two powerful rabbit's feet, proceeded to kick the white hare archer off the cliff.
"BUGGEERRRRRRRRRRRR!" Sybil exclaimed as she fell thousands of feet into the crevasse, practically disappearing from sight.
"man, we really made a DUMMY OUTTA HER!!" Rags cackled.
And so, having vanquished the dreaded bounty hunter hare, Sybil, Crusader and Rags once again resumed their journey to save the princess…
To be continued...
Meanwhile, near the sharp rocks where she had fallen, Sybil's ears perked up. With one hand she grabbed her bow (still in tact), and with her other hand, she grabbed her sling of arrows, pulling her entire body out.
"Crusader, mark my words…" Sybil spoke as she emerged from the rocks. "I SHALL have your HEAD!"