When I woke up, Mordred was gone. A glance at the clock saying it was noon, explained why. I stood up slowly, sore and still tired, but feeling better. Headache full throttle, I stumbled to his kitchen where I saw a plate in the counter, the bottle of ibuprofen, and a note with the word "Eat" written on it.

I smiled despite myself and ate the breakfast he'd made. It was simple and cold, and, yeah, I could've heated it up, but it was delicious regardless and made me want to cry. I couldn't remember the last time anyone made me anything. Man, was I fucked up. I looked for my phone and saw a missed call from Mordred and a couple of texts from him too. I quickly told him I'd just woke up before calling Gaius. It was a short conversation and he agreed to give me more hours starting tomorrow. I'd come in at 8. I was good with that. I worked at a 24-hour convenient store, for minimum wage, but it was better than nothing and soon as I turned 18 I could get a second job. I had all my paperwork with me, I wasn't stupid enough to leave it and on that end I thought I would be fine, but staying here with S'mores wouldn't be a good thing. His puppy dog eyes pulled at my heart in ways I couldn't imagine, but I'd turned him down already and the last thing I needed was a relationship right now and I could NOT pull that guy into all of my shit any more than I already had.

I bit my lip and started looking up rooms for rent on my phone. Blanking at the prices. No way I could afford shit on part time pay or even had enough for a down payment right now. Fucking $150 a week for a room alone and common areas I had to share. I barely broke $200 on a bi-weekly paycheck. So what? Either pay rent or eat? I was screwed. I tossed my phone on the counter and washed the dishes I saw in the sink, then began pacing in the small place. I wanted to scream in frustration. Always. Always my back was against the wall. Always felt like I was on the verge of breaking apart, tired of nothing ever going right.

The numbness had left the window and now I was just mad. I wanted to punch something, throw shit, scream and cry, but it was pointless. It wouldn't make anything better and I felt just as useless, frail and weak as I always did. That was the worst part of it. I sat on his bed in defeat. I had to stop with the pity party, I knew I did, but every fucking bruise in my body, reminded me of being on the ground. Begging for it to end. So many times, it had happened. Too many times. Being here alone, unable to quiet my brain, unable to tell my brain to shut up and quit reminding me of the shit I needed to forget was hard. I felt like I was drowning, but I should've been able to push it away, because I couldn't remember a time when I hadn't felt like that and I should've been used to it by now. I really should've. I was drowning and I was broken, and too weak to pull myself out.

I just wanted to give up.

Really, I needed to stop, because if I was anything, anything at all, I was a survivor and I would not let all that bullshit beat me now. Not after I made it this far. I just needed to push myself some more and be patient, no matter how tired I was of being patient. That's what I did. That was the whole point of my existence at this point. To survive. However, useless I may be.

I stood back up and shrugged myself out of it. Eventually, maybe I could even be somebody useful, if I worked hard enough. Maybe I could actually be somebody, instead of just… some dumb, weak fuck wandering around with his thumb up his ass being a burden to anyone who actually mattered.

Sure, I'd probably never be able to have a family or anybody really love me, but at least I could not be me anymore and that was something. More than I'd ever have, maybe I could even go to college or something, like Mordred, he was going to get his bachelor's in information technology. That was cool. If I studied hard enough I might be able to pull off getting a degree someday. I wasn't as smart as he was, but I'm sure if worked hard enough, I could manage to pass. There you go, something to look forward to.

I nodded to myself, feeling better. That was at least a somewhat achievable plan. Maybe Mordred would lend me his laptop and I could start applying to other jobs. Maybe something that paid a little better, it was hard though. I was limited not only by age and work experience, but the whole no vehicle thing made things even more difficult to find work.

I looked at the clock again, only 12:32, I could take a short walk at least. Blow off some steam. I got dressed and shot Mordred another text, in case he got back before I did and took off. Wandering around aimlessly. Getting looks for the bruises on my face. Whatever. Ain't anybody's place to judge me.

I kept walking around for a long while, until I landed myself on a bench and people watched for a while. Mostly anybody who got a glanced at my face looked away and took a step further from me. Hell, it wasn't like I was contagious, but people are fucking dumb about shit like this. No way, would I land another job looking like this. I wasn't sure how long I sat there for, spacing out and answering concerned texts here and there from Mordred. Telling him I just needed a bit of time to think. He said he got it, but I wasn't sure he did.

People didn't usually "get" me, not really. You don't understand fucked up, unless you been through fucked up and Mordred didn't come from anything like what I did, but he was at least trying to get it and that was good enough for me.

I was watching all types of people walk by. Dirty, clean, prissy, bored, upset. Then out of nowhere I hear, "It's you."

I turned slowly to face the voice of the "cop" I ran into last night looking at me. I blinked at him. He looked better in the daylight, younger even, or maybe I hadn't really paid attention, but he looked good. He wasn't lanky, you could tell he had strong arms and broad shoulders, still had the thick nerdy glasses, but not as creepy as I remembered him. He was toned, with blonde hair and penetrating brown eyes. Eyes that were now studying me as if I was a mystery he had to figure out.

"Please tell me you didn't sleep here all night."

I frowned at him, "Of course not, I stayed with a friend," I looked at his waist seeing a badge hanging from him and said, "Huh, maybe you really are a cop."

He rolled his eyes at me and smiled, "I told you I was."

"It was almost 3 in the morn', creeps always come out at night," I answered, not exactly apologizing for not believing him.

"Creeps?" a new voice added, stepping out from behind him, "Whoa, your face. You ok?" I saw the man shifting to pull a tablet from his pocket and noticed a badge clipped to his pants. He was taller than Pendragon and looked a lot more uh fit. Blue eyes and light brown hair. The guy looked like a professional model. He eyed me up and down and I felt myself tense at him. He seemed more like a hard ass.

"I'm fine and you best put that away, officer, cause I ain't sayin' jack. Ain't your business unless I want it to be and we both know that."

"You're a minor," he quirked his brow.

"Oh no, I ain't. Just like I told your partner, I'm 18 and it's my decision."

He frowned and looked at Pendragon, "You're really 18?"

"Ain't no sense in lying to ya'll and you know that, too. I ain't stupid."

"No you aren't," Pendragon nodded, "Yeah, I believe him."

I twitched and got up, "If that's it, I'll be on my way," but Pendragon stepped forward and stopped me before I could take a step.

"What's your name?" he asked.

"What's it to you?"

"Seriously? Just tell me, kid."

I jerked away from him, "Merlin Wells," I grumbled quietly.

He gave me a small smile, "Where are you staying now, Merlin?"

"With a friend."

"I want an address."

"Why?"

"So I can check up on you and make sure you're safe."

I scowled, "I ain't no baby. I don't need no-one lookin' after me."

"Probably not, but I want to anyway. Sides, to protect and serve, it's in my job description and I want to confirm your story."

I scowled at him even harder, "Corner of 5th street and franklin. Red brick building apartment 304. It's a walk up. Ain't expectin' you to show and if you do, I probably be workin' anyhow, so I'd rather if you just let me be. I ain't done nothin' for you to be buggin' me."

He nodded, "Alright. I can understand that, but I still might show up to make sure you're ok."

"Whatever, detective," I said enunciating the word.

"Have you eaten?"

I rolled my eyes, "I ain't need yo charity and yeah I ate. So if you'll excuse me, I best be on my way."

He sighed, "Yeah, ok, but remember what I said. You call if you need anything."

"Whatever," I said, blowing him off and quickly leaving. I made my way back to Mordred's and knocked to be let in. He immediately opened the door and I saw the tension roll of his shoulders when he saw it was me, "You're back. Got your key for you," he said stepping to the side and letting me in.

"Yeah, sorry, s'mores, I had to be alone for a bit, ya know?"

"It's ok. I get it," he nodded, "Key is on the counter."

I nodded and slowly picked it up, feeling it in my hand, "Thank you, Mordred, for the food and for everythin' really."

He hugged me from behind, "Talk to Gaius?"

"Yeah he gave me a full shift for tomorrow to start, said we'll talk more about my schedule then, and I looked up places to rent," I frowned, "Might be stayin' here bit longer than I thought."

"You know I'm ok with that," he whispered into my neck and I sighed, fighting myself from leaning into him and just letting somebody, anybody, carry my weight for a bit.

"I know, s'mores, but it don't feel right. Feel like I'm takin' advantage of your kindness and I ain't wanna do that. Not to you of all people."

"You said you'd help with the bills, that's not taking advantage, that's a roommate. I mean, I don't need it, you know, so you don't have to, but you can if you want to," he said pressing his lips to my neck.

I shuddered involuntarily, the tenderness of his lips on my skin, the warm breath, his arms encircling me, almost making me feel… well I didn't know, I never let anyone touch me like this. I pulled away, "I'm definitely helpin', even if I can't help much for now. I ain't lettin' you carry my weight like that."

Mordred turned me around and gave me such an earnest look, that some part of myself that I didn't recognize wanted to give into him. "You could," he whispered, "I wouldn't mind helping you in whatever you need."

"Mordred, you know I-"

"I know. I'm not asking you to," he said, taking hold of my hands, "I mean if you ever do, that would be great, but I mean this only as friends."

I squeezed his hands, "I know you do. Thanks Mordred, you've done more than enough. I gotta figure the rest out for myself."

"Ok," he smiled, "Let me know if I can help with anything else."

"I will. Now, you hungry?"

"Starved," he grinned at me.

"Well let's see what we got in this kitchen."

I know I'm probably the only one who noticed... but I did change my summary like five times... I can't seem to settle on one. Please let me know what you think.