Saturday was only three days away at that point. Three days that flew by in a flash, as Mordred got more and more fidgety the closer it got to it. I could tell he didn't want me to go and I almost gave into that.

But then I thought about the many ways Arthur knew how to find me and I figured if I gave him the date first then blowing him off would be easier. Maybe.

Well, the important thing was, is that I had some semblance of a plan here.

I just had to follow through.

I threw on some jeans and clean plain black shirt. Glanced at the still yellowish bruises on my face, mostly faded, but still visible, better than the bruises under my shirt. My chest was a mess. My hair was a mess, but I never knew what to do with it anyway. Maybe I'd get a buzz cut soon and not worry about it. Cat always cut it for me whatever way she wanted it and I didn't care so long as it was short enough to keep out of my eyes. I shrugged off whatever trepidation I had and walked out to see Mordred playing on his laptop, making sure to keep his eyes off of me.

"I don't plan to be out too late," I said.

"Mmm," was his only answer. "Goodnight, Mordred," I mumbled, stepping out of the place. I had already decided to wait for Arthur outside and it was only a few minutes before seven anyway. I stepped out of the building and closed my eyes, taking a deep breath and letting whatever negative emotion I was having leave with the exhale. Not that it really worked, but it made me feel calmer.

I heard a low whistle to my front and allowed my eyes to chase the sound, seeing Arthur standing there with a dark blue button up shirt and pressed jeans.

"Hello," I said quietly.

"Hi," he smiled, "Just about to go in."

"Mordred's being moody, so I came down," I shrugged.

"That's your roommate?" he asked.

"Hopefully, not for too long," I sighed, shaking my head, "Where we headin'?"

"You like pizza, right?"

"Anyone who doesn't is a freak of nature," I answered very seriously, then added lightly, "But I'm more in the mood for wings."

He chuckled , "Well they serve both, come on." We walked to his car and he opened the door for me. I rolled my eyes at the move but got in anyway and as soon as he sat down next to me I opened my mouth and said, "This ain't gonna be like them Forensic Files show, right? I ain't endin' up in a ditch somewhere with my face carved off?"

He blinked at me, then locked the doors, "As if I'd tell you."

I eyed the locked doors, "My first assessment of you is more accurate than I thought."

He laughed, "Shut up, I don't dice people up on the first date."

"More like 3rd or 4th date kind of thing?"

"More like a 5th or 6th date kind of thing," he answered.

"So what do you do on a 1st date?"

"Eat, talk, maybe kiss a bit more?"

"Sounds excitin'," I looked out the window, "Where's this pizza joint?"

"Have you been to Frank's?"

"Not that I remember," I answered, then leaned over to fidget with his radio.

"You're not supposed to mess with a man's radio," he quirked.

"That rule doesn't apply to first dates and you know it," I shot back.

"When does it apply?"

"When you're old and miserable," I answered and looked at him, "How old are you?"

"Twenty-three," he answered.

"You like 'em young, huh?"

He scowled at me, "We're only five years apart and age is just a number after you're 18 anyway. What does it matter if I'm a little older than you if we like each other?"

"It don't," I answered and almost added, but technically I'm not 18 yet, and that's another reason why I really need to put the stop on this, cause it's borderline illegal and you'll probably flip if you find out you've made out with a minor. Less than two months to go though, so really, it wasn't that bad and you seriously should've ID'ed me the second time we bumped into each other, so maybe it was kind of your fault, too, but hopefully after tonight I can drop you no problem or maybe I should have you drop me. If I act like dick, will you really want a second date anyway?

I've met plenty of jerk-offs I could probably pull it off. Now, what would an asshole say in this situation?

Ok, maybe thinking like asshole was harder for me than the next person, but I could figure it out.

"What kind of jank music do you listen to anyway?" I asked.

"How do you know it's jank? I like jazz and rock," he answered.

"Country's where it's at, son," I answered. Another lie, I mean, I liked country all right, but not enough to listen to it on a regular basis. I was just trying to be obnoxious, and, no, I wasn't entirely sure I was doing that right at this point.

He shrugged, "It's not bad. We're here anyway."

I followed him out of the car, silently letting him lead the way. The place was nice, not uppity nice, but comfortable, toned with dark woods, and light blue walls covered in sports memorabilia. We followed the hostess to a booth. I ordered a lemonade and he ordered a soda.

I eyed the chicken wings and the prices. Nine dollars for a dozen wings felt too rich for my blood right now, but I was going to order them anyway. It was one date, I'd let myself splurge on the order, eat as much as I could and not spend any money unnecessarily for the next god knows how many years.

"Appetizer?"

"Huh? Uh," I shrugged, "Up to you."

"Fair enough. What do you like on your pizza?"

"Anything, but olives," I made a face, "Hate olives."

"Ok, what kind of wings are you getting?"

"Thinkin' Cajun," I answered and put my menu down and looked at him curiously.

"Got it," he said as the waitress came back to drop off our drinks, "You two need a few minutes?"

"No, we're ready," he answered, then rattled off our order to her. She smiled and picked up the menus and left.

I let my eyes wander around the place, sighing at the thought of splitting half that bill. If I ended up spending more than twenty dollars on this date, I was going to be seriously annoyed. I needed that money, I was saving it and every little bit counted. I hadn't even wanted to come. Why had I agreed to this? What the hell was I doing going on a date with a cop?

"What's on your mind?" he asked, interrupting my thoughts.

"I'm wonderin' what the hell I'm doin' here," I sighed.

"You're still not convinced that going on a date with me might be a good thing?" he said skeptically, "Even after everything?"

"We kissed," I frowned, "It was just a kiss. Not a bad kiss, but not exactly earth shattering. Could do without all of this," I waved my hand around, "I ain't no good at this shit. Ain't tryina be either."

I felt a pang of guilt about the kiss comment, because… well it had been a little earth shattering for me. In fact, that was a good descriptor of it, seeing as it made me feel like I was coming apart and that was… scary as all hell.

"You're full of it," he answered calmly, "You're just looking for an excuse to run away from something that could be good."

I turned to him, "Don't be talkin' like you know me. You ain't know shit about me."

"You're right, I don't know you that well, but I want to and so far, what I do know I like. You're funny, you're smart, hard-working, and despite your I-don't-need-nobody attitude you care a lot about the people in your life. I can tell you're trying to make things better for yourself, and I like that," he sighed, "What I don't like is how little confidence you have in yourself and how hard you're trying to push me away right now. Thankfully, I'm extremely stubborn myself."

I bit my lip and shook my head, "You ain't know nothin'."

"What is it that I don't know? What is it that you seem to think I won't like?"

"Everything," I looked in his eyes, "There ain't nothin' you'll like and there ain't nothin' I'll like about you. Can't we just end this and go?"

"You're making big assumptions for someone who doesn't even know me," he reached for my hand, placing his over it, "I can't say I know what you've been through, because you haven't told me, but you can't use it as a reason to stall your own life. Now, let's put a pin on this conversation and talk about something more first date like. Tell me about your roommate."

I sighed, staring at the table in defeat, "Mordred's a nice guy. Goin' to school and shit. Talks a lot."

"Then why do you want to move out so soon? I mean other than the space thing."

I frowned, "I don't think you want to know the answer to that."

"He likes you? More than a friend?"

I looked back up to him and bit my lip, "Yeah, but I turned 'em down and he can't let it go, living together is makin' it worse. I ain't wanna do him like that. He's a friend. I'm stuck though, for now. Freakin' rent prices and the whole can't go on interviews because I look like I've participated in a fight club recently ain't helpin' me none."

"But your boss is making you assistant manager, isn't he?"

"That ain't a given and I should be able to pick up more hours by then, but it's not enough right now to move. I barely make above minimal wage and, yeah, if I get the position I'll earn a bit more."

"And any offer of mine to help will be swiftly turned down, right?"

"Yup."

"Figured."

"Where do you live?"

His lips quirked, "Why? You wanna keep tabs on me now?"

"More like I wanna know what street to avoid when apartment huntin'," I answered.

He snickered, "You know where Ricci's pizza's at?"

"Yeah?"

"I live directly across the street."

"I think I know someone who lives near there," I said thoughtfully, "Antoine, I think."

"Is he the one that throws those crazy parties?" he eyed me.

"Yeah, he's cool."

"If you say so, pretty sure he hates me for breaking them up."

I shrugged, "You do you, ain't gotta worry about that petty shit."

He smiled, "Yeah, guess you're right."

I looked at the hand still on mine, watched as he rubbed circles on my mine with his thumb. I held still for a few moments enjoying the feeling, but then pulled it away. I started looking around the place for the best exit. Maybe I should just leave?

"So are you going to school, Merlin?"

"No."

"Any hobbies?"

"No. Are you interrogatin' me?"

"No, I'm trying to get to know you."

"Why?"

"Merlin," he sighed, "I don't want to go around in circles with you and I already answered that question."

"Did you?" I asked taking a sip of my drink.

"Yes."

I looked at him again and saw him watching me. I shifted my eyes away from his and asked, "What about you, any hobbies?"

"I collect guns."

I made a face, "Seriously?"

"Yes," he nodded, "I also like going to concerts."

"And going to bars 'till 3 in the mornin'?"

"I was off duty, so yes, I went to have a drink," he answered smoothly.

"How long have you been a cop?"

"I was in the army for a short while. Got my associates through them and then went to the police academy. I was able to work my way up pretty quickly to detective in robbery and I'm taking online classes to get my bachelors."

"You were in the army?"

"Yes."

"But not anymore?"

"I had a bad injury."

I eyed him down, "You don't look injured."

He shrugged, "Well it happened years ago."

"And you were well enough to be a cop but not a soldier?"

"Is that a problem?"

"Just odd is all."

"Believe me if I could have stayed with them I would."

I opened my mouth to say more but was interrupted when the waitress returned with our meal. She laid out the food and smiled to us both, "Can I get you two anything else?"

"We're good for now. Thank you," Arthur answered.

I waited until she left before continuing, "You haven't lived here too long," I stated.

He arched his brow, "No, I haven't. How'd you know?"

"Lots of cops come to that store. 'Cause we're so close to their station and I ain't ever seen you or your partner show up before. Neither had Cat and she's worked there forever."

"We both transferred pretty recently. About four months ago. You're very astute, Merlin."

"And they partnered you both up?"

"Not quite, we're working on a case together, so we happen to be driving in the same car."

"You're not partners?"

"My unit works more like a team of people. He happens to be a part of that team. So not exactly my direct partner but we do work together frequently."

"And the both of you work on robberies?"

"Yes."

I shifted and looked around, "I'm having a hard time believing you."

"What part exactly?"

"All of it."

He leaned back in his chair and pinched the bridge of his nose in frustration, "Why?"

"Because it doesn't mesh. You're 23 and already a detective? I think I read somewhere you have to be 21 just to be a cop."

"I have connections and my time in the military helped. Plus, it's a recent promotion."

"Connections?"

"Yes."

"What kind?"

"I'll tell you if you agree to a fifth date."

"Fifth? We ain't even finished this one!"

He smiled, "I've a really good feeling about you, Merlin. So why not get you to agree to a few other dates?"

"No way."

"Then as you would put it, I ain't sayin' jack."

I scowled at him and put several chicken wings on my plate, "You're ridiculous."

He leaned forward and winked, "Ridiculous for you."

I gave him a dumbfounded look and watched him as he chuckled and picked up a slice of pizza taking a bite from it.

I shook my head, "What planet are you even from?"

"Earth," he answered.

"Great. A comedian," I rolled my eyes at him and began eating.

"Now you know a bit about me, how about you tell me about yourself? How'd you end up with that eye anyway?"

"I walked into a door."

"Not planning on giving me an honest answer?"

"Bad luck?"

"Or even a real answer?"

"I ain't gonna talk so drop it."

"Ex-boyfriend do it?"

"What? No!"

"Family member then?"

I stood up, grabbing my napkin to wipe my hands, "I'm leaving," but he reached out and grabbed my hand, "I'll stop. So just stay."

"Really? You're going to stop?"

"I just want to know that it's not going to happen again. That's all."

I jerked my hand from his and sat down, "It ain't. I ain't goin' back."

He tilted his head, "So that's why you were wondering around that night? Because it happened where you used to live?"

I frowned and crossed my arms, saying nothing.

He held his hands up, "Just reassure me that whoever did it can't get to you anymore, ok? He or she can't find you?"

"They don't know where I am or care."

"They? More than one?"

"Arthur," I said his name in warning.

"Sorry, I'll stop."

I looked away and sighed, "I can survive a bruise or two. It's supposed to be over, yeah? You continuing to bring that shit up ain't helpin' any."

"Ok. If anything happens again will you at least call me?"

"Only if you let it the fuck go already."

"Fine. I will."

I brought my eyes up to his and frowned. I didn't believe that either, but I guessed it was all I was going to get so I nodded quietly.

"Eat, please? We can't have this food go to waste."

I looked at the food, but found myself without an appetite, "Not really hungry."

He looked at the food and nodded, waving his hand to the waitress. She came over quickly, "Everything ok?"

"It's just fine, mind if get take out boxes and the check? Seems we're going to have to leave early tonight."

"Oh," she said in surprise, "Of course. I'll get that to you right away, Arthur."

"She knows you by name?"

"I've been here a few times."

"I see," I quipped, "So you bring people on dates here often?"

He arched a brow, "Jealous there, Merlin?"

"More like perturbed that I agreed to go on a date with a philanderer."

"I've come here a few times with Percival and a couple of other officers on my team, actually," He tilted his head, "You know, I find it odd that at times you use a lot of slang and at other times you sound so well spoken. Why is that, Merlin?"

I stood up, "This date is over, detective, and if you contact me again I'll file a complaint of harassment against you. Your connections might've gotten you your job, but I'd like to see if they'll help you keep it when someone like me pops up and tells them you've been practically stalking me," I said as I began to walk out the door.

"Stalking?" he said following me, "You and I bumped into each other by accident."

"It wasn't by no accident that you came to my apartment."

"Are you really that intent in keeping your secrets that you'd discredit me as a police officer?"

"I'll do what I have to, to protect myself. I have every right to do so," I said getting out of the restaurant and starting my way back home.

He grabbed me by my arm whirled me around, "I don't understand you. In fact, I don't think you understand yourself. I've been honest with you from the start. I've given you no reason not to trust me, so why do you insist on pushing me away?"

I spoke slowly, "It's odd that you have such a high interest me. Most people would have cut their losses and moved on by now and you may not have given me a reason to distrust you yet, but if I let you, I'm certain it will come. Why would you bother? Better yet, why should I?" I moved away from him, "Whatever you may think of me, doesn't matter. Whatever you may think this is, doesn't matter. At the end of the day, I would much rather be left alone. I don't need nor want you in my life. So get the hint already and fuck off."

He looked away from me and sighed, "Is it that strange to you?"

"What?"

"Is it that strange to you just have someone like you? Not want anything and not want to hurt you? Is it that odd that I think you're interesting? That I want to get to know you? You keep asking me why, like it's some complicated impossible thing, but it happens everyday to other people. Other people meet and go on dates and like each other, so why can't it happen between you and I?"

"Because people don't like me."

"Why? You just told me your roommate likes you."

"Because he's confused."

"I think you're the one who's confused. It's ok to like people and it's ok for people to like you."

"How could anyone like me?!" I snapped, "Look at me! I'm nothing! I've always been nothing! I…" I trailed off, tears suddenly coming down my cheeks, "My own mother…" I closed my eyes wrapping my arms around myself, before I felt his hands on my back, pressing me into his chest.

"You're wrong," he whispered, "You're very, very wrong."

I shook my head into his chest, "I can prove it," he continued, "If you give me a chance, I can prove it to you. All you have to do is let me."

"I don't know," I whispered.

He placed a kiss on my head, "I won't make you, but just think about it and let me check on you regardless. For my own peace of mind, please."

I took a deep breath, but all it did was make smell him more. Fucker smelled like fresh spring rain. You know the kind that just makes you want to throw your hands out and stick your tongue out? I mentally slapped myself at the thought and pulled away from him, "Ok, but no more showing up at my apartment unannounced."

"Deal," he smiled, wiping my tears with his thumb, "I'll call now that I have your number."

I rolled my eyes at him and bit my lip as I said, "And I reserve the right to take as much time as I want about the other thing."

"The dating me thing?"

"Yeah," I looked away, "That."

He nodded and smiled, "I get the feeling you're worth the wait."

"Now, I'm going to go in and see if Marly saved the food."

I gasped, "We didn't pay."

He laughed, "Don't be silly. I left enough on the table to pay the bill. Mmm, just wait here, ok? I'll take you home or we can go somewhere else to eat if you want."

"Home sounds good."

A look of disappointment flashed on his face before he nodded calmly, "I figured as much."

I watched him walk away and just stood there. Taking slow breaths and trying to re-stabilize after my mini melt down. Was what he said true? Could I be wrong? It didn't feel like I was. I bit my lip and sighed. I knew my mind was warped. Years of constantly being put down did that to people, but did I actually have a chance at being semi normal? Could someone like Mordred and Arthur really like someone like me?

I didn't know.

How could I know?

All this time, I've been less than. How could I suddenly believe I was more?

Or maybe Arthur was just lying to me. But if he was, what could he possibly get out of it? I didn't have anything to offer anyone. I was just a dumb broken kid. What could he see in me that I couldn't?

Arthur came back out with the food and waved me over, "Thanks to Marly, the food was saved."

"How much was it? I'll pay you back."

"Merlin, I asked you out, of course, I'm going to pay and don't even try to argue with me. It's done, now come on, let's go to the car."

I grumbled as I followed him to the car and silently settled in on the passenger side, taking the food when he handed it to me.

"You know, you're the only person I've ever had in my car that hasn't complemented me on it," he said thoughtfully.

I looked around in my seat, "Is there something special about it? I mean it's clean and shiny."

He gaped at me from his seat, "It's a 1966 Shelby GT350! How could you not recognize?!"

"Oh," I shrugged, "It's nice."

"Pft," he shook his head, "Figures I end up liking the one person in the universe who doesn't care about cars."

"Sorry?"

He laughed, "It's alright, maybe if you want I can teach you about them some time. Maybe I'll even let you drive it," he said waggling his eyebrows.

"I don't have a license."

"What?"

"I don't have a license."

"Why?"

"I don't have a car so what's the point? Sides I've never driven before."

"What?!" he turned to me in his seat, "Like at all?"

"That's right," I nodded.

He took a deep breath, "Well we are going to fix that. We are definitely fixing that."

He turned the car on and pulled us out of the lot, "Not with this car, though. We can use my other one."

"You have more than one car?"

"Yeah," he nodded, "I don't drive this one regularly. I mean could you imagine pulling up to a suspect's house in this thing? I can't be chasing robbers if I'm in constant fear that someone will rob me at the same time."

"I think that's the one thing you've said all night that makes sense to me."

He snnorted, "Glad I'm finally getting through to you on something," he pulled up to the apartment and smiled, "Listen take the food with you. It's too much for me to eat on my own and have way more than enough food at my own place. Don't be stubborn about it."

I fidgeted and nodded, "Whatever." I think I'd agree to just about anything to end the date at this point. Never mind, trying to be an asshole. I'm sure he thought I was mentally unstable by now.

I pulled myself out of the car, told him to have a goodnight and hurried inside. I practically ran up the steps and stopped at the door, hesitating to go in. Mordred was in there and if he was still being Mr. Woe-Is-Me then I wasn't sure I wanted to deal with that right now, but my hands were currently filled with food. Sucking it up, I kicked at the door, hoping he was still in.

In a moment, it whipped open, "You're back!"

"Yeah, with food."

He stepped aside and let me in. "That was a really short date."

I placed the food on the table and looked at him, "What time is it?"

"8:15, you were gone for 75 minutes."

"Huh," I nodded, "Didn't think I'd been gone for that long."

He grinned, "I guess you meant it when you said you were blowing the guy off."

"Uh yeah," I nodded.

"That guy was probably a total jerk off."

I shook my head, "No, I mean I don't think so. He seemed kind of nice. Weird, but nice."

"He's some weirdo, then?" Mordred nodded, "At least he let you keep the food, though."

"That's not what I…," I turned to look at Mordred, "Never mind. It doesn't matter, he'll definitely be leaving me alone after tonight anyway."

"Ok. Anything good in there?"

"Should be pizza and wings. Hungry?"

"Yes!"

"Grab a couple of plates, s'mores. Tonight, we eat like kings!"

He laughed, "And tomorrow, back to ramen noodles and pb&j?

"You got it."

He snickered, "Awesome."

Mordred and I ate while throwing wild jokes around. A small comfort after what felt like a roller coaster ride of a date. Being with Mordred was easy. Being with Arthur was like living through an earthquake. Sure, you were happy you survived, but was the mess of the outcome worth it? Wouldn't it be better to live in a place that didn't have earthquakes all together? Wouldn't it be better to live without the fear of one ever happening at all?

A/n: The name of this story was actually inspired by a reader of my Find Me story. Thank you again, PeaceHeather. Please R&R. I'd love to know what you think.