Lance laid there, pressing his burning cheek against the cold tile of the bathroom floor, wishing, hoping that the nausea that swelled inside him would go away, or he would. He clenched his fist again, curling in on himself as another cramp seized him and he felt hot tears prick his eyes as he took a deep breathe… Jamie! Jamie, please…
The 20-year-old coughed loudly as soft fingers ran through his hair and closed his eyes, hoping he could keep them closed… forever. He let out a quiet sob as his fingers pierced skin and Jamie flashed in front of him again. It was worse when he was sick… harder to keep away the memories… It was always like this.
"Lance?" Keith asked softly, wiping his nose with the bottom of his shirt. He bit his lip, running his fingers through his boyfriend's sweaty hair, kneeling down next to him. He pressed his back against the shower door, sitting next to Lance's shivering frame as worry and concern raced through his mind. He let out a deep breath. Lance had been in here for a couple hours, and despite Shiro or Allura's protest, Keith had convinced them to leave them alone for a while. Keith shuddered as he sighed loudly, listening to Lance's ragged breathing, wiping gently at the tears that fell from his eyes quietly. The 21-year-old coughed, "Lancelot?"
Lance curled tighter in on himself, swallowing down the bile that threatened to climb his throat. He opened his eyes to the ugly spinning checkered tile that decorated the bathroom floor and let out a soft whimper. Jamie! Jamie, please… Wake up! Lance's eyes drifted towards his left wrist, smashed against the ugly ground, the painful brownish red horizonal scar clashing against his skin. He coughed loudly as tears filled his eyes again. I can't do this! I can't do this, and you don't see it! You don't look in the mirror and see his face! I do! I can't-
"Baby," Keith said softly, grabbing Lance's hand in his tightly, "It wasn't your fault." Keith pressed Lance's fingers to his lips gently, closing his eyes briefly. Lance hadn't had an episode in months, and yet for some reason, tonight, of all nights, he was having one, or on the verge of one. Blame the 103-fever racing through his lanky frame, or the dream he'd had earlier… blame anything, blame everything. Keith swallowed, opening his eyes, glancing down at the spilt water puddled on the floor a few feet away, shivering as he ran another hand through his hair. Lance had had episodes before. The first time Keith had seen it, the first time, a few months after they had been dating- Hunk calling him in the middle of class, freaking out because Lance had disappeared after talking to his family… The 21-year-old shook his head as Lance lurched slightly.
It's your fault. It's all your fault! Lexi can't look at you! I can't be around you! Mom and dad are fighting more, Seb dropped out of school- and, and it's all your fault! You…
Lance groaned loudly as he pushed himself off the floor weakly, pressing his overheated forehead against the ceramic rim, taking a shallow breath as he tried to keep whatever was coming up, down. He let out a sickening hiccup as his body lurched forward and vomit rushed passed his dry lips, causing his whole body to flinch. He closed his eyes again, feeling a gentle hand pushing his hair away from his face, and Keith's soft words hitting his ears.
"Shh, shh, easy, Lance. You're okay," Keith whispered softly, running his hand over Lance's sweaty back. He carded his fingers through his hair gently as Lance pitched forward again, and Keith grimaced, swallowing loudly as his own stomach threatened to rebel. If he was being honest, he still felt sick… nowhere near as bad as he felt last night, but still sick. He swallowed again as Lance fell back against him, pulling his knees to his chest protectively, grasping at Keith's hand tightly.
Keith honestly didn't care if he got sick again, and he didn't care how much Shiro protested; he wasn't going to leave Lance, not ever, and definitely not now… Keith had seen Lance at his worse, Shiro hadn't, and he wasn't going to. Lance wasn't Shiro's responsibility, he was Keith's, and Keith wasn't going to let anything bad happen to him. Not again. He'd made that promise a long time ago… and he was going to keep it.
Keith pulled him in tighter, wrapping his arms around Lance's chest gently as the younger boy let out another quiet sob. Keith closed his eyes, biting his bottom lip, swallowing back the tears that threatened to swell in his eyes as he heard Lance choke… it hurt to hear him like this… it hurt to see him like this. It hurt because Keith remembered the first time, because he knew what he was thinking, what was replaying over and over in his mind. Keith let out a shallow breath; he wanted to take this sickness from him, he wanted to take the memories, the pain, the hurt, and the sadness from him… more than anything. Hell, he would trade his life for it. For even just a few minutes.
"I-I'm sorry, I'm sorry, Keith. I'm sorry," Lance choked, his thumb tracing over the burns on Keith's left hand. Keith pressed his forehead against the back of Lance's warm neck, tightening his grip around the boy's shaking chest, "It's okay, Lance. It's okay. I've got you, Blue. Don't worry, I've got you…"
Keith sniffed loudly as he cleared his throat, looking back up, pressing his chin against Lance's shoulder softly. He peered up at the tiny window above the shower, watching tiny specks of dust floating in the air, sparkling in the pale sunlight that bled past the stained glass. It looked so peaceful, so free… He tightened his grip around Lance as the younger boy leaned his aching head against Keith's shoulder.
Lance let his head fall against Keith's shoulder, swallowing loudly as sweat rolled down his pale face. He closed his eyes again as his stomach churned and pressed the side of his forehead against Keith's neck. You're just a burden…
Lance pressed his back against the wet wood behind them, feeling the rough planks and sharp nails digging into the flesh on his back. He brought his knees to his chest, pressing his palms against them as he tried to fit his lanky form inside a cramped playhouse. He sneezed softly as he leaned his head against the wooden side behind him, looking up at the stars that hung in the black velvet above them.
The air around them sent shivers down Lance's spine, spreading goosebumps across his tanned skin as it screamed around the wooden fort in the middle of the park. Lance glanced over at Keith, opposite from him, his back resting against the other wall, his head in his hands. Despite the wind and rain that howled around them, Lance could tell he was crying. He probably had been since…
Lance pushed his sleeves up slightly, peering down at the scars sitting on his wrists, reminding him of those nights, that night, of what he tried to do…
"I used to get them too, you know?" Lance whispered softly, bringing his knees closer, running his fingertips over the rough skin on his right wrist, gently. Keith looked up slightly, wiping his nose with the sleeve of his shirt, shivering as he tried to peer at Lance through the black abyss surrounding them. He sniffed quietly, "What?"
Lance let out a long sigh, looking up at Keith, his eyes connecting with bluish-gray ones, "Panic attacks… I used to get them all the time… bad ones, like yours."
Keith continued to stare, clenching his fists in his lap, digging his nails into his palms as he watched saddened pain flash across Lance's face. Lance looked away, leaning back against the planked side again, looking back up at the bright yellow stars hanging peacefully in the sky. He exhaled loudly, "I couldn't deal with it, with anything… after, after my brother."
Lance cleared his throat, folding his arms over his chest, tears welling in his eyes as he continued to stare at the yellow balls of gas burning in the night sky. Keith felt his breathing hitch as he continued to stare at the emotion painted across Lance's face, unable to look away…
"Lance," Keith whispered, feeling Lance's grip beginning to loosen around his fingers. The younger boy shifted slightly, and Keith leaned forward, brushing Lance's bangs away, smiling sadly as he noticed his boyfriend fighting to stay awake. At least asleep, Lance wouldn't be able to remember… maybe this time he wouldn't have nightmares.
Keith bit his lip as he pushed his arm under Lance's legs, bringing him closer to his chest as he pushed himself off the floor on weakened legs. He groaned inwardly as he almost stumbled, slamming his shoulder against the cream-colored wall, adjusting his grip on Lance as the younger boy moaned softly. Lance shivered, pressing his forehead against Keith's neck, opening his eyes and swallowing loudly as the scenery around him shifted violently.
"Where-" He started, shutting his mouth quickly as his stomach started to heave. He took a shallow breath, breathing in the warm scent of fresh-cut grass, and sweat… Keith. He tightened his grip around Keith's neck, pulling himself closer to him, willing himself to feel better. His foot scrapped against the doorframe lightly, and Keith adjusted his grip again as Lance tried to figure out where they were going and what was happening. The older boy let out a soft breath, "You were falling asleep. I'm carrying you back to bed; it'll be more comfortable than the floor… trust me."
Lance swallowed, nodding slightly as he tried to understand what he had been doing on the floor. He felt sick. Was he sick? He sneezed as confusion crossed his features. Keith had been sick… right?
Keith set Lance on the bed gently, biting his lip as he watched the younger curl in on himself again. He sat on the edge of the bed, shivering as the cold air brushed against his warm skin, and he pressed a hand against Lance's forehead. He needed to get his fever down… otherwise, Lance would end up even worse than he had been. He ran a hand through Lance's hair, brushing his fingers over one of the scars on Lance's right wrist…
"The scars… I know you see them. Everyone does, and they pretend not to. Truth is, I'm pretty fucked up," Lance said gently, his eyes fixated on Keith, not daring to look away. Keith shivered, pulling his wet jacket closer to him. He couldn't understand how so much pain could come to such a sweet person…
Keith pushed himself off the mattress, stumbling towards the bathroom, breathing heavily as memories of that night flashed in front of him. He gripped the sink tightly in his hands, feeling the cool ceramic press against his fevered hands, feeling his stomach lurch. He glanced in the mirror, flinching slightly as his pale face greeted him, sweat beading against his hairline again, trickling down his temple. He coughed loudly, turning on the faucet, retching as water and stomach acid flooded his mouth. He shivered again as he ran a shaky hand through his black hair, taking another shallow breath, the cold air pricking his naked chest…
…There was so much blood. Crimson painting the black pavement, dripping from the steel frame, trailing harshly up Keith's face as he tried prying his eyes open to the painful world around him. Pain enveloped his right side and Keith groaned, trying to muddle through the dizzying haze hovering around him to figure out what happened… The 11-year-old screamed loudly as he reached for his brother, "Shiro! Shiro…"
Keith bit the inside of his cheek, feeling blood coating his tongue, drowning out the taste of stale vomit and toothpaste. He leaned against the sink, closing his eyes briefly as he swallowed. Now is not the time to think about that, he thought. He inhaled loudly, and opened his eyes, grabbing a washcloth sitting on the sink next to him. He glanced back towards Lance, still curled in on himself, and let the water rush over the dry rag and his fingers, drowning the burning skin etched into his palms, calming his senses, and letting him focus on one thing. Lance.
He turned the water off, wringing out the excess before turning the light off, and walking back towards the bed, sitting down gently. He ran his fingers through Lance's bangs, smiling softly as he heard Shiro and Allura talking outside in the hall. No doubt, those two were probably sitting there, waiting for Keith to let them in, waiting for Keith to call for them.
Keith pressed the cool rag against Lance's forehead, smiling down as the 20-year-old opened his eyes slightly. Lance flinched, his eyebrows pressing together, "Keith?"
"The one and only," Keith whispered softly. He smirked, adjusting the washcloth once more, letting the water drip down Lance's face gradually. Lance reached up slowly, pressing his hand against the cold towel, before groaning, closing his eyes weakly. He was so fucking tired; and despite everything, despite trying to fully piece together what was happening, despite trying to shake off the memories, he didn't really want to go to sleep… at least, not alone. Keith swallowed again, and pushed himself off the bed. He sighed loudly as his knees shook slightly as his body tried reminding him he had been severely sick just a mere few hours ago.
The 21-year-old turned to leave, hoping to sneak past Allura and Shiro to get some more water since the last glass had been knocked to the ground in Lance's rush to the bathroom. He gasped loudly as he felt a hot hand grasp his wrist tightly, and glanced back down at Lance, letting his vision adjust slightly through the pale sunlight filtering in under the closed blinds. Lance's fingers curled around his flesh and Keith winced slightly, "I was just going to grab some more water."
Lance eyed him, "Please… Keith, don't leave. I-I can't be alone right now…"
…Sweat dripped down Keith's face as he pushed open the classroom door harshly, wincing slightly as it slammed against the wall. He heard several students scream as everyone turned to face him, and suddenly the 19-year-old became painfully aware of just how big an auditorium was. He let out a heavy lungful as he struggled to catch his breath. He really needed to get back in shape. He scanned his eyes over the sea of faces staring at him, feeling sweaty rainwater dripping from his chin. Despite the rain, he ran the whole way here… he just, he needed to talk to-
"Keith?" Someone questioned. Keith glanced up slowly to see Lance rising from his seat a few aisles below, confusion masking his features. The older boy breathed loudly, walking down the stairs quickly, nearly stumbling, clenching his fists as he felt the whole student body's eyes on him…
Keith swallowed loudly, tears clouding his eyes as hurt flashed across Lance's face. He faltered slightly as Lance's fingers dropped his wrist slowly, and Keith felt his knees weakening as Lance cleared his throat, turning away from him. Keith felt his breathing catch in is throat as he shook his head gently, "I would never leave you, McClain."
….
Keith pressed his back against the wall behind him, clenching the red cup in his hand, shaking his head as the music blared around him. He sighed loudly, watching a bunch of drunk college students dancing around him, pressed together in an intoxicating mess of alcohol-induced hormones and overpowering cologne. He glanced to his left to see Shiro and Allura making out on the stairs, and rolled his eyes, pushing away from the wall, making his way towards the kitchen.
Parties weren't really his thing, neither was drinking… despite getting drunk once in high school. He shuddered, remembering Shiro's lecture the next day, followed by a round of tortuous puking and a stabbing headache. Thankfully, Shiro hadn't told their mother, otherwise Keith was pretty sure he wouldn't be here. Then again, it wasn't like Shiro was a saint in high school… Hell, Keith was pretty sure that even if he had gotten drunk a few times, he still wouldn't compare to his brother as a teenager.
Someone slammed into him and Keith stumbled, nearly dropping the solo cup in his hand, and turned to face a drunk blonde girl giggling behind him. One of her friends grabbed her arm, pulling her from the floor as they both laughed loudly. Keith grit his teeth, turning back towards the kitchen. He set his cup on the counter, grabbing a handful of stale chips that were probably pulled from the back of someone's pantry, and popped them in his mouth. He leaned against the counter, pressing the hard edge against his hip as the song changed.
"Well, if it isn't my rival," Someone scoffed. Keith looked up, groaning loudly as he reached for more shitty chips strewn across the messy counter. Of all the people at this shitty party, he had to run into the one person he had been avoiding for three weeks. Lance fucking McClain. The 18-year-old stood a few feet away from Keith, his hands in his jacket pockets as he kicked Keith's foot with his. Keith rolled his eyes, shoving chips in his mouth, "Rival?"
Lance nodded, "You know. Keith and Lance. Lance and Keith. Neck and neck… since you didn't want to be friends, I assume we're rivals… or enemies."
Keith groaned, running his fingers through his hair, "Right. Because this is some dramatic cartoon where only those two options exist."
Lance eyed him for a second before snorting, reaching for an empty cup on the counter, "See, Mullet, I knew you were fun at parties."
"Oh my god, Lance," Keith groaned, "Fuck off, will you?"
Lance stopped filling his cup, setting the half empty can on the counter, "Look, you don't have to be an asshole all the time. Alright?"
Keith tensed slightly as Lance turned to face him, taking a slow sip from his drink. Keith locked eyes with Lance, swallowing slightly as regret filled his mind. I thought you seemed like a cool guy, but obviously, I was wrong. You're clearly just a dick… Keith sighed, glancing the younger boy over slowly, watching him take a drink of the crappy $2 beer one of the guys had bought at gas station down the road.
Lance pulled his sleeves up slightly as someone opened the back door, letting in the cold winter air, and Keith felt his blood run cold as his eyes locked onto the long-jagged scars littered across Lance's tanned wrists. What the hell… Lance cleared his throat, and Keith glanced back up, reaching slowly for more chips on the counter.
"I'm not," Keith muttered, flinching slightly as a loud bang echoed from the other room and people cheered. Lance's expression softened slightly, and Keith felt his heart skip a beat. Lance sighed loudly, running a hand through his hair and glanced down at his shoes, smacking the noisy rubber against the ceramic floor. He reached for the half-empty beer can on the counter, filling his cup again before looking up, "I don't think you do it on purpose, man. Something- Every time I try to be nice, you push me away. I know you don't have many friends…"
Keith gulped, crushing some of the chips grasped in his hand. He looked down, glancing at the black glove over his right hand. I know you don't have many friends…
Shiro sighed loudly as he failed, for the 4th time, to put the sheets on Keith's bed. He straightened the top cover, throwing the pillowcase on the bed forcefully before taking a seat, running a hand through his hair.
"Keith," Shiro said gently, "Don't take this the wrong way. But this isn't high school, bud. What happened in high- what happened, it doesn't matter here. I have 7 classes this semester, so I don't know how much we will be able to hang out… and mom is dealing with dad, so, you know. But, can you please do me a favor? Can you try this semester? Can you try to make some friends? I know you don't have very many…"
Keith tensed, folding his arms over his chest, straightening his posture. He didn't need friends. He needed to forget. Everything. He swallowed, "I don't need friends, Lance…"
Hurt flashed across Lance's face and he glanced away quickly as a couple pushed through the door, making out noisily. Lance nodded, "Everyone needs friends, Keith…"
Keith grit his teeth. What was with this asshole? He tightened his grip across his chest, "Why are you so damn friendly and perky all the time, Lance? Why can't you just except that some people- some people like to be alone?"
Lance was quiet for several minutes before his expression shifted… before he stepped closer. Keith backed away, his hip pressing against the counter harshly as Lance moved closer, a mere few inches from his face. Keith swallowed thickly, the air around him becoming hot and heavy, hard to breathe as Lance filled his nostrils. Saltwater and dirt… the beach… Lance. Keith gasped softly as Lance's hand brushed against his as he forced a finger in the older boy's chest. The 18-year-old's eyes narrowed slightly as he pushed his finger against Keith's chest.
"Because," Lance spat roughly, "No one likes to be alone… Trust me."
Keith stared. Breathing, thinking, blinking, all forgotten momentarily as his eyes connected with Lance's. Keith let out a breath. Lance's eyes were a lot bigger than he thought… several freckles painted across the bridge of his nose and cheeks. And despite Keith resting at a comfortable 5'7, Lance was much taller than he seemed. It was almost intimidating. Keith felt warmth wash over him as his composer softened slightly and felt his face heat up slowly as Lance stepped back. Keith pushed himself harder against the counter as Lance grabbed another beer from the counter.
Lance stood in the doorway, "You know, Keith, it's okay to let loose and have some fun every now and then; to let people in… to see the real you sometimes. But if you don't know how to do that, or you're just going to be an asshole every time we meet, then we can just avoid each other like we've been doing. Either way, I don't really care anymore. I just thought you seemed cool; I thought we could be friends. I was wrong."
Keith closed his eyes, trying to remember how to breathe properly. The air around him still smelled of saltwater and the 19-year-old bit his bottom lip, wishing, hoping, it would remain. Lance smelled like the beach… it was nice, and unexpected. What the fuck is your problem, Kogane? He ran a shaky hand through his hair as he slowly opened his eyes to the ugly green kitchen wallpaper.
He took a step forward, catching sight of Lance as the younger boy made his way towards the living room, towards the dancing crowd. Keith coughed softly, feeling the rough texture of a chip catching in his throat, and reached for his cup, letting the taste of cheap beer drown his mouth. You're a fucking dick. You should apologize… I just thought we could be friends. You seemed cool. He sighed again and reached for his phone, opening Tumblr, as the same girls from earlier came stumbling into the tiny kitchen. He watched as one of the girls laughed loudly, pointing her drink in his direction, "You-you're Shiro's lil-little brother!"
The 19-year-old grit his teeth, setting his cup back on the counter next to him, turning back towards his phone. He hated social gatherings, and yet, every time, Shiro always managed to drag him along. His brother was a freaking social butterfly- everyone at this fucking school seemed to know him… then again, it was kind of hard to miss a big guy with a shiny prosthetic arm. Keith felt someone touch his shoulder and flinched, looking up to see the blonde girl standing a few inches from his face. He grimaced, the smell of alcohol hitting his nostrils, and he felt his stomach lurch slightly.
"Keith, why would you drink? This isn't like you, bud… what's going on?" Shiro asked softly, his expression softening slightly as he noticed the tears forming in the 17-year-old's eyes. Keith turned his head away. He didn't want Shiro to see, he didn't want him to feel his pain. He didn't want Shiro to know…
"God, Shiro told me he had a little brother," The girl whispered, stepping closer, pressing her warm body against his, "But he never told me he was so cute." The girl's friends giggled loudly, and Keith shivered as her hand ran down his arm gently. He grabbed her wrist, stopping her hand before it reached the bottom of his shirt, "Get off."
Hurt flashed across the girl's face and she pulled her hand back harshly, "Don't you- don't you want me? Am I not pretty enough for you?"
Keith pushed her away slightly, making sure not to push her against anything in case she fell. Her friends whined loudly as Keith took her drink, smelling it slightly before dumping the contents down the drain, "You're not my type."
He turned the tap on, filling the red cup with cold water before handing it back to the girl. She swayed slightly, grabbing the counter, pressing a hand to her head, "I'm everybody's type, asshole."
Keith shook his head, "Not mine. Trust me."
The girl nodded slowly, pressing her back against the counter, dropping her cup as she lurched forward, vomit spewing past her lips. Keith jumped, pulling her hair back as she lurched again, leading her over to the sink as her friends screamed loudly before breaking out in a fit of laughter. Keith ran his hand over her back, reaching for an empty cup next to him as someone slammed into him, knocking him to the ground with a loud smack.
Black dots danced in front of him harshly as he smacked his head against the solid wooden cabinet, and he groaned loudly, pushing himself off the floor, trying to see through the darkening haze what hit him. He wiped at the blood that flowed down his chin as his eyes connected with Brad. Fuck!
"What the fuck, man!" Keith yelled, slamming his fist against the wall as someone turned the music higher. Keith glanced around as some people stopped dancing, gathering near the kitchen opening, waiting for the fight to break out. Brad pushed against the girl hovered over the sink, turning his head towards Keith, sharply.
"You trying to get with my girl, Kogane?" Brad yelled, his hand leaving the vomiting girl's back, and Keith watched as she stumbled over to her friends, turning weakly, giving a soft smile. Keith shook his head, "No way. She was sick. I was-"
"Shut it, Kogane! God, you're such a little pain in my ass! You always have been since high school," Brad shouted, stepping forward, shoving his hand against Keith's chest harshly. Keith fell against the counter, pushing himself away from the ledge, diving towards the other side of the room as Brad's fist connected with some of the empty beer cans piled against the wall. Someone screamed, and Keith groaned inwardly. He clenched his fists, trying to contain the anger that flooded through his body… he really wanted a do-over with this asshole.
Keith bit his bottom lip; he wasn't a stranger to fighting, and he wasn't known to run… but he had promised Shiro he wouldn't fight again unless he had to. He pressed his hand against the wall, watching Brad's movements, smirking slightly. They were slow and uncoordinated… he was drunk. This would have been easy.
"I never did anything to you," Keith spat, feeling blood drip off his chin as he turned towards the door. He felt his blood boil as he watched the other students standing there, waiting for the fight to start… wanting the fight to start. One guy raised his cup towards Keith, giving him a slight nod, the blonde girl leaning against the wall, laughing with her friends. What was so fucking funny?
"You're such a fucking lair," Brad said, lunging again as Keith swooped under him, pushing past the students blocking the doorway. He shoved past them, glancing towards the stairs to see Shiro and Allura still making out, not doubt, oblivious to everyone and everything around them. He shuddered as the intoxicating smell of cologne and perfume met his nostrils and he swallowed thickly, looking back towards Brad. The older boy was pushing people out of the way harshly, shoving them into each other as he tried to keep up with Keith.
"I'm going to fucking destroy you!" Brad yelled, shoving one of the drunk girls against the wall harshly. She smacked against the wall, falling to the floor, screaming as a boy handed her another cup of crappy beer. What are you going to do, Keith? He's drunk enough to follow you… and if Shiro catches you fighting again…
Keith tripped, smacking against someone forcefully, falling to the floor as his vision spun. His head slammed against someone's chest harshly as they let out a loud "oof."'
He laid there for a second, dazed, listening to the soft heartbeat of whoever he fell on top of, before something smacked his face and he pushed himself off the ground with a loud groan. The 19-year-old glanced down at the person still lying on the ground, wincing slightly as his eyes met cold blue one's and he ran a tired hand over his face. Out of all the people here, out of all the people dancing around him, the one person he had to smack into, the one person he had to tackle to the ground… was the one person who currently thought he was the biggest jerk in the world.
Keith ran a hand through his hair as thoughts raced through his mind, and Lance sat up slowly, grabbing his cup that had landed miraculously right-side up a few inches away. Lance glared up at him and Keith bit his bottom lip. He flinched as the music changed again and Brad's yelling drifted through the crowd.
"Keith! Where the fuck are you!" Brad roared. Keith turned to see the 20-year-old inching closer, more than a few yards away now, shoving past the horde of drunk teenagers. He glanced towards Shiro, rolling his eyes as his brother pulled away from Allura at the mention of Keith's name, scanning the large crowd. What are you going to do? What are you going to do? What are you going to do! You need a distraction. What? What! Blend in. Think, Keith! Think-
Brad screamed again. Keith looked back down at Lance, still struggling to get off the floor. The 19-year-old groaned loudly as his mind formulated what had to be the worst fucking plan in the whole universe. He glanced over his shoulder to see Brad standing in the middle of the room, searching, people pointing- Shiro trying to push past the horde of couples on the stairs. Fuck. Keith grabbed Lance's shirt, yanking the younger boy off the floor harshly, slamming him against the wall behind him as Brad yelled, "Your ass is mine, Kogane!"
"Keith! What the-" Lance started, his eyes widening as Keith slammed him against the wall harshly, his drink slipping from his hand again, the liquid splashing against both their jeans. The music changed again, and people started screaming as some horrific song blared through the giant speakers. Someone bumped into Keith causing him to smack against Lance's chest briefly, and the older boy turned to see if Brad was still shoving past students, towards their direction. Keith groaned as Brad spotted him, and Keith turned back, biting his lip, "Sorry for this, Lance." Confusion and anger flashed across the 18-year-old's freckled face as Keith gripped Lance's shirt tightly. He really fucking hated this plan… but this was the only way he could avoid Brad kicking his ass. I just thought we could be friends…
Keith pressed his lips against Lance's forcefully, breathing in deeply as the room suddenly disappeared around them. Ringing filled his ears and for a moment, just a moment, he forgot about the party, about Brad, about his mom, about Shiro, about the wreck… about the pain. For a moment, just a moment, he was free. He felt shivers run down his spine as Lance's breathing hitched, his scent filled Keith's mouth, making him dizzy with his sweet taste. Keith's fingers loosened against Lance's shirt and he pressed them gently against the other boy's cheek as he took a breath, pressing his lips against Lance's once more.
Red and blue lights flickered around the room as Rave music was forced through the speaker next to them, as people swayed drunkenly, trying to move their uncoordinated bodies to the beat of the song. Keith pulled away briefly, turning slightly to see if Brad was watching before slender fingers found their way under his chin, pulling his lips back to Lance's, pulling Keith back into sweet, sweet oblivion. A smile broke out on Keith's face, his hand sliding up the younger boy's chest, sliding slowly up his neck before resting gently against his jaw, pulling him closer. The 19-year-old shivered slightly as Lance's hand brushed up his hand, arm, shoulder then cheek.
He felt his face heat up as Lance's fingers hesitated, before trailing through his hair slowly, and Lance let out a soft moan as Keith pressed his body closer to the other boy. His chest pressed against the younger boy's, and Keith exhaled slowly, his head swimming in a dizzying array of colors, his mind concentrating on Lance's heart beating against his own ribs. He pressed his other hand gently against the back of Lance's neck, pulling the taller boy down closer to him as his mouth flooded with the bittersweet taste of alcohol and peppermints. It was intoxicating… hell, it was almost addictive. He took another deep breath as Lance moaned again, his other hand trailing down Keith's right shoulder, sliding down his arm slowly…
A loud noise sounded behind them and Keith jumped, breaking away quickly to see Brad leaving. Keith grit his teeth, glancing shyly towards the stairs, ignoring the few bystanders around him who'd stopped dancing. Red crept across his face as his eyes met his older brother's, still standing on the stairs… Allura a few steps above. Fuck. He swallowed softly as his mind spun viciously and he struggled to breathe in an alcoholic-induced cloud of smoke. Lance gripped his hand and Keith turned back towards him, a saddened smile crossing his face as he dropped his hands from the younger boy's face. Peppermints. Lance tasted like peppermints… what the fuck did you just do…
He pushed away as Lance grabbed his wrist, "K-Keith? What the hell was- was that?"
Keith shrugged, his wrist dropping from the younger boy's hand slowly, dropping to his side like a dead weight. He took a step back, knocking into someone standing behind him, ignoring their threats as Lance went to step closer, reaching for his hand. Keith cleared his throat, his eyes glancing towards Lance's lips momentarily, "Don't worry, I'll leave you alone now…"
Keith turned towards the door, running another hand through his hair, taking a deep breath as he glanced towards the stairs again. He felt dizzy, he felt weak… panicked. Keith swallowed slightly as he saw Shiro now standing on the first step, an eyebrow raised slightly. The teenager nodded towards him, and put his hood up, pulling his headphones from his pocket, plugging them into his phone, before pushing them in his ears, and pressing play.
He glanced back towards Lance, his eyes connecting with his and Keith willed his feet to move as Lance pushed himself away from the wall, running a hand over the back of his neck before walking towards the kitchen. What have you done. He swallowed quickly as Shiro's hand grasped his shoulder, and Keith shook him off; his breathing hitching slightly, his hands beginning to shake as his heart started to race. He couldn't breathe. He really needed some fresh air. Peppermints...
He nudged the front door open with his shoulder, shivering harshly as the crisp winter air whipped around him, forcing his hood down as he trudged towards his dorm building. Long slender fingers pulling him back gently. Lance's mouth pressing against his, his hand sliding down his shoulder slowly, his other hand pressed against the back of his neck; his lips parting…
Keith coughed, covering his mouth with his sleeve. He sniffed loudly, cursing the cold air that trailed into his lungs, and froze his feet in their place. He took a deep breathe, pressing his hand against his mouth as his plan caught up with him, slowly. The 19-year-old leaned against the mailbox, shaking his head slightly as he struggled to push frozen oxygen into his lungs. I thought we could be friends… I was wrong. What have you done… What is wrong with you!
Keith closed his eyes, taking a deep breath, trying to calm down, trying to relax. He felt sick. He felt wrong. He wanted to go back in and find Lance… he wanted to explain… he wanted to shove him against a wall again- What. He shivered harshly, turning the volume up on his phone, opening his eyes to watch his breath forming white clouds in front of him. What have you done…
Sleet smacked against his face as he pushed himself off the wooden mailbox. He kicked at some of the white snow that still clung to the frosty ground with his black shoes as he made his way towards his dorm building. He bit his bottom lip, glancing back towards the party…
…Lance's taste filled his mouth. His warm body pressing against Keith's as his finger's ran through his hair…
A loud crash brought Keith back and it took him several moments to realize someone had thrown a TV through one of the front windows. College parties. Stupid idiots. Keith shivered again, brushing some snow clinging to his hair and pulled his hood back on, shoving his hands in his pockets. He sighed loudly as he started walking once more towards his dormitory.
…
He didn't like Lance. In fact, he was pretty sure he despised the guy… he was too nice. Too confident. It was off-putting. It was intimidating. The kiss had been a mistake. A huge fucking mistake. And yet, it was the only thing Keith could think about.
The 19-year-old dropped his blue highlighter, letting it roll across the table lazily, pulling his hair back into a ponytail as he groaned loudly. He put his head in his hands, leaning his elbows against the table as he glanced around the small common area. Despite being small, it was usually busy… today, even more so. The first exams of the semester were next week, and a lot of students came here to flirt, eat, and desperately try to study. But Keith? Keith came here to get away. The teenager closed his eyes, sighing loudly, letting exhaustion flood his mind as the past week's events slowly faded from his sleep-deprived mind…
He screamed loudly, tears flooding down his face as he reached for his brother. He could hear sirens in the distance and tried his best to stay calm as blood continued to flow down Shiro's face. Keith cried loudly, "Shiro! Shiro, please, wake up. I need you!"
Something exploded to Keith's right and the 11-year-old forced his neck to turn as flames littered the street next to him. He screamed again as-
Something slammed next to him and Keith jerked, pushing several textbooks off the table as he gripped the white edge. He sucked in a sharp breath, feeling sweat running down his face as he tried to remember where he was. The 19-year-old wiped his face and looked up to see the one person he had been strategically avoiding for the last couple of days. Keith swallowed loudly, his heartbeat speeding up as red crept on his face. Lance grimaced slightly, "Sorry, dude. Didn't mean to scare you."
Keith shook his head slowly, running a hand through his sweaty hair, pulling the black tangled mass from the ponytail. Honestly, Keith, did you think you could avoid him forever? He took a deep breath before groaning loudly, bending down to pick up his textbook, rubbing the back of his neck, "What are you doing here, Lance?"
He pressed his books against the table and looked down, dragging his highlighter across some words he wasn't really reading. Keith was pretty sure his book was upside down, but he needed a distraction, he needed something, anything, to keep him from making eye contact with Lance. He skimmed the page, trying to look busy, trying not to think about the kiss, trying not to think about-
He felt shivers run down his spine as Lance's breathing hitched and Lance's scent filled Keith's mouth, making him dizzy… Lance's hand trailing down his arm slowly, his fingers ghosting against his skin as Keith tried to remember how to breath properly. Lance took a breath, his lips parting slowly as Keith…
"We need to talk, don't you think?" Lance said, opening his water slowly. Keith froze. He swallowed quickly, looking up to see Lance taking a long drink. His eyes met the same freckles dusted across Lance's tanned face, his long slender fingers grasping the water bottle, hidden beneath his blue long sleeve shirt. Keith shook his head, raising an eyebrow, "No, we don't-"
Lance nodded, "I have a girlfriend."
Keith choked. He felt something inside of him shatter loudly and glanced down incase Lance had heard it too. He felt his hand shaking under the table and dug his fingernails into his leg, hoping to focus on that pain instead of the sharp feeling tugging at his chest. Keith swallowed hard, trying to remember how to breathe properly as he looked up slowly, glancing around the crowded room. His whole face felt hot; hell, his body felt like it was on fire, and he was pretty sure the crowded area could hear their conversation. Keith let out a soft breath as he closed his eyes momentarily. Lance had a girlfriend. Obviously. It's not like you liked him anyway... then why does this hurt so much…
"Good. I needed a distraction. You were the closest person to me. So, honestly Lance, we have nothing to talk about," Keith inhaled sharply. He took another breath as he reached for his highlighter again, his gloved fingers shaking slightly. Go away, Lance… please, go away…
Lance raised an eyebrow, biting his bottom lip gently before letting out a sigh, "So it meant nothing… That's good to know, Mullet."
Keith swallowed again, clearing his throat as Lance pulled some textbooks from his bookbag, smacking them against the table softly. Keith glanced down at his hands, running his fingers over the black fingerless gloves Shiro had given him a few years ago. It meant nothing… that's good to know... I thought we could be friends… Please. Please, leave.
The 17-year-old bit his lip harshly as tears threaten to spill down his face, "P-please, don't do this!" The older boy laughed, pushing Keith against the wall harshly as the music changed in the other room, "Do what, huh? I was just using you. I mean, it's not like someone like me could ever be with someone like you. You're pathetic… You meant nothing to me, Keith. You should leave…"
"Keith?"
The 19-year-old looked up slowly, feeling a lump in his throat as his eyes met Lance's soft blue ones, "Yeah? What?" You're pathetic…
"You're bleeding," Lance whispered softly, tapping his pencil against the table. Keith raised an eyebrow as he looked down at the table. Blood droplets were forming on the white tabletop and Keith pressed his fingertips against the bottom of his nose, pulling his hand back, watching as crimson flowed down his pale fingers, soaking into the black gloves. Fuck.
"Fuck," He muttered, pulling his glove off, flinging it onto the table as he brought his hand under his nose. He glanced down towards his shirt, realizing blood was staining the old grey material. He swallowed slowly, almost gagging as he felt blood flowing down his throat. Stupid idiot! He glanced up, looking around slowly, trying to remember where the bathrooms were as something was shoved into his hand. He peered down at the bundle of crumpled napkins in his hand before looking up to see Lance sitting a few inches from him.
"Dude, are you stupid? Use them," Lance said, looking down at the ball of napkins he had thrusted in Keith's hands. Keith nodded, still feeling blood dripping from his nose and down his hand as he pushed the rough brown paper against his face.
"Thanks," He mumbled. He sighed loudly, wiping at the blood as he gathered some of his textbooks, throwing them one-handed in his bag. This was beyond embarrassing. He felt his hand shaking and clenched his fist as he took another deep breath.
"Keith," Lance started, "Calm down, it's just a nose bleed."
The older boy looked up. You don't get it. That's not it, it's not just a nose bleed… it's not just the nose bleed… you don't get it, Lance. Keith gulped again, thankful to taste less blood this time as he wiped his nose again before setting the napkins on the table. He flexed his knuckles, seeing the crimson liquid dried against his two-toned hand. He cleared his throat, "Lance, it-"
"Hey guys," Someone said cautiously. Keith looked up to see two other people sitting down slowly. Great. You should just leave already, Keith… Keith bit his bottom lip, still wiping at the now dried blood with the bottom of his sleeve.
The 19-year-old recognized one of them as Hunk, from his History 101 class… he wasn't really sure about his last name or if Hunk was his first name… but he had never really talked to the guy either. The other, Keith knew from Shiro, was Pidge, Matt's younger sister. Matt talked about her a lot whenever he came over, but Keith had never actually hung out with her by himself. Ever since she cut her hair last year, she looked exactly like Matt… it was almost creepy.
Lance smiled, slapping Hunk on the back as the guy sat down carefully, and Keith shoved some of his papers out of the way, jamming them in his messy backpack. He bit his lip and clenched his fingers slightly, wondering if he still had blood on his face, wondering if he should leave. He wasn't good in groups… or with new people.
"Who's this?" Hunk asked, nodding towards Keith. Keith forced a small smile as Lance ran a hand through his hair awkwardly, "Hunk, this is Keith. Keith, Hunk. And this small fry," Lance pointed to his left, "is Pidge."
"Yeah, Lance. Keith and I already know each other. My devil of a brother is Shiro's partner in crime," Pidge muttered, pulling a laptop from her backpack, and adjusting her glasses.
Lance smirked, "Oh?"
Hunk leaned forward, "You're in my History 101 class, right?"
Keith nodded slowly, feeling suddenly exposed, suddenly vulnerable. He hated being the center of attention. He ran a shaky hand through his hair as he felt someone touch his shoulder. Keith flinched, nearly falling off his chair as he glanced up at Shiro, taking a seat next to him. Why was this table suddenly popular!
"God, you're shaky today. Jesus, did you get another nosebleed? You okay, little bro?" Shiro asked softly, setting a sandwich on the table next to him. Keith nodded as he glanced towards Lance once more. Lance smiled softly, glancing down at the homework he had pulled from his bag, tearing a pen cap off the pen with his teeth before nudging Hunk's shoulder playfully. Keith cleared his throat awkwardly, reaching for his disregarded glove before shoving it on his hand.
"Hey, Shiro," Pidge said softly, typing something into her laptop. She groaned slightly and pulled her knees up towards her chest as her computer made a loud buzzing sound. Shiro nodded in her direction, smirking slightly, "Hey, Pidge. You hear anything from Matt lately?"
Pidge looked up, shaking her head, "No. Last I heard, he was trying to break into NASA. You know him, graduate 2 years early, drop off the face of the earth… all to spite our mom."
Shiro chuckled, "Yeah, he always had trouble with rules."
"So, you're Shiro?" Hunk asked, opening some chips from his bag, offering some to Lance and Pidge. Shiro nodded slowly, eyebrow raised, "Why?"
Keith smirked softly. Shiro had always been more of an ask questions first, shoot later type of guy… Keith was the complete opposite. Keith ripped a chunk of Shiro's sandwich off, earning a glare from his brother as he shoved it in his mouth. Shiro smacked his foot under the table causing Keith wince, shoving Shiro's foot away harshly. The 19-year-old let out a loud sigh as he felt his body begin to relax. His eyes met Lance's once more, and Keith smiled softly. This isn't awkward… if we can't be friends, then we're rivals… I thought you seemed cool.
"Shay talks about you sometimes. By the way, I'm Hunk," Hunk said, offering some chips to Shiro, "This is Lance. He's my roommate."
Shiro laughed softly, "Yeah, I think we both know who Lance is, right Keith?"
Keith felt his face heat up and he took a slow breath as Shiro bumped into his shoulder. He glanced down at the stained table, willing the other people to get up and leave… willing his own legs to move. Fuck, Shiro… He didn't want to be here anymore, and it didn't help that his brother was about as subtle as a brick wall. He closed his textbook gently, shaking his head as Hunk offered him some chips. It didn't mean anything… then why can't you stop thinking about-
"So, dude, I have to ask, and I really hope this doesn't come off as rude, but-" Hunk started. Shiro shrugged, grabbing an apple from his bag, "But, what happened to my arm?"
Hunk nodded carefully. Pidge stopped typing and glanced towards them. Keith took another breath, reaching for his bottle of water, hoping to get it open without spilling it everywhere. Shiro ran a hand through his hair and let out a loud sigh, "Well, if you must know… I lost it in a Russian poker match against this guy named Lotor. Turns out the Russians are serious when it comes to card games…"
Keith choked on his water, coughing roughly as wet liquid dripped from his chin and he turned to glare at Shiro. Was he fucking serious? This shit again? Every freaking time!
Pidge snorted, pushing her glasses up on the bridge of her nose before turning back towards her computer. Lance burst out laughing as Hunk snorted. Keith smiled again as Lance's laugh filled his ears and felt his breathing catch in his throat as he watched Lance's whole face light up. It meant nothing. It meant nothing. It meant nothing.
Shiro offered another piece of his sandwich to Keith as the younger boy pushed his hand away harshly. The 19-year-old let out a loud sigh as he grabbed his notebook, throwing it in his bookbag, and stood quickly, slinging his backpack over his shoulder as he heard Shiro ask if he was okay. Keith nodded stiffly, tightening his grip on his bag strap, grabbing the bloody napkins in front of him, and turned, pushing past a few students standing randomly behind their table. He swallowed thickly as he pushed open the common area door, feeling his hand clench the napkins in his hand tightly as he tried to even his breathing, as he tried to forget everything. It didn't mean anything. That's good to know… I have a girlfriend. Obviously, I was wrong... You're just a dick. I have a girlfriend.