Chapter 15—If I Weren't a Boy

When I get back to the dorm room later that evening I'm almost afraid to come face to face with Christian. Luke didn't give me any answers as to Christian's odd behavior, only advising me to talk to Christian about it first. I do want to talk to Christian about it, but I'm not even sure what to ask at this point.

Slowly opening the door to our shared room, I peek my head in and find Christian lying on his bed, staring up at the ceiling with his hands behind his head. I know he hears me come in, but doesn't shift his gaze from whatever he's staring at.

I move to my bed and grab pajamas from my dresser and then go to the bathroom to take a shower. When I'm done, I see Christian looking at me from my periphery, but when I look directly at him he quickly looks away. I go to my bed and get under the covers, staring into space as I try to think of something to say to break the awkward tension.

"Victoria told me what happened," Christian says, breaking the silence in the room.

I look over at him with a furrowed brow. "What was that?"

He slowly turns his head and looks at me with that same expression, like he's trying to figure out why the sky is blue.

"Are you really going to play dumb?"

I narrow my eyes at him. "Excuse me?"

"You're the one with the stuttering problem, not me."

My mouth falls open at his insult, and then I close it, trying not to let my hurt show at his unnecessary barb. I sit up in bed and decide that it might be time to grow a backbone or forever be the girl that never knows how to stand up for herself and lets everyone walk all over her.

"I may have a stuttering problem, but at least I don't have a habit of chasing after girls that will never want me."

His face falls, and I see hurt flash in his eyes before he dons on a mask of anger.

"I never chased after her."

I narrow my eyes at him. "Really? Because it didn't seem that way. Whenever you two happened to be within the same vicinity of each other you followed her around like a lost puppy with drool running down his chin."

"Well I guess I'm no better than you! You've been clinging on to Luke like a leech!" He's glaring at me, his arms crossed over his chest as he stands straight and rigid on the side of his bed.

Why is it that even when he looks pissed as hell and I have no idea why we're even arguing, he still looks sexy as sin?

"What does Luke have to do with this?"

"He has everything to do with this! If it wasn't for him distracting you, you would have been able to help me with Victoria at the fundraiser."

I look at him with a confused frown as I try to muddle through his explanation. I don't know if it's from lack of sleep, but it sounds like he's more upset about the fact that I've been hanging out with Luke more than I've been hanging out with him.

"You know what," he says, throwing his hands in the air. "I don't have to explain anything to you."

I watch in utter bewilderment as he storms out of the dorm, slamming the door behind him. I stare at the door for a few moments and the flop against my bed, trying to wrack my brain around Christian's strange behavior. It's like ever since the fundraiser he's been acting strange, almost like he's jealous. But that doesn't make one bit of sense. Why would he be jealous, and of who?

Maybe he was just so used to hanging out with me, that he didn't know how to accept the fact that Luke and I developed the type of friendship we have. Maybe he's feeling left out and he's jealous that he's not as involved as he used to be. But that explanation still doesn't make a lot of sense.

What would Victoria have to do with us? And why does he seem to be so adamant about me helping him gain her attention? None of it really makes sense, and I wonder if I should talk to Luke about it or just settle on the fact that Christian is just a boy and he made up this weird problem that my estrogen infused brain will never be capable of understanding.

As I lie in bed for a few more minutes, trying to wrap my mind around this new, strange problem, I realize that I'm too curious to just sleep on his odd behavior and the weird argument he started.

Sliding my feet into my slippers, I get up to open the door, but when it swings open I find Luke on the other side, his fist in the air as if he was getting ready to knock on the door.

I smile up at him. "I was just literally getting ready to go to your room," I tell him as I open the door wider so he can come in.

He walks over to my bed and sits down, folding his hands and resting them in between his crossed legs. I sit on the other side of him, waiting for him to talk first since he was the one who came to me.

"Did you talk to Christian?" he asks me.

I nod my head and can't help my frown. "Yeah. And it was the weirdest conversation I've ever had, and I've had some weird conversations."

"What did he tell you?" he asks.

I shrug. "Not much, other than basically pouting that you and I have been spending a lot of time together, which has been distracting me away from my plan to help him with Victoria."

I see Luke roll his eyes. "What?" I ask.

He looks at me with a curious gaze. "What?"

"Why did you just roll your eyes?"

Luke sighs and runs his hands through his hair. "I just find him ridiculous."

I narrow my eyes at his explanation. "Why?"

Luke ignores my question and asks one of his own. "Do you like Christian?"

I immediately close my eyes and have to look away so he can't see my expression, but I know my raising blush is giving me away.

He chuckles. "I guess I have my answer."

I look up at him with a panicked expression. He gives me that give me more credit look. And I automatically know that he won't be telling anyone that secret either.

"Why?" he finally asks after a short moment of silence.

I lean back on my feet as I kneel beside him and sigh as I think about all of the things that I like about Christian. "I don't know . . ." I shrug as all of his qualities run through my head. "He's sweet when he wants to be, I guess. And he's funny. He's smart, and even when he thinks I'm sleeping I hear him call his mother every night, so it's obvious he loves her. He never judges me, even when I'm being my normal dorky self. He defends me too, even when he doesn't have to. And he's super cute, especially when he smiles, and when he laughs his nose crinkles on the sides and it just makes him more adorable. And—"

"Wow," Luke interjects with an amused look. "You have got it bad for him my friend."

I look away, not wanting to admit how deep my feelings really do go.

"Yeah, but it's not like it really matters how I feel about him. It's not like he'd ever date me. I'm supposed to be a boy remember?" I look a Luke, gesturing to myself in my long t-shirt and boxer shorts that are actually pretty comfortable.

"That wouldn't matter to him if he was gay," Luke suggests, standing up and moving toward the door. "Well, anyway, I just wanted to know what he told you. I should head to bed, we got the stupid test tomorrow." He says with a crooked smile.

I smile back at him as I walk him to the door. "Sure. Sleep well, Loo-key."

He smirks at me. "You too, ban-Ana Hammock."

I giggle as I close the door behind him. We came up with the names as a joke. His name is supposed to sound like a loogey and mine banana hammock—aka a speedo. That paints a very appealing picture in my head.

I crawl into the bed, snuggling under the convers and getting comfortable. I just close my eyes when something Luke said pops unbidden back into my mind.

That wouldn't matter if he was gay.

Does Luke think Christian is gay? I almost laugh at the thought. Christian could never be gay. He's too much of the ladies' man type of guy to ever be involved with another boy.

I fall asleep amused at the possibility of Christian ever being gay.

Thank you guys for the wonderful, encouraging reviews, and the follows and favorites!

SS&G xoxo