As they went away, Rei gave me a curious long look, and ask me:
Rei - How do you know about all of this?
I look into her beautiful red eyes... and bow my head in shame, not giving her an answer. I hate myself so much./p
They left. A few minutes later Fuyutsuki sensei come, release me from the chair, and escort me back in my cell. I just lay down on the floor, and want to die.
Several days passed. I know when happened. Only one kind of shockwave reach down here. I cried like a bitch, and whack my head into the floor, till I faint due the concussion.
Another few days passed, and I brought out from my cave, to do a specific task. It felt good to feel the sun and the wind on my skin. I don't feel i deserve it at all. The boat put me ashore on a small island near to the japanese mainland. There were a luxury apartment with the main guest of the day. Tabris. The third participant lied under the concrete floor hidden from us, but deadly. I almost long for it. It would be so easy. But this dude deserve a chance. As I know, he's a good lad, and a nice person. An expensive Hi-Fi plays music in the house. Beethoven, 9th symphony. I open the door, and greet the angel of free will./
Uhh... hello Tabris.
Kaworu - Well, my disguise didn't hold for a moment. Who are you?
Well, this is a good fucking question. Honesty might be a good choice.
Me - I came here to beg for your life.
Kaworu - Interesting would you? Who am I to you? And how would you deal with me if this little negotiation of ours goes bad?
Me - SELEE lied to you. You will not find Adam at the bottom of the Geo front. Lillith is there.
Kaworu - Why would they? They have a scenario, and I have an important role in it.
Me - They have a different scenario for themselves, what include you only as a sacrificial lamb. And even if they succeeding with their scenario they will reach nothing.
Kaworu - So your group want to enforce the instrumentality on your own way?
Me - That was the plan, but not anymore. We just want to continue living. And it might be possible for you to join us, enjoy all of the music, and maybe create of your own.
Kaworu - Impossible. You don't have the power to make it true.
Me - Right now. But when Lillith get the remnants of Adam, she will be a god for a moment. Right at that moment, it will be possible.
He looked at me, straight to my eyes, and step to me, putting his hand to my head. I felt him reaching in my mind. I didn't resist.
Kaworu - ... I see...
Me - You saw it.
Kaworu - All of it. And you are right, at that moment, it would be possible to save me, and make me one of these people on this earth. But my presence on this planet is an unavoidable obstruction, what will prevent her to became god until I'm alive.
My heart sunk. I barely met him for a few minute, and I like the dude. He step to the kitchen counter, and pull out a knife.
Kaworu - It looks I was destined to be killed. At least you will save Shinji from this right?
Me - This is not right.. there should be a way...
Kaworu - There isn't. „Four billion people... Against one person. "
I know this reference. It was the actualized version of...
Me – Fate zero...
Kaworu – Yes. Thanks to you, I could experience all the music, and good things in that world.
He put the knife in front of me on the counter.
Me - It will not make right either! - I cried.
He gave me no answer, just stand there, waiting for me to do it. There was nothing we can say to each other. Right now, we both have memories of the 24th episode. I hug him tight for a moment, than through my tears, reach out to the knife.
I dig him a grave, and buried him with my own hands on the island. I don't feel I'll ever be able to wash his blood off from my hands. I had enough of this shit. I was disgusted to still be alive. I let her die, and now I just killed the one person who wasn't turn away from me with disgust, even he was able to see the real me.
Than the boat comes for me, and as I get back, I demand to see Gendo
Me - SELEE forces will attack in any minutes. Give me a gun, and put me in the frontline.
Gendo - What do you think to achieve with that?
Me - A bullet in my head will be enough.
He didn't answer, but call in the security chief, and put me in my desired place as cannon fodder.
-Do you know how to use this?
The chief of security asked me with a rifle in his hands. My mood changes like the wind in a hailstorm. I think it's the signs of my mental breakdown? I was in a funny mood despite all of the shit I had.
Me – Grab it by the nice end, and point the ugly end to the general direction of bad people, than pull the little thingy, and pew pew them till they die. Right?
- Really funny! Ha Ha Ha.
And he left me in my „fortified" position. My own sand castle. It was a long wait, SELEE didn't rush as till next day morning. I open one of the sandbags, and start to make a sand piramyd, than stomp it down, loughing like a maniac. I didn't really care at that point but noticed, from that point, one of the security guys always kept an eye on me with loaded gun. Don't worry guys, I just want to give you a chance. You still have someone to go home.
I never had a gun in my hands, but I saw enough movies, games, and youtube videos to know how to shoot it.
Next morning.
According to my describe of the attack, Gendo secretly undermined most of the entrances, the main barricades were behind the gates, what exploded in their faces. The second wave, break through the smoke and the body parts of the first wave, and I start shooting my sandbag "fort". I killed the first guy. The second comes with a bulletproof riot shield, and the third throw me a grenade from his cover. I was so fed up with this shit, as I see him pulling out the pin, I step out from cover, grab the warm barrel of my gun, and swing it like a pro. It was fabulous! For my honest shock and amazement, it worked out, and, blow them up like a boss. He was professional. I wouldn't be able to throw back the grenade, it would blow up in my hand. But this way, it was at the right time when it return to them, to kill them all. I just stand there like an idiot, admiring my work, and the next second I blinked up to the ceiling with blinding pain in my chest, and blood in my mouth. I cannot even breath or move. I saw a glowing figure in front of me: red eyes, blue hair. I felt peace. Finally. My love, You come for me… she... looks… con..fused?… I'm… sorry... sor...ry...