(hands Titan5 a roll of string, turns a blind eye) And wow! You guys are making me blush! Thanks so much! I'm not gonna be able to fit my head through the door… And yep, I absolutely promise to 'fix' John (no, not THAT way! horrors!), but not just yet… The chapter that follows this one is still in the futzing stages, but I do hope to post it within the next day or so.
Rodney copied more data into his own personal directory. He let that program run in the background and began to read a file that particularly held his interest. His thoughts raced, and now and again, he tapped out a few commands, isolating a tasty piece of information, or cross-referencing his own research for comparison.
Oh yeah, he thought, grinning happily to himself, this was a mother lode of all things Ancient.
Rodney had to admit it, at first, he'd found it easier to dismiss the old woman as either senile, or one hell of a good liar. Tosia had then shown Carson how to access hidden and encrypted medical databases that nearly sent the man into paroxysms of excitement, and Rodney had to privately concede that she knew far more about the workings of the city than anyone else they'd encountered, thus far. Even still, Rodney had clung to his natural and healthy scepticism for a few more days. That was, until Tosia had shown him this veritable treasure-trove of information. Only then did he willingly admit to her indisputable knowledge and dive headlong into the wonders of all things Ancient. After all, he'd always been man enough to admit when he was wrong.
And as he started reading of the old woman's own theories and experiments, Rodney thought that maybe he was in love. Tosia was smart as hell, and the digital image he had found in her personal file revealed her to have had been, well… hot. In that cool, regal blonde way that Rodney was always a sucker for. If Tosia were forty years younger, he'd probably propose… Come to think of it, maybe if he proposed to her now, she'd show him some more databases like this one...
Although, from what Carson had told him, she seemed to have eyes only for Sheppard. Over the past three days, she constantly looked in on him, sometimes sitting beside his bed, sometimes wandering the corridors with him when he became restless. Somehow, Sheppard seemed to have wrapped her around his catatonic little finger. Ascended, hell, even demoted ascended women definitely had a thing for the guy, something of which Rodney couldn't for the life of him understand.
Hell of a lot of good that'll do the poor bastard now, Rodney thought. He paused, his fingers poised in mid-flight, staring sightlessly at the screen a moment. The deep, meditative calm that his work always lent him fled in a sudden rush, and he completely lost his train of thought.
He was still poised, motionless over the keys when someone stepped close beside him and laid a hand on his arm. Startled, he looked blankly up at Teyla and had to quash a surge of irritation. Firmly immersed in his work, he hadn't spoken much with Teyla or Ronon over the past few days – it was just easier that way, and it was also the way he fully intended for things to remain.
"Rodney," she said, "Tosia would like you to bring her back to the infirmary now."
He looked over his shoulder to the short walkway leading from Elizabeth's office, where Ronon was pushing the wheelchair in which Tosia had very reluctantly agreed to sit. The old woman looked tired and unwell, but still, when they came nearer and she saw Rodney, she smiled expectantly at him.
"Hey. Tosia. Long time no see and all that," Rodney said, trying very hard to sound grumpy about it, but in truth, he couldn't wait to pick her brain on a bazillion different theories. "When did I get demoted to geriatric valet service, anyway?"
Teyla tilted her head and frowned in that disapproving way of hers, though Rodney highly doubted that she even knew what a valet service was.
Tosia just chuckled and invitingly patted the arm of her chair. "Come now, Rodney," she said, "There is much that an experienced woman can teach a young fellow such as yourself." She gave him a far from angelic smile, and Ronon snorted with laughter.
To his dismay, Rodney could feel his face and even his ears burning. He stood up too quickly and his chair zoomed back against the desk with a clatter.
"Go on, McKay," Ronon encouraged, stepping back, and waving his arm at the chair with flourish. "Educate yourself."
Rodney narrowed his eyes at the Satedan. "Shut up," he groused, then froze; remembering that Ronon could beat the crap out of him blindfolded and with one hand tied behind his back. No that he would, but still… better not to test that theory at any rate. Um... we'll just… go now," he muttered.
Ducking his head, looking everywhere but at Ronon, Rodney quickly took hold of the chair's handles, turned and wheeled Tosia toward the doors to the main corridor. He ignored Teyla's barely stifled giggle and Ronon's deep chuckle for the bit of childish immaturity that it was, shaking his head in interminable disbelief at what he had to put up with on a daily basis.
---A---
On their way back to the infirmary, Tosia found herself lost in thought, worried for her people and what she intended to bring down upon them.
"So your last project was an experiment in terra-forming?" Rodney said in a blatant attempt to get her sharing further information. The man possessed a seemingly infinite curiosity. A trait which, even in these difficult circumstances, she welcomed and the very reason she had requested him to be the one to bring her back to the infirmary. In her old life in this city, his intellect would have been an invaluable commodity.
"Yes," she replied after a moment with a tired nod. "In both terra-forming and human development."
"You had a whole whack of unpopulated, habitable planets to play with, so why create one?"
"Why create anything, Rodney?" she asked, tilting her head to look back at him. "It was a controlled experiment. We observed a planet's evolution from a moon to an atmosphere that was able to sustain life. Once we were certain the atmosphere was stable enough for wildlife and humans, we transplanted a small group of people. We provided them with rudimentary tools. We built a small lab and observatory beneath their village and from there, we watched their development. Over the course of a few years, we had planned to gradually introduce technology to them and observe how they incorporated it into their society, but as you know, our experiment was interrupted."
"And so you just left them there? When you abandoned the city?"
Tosia nodded again. "I am ashamed to admit that I forgot about them, and then dismissed them as casualties of the Wraith," she said quietly. The very reason the Ascendeds had chosen that place as punishment for her and those had that chosen to follow her, but she had no intention of sharing that particular information.
"In your file, there's a map that shows the location of the planet, yet it doesn't show up on any of our sensors."
"I have spent a long time on that planet. I assure you, Rodney, it is still there," Tosia said, smiling to herself. Yes, this man was not going to take anything at face value, and she admired him enormously for it. "It is merely hidden, like this city was hidden. I am hopeful that the cargo transporter in my lab in this city still works both ways. Tomorrow, perhaps we could test it, if you care to see it for yourself."
And as she spoke, something in her chest tightened. It was though she were betraying her people. Forcing them, without warning, to face the outside world. Finally revealing to them the truth from which they had been so carefully protected. Their origins, the reason for their sheltered, meaningless existences. What would it do to them?
Even still, she was willing to face their scorn, their eventual fear and possible rejection of her, if that truth were to ultimately save them. Pushing back her own shameful trepidation, Tosia took a deep breath. No, it was too late to turn back – the new Atlanteans' leader, Elizabeth, had already agreed to help Tosia's people in whichever way they could. And who was Tosia to even wish to deny the fates? The immutable path that led her to these people? No, she had to continue to trust them. There was no choice in the matter.
"If it does not work, I also believe that you would be well up to the task of finding a way through the shield and to the planet by ship," she continued after a moment. She ensured to keep her voice firm so that this very observant man would not detect any of her maudlin and selfish fears. "I only ask that you use discretion when it comes time to approach my people," she couldn't help adding, "they are unaccustomed to strangers and even more unaccustomed to technology anywhere near advanced as this."
"Yes, yes, of course," Rodney said in a distracted manner, which Tosia recognized as his mind being far ahead of her already. "A cloaked jumper might be able to pass undetected through the shield, since the Ascendeds probably weren't too worried about any Ancients messing with the planet. Maybe it's only a shield against Wraith technology," Rodney mused, "or if the planet is merely cloaked and invisible to sensors, unless you know where to look..."
"A jumper?" Tosia frowned at the term, at the same time, processing all that the man was saying.
"Oh, right... a jumper is a gate ship, the ships in the bay," Rodney explained. "Sheppard decided to name them 'puddle jumpers' – some fly-boy term, or other, and the stupid name kind of stuck."
Tosia smiled. "I like that. Jumpers."
Rodney smirked. "Yeah, why doesn't that surprise me..." Then he looked down at her, remembering that he had a full-blooded, willing Ancient in his grasp. "Wait, what did you call them?"
Tosia had to think for a moment, then it came to her. "Gateships."
"Hah! I knew it!" Rodney crowed, grinning widely. "Wait till Sheppard finds out. He's gonna be so pissed—" He broke off at the realization that the John Sheppard he was speaking of was not the same man in the infirmary.
Tosia only nodded. It was a difficult subject. John's condition.
"I guess… all this must be a little… weird, huh?" Rodney said in what Tosia recognized as a diversion into safer territory. "Being back here?"
She nodded slowly. "Yes, Rodney, it is very… weird," she agreed, and there was another understatement of the grandest proportions. In truth, this felt more like a dream than any reality. All this had been so long ago. Countless lifetimes ago. Tosia feared that if she thought too much, if she analyzed the implications in too great a detail, she would go mad.
When they neared the east pier, a sudden flash of memory so vivid and so captivating made her heart stutter and her breath catch in her lungs. She flung out an arm. "Stop!"
Rodney skidded to such an abrupt halt that she nearly pitched headfirst from her chair. "What! What is it?!" he yelped, quickly catching hold of her shoulder, steadying her as she grabbed hold of the hand rests of the chair.
Tosia ignored him, and summoning all her strength, she gripped tight the hand rests and placed her feet on the floor. She pushed herself up and shakily stood.
"Wh-what are you doing?" Rodney stared wide-eyed at her. "Are you having a heart attack, or a stroke or something, because if you are, I'd really wish you'd wait until we get to the infirmary—"
"I am going outside," Tosia said, scarcely hearing his confusion, all her attention fixed on the expanse of water and the large balcony revealed through the windows and ornate double doors. She shuffled toward the doorway, heading for the balcony that overlooked the pier and the sea. She had never expected to see this again.
"Oh, for…" Rodney rolled his eyes, and rushed over to take her arm when she wobbled alarmingly. "At least let me wheel you out there."
Tosia shook her head in stubborn refusal. "I am quite capable of walking," she said, already short of breath, "slowly, mind you."
And she fully intended to make it onto that balcony on her own power. Slowly, limping, or crawling, whichever way it had to be.
She allowed Rodney to open the door for her, and then tucked her arm in his elbow, so that he appeared more of an escort than a crutch. They made their way to the railing, and Tosia let go of Rodney's arm to grip the handrail. The metal was cold, strong and felt right under her fingers. How many times had she grasped this very rail, stood in this very place? Far too many for her to count.
The wind caught at her braided hair, and the loose strands whipped around her face. She remembered standing out here with her father, and then later, with her close friends and suitors. Many a time, she had gazed over this water, watching the sunrises and sunsets. Watching the passage of time in pastel oranges, pinks and yellows. Planning, always planning. Tosia had many different suitors back then; young men she been fond of but never took seriously. None of them had captivated her the way Gaereth had. Almost from the very first moment she laid eyes on him back on the planet, Gaereth had captured her heart and soul. How she wished he could see this. She had tried to describe it to him once, but telling was never the same as witnessing for yourself.
Shivering, Tosia wrapped her arms tight around herself. Then something was draped over her shoulders, and she glanced at Rodney, surprised. He stood there shivering in his shirtsleeves, and she pulled his jacket, warm from his body heat, tighter around her. So beneath the acerbic front, there lay a chivalrous nature – she had suspected as much.
"Thank you, Rodney," she said, giving him a grateful smile. She looked back to the steel colored, choppy water and listened to the rush of the waves. So this is what it had sounded like as the waves slapped against the walls of the city. She'd almost forgotten that sound and how it used to lull her to sleep at night. She had missed this… She hadn't realized just how much. The shameful, sentimental tears filled her eyes once more.
"This was always my favorite view," she said softly when Rodney came to stand close beside her, his own gaze drifting over the water. "I still dream of it sometimes. It is exactly as I remember it."
Rodney hunched over a little, hugging his arms to his chest. "Yeah, Sheppard likes this one, too."
Without looking at him, Tosia said, "You have not been to see him, I have noticed. Not since that first day."
Rodney winced and kept his eyes fixed on the water. "Yeah, well… it may not look like it, but I do have a rather busy job here."
"Yes, you do," Tosia agreed. "You are a very intelligent man, by your own admission and from what Elizabeth tells me. Although, perhaps not so smart in other ways, hmm." This came out as a statement rather than a question, and Rodney turned to scowl at her, as Tosia expected. Yes, she thought, here is something more...
"Okay, it's bad enough standing out here freezing my ass off while you take your 10,000-year trip down memory lane, but you don't need to insult me on top of it."
Unperturbed, Tosia fixed him with an appraising stare. "John is your friend, is he not?"
"Yes, of course, he's my friend," Rodney said, "was my friend…" He let his voice trail off, and Tosia heard him curse under his breath at the unwitting admission.
"And now you turn your back on him because he is no longer… whole?" Tosia questioned, struggling to understand. "Because he is damaged?"
"Look, are you done?" Rodney snapped, "because I'm going back in."
"He has asked for you a few times," she said, unwavering under the baleful glare that did nothing to hide the underlying sadness in his eyes.
"Right. Maybe he did, but at the same time, he probably wouldn't notice if a Wraith hiveship decided to drop in for a visit, so I highly doubt that he's missing me any. Going inside now," he said tightly and turned halfway toward the door. "You coming?"
Tosia shook her head and cursed men for their stubbornness. She allowed herself one more glimpse of the sea, quieted her thoughts to hear only the waves, and after a long moment, she turned to follow Rodney. His deeply ingrained chivalry hadn't allowed him to stray very far though, only a few steps away. But when he reached for her arm, this time, she did not allow him to help her.
They made their way to the infirmary in silence. Tosia was so exhausted that she couldn't stop her head from nodding. Pain seared her side, and she tightly gripped the hand rests on her chair. She longed for the pain medication that Doctor Beckett would soon give her.
Rodney carefully wheeled her to the bed she'd been assigned, and one of the nurses, seeing them from across the room, came over to help Tosia back into bed. Before she was even settled in, without a word, Rodney turned away and strode from the infirmary.
Leaning back on the pillows, Tosia closed her eyes against the sharp pain, against the sudden loneliness that stung far worse. She wondered how Lasca and Antal were faring. She wished they were here with her now.
--- tbc ---