Sooo sorry for the long delay, everyone! Work has been a little stressful and they expect me to actually work when I'm there! How rude... Thank you again for the fantastic reviews and for hanging in there with me. There's a distinct Shep shortage in this chapter, but I promise you'll get a full dose of our lovely colonel in the final chapters, which are coming very soon. This chapter is a bit of a long one, but I do hope it was worth the wait. Here we go:
Tosia hadn't anticipated that preparing to leave the city would be so very hard. Most difficult of all had been her farewell to John. He was still so lost, and he'd looked so helpless and so frighteningly subdued that she had to force herself to turn away from him and leave him alone in front of that window. Her last glimpse of him, for she couldn't help looking back one more time, was of his partial profile. His thick, dark hair that refused to lie flat, his dull gaze that was fixed on the window, the rapid rise and fall of his lashes that she liked to think meant he'd heard at least some of what she told him. It may well have been mere wishful thinking, but Tosia still allowed herself a good measure of hope for him. She did not know the man John had been before he had become so damaged, but what she did know for certain was that he was strong, and that he would be well taken care of. She wished that knowledge made it easier for her to leave him, but of course, it didn't.
As she waited for Rodney to come fetch her, Tosia stood beside the bed and rearranged her new belongings for seemingly the hundredth time. She shifted to one side the few changes of clothing she had been given during her stay. The samples of cosmetic luxuries she had almost forgotten – rich, creamy hand lotion and soaps that smelled like fresh rain. One of the nurses had even kindly given Tosia a brush for her long, thick hair, her one remaining vanity. When her hand brushed against the worn, but still glossy cover of the magazine depicting images from a modern-day Earth both fascinating and unfathomable, she smiled in guilty pleasure. Unable to resist taking it from the table by John's bed, she'd flipped through its pages every night since and couldn't bear to part with it now. Tucking the magazine more securely in her rolled-up old cloak, Tosia zipped the multi-pocketed backpack shut again – such a simple, but marvelous invention, she thought – and the small bottle of morphine tablets that Carson had given her rattled, a reminder of its presence. The muted twinge in her side a constant niggling of its necessity.
"So, ready to hit the road?" Rodney said from behind her, startling her. She turned to see him standing by the end of the bed. "Well, actually," he added with a shrug, "it's more 'hit the sky,' but one shouldn't get hung up on semantics, right?"
"Yes, I am ready, to go, Rodney," Tosia said smiling, picking up her bag and grateful to him for distracting her. And she was ready. It was time to go home.
As they headed for the jumper bay, Rodney carrying her bag over his shoulder along with his own, he chattered on about things to which Tosia couldn't really pay much attention. Her thoughts kept drifting. Old, old memories, like ghosts, came to the surface with each hallway and room they passed. These were her last few moments on Atlantis. Part of her wanted to take her time and savor them, while another part wanted to rush along with Rodney and take her leave from this place with as little fuss and pointless sentimentality as possible.
And before she knew it, before the reality of what she was doing fully took hold, Tosia found herself in a gateship, Teyla in the seat beside her, Rodney in front of her in the co-pilot's chair. As they soared from Atlantis's atmosphere, higher and higher, the rush of the stars, the blackness of space and the fact that she was once more traveling in this manner filled Tosia with such a sense of surreality and vertigo that she pressed back in her chair and gripped tight the armrests of her seat.
Teyla gave her a worried glance. "Are you all right, Tosia?"
"It has been a very long time since I have been in a... jumper," Tosia answered the young woman with a shaky smile, her knuckles already starting to ache.
Without turning around, Rodney said, "Just so you know, we have a very firm no vomiting or freaking out rule on these things." Ronon immediately half-stood from his perch on the bench behind them, and smacked the scientist on the back of the head. "Ow!" Rodney yelped and rubbed his head, muttering something under his breath about 'overgrown, simplistic heathens.'
Tosia chuckled at that, and all at once, she began to feel a little better. She loosened her grip on the armrests and began to enjoy the ride.
"Oh, look," Rodney added after only a short time, one hand still on the back of his head, while he pointed at the empty space in front of them. "And here we are. Hold on, it gets a little bumpy at this point."
And it did. Tosia's eyes widened when they passed through the crackling of the energy barrier surrounding them. Like a bird caught in a windstorm, the ship rocked and buffeted through the shield, and Tosia was overcome with a sudden thrill of excitement, exhilarated to be so high, once again so free, for one last time.
Then they were clear and coasting over the landscape. The snowfall had tapered off to a few swirling flakes, and the ground sparkled clear white and dazzling in the pallid sun. Tosia knew that the air would still be cold, such terrible, unendurable cold that would remain for months. As they flew over the village, she found it strange to see it from such a distance. How tiny, forlorn and small it was. A traitorous part of her wanted to tell Major Lorne to keep flying, just for a little while longer, just so she could hold onto her newfound freedom for a few moments longer. Had she not been so anxious to see Lasca and Antal, she wondered if she would have given in to that temptation. Instead, she directed Lorne where to find the ruins. They had decided to land on the clear patch of ground just before where the ruins lay. The location was far enough from the village to avoid frightening her people with their sudden appearance, but close enough for Tosia to be able to walk back home, something she insisted upon.
With scarcely a jolt, the ship came to rest on a soft mound of snow and the back hatch opened. Gathering their gear, the team headed for the open door and stepped outside. Tosia hung back a moment watching them. How strange that Atlanteans were once again setting foot on this land, she thought, then smiled. No, how incredible, how wonderful, she amended. Rodney turned and gave her a questioning look and squaring her shoulders, Tosia nodded and followed him outside into air so cold it momentarily stole the breath from her lungs.
They had walked only a few yards when Ronon spun to look behind him. Tosia frowned and followed the man's gaze. It took a moment, but then she was able to make out a figure in the distance, heading toward them. Tall, burly, bundled in a heavy cloak, and coming from the ruins. She instantly recognized the slightly hunched posture and loping gait. Antal! Her face broke out in a smile.
Ronon placed his hand on the belt by his hip when Antal began running towards them. Tosia strode forward and took the big man's arm. "No! Don't! It is all right."
Antal came to a dead stop a short distance from them.
"Antal! It is all right," Tosia called. "They will not harm you."
"Tosia?" the young man called questioningly, in disbelief. He even rubbed his eyes as though he were hallucinating.
Tosia's smile widened and she held out her arms. "Yes, it is me... come closer, Antal... I will not bite."
Antal whooped and sprinted the last few steps to her. With a wide, joyful grin, and his uncanny gentleness, he scooped her up in his strong arms and spun her around. Though the motion send a sharp flare of pain through her side, Tosia embraced him with all her strength and laughed at his unabashed delight. When Antal finally set her back down again, Tosia looked to the others who were standing back, staring at them in mingled astonishment and amusement.
Rodney waved an arm in the young man's direction. "I take it you two know each other?"
"Yes, we know each other, Rodney. Very well, in fact," Tosia said, breathless, still smiling and holding tight to Antal's cold hand. "This is my grandson. Antal, meet Rodney, Teyla, Ronon and Major Lorne."
Antal stared at them wide-eyed a moment then offered a shy hello. Darting a nervous glance at the others, he whispered, "But Tosia, where have you been? Everyone thought you and John were dead and buried in the ruins."
"I know..." Tosia said and squeezed Antal's hand. "I am sorry for frightening you so terribly, but I have a very good explanation that I will tell you in just a moment, all right?"
Antal nodded. He looked the others up and down, recognizing their similar clothing to John's, then perplexed, he scowled at Tosia. "Where is John, Tosia?"
"Well, that goes along with my explanation. It is quite the amazing story, in fact," Tosia told him. "One that I think your mother would like to hear, as well. Shall we go home and tell her?"
Antal looked stubborn for a moment then nodded, his face lighting up. "Mother is not going to believe this! I am sorry, but I had to tell her about the secret room, Tosia," he said with a note of remorse in his voice. "I went back for you like I promised, but I couldn't find you. Everything was buried, and there was no way inside anymore and the room was just... gone. We looked and looked for you, even Urvan and Kornel helped but we couldn't find you and they thought you were dead," Antal's voice wavered, and he took a deep breath. "I kept looking for you and John, though, because I thought that maybe you were hiding. Were you hiding, Tosia?"
Tosia smiled and shook her head. "Not quite, but we found a wonderful place, Antal. John is fine and he is safe, so you do not have to worry anymore. Everything is all right now. Better than all right. You will see." Tosia squeezed his hand once more.
Antal nodded even as he still frowned at her puzzlement. "That's good. Mother keeps saying that she should not have been so angry with you all the time, and she's going to be so happy to see you!" He gave Tosia another enthusiastic but careful hug. "Can we go home now and tell her?"
Teyla and Ronon exchanged a look and grinned. Shivering and with his arms folded tight over his chest, Rodney watched the young man with the wary caution one reserved for potentially explosive objects, then nodded. "Yes, yes, very good idea. A little chilly out here."
Antal placed his strong arm around Tosia, supporting her. As they began heading for home, it was yet another one of the strange ironies of Tosia's life to find that she was surprisingly glad to have returned to this place she once hated so terribly.
When they neared her small hut, Antal bounded ahead of them and hollered for his mother to 'come see, come see!' Lasca pulled open the door a short moment later, her expression a mixture of irritation and worry. Then she saw Tosia. Lasca's eyes widened, her mouth fell open and she pulled in a sharp gasp. Tosia went to her daughter and enfolded her in her arms. Shushing Lasca's confused and tearful flurry of questions, Tosia just held onto her. Tosia couldn't speak just yet, and it was so good to be home. To be with them again. Lasca finally gave up, fell silent and returned her mother's embrace. Tears freely ran down Lasca's face, even as she kept a wary eye on the Atlantean team who stood a short, discreet distance back.
When Tosia was finally able to let her daughter go, she realized that some of her neighbors had come out of their homes, cautiously approaching them. She had hoped to have a little more time with her family before facing this, but of course, one rarely got what one wished for. Steeling herself, Tosia looked to Rodney for added reassurance. He immediately met her gaze, pulled a wry face and shrugged in an off-hand manner that made her smile. Then he nodded and gave her a thumbs-up – an encouraging gesture he had explained to her a few days ago. It was time.
Even though apprehension filled her, and her confidence wavered, she knew it was best to get this over with as soon as possible. After so many years, and such a long existence, time had come to be in such terribly short supply. Tosia knew it would not be easy to make her people see. She knew it would take every remaining ounce of strength she had to convince them, but she owed them as much. She spotted Kornel and Urvan among the others. Silas, thankfully, had not yet appeared, but word would soon spread and the rest would come. Kornel pushed his way forward even as he fearfully looked back and forth from Tosia to the Atlanteans. The team tensed, bracing themselves for confrontation.
"Kornel," Tosia called, straightening to her meager, but full height. She met his disbelieving gaze full on. "I believe that we have much to discuss, do we not?"
---A---
Rodney had always enjoyed being the center of attention. It wasn't as though he sought it out, he just naturally commanded attention, something to which he'd grown accustomed. But as he stood in front of 200-something, bordering on hostile villagers, all their paranoid, little eyes fixed on him, Rodney found he didn't relish this moment of spotlight so much.
They had all congregated outside in sub-zero temperatures that made Drumheller's December seem downright tropical. The low, rough-hewn podium on which he stood with Tosia and the village elders reminded him a little too much of similar ones he and his team had seen on the more hostile planets they'd visited, or in biblical movies where some poor bastard was flogged or stoned to death. Tosia had already talked herself near hoarse amongst the elders in a seemingly futile attempt to convince them of the Atlanteans' good intentions, offering them only the 'need to know' information, as Rodney had suggested. Instead of agreeing to consider the offer, the elders had subsequently called this impromptu meeting for the entire population, and Rodney wasn't quite sure just how he'd ended up being the unofficial Atlantean spokesman.
Gritting his teeth, he decided it was best to just get this over with as quickly as possible. As he extolled the virtues of the Atlantean mainland – great beaches, mild weather and friendly neighbors, he noticed his audience exchanging nervous, skeptical glances, whispering fearfully amongst one another. Some even laughed outright; the idea of another planet too ludicrous to even contemplate. Rodney winced, and hoping they didn't have any rotten vegetables stashed under their cloaks, he persevered and plunged forward.
"Did I mention better farming conditions," he added, "and we will always be on hand to assist—"
"What of the Wraith?" One man, who Rodney thought may as well have 'asshole' stamped on his forehead, blurted out.
Rodney scowled at the man for the interruption, then remembered his role. "No, no – not a single Wraith among us," he said, smiling as reassuringly as possible.
"But they are still a threat, are they not?" The man shouted with a sneer.
"Well, yes, but—" Rodney started but was drowned out by the loud protests and fearful gasps of the crowd.
Tosia pushed herself up from the crudely carved chair on which she'd been seated and came to stand beside Rodney. Visibly shaking, she shouted over the din. "You will be safe on the mainland! These people have the means to protect you if the Wraith do come." She ignored the few jeers and continued, "But you must see beyond that! These people are offering you a chance at a better life. Where you can provide for your families, where you will no longer have to endure these terrible winters. This planet was never meant to be home for so many people - it cannot sustain all of you for much longer. You all know this. How many did we lose last year to hunger and illness?" She paused to let that sink in, and the crowd grew quieter, all eyes fixed upon her. "Yes, the Wraith threat is there, but it is worth the risk to have a future."
"We have only your word, Tosia," the same man spoke up, and Rodney was ready to throw something at him. "Where's your proof that this magical, fabled land exists?"
"He is proof. As is this woman," Tosia said, pointing at Rodney and then at Teyla who stood off to the side of the podium. "John is proof. As are the others who have come here along with me today."
"They are only of the stranger's tribe!" a young man shouted, waving his clenched fist for emphasis.
"See? I told you that they would come!" the first man crowed, a smug, grating smile on his face as he looked around the crowd.
"Now, listen—" Rodney started, having had enough of this guy already, but without looking at him, Tosia placed her hand on Rodney's arm and shook her head.
"Yes, they came, Silas!" Tosia shouted, shaking with fury now. "And they came only because they wish to help us, even though they most certainly have no reason to do so after the way you treated John. Perhaps you should also tell everyone here how you and your mindless cronies broke into my home and attacked an innocent and injured man? How you planned to leave John out in the middle of nowhere to die? How very near to committing murder you came? Hmm? I think they would find that very interesting."
One of the elders, Kornel, looked sharply at Silas, anger clouding his weathered features. The villagers all began talking at once, shifting nervously amongst one another, some staring in outright amazement at Silas.
"Hey!" Rodney called, raising his arms in a politician's stance and stepping to the end of the podium. "Listen everyone! You want proof that we are who we say we are?" He waited until he had their attention. "I'll give you that proof, right now. But before I do that, I caution you not to panic, and I assure you all that if we had any intention of harming any of you, we could have done it a long time ago." He winced at how that came out when some of the people crowding close to the podium quickly took a few steps back. "No, no - what I mean is, watch and be amazed!" Tapping his radio, he said quietly, "Okay, now."
Some fifteen feet, directly above them, the jumper appeared out of seemingly nowhere and hovering in mid-air. The collective gasps and shrieks of awe and terror were just what Rodney expected, and he couldn't help a satisfied smile. The jumper rose higher in the air, made a graceful turn and then slowly came down to land in the clearing a few yards away from them. The villagers stumbled backwards, compressing into a tightly packed, terrified crowd, all eyes wide and fixated on the astonishing, alien craft.
Rodney noticed Tosia staring at him in equal amazement, but for different reasons. "What?" he said, giving her his best innocent expression.
"Whatever happened to introducing them slowly?" Tosia said sternly, but the corners of her mouth were twitching with the hint of a smile.
Rodney shrugged. "It seemed like it was time for a more forceful manner of persuasion."
The crowd was stunned into silence when the back hatch opened and Lorne and Ronon emerged from inside. Teyla gracefully jogged over to the jumper and the three pulled out a trolley laden with food, blankets and supplies. Tosia nodded to Kornel and the man stepped forward. He held up his arms in the same manner as Rodney had down a few moments ago and waited until he caught their attention.
"We all have much to think about," Kornel said. "These people have generously offered us their assistance and this food. When the supplies have been equally divided amongst everyone, I suggest all of you go back to your homes, discuss with your families what they have offered us. We will meet again here in two days time at first light."
The crowd was still stupefied into polite submission as each family crowded around the jumper and patiently waited their turn and ration of supplies. Tosia watched her people silently, her eyes bright, features pinched and tensed.
"Kinda like feeding pigeons in the park, isn't it?" Rodney said.
"I have no idea what that means," Tosia said, amusement and affection brightening her eyes, "but I do have to thank you again, Rodney. You were very persuasive. A bit of a showman, as well?" she added with a full grin.
Rodney shrugged. "Nah, the jumper thing was a trick I picked up from Sheppard. As for the speech, I've had lots of terrified minions to practice on. We'll see just how persuaded they really are in a couple of days."
"If they are not, then that is their choice to make," Tosia said, surprising him, for that wasn't what he was expecting. He was figuring on more committee meetings, more endless debates and convincing. He looked at her questioningly and before he could voice his confusion, Tosia reached for his hand and clasped it tightly. "At least they have a choice now. That is all I can offer them, and I can be at peace with that." She added that last bit so softly Rodney wasn't certain if she was aware that she had spoken aloud.
"So..." he breathed out, unsure what to make of anything and swung their hands a little before letting go. "Once we're done here, you get first dibs on a stylish hovel on the mainland. I'm thinking of some nice beachfront property with a view of the city..." Tosia smiled, but shook her head. "Unless... you've changed your mind about coming back to Atlantis?" Rodney added, surprised at the surge of hope at that prospect.
"I am staying here, Rodney," Tosia said, again shaking her head, resolute. "I am not going to the mainland, or to Atlantis."
"What?!" Rodney spluttered, his mouth hanging open in complete and utter astonishment. "After that big spiel on what a crappy planet this is to live on, now you want to stay?" He shook his head, and this was just typical of women, wasn't it? Like freakin' Sybils, each and every one of them. "What about Lasca and Antal? Don't you want a better life for them?"
Tosia took hold of Rodney's wrist and shook it to get his attention. "Rodney! Stop and listen to me a moment." He forced himself to clamp his mouth shut, still fuming. "Lasca and Antal... I would like for them to go to the mainland after I am gone," she said in a firm, determined voice. "They will not hear of it now, but perhaps in time, they will be more willing."
'What? What do you mean after you're gone?" Rodney said, shaking his head. "You're old, but you're not that old. You've still got a few years left in you—"
"I am dying, Rodney," Tosia broke in, giving him a faint, but sad smile. "I had suspected it for a long time, but Doctor Beckett confirmed it for me. I asked that he and Elizabeth not say anything for it wasn't important at the time—"
"Wasn't important?" Rodney echoed, stupefied once again. "I'd say your own death is pretty damned important, Tosia!" He took a sharp breath, willing himself to calm down. "Well, come back to Atlantis. I'm sure Carson can still do something for you."
"It is cancer, in the late stages," Tosia told him, surprisingly steady and calm. "There is nothing to be done. I have lived a very long time, Rodney. Longer than anyone has a right to. It is simply my time."
"Oh..." Rodney blinked and this was so not what he'd expected at all. It wasn't supposed to turn out like this. He felt like he'd just been punched in the gut. "Well... we – we can at least make you more comfortable on Atlantis. Lasca and Antal can come, too."
"That is what Dr. Beckett generously offered to me, as well, but I will be just fine here, Rodney," Tosia said, patting his arm reassuringly. "I have perhaps a few months left, and I want to spend them here, with my family and in my own home."
Rodney looked down and nodded even though he didn't agree with this at all. He folded his arms around his chest and the chill that went through him was just the temperature plummeting another sixty degrees. Or at least that was what he told himself.
"I hate to ask you one more favor after you have already done so much, but will you see to it that Lasca and Antal do go to the mainland?" Tosia asked. "Perhaps in the early spring? It was always my favorite time of the year there."
Rodney found it difficult to look at her, but he nodded again. "Yes, of course," he managed after a moment. "Of course, we'll... I – I'll look out for them."
"Thank you, Rodney," she said quietly.
He stared down at his snow-covered boots and he really, really wished people would stop doing this to him. He absolutely sucked at relating to people. At caring about them.
Tosia playfully swiped at his arm, startling him. "Come now, Rodney. I am not dead yet. There is still much to be done, and I will assist as much as I can in ensuring we get as many of these people to the mainland as we can."
He finally met her steady gaze with his shamefully damp one. "Okay. Chop chop," he said with false cheer, "back to work we go."
Tosia frowned in confusion at yet another perplexing Earthly reference and then Ronon was suddenly beside them. The Satedan looked at Tosia, then jerked his chin in the direction of Silas. The man had somehow managed to garner a small crowd around him, and he gesticulated even while talking in a low, conspiratorial voice.
"He's the one who gave you and Sheppard a hard time, right?" Ronon said, casually, almost conversationally.
Tosia nodded and a surge of anger went through Rodney as he glared at the man. When Ronon's fists clenched, and he stared at Silas, cold and assessing, Tosia said, "Silas is nothing but a mindless fool and a coward. Do not pay him any mind, Ronon. It is for the best that he remains here – he and those stupid enough to listen to him. That will be his penance and ultimate comeuppance." She noticed Lasca and Antal making their way through the remaining people, Antal carrying a large sack on his shoulder. Nodding in greeting to Rodney and Ronon, Lasca immediately stepped close to Tosia and carefully placed her arm over her mother's shoulders.
"We should get home now," Lasca said, looking at Tosia, worried. "You are exhausted."
"We'll meet you back there in a little while," Rodney said, nodding, "got this all under control."
"It may not appear so just yet, but my people are most appreciative of all you have done," Tosia said, then quirked an eyebrow as she glanced at Silas. "Some of us more than others, of course."
"Yeah, well..." Rodney said with a forced grin, "this is kinda what we do."
Returning his smile, Tosia allowed her family to gently steer her through the crowd and help her home.
Rodney watched them a moment, then noticed that Ronon was still glaring at Silas, probably trying to decide upon the most painful way to slowly kill the bastard. That would go over so well in convincing these people to trust them, Rodney thought, even as similar thoughts of retribution filled him.
"Hold on, Fezzik," he said, shooting his teammate a nervous glance, "you can rip his arms off after we convince these people to let us help them."
"That a promise?" Ronon growled, folding his long arms over his chest and keeping his eyes on the other man. "And since when do you care so much about these people?"
"I don't," Rodney quickly said. "But it's important to Tosia."
Silas finally must have felt the weight of the imposing Satedan's glare because he suddenly stopped his tirade, and his gaze darted over to them. Ronon bared his teeth at the man in what Rodney thought was meant to be a nasty grin, but he'd seen less terrifying smiles on Wraiths. Silas paled and wisely ducked behind a taller man.
"You've gotten attached to the old lady, haven't you?" Ronon smirked, and glanced back at Rodney.
"Hello? She's an Ancient, Rodney answered, shifting uncomfortably "I'm attached to her knowledge. You know how long we've waited to meet one of them?" Rodney tucked his arms around his chest and shivered, and no way in hell, even under the threat of torture, was he going to admit to Ronon, of all people, that maybe, yeah, he'd developed a slight fondness for Tosia that had nothing to do with her ancestry. "Besides, the sooner we finish the negotiations here, the sooner we can go home. I'm so cold I can't even feel my... feet, anymore."
Ronon watched him a moment, then nodded, not fooled one bit. For a man who only spoke in monosyllabic utterances, Ronon was surprisingly observant, Rodney had to admit.
---tbc---