Mischief Mage: Gee whiz. I haven't written anything for AGES. Sorry about that. I am super busy this year. But i'll try to remind myself to devote some time to my fanfics :P

It was definitely a person and judging by the floaty dress plastered to the ground by the sugar, it was probably woman although the short hair was causing general disagreement. The yummy sculpture wriggled in the hardening frosting. Finally, like a deep sea diver coming up for air, Lucretia Noin managed to wrench her head from the ground, savouring the taste of low calorie air.

She looked around her at what looked like a post gundam battlefield. A short distance away from her, lay Zechs. Pulling the rest of herself up off the ground with an unpleasant 'schoooop' sound, she walked over to him in the same way that one would walk through a thick marsh in stilettos. Due to their positioning, Zechs had been largely shielded from the blast by her own body. However, Zechs was out, but it wasn't just a sort of knocked-out out. It was an 'I-picked-out-my-lunch-from-the-medicine-cupboard'-semi-comatose out. In fact, it seemed that he had fallen over on his own accord rather than because of the blast of the atomic cake.

Her military training still with her, Noin rolled her future-husband over into the recovery position, extremely concerned that his skin was perhaps even paler than Trowa's at the moment. Putting a finger to his pulse she counted the number of beats in fifteen seconds which she took from her phone which read 1:45 pm.

While she was checking his vitals with a leather gloved hand, a chill sprinted down her spine to hide in the small of her back. Noin looked around to see Relena stalking through the mush to the house and her dressing room. Responsible older brother away with the fairy gundams and fiancée busy ordering ambulances for the casualties and trying to skirt the question of 'What happened?' from the man on the phone, it was up to Noin to console the bride.

Noin drew level with Relena just as they approached the caretaker's shed. Relena turned like a robot dropped in a swimming pool to see her. Noin hesitated but composed herself, she was a soldier after all and she could handle this.

'Yes. Yes. Yes I said ten. No it was not a bomb. Twenty minutes? Okay. Make it quick'

Heero let the cordless phone fall to his side as the ambulance service hung up and wandered over to his four comrades.

He pushed five pieces of black cloth into each of the pilot's hands.

Wufei looked at him quizzically. 'What are these for?' he asked, inspecting one,

'I want you to go out to the main road and when the ambulance's arrive, tie a blindfold around each of their heads, spin them around twenty times and then drive the ambulances here for them.' Heero explained, 'You'll need to make two trips and' he added, glancing at his watch. 2:00pm, 'You'll need to start walking now.'

'The main road is two hours from here!' Duo protested wringing his hands before Heero's face, 'Why do we need to hide the location?'

Heero's cobalt eyes narrowed at his best man and growled 'I thought you would have known why.'

'Huh?'

'The forbidden 'f' word'

All the pilots gave an involuntary flinch.

'Alright then, I get it' Duo said, nodding in agreement, 'Well, we'd better get go-'

It was hereupon for the second time that day that a scream rang out over the grounds like a cat being sat on in the dark. It was coming from the bride's dressing room (yes, the pilots' hearing is that good.) The five youths were half way there before their dopey shadows had started moving.

About ten minutes ealier…

On reflection, Noin realised that it had been stupid to approach Relena so soon after so many of the bride's prospects for the wedding had literally blown up in her face. The girl had been a ticking bomb waiting for an unsuspecting victim to be blasted to iddy biddy pieces. Sadly, this reflection gave her little consolation as she sat braced against the door of the dressing room, thinking that she would never be able to rake up the stones on Mars without shuddering. The rake had been the closest thing at hand at the shed. Frankly, Noin was grateful that Relena hadn't noticed the welding tool. A large metal rake in the hands of a disappointed bride was bad enough.

Relena had chased Noin across the lawn, into the house where Noin locked herself in the bride's room. Relena now seemed to be attacking the door with the rake with a ferocity that would have made her older brother both proud and slightly concerned. Noin sighed partly from despair and partly from the thanks she felt for the fact that she was in here and Relena wasn't. She looked up to the clock which read 1:53pm. Good. The ceremony was due to start in an hour or so. Hopefully Relena would give up destroying her before long to go prepare…

Wait a minute.

Since when were the walls of the dressing room pointy?

Forty minutes later…

'Oh mannnn.' Quatre groaned as he watched the ambulances disappear down the road. They had found their way here on their own which was a worry in its own right. But the main thing was that the last ambulance carried the most recent wedding-from-hell victim.

Once a rabid Relena and her rake had been extricated from the dressing building and the door ripped off its hinges, the five pilots had been witness to one of the most bizarre scenes of their lives.

Every wall off the room and every item within that room were perforated with small holes just large enough for a plastic fork to fit through. Funnily enough, that was what had fit through them. In the middle of the floor, in a quivering, whimpering, cut and just generally pathetic looking mess was Noin. Cluttered both on and around her were…forks. Hundreds upon hundreds of little plastic forks. Judging by their trajectory, Heero concluded that they had been fired at high speeds from every hole in the room. A sort of inverted porcupine attack.

And thus Noin was lain next to her fiancé Zechs, who was being sent to hospital to have his stomach pumped. Well actually, he was on the last portable bed, she was on a thin mattress on the floor, being bumped by the wheels of the rolling bed with every sharp turn that the large white vehicle made.

Relena stood alone, partly as everyone was just a teensy bit too petrified to stand within five metres of her. Eyes glassy, she stared as the white vans disappeared around the bend, accompanied by a squeal as Zech's rolling bed ran over Noin's fingers.

Heero approached her and whispered to her.

'Shall we just postpone the wedding?'

Duo almost burst into tears. He was so proud! Ever since the end of the war, he had dedicated thirty hours a week to giving Heero human-interaction lessons. He had spent half a year teaching the man how to shake hands without breaking the receivers knuckles and, for his final exam, Duo had taken Heero to a shooting range. The cobalt eyed youth had passed with flying colours, only shooting one person between the eyes. But that was an exception. That guy had asked for Heero's number after all. Common courtesy applies for all but fangirl/boy/idon'tevenwanttoknows.

Duo opened his eyes just long enough to see a head of ruffled brown hair flying straight for his nose as a high velocity.

'Eep' he whimpered.

Nearby, Wufei and Quatre looked away and the recently restored pink tinge in Trowa's cheeks paled as fangirl object #1 and fangirl object 2# collided with a sickening crunch.

'MNGGGNNN!' the braided best man moaned on the frosting flecked ground, clutching his, not so much broken as crumpled into a million tiny pieces, nose.

Heero on the other hand, simply rubbed his head slightly and sighed.

'I guess I'll go get ready for the reception.'

It was pitch black and smelt funny. The conspirators sat in circle but, due to the dark, one of them had sat facing in the opposite direction before wondering why its companions' voices were coming from behind. It bashfully righted itself.

Now a voice spoke, grumpy and tired.

'Well that didn't work'