Emily gazed at the noisy children as they were busy shouting at each other, playing with their toys and fighting. Most of the time she watched attentively and was on the look out for a potential brawl, but today she felt numb on the inside and out, and the children seemed nothing more than a passing dream to her disconnected thoughts. The pain had been intense, a dagger point digging sharply into her heart once she realized Jonathan was gone – abandoned yet again by someone she loved and believed in after she gave herself to him.
The betrayal felt even worse somehow than before because this time she had believed it would be different. Jonathan, beyond the cool exterior and the shell he presented to the outside world, seemed to genuinely care about her – dare she believe love? She could believe he loved her in his tender caresses, with his lips upon hers, when his fingers intertwined with her own and her blood sang with passion. Even the thought of it now brought tears to her eyes and she fought to concentrate on her work.
"Emily, are you okay?"
She sat up straight in one of the only adult chairs in the daycare and gazed in the direction of the voice. Emily felt guilty, afraid she had been caught daydreaming, wallowing in her sorrow and heartache. She looked up and saw Sarah Teschner, a woman in her mid-30s with auburn hair and gray eyes, a kindly woman with a wonderful talent with the children and a great help in running the daycare center.
"I'm fine, Sarah, just fine."
"You don't look fine. Here."
Sarah handed Emily a box of tissues and Emily tried not to wince. Was her emotional state so obvious?
"What's bothering you," Sarah whispered. "Is it another boyfriend?"
Angrily Emily snatched the tissues box and stared at the children who still were as busy screaming and roughhousing as they were five minutes ago.
"We should be watching the children," Emily muttered. "Not talking about my social life."
"We will watch the children too," said Sarah, pulling up the only other adult chair and turning it around to face the children. "Now is it a boyfriend? Is it that man you brought in to show the children?"
"I – no – I mean." Emily heavily sighed. "I can't date anymore, Sarah. I'm cursed, it's that simple."
"What nonsense are you talking about?" Sarah sounded a little cross.
"I mean, I thought he loved me, like the others. He was so different. He seemed to care – but it ended before it even begun. He's left me and I don't even know where he is now."
"Oh dear one," Sarah whispered. "I'm so sorry. You've had such bad luck, but you mustn't give up hope."
"Yes, I know."
Emily turned away and thought back to the newspapers and what many were calling Dr. Jonathan Crane now. Where he once was lauded as the best and brightest, Gotham City's genius psychiatrist, now he was called the Monster of Gotham, the one who poisoned the water supply, helped release the toxin and allegedly conducted hideous fear experiments at Arkham.
It all seemed too terrible and twisted for Emily to fathom, and she hardly could believe the sweet-faced boy who accidentally knocked over her books on the way to a psychology class so long ago could now be the "Monster of Gotham," not the man who she had experienced his loving caress. Could a monster bestow love so sweetly and show bitter hatred and fear toward another? Emily truthfully didn't know and wished she could understand.
Jerry, who once spent his days huddling in a corner or being teased, had become bolder since his visit with Dr. Crane and held on to the handkerchief that Crane had given him as if it was a valuable gift. Jonathan had done some good – could a "monster" have achieved that? And today even Emily was taken by surprise when Jerry gave a surprised gasp and pointed to the tank located high up on the shelf, which held the butterfly cocoons.
"Look Miss Andrews! Look!"
Emily turned around and saw the cocoon moving and stretching with the creature that was struggling inside to be free, to experience the outside world. Sarah also turned to gaze at the birth in wonder and the children also abandoned their toys and nearly stampeded to the wall and stood on tiptoe to gain a better view of the tank. Gradually two slender insect legs poked through, tearing open the delicate silk, then a pair of antennae and a head slipped from the cocoon's opening.
The insect then struggled, trying to free itself of the silken prison that had been its home and protection, but now its wings were the most difficult thing for it to free. But at last its wings slipped from the cocoon and the newborn butterfly hung upon that which had imprisoned it to rest and dry its wings so it might soon fly. The delicate wings were an iridescent blue swirled with black and it reminded Emily of Jonathan's blue eyes and his dark hair.
Must I die to myself old self to be reborn like this butterfly? What prison is holding me now that I must break free of?
Rain softly pattered against the window and Emily turned to look outside at the gleaming streets and the passing cars. The water mirrored red and green street traffic lights and shimmering white headlights. People raced down the streets, holding papers over their heads, scrambling for cover.
Where are you now, Jonathan? Are you my cocoon? My cage? Must I break free of you or are you my blue-black wings?
Emily thought back to the paper that was so quick to accuse, but left more questions in her mind about the night she rode through Gotham with that madman as the city swarmed in panic.
"Allegedly Dr. Crane was connected with the same criminal group that masterminded release of the toxin into the air. The criminal group – its name still unknown – used the monorail and a stolen device from Wayne Enterprises to vaporize the toxin."
Emily remembered back to the collapsing monorail that nearly crushed her and the madman and wondered if perhaps that was the monorail that was used to release the deadly toxin.
Jonathan, if you are connected with the criminal group that released the toxin, what trouble are you in? Criminal activity, pouring poison into the water supply to be released into the air. No, Jonathan, I shouldn't love you anymore. You betrayed me and now you'll be going to jail.
The butterfly, which for the last few minutes had been content to gently opening and closing it wings, suddenly began to flutter in the tank, trying to fly. The children cried out in excitement and joy, jostling each other and pointing. Sarah was trying her best to keep order as Emily remained lost in her thoughts over Jonathan. Emily turned her eyes to the glass tank and saw the iridescent blue-black butterfly trying to fly but now was trapped in the glass tank.
Now you'll be going to jail.
The butterfly frantically tapped at the glass with its wings, but the confinement was too small and soon it grew weary and ended up resting on the gnarled twig where its shriveled cocoon hung.
(So quick are you to give up on him. So soon are your hopes dashed.)
But it's the truth, Emily Andrews! You've fallen for too many wrong men in your life. And just when you think you've fallen for the 'right' man, he has done something terribly wrong.
(Maybe he has made a wrong decision, like you. This criminal group – who are they? Maybe he has been deceived by them. Maybe he needs your help, not your judgment.)
Emily heavily sighed. Outside the wind howled and the rain clattered sharply as it froze and hit against the window glass. The hours ticked by and the window grew dark and cold. Emily waited until the children were gone before she emerged out into the darkness and storm, and drove through the slick Gotham City streets. The windshield wipers flicked back the pellets of ice as she vainly searched the streets for a familiar face – searching for Jonathan Crane.