Dinner that evening was less awkward than it could have been, but still Narcissa felt uncomfortable. Although she hadn't expected any different, Lucius had been nice enough. She and Lucius had met before at school, and her opinion of him hadn't changed since he graduated last year. If she hadn't already found the person she wanted to spend the rest of her life with, spending her life with Lucius wouldn't have seemed so unbearable. But the compare and contrast list she ran in her head of Lucius next to Severus said everything clear enough. The compare side was very small, but she lost track of the contrasts.

His family was nice enough as well. Right away she could see that it was from his mother that he'd inherited his blonde hair that was nothing like Severus' dark locks. His father wasn't awful either. In truth, she'd been quite frightened of this man. Her mind's eye had shown her a monster who didn't care about the wishes of children. He wasn't so bad, though. Judging from the way they talked to each other, Lucius and his father might share some semblance of a father-son bond.

Their happy family contrasted badly with her own. Her stoic father sat at the head of the table, his curt comments the very thing that kept the whole table on edge. On his right sat her mother. Every now and then, her father would reach over and squeeze her hand, but not in an endearing way. Now that the thought had entered her mind, Narcissa imagined that every touch from her father brought a painful expression to her mother' face. Her father's hand was like a cage, holding her there against her will. Narcissa herself looked presentable enough, but her father's eyes lingered on the empty chair next to her. Bellatrix had ignored the invitation for dinner, and Narcissa knew the only reason she'd been allowed to refuse the summons was because now that she was married, she belonged to the Lestrange family and father had no place there.

So the two families ate and talked and Narcissa didn't hate it. There was a part of her, however, that wished that Severus was there to hold her hand under the table. Her more logical part told her that it was stupid to wish for him now, but she did anyway.

Dinner ended and talk turned to politics. There was a debate going on about whether Voldemort had the right idea or not. Her mother, taking a rare stand against her father's views, agreed with Mrs. Malfoy. They thought that perhaps Voldemort had the right ideas to begin with, but in these last years where he had begun to kill muggles and their supporters, he had grossly overstepped his boundaries. The men disagreed and the goodnatured argument continued.

After awhile, Narcissa took a risk and asked to be excused. Her father didn't have time to get angry. Before he had given his permission, Lucius Malfoy asked if she would like to walk in the garden with her. She had no choice but to say yes.

It was cold outside, so Narcissa put on her cloak and then another. She and Lucius walked quietly for awhile, the only sound the crunching of the snow under their boots. Near the end of the garden, Lucius stopped and turned to look at her.

"I had a good time tonight," he told her.

"So did I," she told him.

"Did you really?" he asked motioning to a bench that one of the gardeners had kept clear of snow. "I wasn't sure. You don't seem like it."

"I'm sorry," she told him truthfully, but not sure if this was the right answer. She hadn't had a particularly bad time tonight, but still, she hadn't really enjoyed meeting the family she was being forced into. She didn't hate them, she just knew it was't Severus.

"May I speak with you truthfully?" Lucius asked her as she took her seat beside him.

"You may," she told him, "but there is no need to be so formal. After all, we're..." She left the sentence unfinished.

"Yes, we are." Lucius said, without any particular emotion that Narcissa could detect.

"Well, frankly, I wasn't happy when my father told me he had picked a bride for me. It's not that I'm disappointed in you, of course. It's just that I would like to choose for myself. However," he continued, business-like, "I would like you to know, I do plan to make this work. Once I'm set a task I follow through with it."

"Oh, OK, good." Narcissa wasn't quite sure that she liked to hear their impending marriage referred to as a task, but was somewhat relieved to hear what Lucius thought of it all. He would be faithful, and at the same time, would understand Narcissa's own misgivings.

"I'm glad to hear that Lucius. I, too, will go through with this. I promise."

"Come now, wasn't it you who said there need be no formality? I'm glad we've had this talk. Allow me to escort you back to the house?"

"Thank you, but no. I'd like to sit in the garden awhile longer and admire the stars. But I need no escort if you're ready to leave."

"If you're sure then?"

"Yes, thank you. Will you tell my parents I'll be in later?"

"Of course. I'll see you soon then?"

"Yes, but I don't know how soon. At least once more before your school resumes?"

"Yes, of course." Narcissa was having trouble keeping up the conversation. Really, she just wanted him to go back inside and let her sit quietly alone.

"Goodnight, my dear." Lucius kissed the middle knuck of her hand before turning and walking back to the house. Then she was left alone, in the dark, silent garden. The lantern had gone with Lucius and now she had only the moonlight.

Within minutes, he was there. Behind her, his arms around her, protecting her, holding her safe, as she cried onto his shoulder. Not until then, when she let loose all of her tears, did Narcissa realize how hard tonight had been for her. She could pretend that she was ok with this, she could say that she would go through with it, and she could pretend that she could live her life without Severus, but when she said "I do" it would be for the rest of her life, not just until she got tired of it.

Right now, Severus was here, but soon he wouldn't be. She would be on her own, and she didn't know if she could bear it. "Cissa," he breathed quietly, his breath forming clouds in the air. "I'm here. I promise I'm here." And right then, Narcissa needed him so much that she couldn't bear to tell him the harsh truth: that he wouldn't always be there, and Lucius would.

A/N: i read through this several times, correcting it. but i still feel that it is very rough. anyone who notices major mistakes, please tell me. Yes, i do realize that Severus came a day early... he missed her!