Please note that the opinions expressed below are the personal opinions of the speaker and are not necessarily the opinions of Fanfiction or Clement Rage.

Chapter 3

Kain: Those things didn't stop me in BO2, they're not about to now! (telekinetically destroys Glyph battery. Ward Gate vanishes. Kain walks on through the eidos building. A sarafan knight steps out in front of him and kills an eidos security guard. He turns, sees Kain, and relaxes.)

Knight: Moebius called. He said to tell you Lara'll be heading for the Warp Gate on the fifteenth floor.

Kain: Thanks. (kills Knight, walks on.)

Lara: Hey, Kain. (he looks up, she opens fire from her gun turret. He Mists, and the bullets go through him. A telekinetic projectile knocks Lara off her gun turret, and she runs. Kain follows her down a corridor and into a room. She dives through the Warp Gate)

Kain: Hmm... It's obviously a trap. Oh, what the hell... (He follows)

The Pillars

(The Pillar Guardians are standing around a cauldron of water, watching the events at the Eidos building)

Moebius: Dammit! I was sure he wouldn't trust me!(hands Ariel a coin)

Ariel(grins): Never bet against the house, my boy.

Voice from outside: Moebius! Moebius!

Moebius: Go away! No divinations after 9pm. Malek! MALEK!

(Malek doesn't appear)

Mortanius: ...I'll talk to them. (dons death mask, steps outside. Screams, running feet)

Moebius: Has anyone seen Malek?

Lara's house-Garden.

(The house is a warzone. Assorted cannon fodder from both game series are attacking each other. Suddenly an energy wave flattens the hedge maze, and Malek steps out.)

Malek: Hey, I found a shortcut through your hedge maze!(beheads two raptors with his spear. A Melchahim comes running past, pursued by Lara's butler, who cuts it down with a machine gun. Several more monsters from both games appear, but after a while, only Malek and the butler are still standing. They lock stares. Eyes narrow. Then they both reach for weapons...)

Lara's House-Interior

(Kain walks into Lara's swimming pool. She is standing on the diving board)

Kain: Water won't kill me, girl.

Lara: It'll help. But that doesn't matter. Eidos won't let you kill me, Kain, and you know it. I'm a much bigger draw than you.

Kain: We shall see. (he crouches. she draws her guns. He Jumps. She fires three times, then dives off the board just as he lands. The board explodes. Kain is knocked through the wall, but re-enters the room and picks Lara up telekinetically)

Kain: Hah. Did you really think it'd be that easy?

Lara: Are you familiar with the dagger of Xian, Kain?

Kain: No. I only play decent video games.

(Unseen watchers: Oooooohhhh, that's uncalled for!)

Lara: Well, if there's one thing I've learned through my adventures, it's never to explain things to your opponent. (she stabs herself)

Kain: Well, if there's one thing I've learned from my adventures, it's that if something looks too good to be true, it usually is. So any second now...

(She morphs into a dragon.)

Kain: Yup.

(the dragon dives into the pool. The tsunami knocks Kain off his feet. The dragon advances on his now limp form.)

Elder God: I don't think so, Ms. Croft! (the dragon is wrapped in tentacles. Kain gets up and impales it on the Reaver. It shrinks back to Lara's human form. Kain walks away.)

Elder God: So now I've saved your life, you can't try to kill me again, huh?

Kain: Oh, I don't know about that...

Later...

Kain(on phone): So, Mr President, now that Lara's dead, I guess you have to make a new lok, right? And since we're on strike, you'll have to raise our wages.

Executive-formerly Exec 2, but due to Lara and Exec1's demise, now President: Wrong! (hangs up)

Underling: But...now one of our biggest draws is dead! What're we gonna do?

President: Just use old footage and do a remake of the original. Nobody'll notice.

I've only played the early TR games, so excuse any glaring inaccuracies.