Mindless Tears
Chapter 3
Harry:
I feel nothing. It's empty inside and my blank mind stays blank. Thought isn't something I would want to do about now. The pain only returns when you think. It's a never ending cycle. The wheel turns and I keep moving on towards it. Not by choice but by guilt. Guilt that this life was once saved by a woman I know nothing about. She was my mother. She had given her life for me. I feel that she had died for nothing.
No one really cares. They want me to give everything to them. My body, my mind, my heart, my life and my soul is what they want. I don't want to give it to them. I want to run, run away from the nothingness that has threatened to consume my very soul.
Times are changing while Christmas nears. My best friends are now ignoring me. They don't bother of saying anything to me. I only pass the time with a book.
I've been studying way too much nowadays. I have surpassed Hermione in all our classes. When you have nothing to do but read then there are problems. No one has asked though. They think I'm getting better so I could defeat Voldemort. Fat chance of that happening anytime soon. I wouldn't risk my life for them now even if it was to save my own life.
I haven't told anyone that when my Godfather died that it hurt. I too numb to even know what I was feeling. His death has hit me the hardest. The pain seeps into my heart making it ach. The aching burns into me and bleeds for him to return. I had asked Mister Weasley what where his chances of him coming back. He said there was almost no way he could come back. That was when the world became nothing to me.
I sat on a large rock by the lake in late November. The snow has covered the school grounds with at least a foot of it. The wind blew softly ruffling my untamed hair. I pushed it out of my eyes to see the giant squid stretch four tentacles in the open cold.
Remus was away in Norway getting some allies. At least that's what Dumbledore had said. The headmaster hasn't even said anything to me about of when was his return. I know he's not going to come back for awhile. It was a simple fact that made me turn from the world. He never tells me anything to make this world bearable.
"Hey Potter."
The deep soft voice called to me breaking my musing. I turn to look down the rock to see Malfoy. The blonde was standing there in his winter cloak with Slytherin colors adoring it. I was guessing it was made of much heavier material than anyone else is because he would buy it like that.
"What do you want Malfoy?" I call out. For some reason I am comforted by his presence.
"May I join you?" he stares at me with those grey eyes that remind me of smoke.
I shrug not caring. He was probably the only one who noticed that I felt empty. I had been laughing at his jokes since September. It was strange but I felt connected to him in a way. Maybe that stupid hat was right. That I belonged in Slytherin. Maybe.
He climbed the rock with ease. I would have thought him more of an indoor person with such pale skin. But then again you can never judge a book by its cover. I was finding that out a lot this year.
Malfoy reached the top and stood up only to brush himself off. He smirked at me and I said nothing. I don't think he was smirking at his achievement. There was something that told me that he was smirking at the humor of climbing a rock. A wild guess but I could be wrong. Like how I was wrong about my friends.
I could hear the heavy boots he must be wearing hit the rock. It was a nice click sound that almost sounded like he glided over to the space next to me.
"Do you come out here often Potter?" Malfoy asked as he plopped down next to me. It was graceful even if anyone else did it. He made seem like it was the easiest thing to fall down just to sit.
"Only when I need to be alone."
I could feel his smirk as he spoke. "But you're not alone now."
I sighed. "Well, not any more. Is there some reason you are here. Cause if not go bother Carrot top."
He laughed out loud. His laugh was comforting and cool to the skin. It rolled over me making me feel naked. It made my body shiver not from the cold but from the warmth that it brought.
"What are you laughing at, Malfoy?" I asked pulling my knees up to hug them.
Malfoy chuckled some more before he calmed a bit. "You said Carrot top."
I blinked at that for a minute before what I had realized what he meant. I had meant to say Ron but carrot top came out like it belonged there. "So, I did." I felt jaded how my life was rolling along at the moment. Not feeling it passes by so quickly.
We sat there for most of the afternoon not speaking to each other. Both lost in our own thoughts I began to feel the heaviness of my body. I was tired. I had spent the previous night studying just so I wouldn't have homework to do over the weekend.
Time passed by and so did the days. December came too quickly since that day by the lake. Malfoy and I where paired up constantly and we worked together better than any other group. I had noticed that Snape stopped teasing me and I appreciated it. I came to respect him in his harsh sarcasm. It brings smiles to Malfoy's and my face.
We don't talk but we enjoyed each other's company. Except it isn't enough to save me from this nothingness. His friendship can't save me now. I feel it breaking my soul apart. My dreams aren't helping as death is all that covers them. I need to leave soon I need to get away from this place. I want to leave forever.
A week before Christmas I had found a potion that could make one look like you till it was buried in the ground. Now all I need is a body.
I found a body. The potion takes less time than the polyjuice potion. Thank you god for dark arts. When you need to escape the only way out is a dark art than use it their not there just to look pretty. At least in my case it is.
The body is one of Creevey kids. The oldest one can do. I can't remember his name right now but he hasn't bothered me in a while. It's good to be like a ghost.
"Hey Colin."
I remembered his name now. That's good as his brown eyes turn to me. He smiles and takes my picture. I blink to get the spots out of my eyes.
It's a day before every one needs to leave for the holidays. Ron and Hermione are leaving for Hermione's place for winter. I wonder how Ron will survive would be a good laugh before I leave. The snow is heavy on the grounds but the carriages make across as I watch from my ledge. Some people needed to leave early and it was all the more good for my escape.
Colin finally comes over to me as I stood there away from every one in the common room. He sits in front of me and I smile at him. All my smiles are fake nowadays. Makes everyone happy and I'm glad for that at least.
"What's up Harry?"
His voice is rough and nothing like the silk one I remember one blonde had. Can't think of that right now, I need to get him to come with me.
I look at him and see that he's eyeing me. I'm not wearing any robes. I'm in the muggle clothes Remus had gone with me to buy before school started. Tight blue jeans with a deep green shirt, goes with my eyes.
"So, Colin you want to help me with something. I would ask Ron and Hermione but their all over each other." I say trying not to add any venom to my words.
He nods his head. "Yeah and I know what you mean. They've been ignoring you a lot. I'm surprise that you're even talking to anyone." Colin says as we saunter out the portrait hole.
I smile at him. He's so innocent that I wish I didn't have to do what I am about to. But then again I was once told that the sacrifice of others is for your own survival. I think it was the headmaster that said something close to that. And I use it to the letter. Makes me feel less guilty.
I take him to Moaning Myrtle's bathroom. I had asked her the other day to not come in because I was planning to die. She said that I could stay with her if I became a ghost. I said sure why not. But I'm not going to die. I'm just going to run, run faraway from this place. I don't know where to but I'll will get there some how.
We walk in the bathroom and dead silence greets us. I smile at the fact Myrtle has made it easier for me to escape. I thank any god who has smiled upon me today.
"So, Harry what do you need help on." his voice dropped an octave and my smiled turned into a big grin.
I turn around leaning on the sinks where I have place the potion. I hold out a hand and wave him over him. I tower over him this should make things easier.
"I need a release. There's too much pain in me." I say dropping my voice to a silky tone that makes him shiver visibly.
I grin more as he moves into my arms. He leans into my body and I run a hand down his back to the small of it. He's warm but not as warm as Malfoy. Kind of wish I could see him before I leave. Impossible now, only his presence has kept me sane but I need to run. I don't want mother to think this life was a waste to keep alive.
Colin's thin arms encircle my waist as I bring a hand to pet him on the head.
"I can help you Harry. Let me help." He begs as he looks up.
I smile as I let my hand curve over his chin to look into my eyes. I am cruel as I lay a kiss to his lips. Soft lips but not as soft as I would have liked. He leans in to deepen the kiss. I let him as I let my other hand pick up a stone from behind me and I raise it high. I put everything in it as I smash it down on his skull. There was a loud crack and Colin's limp body falls to the floor.
I put the rock back where it belongs in the wall. Nice to know the school keeps it in one piece.
I pick up the potion and kneel down next to the idiot. He's still breathing, but it won't be for long. Putting his head in my lap I pry his mouth open and force him to drink the potion. I drop him as I move a rock from under the sink where I have hid some of my old clothes. Don't want to leave anything good behind. I turn back around and see that his bones are braking back into place to accommodate my height and size. I smile thinking it would be painful if he was awake. His hair changes to my untamed one and his skin tones to my tanned skin color. I notice that his clothes no longer fit as the change continues. I pull out a knife and cut through his clothes and peel them off. The shoes come off with a bit of effort.
The change finished and I was looking at an exact copy of myself. Nice to know I can find potions to my advantage without even trying. Ms. Price at the beginning of the year said I had free reign on the restricted section. Probably because I needed to learn more than any other student here nice to know I do got something out of this school.
Putting the clothes on his dead weight was a mission but I managed. He wore an old pair of school clothes and I had already transfigured things to look like my stuff. The rest I shrunk and put it in my pocket. I was leaving too night.
I pick the knife up once more and sighed. I had promised myself I would never become a killer but I needed to escape and this was the only way out that I know I won't be hunted down. This was the only way to leave no trace of myself.
I put the knife to Colin's wrist and I slide it down leaving a deep cut that spilled onto the bathroom floor. It was a thick dark red that came gushing out. I moved to his other wrist and did the same.
I heard a moan and my head shot up. Moaning Myrtle was floating above.
"Harry, why are their two of you?"
I looked away as I cut the other wrist. "I need to run Myrtle. I need to get out of here. I want freedom from this world. So, I'm going to runaway. I have no choice." I say as I dropped the knife and stand to wash my hands.
She floats over to me. "I won't tell. But do come to the castle when you die. It will be the only home you could feel at home." She smiles at me.
I watch her for a moment. "Why are you doing this? I just killed someone."
She shrugs and looks at the body sitting on a sink. "So what. Tom Riddle killed me and you killed a couple of times indirectly. Makes no difference to me everyone has to die some day. And today is not your day." She looks at me with a smile. "You are the only one who has been ever so kind to me. I love you for it but I sense you are meant for another. Live on Harry and be happy. I see how your so called friends treat you. You have changed and for the better. Be happy Harry. I will help you in your escape."
I nod at her and throw the rest of the potion down the toilet in Myrtle's stall. Picking up Colin's clothes she floats ahead of me making sure no one was around corners. We went up to the kitchens and I threw the clothes into the fire. It was already past curfew and I was tired. Dobby gave me a cup of tea and I thanked him. I smiled and hugged him telling him I was going away for awhile. I told him to promise me not to tell anyone. He smile and cried but I held him. I would miss him as much as he would me. He probably would be my house elf if I had ever asked.
I said my good byes and I went back to my rooms. Myrtle was still with me as I grabbed a coat and scarf. I took one last glance around the dorm before I walk quietly down the stairs and out the portrait. We made it out of the castle with no problems and I ran across the grounds. At the gates I stopped to look up and saw all the lights were out. I sighed and ran down to Hogsmade.
I went into that bar we had gone into before and asked the bartender if I could use his fireplace. He didn't recognize me without my glasses. Not too many people knew I had them corrected. He nodded and pointed to the fireplace where floo powder lay. I lay a few coins on the counter and walked over to the fireplace.
I smiled at Myrtle for every thing and left without another word. I was free. Free from the world that wanted me to die for them. I didn't want to waste my mother's gift on them. I wanted to waste it on myself and I was more than happy to do so.
A/N: PLEASE REVIEW SO I CAN FEEL GOOD AND GET 26 FOR TEARS OF VAMPIRES OUT CAUSE I KIND OF A WRITER'S BLOCK SO ANOTHER CHAPTER OF THIS MIGHT COME OUT BEFORE 26 OF TV.
Chapter 3
Harry:
I feel nothing. It's empty inside and my blank mind stays blank. Thought isn't something I would want to do about now. The pain only returns when you think. It's a never ending cycle. The wheel turns and I keep moving on towards it. Not by choice but by guilt. Guilt that this life was once saved by a woman I know nothing about. She was my mother. She had given her life for me. I feel that she had died for nothing.
No one really cares. They want me to give everything to them. My body, my mind, my heart, my life and my soul is what they want. I don't want to give it to them. I want to run, run away from the nothingness that has threatened to consume my very soul.
Times are changing while Christmas nears. My best friends are now ignoring me. They don't bother of saying anything to me. I only pass the time with a book.
I've been studying way too much nowadays. I have surpassed Hermione in all our classes. When you have nothing to do but read then there are problems. No one has asked though. They think I'm getting better so I could defeat Voldemort. Fat chance of that happening anytime soon. I wouldn't risk my life for them now even if it was to save my own life.
I haven't told anyone that when my Godfather died that it hurt. I too numb to even know what I was feeling. His death has hit me the hardest. The pain seeps into my heart making it ach. The aching burns into me and bleeds for him to return. I had asked Mister Weasley what where his chances of him coming back. He said there was almost no way he could come back. That was when the world became nothing to me.
I sat on a large rock by the lake in late November. The snow has covered the school grounds with at least a foot of it. The wind blew softly ruffling my untamed hair. I pushed it out of my eyes to see the giant squid stretch four tentacles in the open cold.
Remus was away in Norway getting some allies. At least that's what Dumbledore had said. The headmaster hasn't even said anything to me about of when was his return. I know he's not going to come back for awhile. It was a simple fact that made me turn from the world. He never tells me anything to make this world bearable.
"Hey Potter."
The deep soft voice called to me breaking my musing. I turn to look down the rock to see Malfoy. The blonde was standing there in his winter cloak with Slytherin colors adoring it. I was guessing it was made of much heavier material than anyone else is because he would buy it like that.
"What do you want Malfoy?" I call out. For some reason I am comforted by his presence.
"May I join you?" he stares at me with those grey eyes that remind me of smoke.
I shrug not caring. He was probably the only one who noticed that I felt empty. I had been laughing at his jokes since September. It was strange but I felt connected to him in a way. Maybe that stupid hat was right. That I belonged in Slytherin. Maybe.
He climbed the rock with ease. I would have thought him more of an indoor person with such pale skin. But then again you can never judge a book by its cover. I was finding that out a lot this year.
Malfoy reached the top and stood up only to brush himself off. He smirked at me and I said nothing. I don't think he was smirking at his achievement. There was something that told me that he was smirking at the humor of climbing a rock. A wild guess but I could be wrong. Like how I was wrong about my friends.
I could hear the heavy boots he must be wearing hit the rock. It was a nice click sound that almost sounded like he glided over to the space next to me.
"Do you come out here often Potter?" Malfoy asked as he plopped down next to me. It was graceful even if anyone else did it. He made seem like it was the easiest thing to fall down just to sit.
"Only when I need to be alone."
I could feel his smirk as he spoke. "But you're not alone now."
I sighed. "Well, not any more. Is there some reason you are here. Cause if not go bother Carrot top."
He laughed out loud. His laugh was comforting and cool to the skin. It rolled over me making me feel naked. It made my body shiver not from the cold but from the warmth that it brought.
"What are you laughing at, Malfoy?" I asked pulling my knees up to hug them.
Malfoy chuckled some more before he calmed a bit. "You said Carrot top."
I blinked at that for a minute before what I had realized what he meant. I had meant to say Ron but carrot top came out like it belonged there. "So, I did." I felt jaded how my life was rolling along at the moment. Not feeling it passes by so quickly.
We sat there for most of the afternoon not speaking to each other. Both lost in our own thoughts I began to feel the heaviness of my body. I was tired. I had spent the previous night studying just so I wouldn't have homework to do over the weekend.
Time passed by and so did the days. December came too quickly since that day by the lake. Malfoy and I where paired up constantly and we worked together better than any other group. I had noticed that Snape stopped teasing me and I appreciated it. I came to respect him in his harsh sarcasm. It brings smiles to Malfoy's and my face.
We don't talk but we enjoyed each other's company. Except it isn't enough to save me from this nothingness. His friendship can't save me now. I feel it breaking my soul apart. My dreams aren't helping as death is all that covers them. I need to leave soon I need to get away from this place. I want to leave forever.
A week before Christmas I had found a potion that could make one look like you till it was buried in the ground. Now all I need is a body.
I found a body. The potion takes less time than the polyjuice potion. Thank you god for dark arts. When you need to escape the only way out is a dark art than use it their not there just to look pretty. At least in my case it is.
The body is one of Creevey kids. The oldest one can do. I can't remember his name right now but he hasn't bothered me in a while. It's good to be like a ghost.
"Hey Colin."
I remembered his name now. That's good as his brown eyes turn to me. He smiles and takes my picture. I blink to get the spots out of my eyes.
It's a day before every one needs to leave for the holidays. Ron and Hermione are leaving for Hermione's place for winter. I wonder how Ron will survive would be a good laugh before I leave. The snow is heavy on the grounds but the carriages make across as I watch from my ledge. Some people needed to leave early and it was all the more good for my escape.
Colin finally comes over to me as I stood there away from every one in the common room. He sits in front of me and I smile at him. All my smiles are fake nowadays. Makes everyone happy and I'm glad for that at least.
"What's up Harry?"
His voice is rough and nothing like the silk one I remember one blonde had. Can't think of that right now, I need to get him to come with me.
I look at him and see that he's eyeing me. I'm not wearing any robes. I'm in the muggle clothes Remus had gone with me to buy before school started. Tight blue jeans with a deep green shirt, goes with my eyes.
"So, Colin you want to help me with something. I would ask Ron and Hermione but their all over each other." I say trying not to add any venom to my words.
He nods his head. "Yeah and I know what you mean. They've been ignoring you a lot. I'm surprise that you're even talking to anyone." Colin says as we saunter out the portrait hole.
I smile at him. He's so innocent that I wish I didn't have to do what I am about to. But then again I was once told that the sacrifice of others is for your own survival. I think it was the headmaster that said something close to that. And I use it to the letter. Makes me feel less guilty.
I take him to Moaning Myrtle's bathroom. I had asked her the other day to not come in because I was planning to die. She said that I could stay with her if I became a ghost. I said sure why not. But I'm not going to die. I'm just going to run, run faraway from this place. I don't know where to but I'll will get there some how.
We walk in the bathroom and dead silence greets us. I smile at the fact Myrtle has made it easier for me to escape. I thank any god who has smiled upon me today.
"So, Harry what do you need help on." his voice dropped an octave and my smiled turned into a big grin.
I turn around leaning on the sinks where I have place the potion. I hold out a hand and wave him over him. I tower over him this should make things easier.
"I need a release. There's too much pain in me." I say dropping my voice to a silky tone that makes him shiver visibly.
I grin more as he moves into my arms. He leans into my body and I run a hand down his back to the small of it. He's warm but not as warm as Malfoy. Kind of wish I could see him before I leave. Impossible now, only his presence has kept me sane but I need to run. I don't want mother to think this life was a waste to keep alive.
Colin's thin arms encircle my waist as I bring a hand to pet him on the head.
"I can help you Harry. Let me help." He begs as he looks up.
I smile as I let my hand curve over his chin to look into my eyes. I am cruel as I lay a kiss to his lips. Soft lips but not as soft as I would have liked. He leans in to deepen the kiss. I let him as I let my other hand pick up a stone from behind me and I raise it high. I put everything in it as I smash it down on his skull. There was a loud crack and Colin's limp body falls to the floor.
I put the rock back where it belongs in the wall. Nice to know the school keeps it in one piece.
I pick up the potion and kneel down next to the idiot. He's still breathing, but it won't be for long. Putting his head in my lap I pry his mouth open and force him to drink the potion. I drop him as I move a rock from under the sink where I have hid some of my old clothes. Don't want to leave anything good behind. I turn back around and see that his bones are braking back into place to accommodate my height and size. I smile thinking it would be painful if he was awake. His hair changes to my untamed one and his skin tones to my tanned skin color. I notice that his clothes no longer fit as the change continues. I pull out a knife and cut through his clothes and peel them off. The shoes come off with a bit of effort.
The change finished and I was looking at an exact copy of myself. Nice to know I can find potions to my advantage without even trying. Ms. Price at the beginning of the year said I had free reign on the restricted section. Probably because I needed to learn more than any other student here nice to know I do got something out of this school.
Putting the clothes on his dead weight was a mission but I managed. He wore an old pair of school clothes and I had already transfigured things to look like my stuff. The rest I shrunk and put it in my pocket. I was leaving too night.
I pick the knife up once more and sighed. I had promised myself I would never become a killer but I needed to escape and this was the only way out that I know I won't be hunted down. This was the only way to leave no trace of myself.
I put the knife to Colin's wrist and I slide it down leaving a deep cut that spilled onto the bathroom floor. It was a thick dark red that came gushing out. I moved to his other wrist and did the same.
I heard a moan and my head shot up. Moaning Myrtle was floating above.
"Harry, why are their two of you?"
I looked away as I cut the other wrist. "I need to run Myrtle. I need to get out of here. I want freedom from this world. So, I'm going to runaway. I have no choice." I say as I dropped the knife and stand to wash my hands.
She floats over to me. "I won't tell. But do come to the castle when you die. It will be the only home you could feel at home." She smiles at me.
I watch her for a moment. "Why are you doing this? I just killed someone."
She shrugs and looks at the body sitting on a sink. "So what. Tom Riddle killed me and you killed a couple of times indirectly. Makes no difference to me everyone has to die some day. And today is not your day." She looks at me with a smile. "You are the only one who has been ever so kind to me. I love you for it but I sense you are meant for another. Live on Harry and be happy. I see how your so called friends treat you. You have changed and for the better. Be happy Harry. I will help you in your escape."
I nod at her and throw the rest of the potion down the toilet in Myrtle's stall. Picking up Colin's clothes she floats ahead of me making sure no one was around corners. We went up to the kitchens and I threw the clothes into the fire. It was already past curfew and I was tired. Dobby gave me a cup of tea and I thanked him. I smiled and hugged him telling him I was going away for awhile. I told him to promise me not to tell anyone. He smile and cried but I held him. I would miss him as much as he would me. He probably would be my house elf if I had ever asked.
I said my good byes and I went back to my rooms. Myrtle was still with me as I grabbed a coat and scarf. I took one last glance around the dorm before I walk quietly down the stairs and out the portrait. We made it out of the castle with no problems and I ran across the grounds. At the gates I stopped to look up and saw all the lights were out. I sighed and ran down to Hogsmade.
I went into that bar we had gone into before and asked the bartender if I could use his fireplace. He didn't recognize me without my glasses. Not too many people knew I had them corrected. He nodded and pointed to the fireplace where floo powder lay. I lay a few coins on the counter and walked over to the fireplace.
I smiled at Myrtle for every thing and left without another word. I was free. Free from the world that wanted me to die for them. I didn't want to waste my mother's gift on them. I wanted to waste it on myself and I was more than happy to do so.
A/N: PLEASE REVIEW SO I CAN FEEL GOOD AND GET 26 FOR TEARS OF VAMPIRES OUT CAUSE I KIND OF A WRITER'S BLOCK SO ANOTHER CHAPTER OF THIS MIGHT COME OUT BEFORE 26 OF TV.