Disclaimer: I do not own anything... not even this story... sad huh? This is a translation attempt of my favorite Chinese ShizNat fanfic. Details of the original work and author are included at the end of this chapter.
Summary: Story takes place after the carnival. Natsuki finally took the next step. Things couldn't have been better ... however, will it last? ShizNat.
Equilibrium
Chapter 3 - The Truth
Authored by Firerei
Translated by glowie
The raven haired girl is usually adamant and painstakingly stubborn whenever she has her mind set on something. Right now, her mission is to find her brown haired lover. Woe to all who stood in her way. As of this moment, Shizuru's housemaid is one of said obstacle.
"Shizuru must be here." Natsuki repeated with conviction glaring at the housemaid who kept insisting that she is wrong. The poor maid has been trying to get the scary raven haired girl to leave the premise for some time now.
"I am sorry miss, but..."
"I know Shizuru is inside! Let me see her. Tell her that Kuga Natsuki is looking for her!" the raven haired girl barked with a commanding tone while sending an unspoken 'OR ELSE!' glare at the trembling housemaid. Weighing the pros and cons, the maid decided it is wiser to do as the raven haired girl have "suggested".
10 minutes later...
"Kuga-san, please come in."
She has been asked to wait in a Japanese-styled reception room. It surprised her that such a place could be found in the huge Western-styled mansion.
The raven haired beauty found it hard to sit still while she is struggling to hold the anticipation within her at bay. Trying to calm herself down, she started taking in her surroundings.
The reception area is adorned with Tatami boards and is tastefully furnished with simple yet clearly expensive accessories. A huge paper fan adorned the front wall and on it an elegant painting.
Eventually, she managed to quieten her heart; with it she heard familiar soft chirping of birds as well as the faint rustling sound of flowing waters. Realizing that her hunch was correct, her heart quickens and her stomach felt queasy. Shizuru is near!
A soft rustling sound of rhythmic steps could be heard as the owner neared the room. Natsuki did not need to wait long before the paper door was pushed aside to allow a brown haired beauty clad in purple kimono into the room.
The heart of the raven haired girl skipped a beat when she laid her eyes on Shizuru, 'Shizuru!' it silently wailed, and it started to beat faster on its own accord. To Natsuki's dismay, her heart's reaction to this encounter was not returned in kind. Shizuru's distant and cold demeanor had seen to that.
"I presume Mai-san has brought Natsuki to that place?" the brown haired girl asked casually.
Natsuki nods her head quietly. The air around them screamed of awkwardness and for once the raven haired girl desperately searched but failed to find the familiar warmth of her lover.
"Do you know what that means?" Shizuru continued to ask, ignoring the myriad expression, mostly of hurt, confusion and longing flashing through the younger girl's face.
"I..." before the raven haired girl could answer, "It doesn't matter what you think anymore, what you think is no longer important to me." interjected Shizuru coldly.
Emerald eyes retreated in pain.
"What do you mean? Why are you saying this?" whimpered a defeated Natsuki.
"Why? Why didn't you tell me? Don't you trust me?" asked a hurt Natsuki.
Making her displeasure known, the brown haired girl plainly stated. "I don't see the need to."
Natsuki's heart tightens painfully upon hearing Shizuru's reply.
"No matter what the..."
"No, Natsuki, you have to face reality." Shizuru said with a cold and unmoving gaze. Amber eyes not leaving emerald orbs, she pointed out calmly. "Shizuru Fujino is a murderer."
Do you know?
Murderer.
Emerald orbs clamped shut in pain and the raven haired beauty's heart cried and bled for her and her lover.
"Do not forget Natsuki, I am filthy whore. I am capable of hurting even those close to me. Remember what I did to you Natsuki..."
Have you really forgotten about it?
Forgotten doesn't mean it didn't happen...
That cemetery used to be a factory. It was all because of me... of what I did...
Yes... Forgotten doesn't mean it didn't happen...
"Don't you see? No matter what you say, no matter what you think you are... it is the same to me; you are my Shizuru, and nothing else. I don't care what others think!" the raven haired girl declared, with a tinge of childish innocence but more so with an unwavering determination.
Fiery orbs constricted and focused on the raven haired beauty, reddish gaze looks at her critically.
"Such a gentle yet cruel gesture, Natsuki..."
Natsuki... Don't you understand?
"You are being difficult! Why are you making this hard for us?" cried a helpless Natsuki.
A sharp contrast to the raven haired beauty's emotional turmoil, Shizuru's calm and cold demeanor has never faltered. From the very moment she stepped into the room, the brown haired woman has been nothing but cold and distant. Not a trace of Shizuru's warm smile for Natsuki could be found. In its place a side of Shizuru which is totally alien to Natsuki.
As If they had returned to that day... to that Shizuru, void of all emotions, an angel of death and destruction.
"That only shows just how shallow your love for me is Natsuki..."
Hurt that her love is being questioned, the raven haired girl howled. "You know that isn't true!"
"Shizuru! Just tell me! What is it that you want me to do? I'll do anything for you!"
"Go back." the brown haired woman coldly replied before standing up and turned to leave.
Panicked, Natsuki grabbed Shizuru's elbow.
"You did not give up on me before; do you think that I will leave you now?"
"You are hurting me, Natsuki." Shizuru coldly stated.
Cursing her own brashness, the raven haired girl quickly releases her grip.
Angry reddish marks, in place of Natsuki's grip, are evident against the older girl's pale skin.
Guilty and ashamed, Natsuki reaches out... but the older girl moved away.
"Natsuki should know that once I have made up my decision, no one can change my mind. Meeting you today is the last concession I will make."
"And you should know that I never compromise." challenged the raven haired beauty.
Natsuki called Mai on the fifth day of her stay in Shizuru's house.
"I won't be going back anytime soon."
The housekeeper has a habit of keeping a daily log of activities in the house. Below is an account of the events. Unrelated happenings are not included.
"Day 6: Although eating normally, Shizuru-sama looks wearier day by day. She seemed pale. She tends to mumble to herself a lot but kept quiet whenever Kuga-san is near."
"Day 7: Shizuru-sama talked to Kuga-san for a bit today. She is still sad and weary mostly but she managed a few smiles.
"Day 8: Shizuru-sama seemed to be having problems sleeping."
"Day 9: Shizuru-sama seemed to have a good appetite today. Kuga-san took this opportunity to ask if Shizuru-sama has lost weight since she came back to Kyoto."
"Day 10: Shizuru-sama smiled at Kuga-san today. Although she still looks pale, she seemed somewhat happy."
"Day 11: Shizuru-sama seemed to have regained some of her strength and ... she talked a lot and seemed to enjoy her meal."
"Day 12: Things seemed to have turned for the better but Kuga-san is still worried and Shizuru-sama continues to have some reservation towards Kuga-san."
"Day 13: Shizuru-sama fell asleep on Kuga-san's shoulder."
"Day 14: Shizuru-sama seemed very happy today. She talked freely with Kuga-san and even teased her. She seemed... uncharacteristically joyful... Shizuru-sama told Kuga-san she loves her."
The last phrase was strike out and this was written under it. "It is unbecoming of us servants to comment on this."
The log is empty after that. Nothing new was written on it.
Natsuki woke up refreshed this morning. The air is dry and clear. Putting on her clothes, she prepares herself for breakfast.
The raven haired beauty is happy and relieved with the progress so far. They had resumed talking and Shizuru seemed happy.
Natsuki waited for Shizuru... but the brown haired beauty didn't show up.
Decided to check on her, the younger girl went to Shizuru's room.
It was empty.
Glances around the room, she spotted an envelope on the floor.
Written neatly on the envelope... "To Kuga Natsuki."
Natsuki:
By the time you read this letter, I would have left this world. Firstly, I would like to apologize for putting you much grievance due to my stubbornness. I know you have tried very hard all these months just to find me. Recently, I've been thinking a lot about the carnival, First District and even us. I tried to push it all away but when a business partner of my father passed away, I was called back to attend his funeral in Kyoto.
At the funeral I met them... the young mother and her daughter. Every week, without fail they went to the cemetery. I know it is not wise, I couldn't help myself. I approached them and we talked. Eventually, we become close. That innocent little girl will never know that I, the onee-sama she came to know, was the one who took away her father and her brother's precious life. Ironic isn't it? Life can be so cruel sometimes...
Natsuki, I am only human after all. Like a normal person, I have feelings. I just can't take it anymore.
Do you understand?
Do you really know all that I have done? The sins that I have committed?
To be honest, I was very happy when you came looking for me. Seeing you and talking with you again, my resolve faltered, my intended plan, living alone in seclusion failed miserably for I couldn't bring myself to turn you away.
In the end, I've decided to leave. I don't want to hurt you Natsuki nor do I want to make you sad. Know this Natsuki, being with you is all I ever wanted and could ever wish for. Our times together are truly my happiest moments. I have no regrets.
TBC
Notes: Ok... If I told you there are only 4 chapters to this fic... SORRY... I lied. :P
Nahh... it ended too long so I split it into two. Hehehe... The next chapter is going to be the final one followed by an epilogue.
As usual, Firerei's blog can be found at http://axonxrei.blog97 dot fc2 dot com
Err... HAVE A NICE WEEKEND!!! Rushes back to her bunker before more rotten tomatoes hit her...