Sorry it's taken me so long to update, I got really caught up in another story I was writing, and I never got around to doing this one. I hope the wait wasn't that bad. :) Sorry about this chapter, it was rushed. I feel like a lot happens in it, but maybe too much, especially at the end of Roxas's part, but it's too late for me to change that now. Suggestions wouldn't only be helpful, they would be FANTASTIC! Thanks for reading, hope you enjoy.

Chapter 25: Christmas Eve

I turned onto my side on the couch, looking out toward the wall. The tears were still fresh on my cheeks, and being replaced by newer ones all the time. I hadn't been able to answer my grandpa, but I'm sure he took my random burst of tears as a sign that he was right. I did love Roxas. But I wasn't sure I was ready to do anything about it.

I knew that I had already made the plan, played it out in my head a million times, but it could still go wrong. You can never account for everything that might happen, you have to deal with what you get. And what I had right now... was screwing me over. I turned again, staring up at the ceiling. The water still burned at my eyes, no matter how fast I wiped it away. I had wanted so badly for Roxas to be the first to know.

And although I couldn't help thinking that everybody else already did, there was a pain in my chest that throbbed at the fact that somebody else had actually voiced their assumption. And my grandfather, no less! I shut my eyes, trying to stop the flow of tears. It was Christmas eve! I should be happy, I should be smiling. I should be with Roxas. We had planned to do something today, even if my grandparents were here. But what could we really do? It was snowy, and everything was closed. The only thing to do is be together.

And now I had ruined that, too.

"Do you love me?"

What an idiot. Of course he didn't love me. And his response to the question only made it that much more obvious. But even that didn't hurt the most. What really killed me, was knowing that by asking the question, I revealed that I was in love with him, and when he reacted like that, he must have known.

I sighed, and picked up my phone from the coffee table. I held it at arms length above me, waiting for it to ring, for no reason.

And almost on cue, it did.

It normally would've scared me, the abrupt sound, I mean. But not today. I slowly opened the phone and moved it to my ear.

"Mm?" Had I spoken, my voice would be dead.

"Namine?"

In that one second, a million things ran through my head. Shock, fear, pain, regret. I love you. "Roxas." It wasn't a question, but my tone had skipped up a beat.

"Namine." I was beginning to think we were playing a word game. Yes, we'd already established that it was me. "What are you... what are you doing tomorrow?"

"Christmas?" I shook my head, knowing he couldn't see it. "Nothing. You?"

"I was hoping I could see you, there are some things I want to do."

"Oh." Some things like break up with me. "Good things?"

"For me." The way he said it, I knew that I was right. It was over between us, but I wouldn't let on that I knew. I would enjoy every second I had let with him.

"What about for me?"

"Bad, I think. I'm sorry."

"It's fine. I forgive you." I still loved Roxas, of course, but I'm sure him breaking up with me on Christmas would deliver a harsh blow to my heart, maybe rendering it temporarily unable to see him as the miracle I knew he was, now.

"Please don't say that."

"Why not?" I wished that we were talking in person now, instead of on the phone. I wanted to see his face when he said that. I wanted to know what he thought.

"Namine, I'll see you tomorrow. At the park, at twelve. Goodbye." He hung up without waiting for me to say anything.

I sat, unmoving for the longest time until I finally closed my phone. I closed my eyes, and tried to sleep, and finally, I was able.

I walked to park, it was colder than normal. How fitting. This would be the end of it forever. I couldn't live with myself after this happened. I would beg, I would cry. I looked up and saw Roxas walking toward the Sakura tree, just as I was doing. We stopped, when we were close to each other, right under the snow covered place where we first met. On any other day, it would have been beautiful, today, it was lonely.

"Namine, I'm sorry, again. You were really special to me." He was cutting right to the chase. Unable to speak, I nodded once. I inhaled deeply and waited for it, the words that would tear us apart. "I really like you, and you're a great person but... I think we should stop seeing each other." I let it all out, but did nothing, said nothing. I nodded again, and he hugged me. "I'm sorry. Goodbye." This would be good for him? I really was holding him back... it was a sad thing to realize, but I accepted it. He began to walk away.

"I love you." I muttered, and he turned back for a second.

"I know."

He turned away from me and left, and I stood there until he was out of my sight. The snow suddenly melted away, all in just a matter of seconds. It disappeared, and it became dry. Even my tears would not come. I fell to my knees under the tree, that was also withering away under the heat. It became barren, like a desert, and I could no longer keep my eyes open. My voice failed me, and I fell.

My eyes opened quickly, and I nearly prayed for that desert to still be there. Slowly eroding me away. I wanted to have already gotten it over with, but I guess that's what a dream is. I knew that I shouldn't mope around, but I didn't have much of a choice. The small plant in the corner of the room was shining. We didn't have room for an actual Christmas tree in the apartment, so this year, my mother and I decorated a tiny fern. It would act as our tree tomorrow. I cranked my head all the way around on my neck to look out the dirty window. It was still bright outside, probably mid-day. I wondered how long ago Roxas had called. Why hadn't anybody woken me up?

Don't they care that I'm rotting away on the couch on Christmas Eve, just sitting miserably in the front room? I noticed then the dead silence of the home. Not even a meow. I sat up, getting a rush in my head for a few seconds, but ignoring it. I stood, and walked around the place. Empty. Nobody was here. I sighed and walked back to the couch where I picked up my phone, again.

I had a message. From my mom. I opened my phone and clicked a button, holding it up to my ear. "Nami, dear, it's mom." I already know that, I thought impatiently. "Your grandparents and I are over at the Hikari's. They invited us last week, remember? We didn't want to wake you, and we figured that you would come here anyway, to see Roxas when you woke up. So, when you get this message, just head down to– " I hung up. There was no need for me to be with other people on Christmas Eve.

I shrugged, not willing to show that I cared, even though I was alone, and there was a knock at the door. I didn't say anything, I didn't get up. The knock sounded again and I fell to the couch. The door opened, and Kazuki walked in. "Namine? What's wrong?"

"Nothing, I just woke up." I said, casually.

"Your mom has been calling me for a long time, asking if I knew where you were."

"I've been home all along." He spied the phone in my hand.

"Did you get her message."

"There was no message on my phone." I lied.

"Namine," He sighed and sat with me. "Really, what happened? You haven't come over to see me since yesterday, and I haven't heard anything from you. What's up?"

"Nothing. Do I really have to come see you, every day? I mean, just because I'm busy, and I don't have time to go to your place, it doesn't mean that anything's wrong. Why don't you believe me?" I asked, easily reading the look in his eyes.

"Because you're lying."

"Kazuki, please," I sighed. "I just want to be alone."

"Will you draw?"

"Draw what?"

"Anything. Draw your feelings, and then go to your pictures."

"What are you talking about?" I groaned. He was being stupid. Or maybe he was having one of his idiot genius-y helpful moments that I hated so much, despite the fact that I knew I loved them.

"Just draw what you feel, and you'll know what you have to do."

"I don't have time for that."

"Really? What else are you gonna do?"

"That's none of your business!" I yelled, sorry that I did. He ignored me, stood up, and went to my room. Moments later, he returned with a blank sheet of paper, and a pencil. H put the pencil in my hand, and put my hand in his. He moved it to the paper, and started to draw a line. Bored, I began to move my hand, and he followed along with his, never letting go of me. After a while, I took my hand from the paper, and I nearly died that Kazuki was there to see it. It wasn't that I was unaware what I was drawing, it was just a shock to see the whole picture, instead of focusing on one part at a time. It was scrappy, and it needed to be cleaned up, but otherwise, before me was a way-to-accurately-detailed drawing of Roxas. Roxas's smiling face.

Kazuki's hand released mine, and he kissed my cheek, and said goodbye. I nodded, still staring at the picture, and after what seemed to be hours, I stood up. I made my way to my room, but only to change, and then I headed out.

On my way to Roxas's house, I figured that it would be awkward, everyone would probably be there, and Roxas had wanted to talk to me. Tomorrow. I'm sure he'd never intended to speak with me today.

The snow fell abnormally cold, and my eyes widened. It was just as cold as my dream. I looked up, and stopped walking. Roxas was looking at the ground, making his way toward me.

---

It was weird now, as I lay on my bed, thinking about how it all went down. You would think that would be a confirmation of her feelings for me, but now...

"How long have you loved him?"

I was more unsure than ever.

I knew that I couldn't back out. I promised Hayner, and I'd promised myself. I had to tell Namine that I loved her, tomorrow. Even though she didn't feel that way about me, I knew that I needed to do something about it. I sighed as I lay on my bed, trying to think of how to say it to her, trying to picture her reaction. "I love her." I said aloud, for the first time ever. I smiled under the weight of my frustration and even found a little laugh buried inside my throat. "I am in love with Namine." I picked up my phone, and waited.

I moved my fingers quickly over the keypad, dialing her number, but I didn't press talk. I closed the phone, opened it, and dialed again. I didn't know how many times I could do this, but it seemed like I did it a lot before I paused. This isn't what she wanted. It would be hard for her to hear the way I felt. I sighed.

"Namine," I said, happily, waiting for her to respond. She smiled at me, and hugged me. It was the warmest feeling in the snow. I felt so open with her, so peaceful. "Namine, Merry Christmas."

"Merry Christmas, Roxas."

"I have something for you."

She frowned. "You already got me a present."

"I didn't say I had a present." I smiled, and kissed her, but she didn't react. She let me kiss her, but did nothing in return. "I love you, Namine." I breathed, after the kiss.

She stepped back, and put one hand to her chest, encircling the locket I had given her at the party. "Roxas, I'm sorry. I don't feel that way about you. I think... I think it would be best if we didn't... see each other anymore. I'm sorry." And she turned, and ran. She hadn't wanted to lead me on, because she didn't love me, but there was nothing to be done about that, now. It was my fault that it was over, but in a way it was hers, too. If she hadn't been so perfect, if she hadn't made me fall in love with her... we could've still been together. But I couldn't regret it. If she was happy now, then I was, too.

I suddenly wasn't as confident as I had been minutes ago, and I dialed her number one last time, not bothering to hang up.

"Mm?" She sounded lifeless. Maybe she was tired? I heard laughter downstairs, and I knew that her mother had just arrived.

"Namine?"

"Roxas." She was lifeless. Like she was heartbroken, or like she was thinking. I settled on the second, knowing I didn't mean enough to her to have an impact great enough to break her heart.

"Namine." I had a hard time even speaking to her, a harder time trying to get my message across. "What are you... what are you doing tomorrow?"

"Christmas?" I nodded, meaningless. Nothing mattered anymore. "Nothing. You?"

"I was hoping I could see you, there are some things I want to do." Like say that I love you.

"Oh. Good things?"

"For me." I needed it out. She needed to know. I wanted it off my chest, so I could stop feeling sorry for myself. It was Christmas eve for crying out loud.

"What about for me?" My hand clenched the phone tighter, in an iron fist.

"Bad, I think. I'm sorry." My voice was steady, against the possibilities of the universe.

"It's fine. I forgive you." I closed my eyes and had to refrain from just smashing my phone altogether. This was getting ridiculous. Was she really this blind? Or was she trying to rip my heart out?

"Please don't say that." I managed, breathlessly.

"Why not?" She sounded hurt. I shouldn't have said anything.

I ignored her question. "Namine, I'll see you tomorrow. At the park, at twelve. Goodbye." I shut the phone, and slammed it down on the table by my bed. I heard a crack and I knew what had happened, but I didn't care. If I couldn't call her, I would really have no reason for the stupid thing, anyway.

I sat up, and slammed my fist down on the bed beside me. I was sad, and I was hurt, but over everything else, I was angry. Not only that, I was pissed off. I looked at my clock, and it was still relatively early. I could still go to see her if I left now. I closed my eyes, disregarding that idea, and shut myself off, not sleeping, just laying motionless until the pain would stop.

Of course, though, I couldn't lay still forever. After an hour or two had passed, I opened my eyes. I was hungry, but not in the mood to eat. I stood up and walked down the stairs, ignoring everybody that I passed. My friends were all here, minus the one that mattered the most, and their families were with my parents.

I walked out the door, and I assume it was my expression that tipped them all off, because nobody came anywhere near me. I tried to think what it would be like when I saw her. What was I supposed to do? Was I supposed to hug her, or act like nothing happened? Or was I supposed to ignore her, or apologize, or confess...

Still angry, I walked slowly, across the streets. The snow had just began falling, and otherwise, it would have looked nice. I would've called Namine to tell her. I froze and looked up, up at the sky, and then to the side a little. I realized I was in front of the store that I had come to for Thanksgiving. It wasn't closed, but it wasn't open. It was the only store on the whole street with it's lights on.

I walked in, and the lady at the counter looked up at me, and smiled. "Hello, dear. How was your Thanksgiving?" I was surprised that she remembered, and I tried to use that emotion to block out my furious thoughts.

"It was nice, thank you. And yours?"

"It went well. Did you need something?"

"Refuge." I admitted.

"I'm sorry?" He smile faded. "Trouble with the young lady?"

"Yeah. That's what you would call it." I didn't know if I was allowed, but I sat in a chair in the corner.

"You know, dear, there are ways to solve every problem." She smiled at me, and I frowned. I turned my head to the side.

"My mom used to say that."

"Your mom was smart." I looked up at her and smiled. She was doing a good job of proving her point. "Why doesn't she say it anymore?"

"She left us." I said, quietly.

"I'm sorry."

"It's fine." But it was anything but.

"I have a friend, in Destiny Islands that had to leave her husband and her little boy. She was a sweet lady."

"I feel bad for her son." I said, knowing that the pain I had felt would be hell for any kid.

"So do I. But she was so sweet."

"That's nice." I smiled, reminded of my mom.

"She's actually coming to visit in about a week. She'll stay with me for a weekend, and then go back to the islands again."

"I hope you enjoy her company." I looked away, wondering to myself why this woman was telling m so much about her friend. Maybe she was trying to sympathize with my position.

"Yes, well, maybe you could stop by and meet her. She gets along with everybody. She's very pretty too, I have a picture." She turned a picture around on the wall, and I looked up. I froze. "Her name is Kristiana." And in that picture, I saw my answers, I saw the woman, I saw my mom. I almost smiled, she was so pretty, but still, exactly the same as when she left. "Roxas," I looked from the picture to the clerk. She was smiling at me. "Your mother had told me all about you."

I couldn't really speak, but I tried my best to respond. "Oh..." Was all I could manage.

"I know this probably hurts, honey, and you're confused, and you want answers. But go first to her, and come back later, I can explain at any time. Your mom loves you, sweetheart. I was so happy when you first came into my store, and I called your mother that day. She's coming, like I said, next week. Not to see me, to see you. She'll only be staying with me because your father probably won't want her around. Come by any time, and you can see her. I'll give you her phone number if you'd like. But go, now, and come back later. I'll be here all day today, tomorrow, the next day. Don't worry about time. Just go."

Confused, hurt, relieved, I nodded and walked out of the store. Fumbling over my feet, I had to watch the ground to make sure I didn't fall over. I was walking past the park when I heard more footsteps. I didn't look up to see who it was when they suddenly stopped, I was determined to get to Namine.

---

See what I mean about it being so packed of stuff? Dude even needs a new cell phone now! Jk, I really mean the whole thing about his mom. It's so sudden! But anyways, like I said before, suggestions, please!