S-Cry-Ed's
Warped Reality
Little Japanime Girl
Disclaimer: I do not own Scryed or any of its characters. Just the plot. The end.
Quick A/N: Soooooooooo sorry it took uber long to update. More notes will be at the end of this chapter. Enjoy!
Hazy dreams please go away.
Ryuhou squinted up at the bright blue sky.
Well, I'm not going to get anywhere if I stand in front of Mimori's the entire day.
With a heavy sigh, he went forth knowing precisely where to find Kanami.
—Later—
Kanami's laughter pleased his ears as she laughed at her own tale of Kazuma's last visit. Ryuhou never felt so grateful in his life for seeing her today. To his initial surprise, she wasn't shocked to see him at all (much less at his appearance-- which pinched him with curiosity as to why) and she maintained a knowing look whenever she thought he would not notice. Kanami did not ask any questions (which slightly bothered him, since everyone else was buzzing with questions and gossip about his current state). She merely embraced him, told him he took a while, and then asked him to sit beside her on the grass. The duo sat on a low hill overlooking the farmlands about a mile away. Before he knew it, Kanami's laughter had died and she was quietly watching him from the corner of her eye.
Ryuhou frowned and looked ahead; "What?"
The young woman shrugged and sighed as she laid on her back, "I'm not sure..."
He spared her a glance and flatly muttered, "Is that so?"
A chuckle passed Kanami's lips, "You don't believe me?"
He partly turned his torso to face her to his left; "Not really."
A curious glint in her eye caught his attention when she turned her head to look up at him, "Why's that?"
"You may be young, but I know you see things."
Kanami turned her head to look up at the sky and asked, "What makes you say that? What kind of things?"
With a huff, Ryuhou laid on his back as well and closed his eyes; "Kanami..."
"Mm?"
With a half offended and half annoyed voice, Ryuhou replied, "Don't beat around the bush with me. Others may forget your alter's capabilities, but I'm well aware of them. I haven't forgotten about your dreams."
There was a small pause and before Ryuhou could ask for her reply, Kanami burst into small fits of giggles. Now fully frustrated, Ryuhou sat up and crossed his arms.
"Kanami–"
"Ryuhou stop," her laughter died for the second time that day and she spoke calmly, "I already knew you were coming. I know you seek my help. And I know... that you have trouble sleeping."
All frustration gone, relief replaced its place due to the assumption that he now had no need to further explain himself.
"Then I can assume you know what I'm going to ask you."
Kanami sat up and softly bit her bottom lip and guessed, "Advice?"
Ryuhou gave her a double take before deeply sighing, "I assumed too much."
It was her turn to be offended and not annoyed, but angry. The young woman glared at him and frowned.
He shrugged, "Well? Didn't I?"
"No," she napped, "I just don't want to start. You're supposed to just talk to me and then I will know what to do or say."
"God, Kanami, you're really driving me nuts."
"Look," she took a deep breath and calmly spoke, "I had dreams of you traveling. You haven't been able to sleep well for quite some time now. And I see her in your dreams. I know you are uneasy and very confused. But I can't read minds. That's why you need to tell me what exactly do you need."
"I see."
She thought that he would oblige by talking and explaining his needs, but all she received after that was a thick silence. Her eyes studied him and he looked lost in his own thoughts.
"This is a bad time to get pensive. I need you to talk."
He didn't seem to listen, in her point of view anyway. Truth is, he heard every word. He was simply having trouble organizing things. After another long moment, he whispered.
"You said... you see her. Who?"
Kanami's eyes softened and she hugged her knees close to herself before whispering back, "The angel."
Her response caught Ryuhou off guard. 'Angel' could refer to many things. Her death, her alter, her personality, her sacrifice. Anything.
But no other word could fit her best.
"Kanami, what exactly do you see?"
Her distant reply was, "Everything you do. Sometimes I hear the dream and sometimes I don't. It's like watching fuzzy images on a screen."
He looked at the grass by his shoes and muttered, "Ah..."
After a brief pause, she raised her voice to a normal tone and started to pry,"So... What exactly about the dream is bothering you so much? It doesn't look like a sign or something," she bit her cheek and dared to finally ask, "Do you miss her?"
"Yes."
He berated himself for answering too quickly and sighed, "Never mind that. Missing her is normal. She was my friend, my partner. What's not normal is..." Ryuhou could not bring himself to admit it so he dropped it, "What's important is that I stop those dreams. I can't afford to have them while I try to commit to my word."
Knowingly she added, "To Miss Mimori."
Stubbornness crept into his character and he falsely corrected her, "To everything."
The dream seer decided to let it go and got to business, "What part of the dream is stopping you from your commitments?"
"All of it. I mean, I figure it's guilt."
"Why's that?" Kanami fully turned to face him and crossed her legs Indian-style.
"She sacrificed herself for me. I know I was dead when she did it, but somehow I can see the scene in third person. I see her use her alter and say her last words to me before giving me her life. This has been happening every night since I last visited this town."
The young self appointed therapist tapped her nose (A/N: yes nose, not chin. Hehe some people do that.) with her index finger and wondered aloud, "But why not since the night she died?"
She hadn't realized that the moment those words escaped her lips, they would wound Ryuhou's heart. Kanami also was not counting on Ryuhou replying after she noticed her error in choice of words.
"The moment I woke up and found her clothing there I realized what she did for me. Never in my entire life had I," he restarted his admission, "I had never cried so hard for anyone. I wanted to mourn more for her after that night, but I knew there were things that needed to be done. Since that night I vowed to not let her death be in vain and at the same time promised myself not to think about her."
The last statement confused poor Kanami, "Isn't that kinda... oxymoronic? Wouldn't you want to remember her?"
A hint of a frustrated blush reached Ryuhou's cheeks and nose; "You don't get it."
Defensively, Kanami crossed her arms and rebutted his comment, "Oh, I do. I just don't see how it's justified. The more you ignore her existence in your past, the easier it is for you not to hurt and the better chance you get in fulfilling your obligations."
Offended, he scoffed, "I'm not an irresponsible bastard."
"Ryuhou, I'm not trying to make you feel that way. It's because I care about you that I want to make you certain of what you're telling me. I also want you to understand why you feel this way."
He merely bit his cheek and watched as he tore some grass off the ground and felt it in his hand. Kanami took his silence as an encouragement to go on.
"What have you been doing before you visited us last time?"
He absentmindedly replied, "Traveling. Freeing lands. Fighting. That's all I've had on my mind. When I came to visit and things had down a bit. But when I left again... I could not fight like I used to. I feel like I'm constantly in a battle and I never sleep."
With understanding eyes and a softer tone, Kanami revealed, "That's exactly what you've been doing all this time."
"What do you mean?"
"You've repressed that night of Scheris' death for so long. When you came to visit us a while back, things were calmer both here and out there in the foreign lands. With things so calm, you were able to focus on Mimori and plans for your future."
"But if I'm supposed to focus on Mimori–"
"Just stop that already!"
The change of conversation shocked Ryuhou. He sincerely wasn't expecting Kanami to be upset. Ever. Yet here she was, next to him, with a frown and glare adorning her features. He let the grass slide off his hand with the warm breeze and he fully turned to her.
"...Sorry? What?"
His confusion irritated her and it showed in her incredulous question, "You honestly aren't all there are you?"
Her inquiry irked him and placed him on the defensive, "Of course not! I feel that if I don't get rid of this now I'll surely lose my sensibility soon."
With a calming exhalation of breath, Kanami gathered her words and explained, "You're partly right with the guilt theory earlier. You are not comfortable with how Scheris loved you so much and you still chose Mimori. After repressing her for so long, you had no choice but to revert back to her when you had time to reflect on Mimori and marriage plans. That's all it is."
For the first time in a long, long time, Ryuhou felt some true relief and clarity. It wasn't enough to solve his dilemma, but it was enough to satiate him for now.
"Thank you, Kanami. I've been too... involved to see that. So what do I do?"
This time, Kanami knew exactly what to do and for that she was very happy and relaxed; something she wasn't since the conversation started.
"It's simple and not. You say goodbye."
Ryuhou solemnly sighed and waited a few minutes before quietly speaking.
"I did that when she died."
"That's not possible if she's still in your dreams. If you're willing I can help you. I've never done this with someone else, it's usually just me in the sleeping state."
Ryuhou did not need to think of it twice-- he owed Mimori that at least. He had to try anything to make her happy and fulfill his word.
I can finally end this confusion.
"Just tell me what to do, Kanami."
"It's dangerous yet simple. I'm going to use my alter and put us both to sleep. You will re-experience your dream with Scheris while I will be in a semi-coma state and if need be I will be in your subconscious. Well, bottom line is, you need to let the dream happen, accept it, and tell her goodbye. Tell your dream that like all dreams, it needs to end. By all means, do not force yourself out because this is not a natural sleep. One of us can get hurt if I'm not the one who takes us out."
"I am willing to do it but I want to do it alone. I don't want to risk you, Kanami."
Kanami stood up and dismissed it with a wave of her hand, "Psh, don't worry about me. I've done this before. I'm more worried for you than me."
Ryuhou stood up and nodded once, "Okay. What do we need to do?"
"First, we go to my place and from there I'll explain the rest."
–Later in Kanami's apartment–
Both lay next to each other on Kanami's bed with her curtains drawn and all the lights off. Kanami explained softly yet firmly to him in the dark.
"I want you to relax and take deep breaths. I will basically do the rest. However, I want you to remain as calm as possible while you remain in the dream state. Do what you need to do and wait til I pull you out. I wont see what will be happening in the dream, I will just be waiting for you to call me and when you do, you have to wait for my signal. Only then it will be safe to try and wake up. Take as long as you need but remember that it's not real. So don't get lost."
"Okay."
"Now, you might feel light-headed in the beginning and things might look different but that's until your eyes focus."
"Right."
"Okay now close your eyes and I will start."
Ryuhou did as he was told and before he knew it, his body felt heavy while his head felt dizzy. Instead of the light behind his eyelids getting darker, it was actually getting lighter. He was very tempted to tell Kanami the room was getting bright and ask her if she changed her mind, but he remembered her warning. The light got so bright that he had to squint his eyes and eventually he couldn't take it anymore. Ryuhou cupped a hand over his eyes and sat up.
Strange. I feel like I'm on something cold and firm. Almost like concrete.
"Ryuhou..."
That voice...
His eyes instantly snapped open and he lowered his hand to see the sight before him. Everything was bright blotches. The blotches soon became shapes and the brightness dimmed down. He narrowed his eyes as the shapes became more defined and he was able to see clearly now. He could not blink at least once. Ryuhou was far too stunned to believe where he was.
Scheris... Wait, this is my dream. If this is so fake then why do I still feel sensations?
Despite him being within his dream, he felt so many sensations. He was aware that this was merely a trip into his mind but he felt as if he was physically somewhere else. There, but four feet away, lay his dead body with a heartbroken Scheris leaning over it.
What do I do?
His instincts and curiosity told him to rush into his dead body. He obliged in hopes of being able to reach her through his 'dream body". As soon as he settled in his "dream body", his sensations grew sevenfold. Ryuhou's nerves were at its peak, his heart pounding in his eardrums (A/N: yes, yes, I know his body in the dream is supposed to be dead. But he's not dead now that he's in it ) more contradictions heh sorry), and his mouth dry.
It's as if she's alive again. Like having another chance...
Feeling her hands on him made him want to jump out of his skin. The feelings were too strong to allow him to calm down. Hearing Scheris cry almost tore his heart in two if he were not reminding himself that it was just a dream.
"Oh Ryuhou... I truly...truly do love you."
His eyes were closed the entire time but he anticipated her as she leaned forward. Her soft locks tickled his cheeks and her breath reached his lips. It didn't matter how many times he saw this dream in third person point-of-view; nothing would ever prepare him for her silky lips. Every time he saw this part, the kiss was merely a chaste one before she would disappear. Ryuhou had now waited for her to disappear for over a minute already. Her lips were still on his and her tears were still soaking his lashes. He had no idea where his strength came to resist returning her kiss. Just like her person, her kiss was sweet and tender. Delicate. Precious.
"I'm here, Ryuhou."
Shock forced his eyes open to catch her opening hers just as she slowly parted from him.
"Aren't you... You can't be... What–"
"Shh."
His eyes wet from her previous tears started to mix with his own fresh ones.
God, I'm sorry for the past few years. You did what you did for me and I pushed you away overnight.
Scheris merely sadly smiled and studied his eyes. He had never been so happy to see blue eyes and to be reliving one the most painful moments in his life.
This isn't what happened.
"No, but it's happening now."
Ryuhou surmised that this must be his own way of letting go of her–the way the dream is turning out, that is. So he decided to really make sure he lets her go with no regrets. He experimentally buried his hands in her locks and played with them between his fingers. The moment it made contact his skin delighted in the feel of such silken strands. If he wanted to stop touching more, he would not be able to. At least not yet, he hoped.
"Scheris. Be happy, okay?"
Her eyes showed confusion and in wanting to emphasize his message to her, Ryuhou pulled her down to him by the back of her head and her lips encountered his. Her gasp vibrated on his mouth and his response was to move his lips against her own. Scheris shifted both hands up to his face and caressed it as she responded to his kiss.
He really meant it to be something brief and to the point but he simply could not stop. Ryuhou's tongue snuck passed her lips and met hers in a sensual massage. He wanted his senses to remember her after this dream would be over.
Wait a minute. I can't do this. I shouldn't. Mimori... No, I have to stop.
He pulled her away from him and looked at her swollen lips, both inches from each other still. Ryuhou unconsciously licked his lips and watched her exhale a ragged breath. He wanted more.
I... I can't.
One of his curious and addicted hands moved from her hair and slowly glided down the side of her neck. A blush developed on her cheeks and he softly smiled as he softly touched her collar bone with his thumb. She delicately bit the side of her bottom lip and wiped away the mixture of tears that had leaked down the sides of his face when they had shared a kiss.
"Why did you–"
"Kiss you?" Ryuhou thickly finished for her.
A timid nod was his response from her and he bit back a wistful sigh.
"Ryuhou, we were wrong!" rang Kanami's voice in his mind, knocking him out of his reverie like a cold bath.
Dammit she's right. With these sensations, now I'll never forget her.
"Ryuhou, do you really want that? To forget me?"
"You're just a part of my consciousness. I've dealt with this. With you."
Scheris looked hurt and she moved away from him, fresh tears rolling down her cheeks. Suddenly, her alter showed up from her back and grew, expanding her wings. The wings covered them both. The area around them was overshadowed as the wings closed in on them. Before thing got too dark for him to see, he noticed her crystalline tears rolling down her cheeks. The space grew smaller yet and the sudden touch of her wings startled him awake from his slumber.
Ryuhou shot up from Kanami's pillow with a burning gasp for air and suddenly passed out from a decline in his blood pressure.
–A minute later–
Ryuhou's eyes hurt and he felt weak but he was fully awake now with his mind more puzzled than what he started with.
"Ugh. Kanami, can you tell me what you were saying in my head?"
Silence.
"Kanami?"
He looked to his right and saw Kanami out cold. After remembering her warning he scolded himself and shook her in hopes of waking her.
Nothing.
Panic crept through his thoughts and he honestly did not know where to start.
"The clinic."
The hairs on the back of his neck stood.
Scheris...? Dammit I'm going insane.
"Hurry."
It's not like I brought her back to life... right?
"...Don't worry," came the bitter yet overly sad whisper in the back of his mind. He almost missed hearing it if it weren't for the deathly quiet Kanami.
"Scheris?"
Silence.
Fighting the headache and ignoring the chest pain, Ryuhou pulled Kanami over his back (A/N: he's currently a little weak to carry her with his arms) and made his way to the clinic.
Lucky for me this is a small town. I wont have to travel much.
–Later–
Mimori got the call from the clinic earlier and found a tired Ryuhou sitting next to the comatose Kanami. He could not look at either Kanami or Mimori's face. Guilt now plagued him more than what it did before he entered this town. Mimori could not bring herself to understand his behavior; the only thing she was able to assume was that he was simply feeling responsible for the young woman's state. She honestly did not know what happened between the two (there seemed to be no physical injuries on either of them) and had a feeling that Ryuhou wasn't about to tell anyone. The best she could do is be patient (like usual).
"Mimori," he dragged out gruffly.
"Mm?"
His eyes softened as he looked at Kanami's monitor, "I'm sorry."
Mimori knew he should apologize for his behavior with her, but she wasn't sure if he was referring to Kanami at the moment.
"For what?"
"Everything," he admitted.
Mimori gave a sad smile and whispered, "Don't be sorry anymore, Ryuhou. Whatever is wrong with you, fix it. And never forget I can help–"
"You can't."
Both winced at his interruption; Ryuhou in regret and Mimori in hurt.
She looked out Kanami's window, "I see. You know... he will be here as soon as he hears about this. What will you tell him?"
Ryuhou sighed and looked at his hands on his lap, Sorry, Kazuma, another time.
"When?"
He looked up from his lap to finally see her face glowing from the sunlight hitting her on one side. Her features were solemn and the evening sunlight added to the effect in a bittersweet sense; both beautiful and depressing.
"...I'm not running away if that's what you think."
Mimori's eyes hardened for a moment and then she quietly spoke in a wavering tone, "You don't know what I think."
I know you told me not to be, but I still am sorry.
"I'm tired. Lets go home."
Mimori seemed surprised for a moment with his random suggestion but she was finally thrilled to hear him call her place 'home'; it gave her hope of him staying.
Okay this is it for now! The original chapter is 19 pages long but I cut it in half and decided that he rest will be in the next post. I am very sorry it took so long but things have been crazy to sum it all up. The remainder of this chapter will be posted some time during the weekend or next week. I still want to go over it and chew it several times till I am somewhat satisfies with it.
Please leave me some reviews, pointers, advice, whatever. Anything. I would like to know if this story interests anyone.
WARNING: the next update will be graphic but it's what was promised and it wont be the only graphic chapter in the future.
Til next time!
LJG